Happy thoughts Posted March 1, 2022 Share Posted March 1, 2022 (edited) Newly Single at 32! Feeling daunted. I’m just out of a 4 year relationship I’ve been struggling with for 2 years. I have one son from a previous marriage who is 8. I know that breaking up is the right thing but I’m totally overwhelmed at the thought of being single again, please tell me it’s not so bad and there is hope for the future? I feel old and as though I’m never going to meet mr right. I know I need a period of finding me which is absolutely my plan for the next 12 months but there is so much pressure to have a family and be settled I don’t know what to think of the future. Edited March 1, 2022 by Happy thoughts Wrong fields completed Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 1, 2022 Share Posted March 1, 2022 Yes you will be okay. Why are you afraid to be single? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 1, 2022 Share Posted March 1, 2022 40 minutes ago, Happy thoughts said: Newly Single at 32! Feeling daunted. I’m just out of a 4 year relationship I’ve been struggling with for 2 years. I have one son from a previous marriage who is 8. I know that breaking up is the right thing but I’m totally overwhelmed at the thought of being single again, please tell me it’s not so bad and there is hope for the future? I feel old and as though I’m never going to meet mr right. I know I need a period of finding me which is absolutely my plan for the next 12 months but there is so much pressure to have a family and be settled I don’t know what to think of the future. It’s ok to feel this way. There is always some fear with change no matter now much that change is needed and much more preferable than prior circumstances. You’ll take awhile to adjust to being on your own after a break up but remind yourself why the relationship ended. You were struggling for two years so there must be strong reasons that it should end. Where is the pressure to have a family from? Is it self-imposed or are people reminding you daily? You’ve only just started this journey of healing and you may even drop old friendships or ties which no longer encourage you or add to your life. Get rid of any negative sources in your life and find healing in your own way. You’ll meet someone new when you’re ready. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 1, 2022 Share Posted March 1, 2022 49 minutes ago, Happy thoughts said: there is so much pressure to have a family and be settled Sorry this is happening. What was the breakup about? How is your co-parenting relationship/situation with your child's father? Who is pressuring you to "have a family and be settled"? It's ok to regroup and take a break for a while but do not take the nun route with a one year rigid rule. Join some groups and clubs. Volunteer. Take some courses and classes. Expand your horizons. It's ok to get on dating apps with a good profile and pics in addition to real life ways of meeting men. Get involved in parenting groups. Are you looking for single dads? 32 is young and prime time. Just breathe and take your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happy thoughts Posted March 1, 2022 Author Share Posted March 1, 2022 Thanks for your response I guess it is self imposed. Everyone around me is settled and I long for that but under the right circumstances. I think I just worry that the good ones are taken. Absolutely understand I need to heal and I will for me and for my son and to allow time to adjust to the new dynamic, it’s just lonely I guess not having that reassurance that someone else is there. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happy thoughts Posted March 1, 2022 Author Share Posted March 1, 2022 39 minutes ago, stillafool said: Yes you will be okay. Why are you afraid to be single? I guess it’s just validation that I’m good enough to get what I want out of life 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 1, 2022 Share Posted March 1, 2022 1 minute ago, Happy thoughts said: that I’m good enough to get what I want out of life What exactly do you want? What happened in the last situation that wasn't good for 2 years? There seems to be an undercurrent of issues revolving around the divorce and the 4 year relationship, no? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happy thoughts Posted March 1, 2022 Author Share Posted March 1, 2022 8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this is happening. What was the breakup about? How is your co-parenting relationship/situation with your child's father? Who is pressuring you to "have a family and be settled"? It's ok to regroup and take a break for a while but do not take the nun route with a one year rigid rule. Join some groups and clubs. Volunteer. Take some courses and classes. Expand your horizons. It's ok to get on dating apps with a good profile and pics in addition to real life ways of meeting men. Get involved in parenting groups. Are you looking for single dads? 32 is young and prime time. Just breathe and take your time. The breakup is due to a fundamental difference in values, he says he will give me whatever I want but doesn’t aspire to the same goals or really want the same. He just says it to keep me happy. co-parenting with my child’s father is very healthy and well established, 50/50 with only good things to say. try e pressure to settle down comes from me and what I want, I guess I just feel 32 is old haha Im open to any dynamic as long as they are single, Single dads, not dads, just not married or being unfaithful and mutual aspirations. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happy thoughts Posted March 1, 2022 Author Share Posted March 1, 2022 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: What exactly do you want? What happened in the last situation that wasn't good for 2 years? There seems to be an undercurrent of issues revolving around the divorce and the 4 year relationship, no? I want a family with someone I love and respect, that’s all really. The 2 year comment relates to the deteriorating relationship with my recent partner and that comes down to me questioning whether it was right. I held onto him as he was there since my dad passed away 4 years ago which replicates the duration of our relationship. Subsequently it’s taken me a while to accept that we are not right together. I divorced as I married young and it was mutually agreeable neither of us wanted it so no underlying there. I have a good relationship with my sons dad, we have been separated 7 years who is now settled with a new wife and child who I really get in with. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 1, 2022 Share Posted March 1, 2022 11 minutes ago, Happy thoughts said: Thanks for your response I guess it is self imposed. Everyone around me is settled and I long for that but under the right circumstances. I think I just worry that the good ones are taken. Absolutely understand I need to heal and I will for me and for my son and to allow time to adjust to the new dynamic, it’s just lonely I guess not having that reassurance that someone else is there. Not all the good ones are taken. You’ll just have to be sharp and not fall into the same patterns of dating or being attracted men who have different values from you. Validation comes from within when you love who you are. You’ll start to draw more people around you who think, feel and act the same - busy with their lives, engaged with loved ones and motivated to enjoy life. As I said remove negative people and sources from your life and resist falling into the same patterns. Keep posting if it helps. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 1, 2022 Share Posted March 1, 2022 2 minutes ago, Happy thoughts said: we have been separated 7 years who is now settled with a new wife and child Ok, don't let that pressure you or compete with his life. This is where this "pressure to be a family and settled" is coming from. It seems the man you were dating didn't want marriage or more children? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happy thoughts Posted March 1, 2022 Author Share Posted March 1, 2022 3 minutes ago, glows said: Not all the good ones are taken. You’ll just have to be sharp and not fall into the same patterns of dating or being attracted men who have different values from you. Validation comes from within when you love who you are. You’ll start to draw more people around you who think, feel and act the same - busy with their lives, engaged with loved ones and motivated to enjoy life. As I said remove negative people and sources from your life and resist falling into the same patterns. Keep posting if it helps. I guess I just need to take the time to practice and preach your validation point. But you are right for sure! Thanks so much for your support 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happy thoughts Posted March 1, 2022 Author Share Posted March 1, 2022 8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok, don't let that pressure you or compete with his life. This is where this "pressure to be a family and settled" is coming from. It seems the man you were dating didn't want marriage or more children? No he doesn’t, although said he would for me. But that for me is not a wise decision as I feel these things should be mutually aspired to. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 1, 2022 Share Posted March 1, 2022 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Happy thoughts said: No he doesn’t, although said he would for me. Agree. After 4 years if it's not working out you did the right thing cutting your losses. However go at your own pace without pressures . Edited March 1, 2022 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SingFish Posted March 1, 2022 Share Posted March 1, 2022 18 minutes ago, Happy thoughts said: I have a good relationship with my sons dad, we have been separated 7 years who is now settled with a new wife and child who I really get in with. This shows you can absolutely deal with anything positively! Be gentle with yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Annama Posted March 23, 2022 Share Posted March 23, 2022 You are so young! So many wonderful years ahead of you! The best is yet to come and you will be so ready for it. You sound lovely! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts