Crush on very good-looking and popular guy in school

[dramafreezone]

3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Since guys like him get hit on all the time, you need to stand out by NOT hitting on him or being so "easy" to get.

My advice is to flat out ignore him.  Trust me with so many girls flirting and hitting on him, being ignored by an attractive girl will intrigue him, get him wondering which will create or increase his attraction.  He might be thinking "hmmm, why is she ignoring me?" and step up HIS game to find out.

I know the type of guy you're talking about.  These guys like the "challenge" or the chase.

The thing with the hard to get thing is you can't keep it up forever.  If you're hard to get for too long, then he just moves on.  The other problem is once the challenge is over, they move on to the next.  For them it's always about the next challenge, so the next woman.  It's really unrealistic to expect that type of guy to be keen on an exclusive relationship.

There are good looking guys out there that will respond positively to a woman that shows obvious interest.  There's other ways to stand out other than playing hard to get, for starters, being someone that consistently brings positivity into his life instead of drama, jealously.  Also being someone who [doesn't have mood swings] sky high one day, down in the dumps the next.  She doesn't manipulate by using the silent treatment or being passive-aggressive.  

If he is the type of guy that just wants a woman to be straight up and consistent with him, then he'll be turned off by the hard to get game.  I guess time will tell what type of guy this one is.

Edited March 2, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
misinformation

[Katie02]

24 minutes ago, Yosemite said:

 

Have you ever had a boyfriend?

You shouldn’t be expecting to kiss and make out with fondling after a study date at school in the middle of the afternoon. You sound very inexperienced and caught up in fantasy. Try to be yourself and act natural. Probably the only thing that the two of you will do when you meet up is study math and talk a bit. Probably the most that will happen after that is that he will ask for your number and start texting you. 

Don’t act sensual or wear revealing clothes; there’s a high risk that you will embarrass yourself because of how inexperienced you are. Just be yourself.

I have had a couple boyfriends, and I am not sure why I react in this way to this particular guy, but I guess it is pretty much an intense crush, so that I get very thrilled by everything.
But I will make sure to act like normal when we meet, and then I let things happen naturally.

[poppyfields]

6 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

I know the type of guy you're talking about.  These guys like the "challenge" or the chase.

The thing with the hard to get thing is you can't keep it up forever.  If you're hard to get for too long, then he just moves on.  The other problem is once the challenge is over, they move on to the next.  For them it's always about the next challenge, so the next woman.  It's really unrealistic to expect that type of guy to be keen on an exclusive relationship.

There are good looking guys out there that will respond positively to a woman that shows obvious interest.  There's other ways to stand out other than playing hard to get, for starters, being someone that consistently brings positivity into his life instead of drama, jealously.  Also being someone who [doesn't have mood swings] sky high one day, down in the dumps the next.  She doesn't manipulate by using the silent treatment or being passive-aggressive.  

If he is the type of guy that just wants a woman to be straight up and consistent with him, then he'll be turned off by the hard to get game.  I guess time will tell what type of guy this one is.

I don't disagree with you @dramafreezone however in my case I actually was "hard to get" because I flat out was not interested in any of those guys. And like I said my ignoring them intrigued them and as such they were constantly attempting to get my attention.

So that is what I am drawing from, my own experience.

 

[poppyfields]

18 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I don't disagree with you @dramafreezone however in my case I actually was "hard to get" because I flat out was not interested in any of those guys. And like I said my ignoring them intrigued them and as such they were constantly attempting to get my attention.

So that is what I am drawing from, my own experience.

 

To add to above (too late to edit), I don't like or recommend playing games BUT with the super hot, popular guys who have girls drooling all over them, it wouldn't hurt to, not "play" hard to get, but rather "be" hard to get by remaining a bit cool and not falling all over yourself around him (like the other girls) and make him work a little.

Once it's been established that you like each other and begin to date, a woman can begin making herself more available and be more receptive, and he will always remember that with YOU, he had to work a little bit to have you (unlike the other girls who all he had to say was jump and they would jump) and he will value you more for it.

JMO!!! 😊

[Katie02]

10 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

To add to above (too late to edit), I don't like or recommend playing games BUT with the super hot, popular guys who have girls drooling all over them, it wouldn't hurt to, not "play" hard to get, but rather "be" hard to get by remaining a bit cool and not falling all over yourself around him (like the other girls) and make him work a little.

Once it's been established that you like each other and begin to date, a woman can begin making herself more available and be more receptive, and he will always remember that with YOU, he had to work a little bit to have you (unlike the other girls who all he had to say was jump and they would jump) and he will value you more for it.

JMO!!! 😊

I have got the impression that a guy like him is used to literally having girls walk up to him and try to sleep with him as quickly as they possibly can - even if he doesn't put any particular effort into their conversations other than showing normal manners and saying yes to their forward invitations - so I guess I should avoid acting like that myself.

Edited March 3, 2022 by Katie02

[basil67]

3 hours ago, Katie02 said:

I do realise that, but it is still really exciting to feel that it is a decent chance that it will turn out really well.

And again, another reminder to manage your expectations.   

There is absolutely nothing at this point in time which suggests a "decent chance that it will turn out really well".  You don't even know the guy!   Honestly, such high expectations on your part are likely to leave you beyond disappointed.

 

 

[dramafreezone]

38 minutes ago, Katie02 said:

I have got the impression that a guy like him is used to literally having girls walk up to him and try to sleep with him as quickly as they possibly can - even if he doesn't put any particular effort into their conversations other than showing normal manners and saying yes to their forward invitations - so I guess I should avoid acting like that myself.

But did you ever think that none of those women had longevity with him due to other reasons?  Maybe they're full of drama?  Maybe they're inconsistent with how they show up?  Maybe they're just mean, inconsiderate people?  Maybe they're manipulative?  Sex is ultimately a very small amount of time spent with a person, so what are they in those other several hours that they spend together?  Probably they're not meeting the standard with those other factors.

If he's the type of guy you want to be involved with, well adjusted, mature, relationship-minded, he either likes what he sees or he doesn't.  I would focus on selling your positive attributes and not to get so caught up in trying to get him to pursue.   I don't think you want the type of guy that strategy works on, but if you're not looking for anything serious then it's probably fine.

48 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

To add to above (too late to edit), I don't like or recommend playing games BUT with the super hot, popular guys who have girls drooling all over them, it wouldn't hurt to, not "play" hard to get, but rather "be" hard to get by remaining a bit cool and not falling all over yourself around him (like the other girls) and make him work a little.

Once it's been established that you like each other and begin to date, a woman can begin making herself more available and be more receptive, and he will always remember that with YOU, he had to work a little bit to have you (unlike the other girls who all he had to say was jump and they would jump) and he will value you more for it.

I get what you're saying.  I think the above described scenario's possible if the guy matures and you're catching him as he's transitioning to a different place in life.  Some guys simply get tired of the chase and want to meet a good woman.  Otherwise I think guys will usually move on if they're still in that phase of wanting the next challenge.

I believe in attracting what you want.  I think generally we're attracted to two things, either people who have qualities that we see in ourselves, or people who have qualities that we wish we had.

I don't know the OP obviously but I want to give her the benefit of the doubt.  My advice would be to not supress her attraction, but to play up her positive attributes.  If that's something he either sees in himself or wishes he had, he'll naturally be attracted to it. 

The danger of playing hard to get is that it will *frequently* attract the types of people that don't feel they deserve the attention of someone they like, like those low self-esteem guys that you wouldn't give the time of day to.  I know you said you weren't playing but it's the same effect.  Playing hard to get attracts a lot of damaged guys, and a lot of the hot guys are damaged and have low self-esteem too.

Maybe there's some element of valuing what you had to work for, but I honestly think relationships are tough enough to where we don't have to consciously add in anything to increase the degree of difficulty.  We'll create a lot of challenge all by ourselves.

Edited March 3, 2022 by dramafreezone

[Alpacalia]

I'd say If his dominant characteristic is "popularity," then just keep showing him someone's insularity or superficiality and he'll probably be attracted to it. If you are not concerned about his popularity and he has truly exceptional qualities, you only need to maintain integrity and work hard at what you are good at.

A popular or not-so-popular guy with integrity and depth will notice it.

Good-luck!

Edited March 3, 2022 by Alpaca

[Katie02]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

And again, another reminder to manage your expectations.   

There is absolutely nothing at this point in time which suggests a "decent chance that it will turn out really well".  You don't even know the guy!   Honestly, such high expectations on your part are likely to leave you beyond disappointed.

 

 

I realise that, it just feels great that we seemed to have a very good connection while we talked to each other.
And I am thrilled over the fact that he invited me to study together with him - that moment will be exciting enough in itself.

It should be a good sign if he flirted with me during our conversation and suggested to work with me, considering the fact that he already gets all attention from other girls but still chose to spend time with me.

Edited March 3, 2022 by Katie02

[stillafool]

On 3/1/2022 at 6:27 PM, SumGuy said:

At least from my view, the best in bed or otherwise have not been the "hottest" as in how the look in public.  I'm a guy though so things may be different.  

I've heard several men say this, that the best women in bed are not the "hottest".  I imagine the really "hot" ones (men and women) feel they don't have to work too hard in that area IDK.

Edited March 3, 2022 by stillafool

[lana-banana]

Sounds like a lovely time. Enjoy it and let us know how it goes!

[Katie02]

47 minutes ago, lana-banana said:

Sounds like a lovely time. Enjoy it and let us know how it goes!

Today during lunch break I got more signs that he has got to be interested in me, and I am still a bit shaken by it (I am writing on my phone at the moment).

I saw him from a distance at school, while he was talking to some guys and girls in a group, and the moment he noticed me he walked up to me and talked to me about our work together tomorrow, and I found myself blushing and stuttering a lot (out of nervousness) but made sure to speak to him as much as I could, and during the last few seconds of our conversation he had his hands on my upper arms while he talked to me, and just like during our first conversation, I could feel the same spark between us. Then he said "see you tomorrow" and put one of his hands on my lower back for a brief moment right before he left (I guess like a form of farewell gesture).

This feels like very promising signals, and I cannot wait for tomorrow. ^-^

Edited March 3, 2022 by Katie02

[Katie02]

By the way, I was just curious how you think I should interpret his responses to me so far?
I do feel like he must be interested to some degree, but I hope I am not making overly positive assumptions.

Edited March 3, 2022 by Katie02

[lana-banana]

14 minutes ago, Katie02 said:

By the way, I was just curious how you think I should interpret his responses to me so far?
I do feel like he must be interested to some degree, but I hope I am not making overly positive assumptions.

Please don't worry about it so much right now. He seems interested, you're both so young, overthinking is the enemy. You will find out how he feels and what he wants in due time. Enjoy the study date!

[Katie02]

14 minutes ago, lana-banana said:

Please don't worry about it so much right now. He seems interested, you're both so young, overthinking is the enemy. You will find out how he feels and what he wants in due time. Enjoy the study date!

I will keep that in mind.
I am very optimistic about it though, since everything has felt perfect so far. ^-^

[glows]

5 minutes ago, Katie02 said:

I will keep that in mind.
I am very optimistic about it though, since everything has felt perfect so far. ^-^

Yes, I agree, enjoy. But if you need help with your studies, I'd look elsewhere for a tutor. It doesn't sound like you'll be focusing much on your work!

[Katie02]

Just now, glows said:

Yes, I agree, enjoy. But if you need help with your studies, I'd look elsewhere for a tutor. It doesn't sound like you'll be focusing much on your work!

I am not really in any great need for help from him, haha;
that was mostly something that I said just to carry on my conversation with him, and the stuff that I do find a bit challenging is something that I feel that I could get through on my own with a little bit of work, and those things are just unclear enough to me so that I can genuinely ask him for help with that. ^-^

I am not sure if he was just being friendly when he made light touches on my arms and my back, but it seems like that was a way for him to flirt with me.

[poppyfields]

Katie, it's okay to be excited but try to stay grounded as well, literally anything can happen. 

On the positive side, yes he might be feeling the same chemistry and connection you're feeling BUT on the other hand, he could be a huge "player boy" who sees a girl who appears to be quite smitten with him, and he's saying and doing all the "right" things to get you into bed.  And then he's off to his next conquest.

It's been known to happen!  I don't mean to generalize but this tends to be true with super hot, popular college boys, sorry to say.

His actions at this point don't really mean much, you will know more after spending actual time together what his true motivation is.

I am not saying this to be doomy and gloomy I promise but I have experience with guys like him so it's important to be aware, that's all.

But try and stay open and positive, and have fun!

Just stay aware, again anything can happen.

 

 

Edited March 3, 2022 by poppyfields

[glows]

Just now, Katie02 said:

I am not really in any great need for help from him, haha;
that was mostly something that I said just to carry on my conversation with him, and the stuff that I do find a bit challenging is something that I feel that I could get through on my own with a little bit of work, and those things are just unclear enough to me so that I can genuinely ask him for help with that. ^-^

I am not sure if he was just being friendly when he made light touches on my arms and my back, but it seems like that was a way for him to flirt with me.

Good. I'm glad you don't need the help. Don't stay too long and make him work for it. 

[Katie02]

21 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Katie, it's okay to be excited but try to stay grounded as well, literally anything can happen. 

On the positive side, yes he might be feeling the same chemistry and connection you're feeling BUT on the other hand, he could be a huge "player" who sees a girl who appears to be quite smitten with him, and he's saying and doing all the "right" things to get you into bed.  And then he's off to his next conquest.

It's been known to happen!  I don't mean to generalize but this tends to be true with super hot, popular college boys.

His actions at this point don't really mean much, you will know more after spending actual time together what his true motivation is.

I am not saying this to be doomy and gloomy but I have experience with guys like him so it's important to be aware, that's all.

But try and stay open and positive, and have fun!

 

 

Yes, I do sometimes feel a little bit concerned about that myself.

I have noticed a lot of other girls in the past who have walked up to him out of nowhere and started flirting with him and asking for a date, and how he has had a group of girls sitting around him and preening, flirting with him all the time and giving him compliments, and given him long unbroken loving gazes.
I have seen different girls in those groups sit next to him and patiently seek eye contact with him, and then when he makes eye contact with them they had raised their eyebrows for him several times, given him a coy smile and bitten the side of their lower lips in a flirty manner, and things like that.

All these things do sometimes make me all too aware of how incredibly easy it is for him, and how there are always other girls who seem to be after him quite aggressively;
however, I feel like he might genuinely like me so far.
I have also asked some guys who have known him for a few years about him, and they have told me that he never cheats on anyone, and that he has a very good reputation among people in general.
So that seems really good.

Edited March 3, 2022 by Katie02

[princessaurora]

16 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

On the positive side, yes he might be feeling the same chemistry and connection you're feeling BUT on the other hand, he could be a huge "player" who sees a girl who appears to be quite smitten with him, and he's saying and doing all the "right" things to get you into bed.  And then he's off to his next conquest.

This crossed my mind too, especially with the fact that he's so comfortable touching you when he's never even taken you on a date. Whether that's because of a major vibe he's feeling or just knowing how to play the game, I predict he'll  try to escalate things very fast.  

And if that's what you're looking for, there's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes even the hot guys will stand still for a while if they find a woman who has more to offer than just a pretty face and a nice body.  My first college boyfriend was a known player who had girls fawning al over him, so when he asked me out on a date, I was prepared to be just another notch on his belt. Surprisingly, though,  we hit it off and ended up in a half year relationship. So you never can tell. And under this guy's  dreamy exterior he's still a real person with real feelings who probably will  eventually want to find his special someone and not just be used for sex or validation. 

 

 

[Katie02]

4 minutes ago, princessaurora said:

This crossed my mind too, especially with the fact that he's so comfortable touching you when he's never even taken you on a date. Whether that's because of a major vibe he's feeling or just knowing how to play the game, I predict he'll  try to escalate things very fast.  

And if that's what you're looking for, there's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes even the hot guys will stand still for a while if they find a woman who has more to offer than just a pretty face and a nice body.  My first college boyfriend was a known player who had girls fawning al over him, so when he asked me out on a date, I was prepared to be just another notch on his belt. Surprisingly, though,  we hit it off and ended up in a half year relationship. So you never can tell. And under this guy's  dreamy exterior he's still a real person with real feelings who probably will  eventually want to find his special someone and not just be used for sex or validation. 

 

 

I did hear from a few guys who have known him for several years that he has always been a gentleman with his other girlfriends, and that he has never been unfaithful or anything to them;
they assured me that he has always seemed like a wonderful guy.
They have also said that he hasn't really approached any girls in the past, as far as they know, since he has got excess approaches from girls who have gone up to him and started flirting and making all the moves.
So the fact that he has actively approached me on several occasions feels very promising right now. ^-^

Edited March 3, 2022 by Katie02

[poppyfields]

 

26 minutes ago, princessaurora said:

My first college boyfriend was a known player who had girls fawning al over him, so when he asked me out on a date, I was prepared to be just another notch on his belt. Surprisingly, though,  we hit it off and ended up in a half year relationship.

 @princessauroraYou and I must be kindred spirits (we share the same style of OLDing too!) cause the same thing happened to me with my long term ex (six year relationship).   When we met, I was also prepared to be just another notch but we ended up dating six years!

So Katie, you just never know, anything can happen.

What's that saying?  Hope for the best, prepare for the worst?

When is your study date, I forget.

Please keep us posted and hope it all goes your way.

Edited March 3, 2022 by poppyfields

[Katie02]

Just now, poppyfields said:

Katie, 

 @princessauroraYou and I must be kindred spirits (we share the same style of OLDing too!) cause the same thing happened to me with my long term ex (six year relationship).   When we met, I was also prepared to be just another notch but we ended up dating six years!

So Katie, you just never know, anything can happen.

What's that saying?  Hope for the best, prepare for the worst?

When is your study date, I forget.

Please keep us posted and hope it all goes your way.

Thank you. ^-^
He has suggested 1 PM tomorrow, and it is late afternoon for me right now.

I was wondering, if we assume that our date does turn out well, then when would you recommend that we start meeting in private?
He is a lot taller and bigger than me --- I am 5'4,, and he is probably at least one foot taller and also muscular --- so it would of course be a lot more risky for me to be alone with him than for him to be alone with me.
But like I said, everyone who knows him has told me that he has always been a great guy who has treated all his girlfriends really well, so if we end up connecting the way I want, then I will not deny that it would be really tempting to follow him home some time this weekend.
What would you suggest? ^-^

[poppyfields]

18 minutes ago, Katie02 said:

I did hear from a few guys who have known him for several years that he has always been a gentleman with his other girlfriends, and that he has never been unfaithful or anything to them;
they assured me that he has always seemed like a wonderful guy.
They have also said that he hasn't really approached any girls in the past, as far as they know, since he has got excess approaches from girls who have gone up to him and started flirting and making all the moves.

Katie, one last piece of unsolicited advice.  Please refrain from asking his friends or others about him.  He will certainly find out and this is NOT cool.

Not to mention, friends can lie, and sorry but you simply cannot believe everything you hear.

The only way to get to know who he is and what he's about is by spending time with him yourself, and observing his actions.

Best to keep it all in proper perspective which is, you haven't even been on one date yet, try and stay chill if you can.

Good luck and keep us updated.

 

Edited March 3, 2022 by poppyfields