I'm dating a nice woman but I'm conflicted

[AndyCapp99]

4 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

No I actually do like her. We get along really well, there is a lot of light conversation, its not about life goals, its about our interests, our work days, hobbies, its not planning for 5 years down the road type of conversation.

Then you should probably remind yourself that you like her, because the way you talk about her is pretty bad. 

[normal person]

On 7/6/2022 at 8:53 AM, ZA Dater said:

My life is full of regrets but none more so than not dating like other people did.

I acknowledge that your problems and pain are relative, but lots of people have all sorts of regrets, including people who are successful in romance. You're not that much different in that regard. You've got a nice career now and that's what you've focused your time on (I think?). Others who dated around, neglected their careers, picked the wrong partner, etc, might be regretting their choices now, and for the rest of their lives. 

 

4 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Its nice having someone who cares and I try give back as much as I can, I try to show feelings. Most of my irritation is  really because I am not where I want to be in life. 

That's not her fault. For someone who's talked a lot about all the good you do, is it possible you might be wasting this woman's time?

Edited July 7, 2022 by normal person

[poppyfields]

@ZA, assuming your girl wants more from you but settling for the status quo, if she were smart, she'd break up with you.

Thus allowing you to experience life without her in it.  Give you an opportunity to miss her.  Wonder about her.. Long for her.  

Sometimes, and especially for men, not sure why, they don't know how the hell they feel until their girlfriend leaves. 

Just read this and other forums. Threads created by men who weren't sure how they felt, or felt nothing. Meh.  

So they ended the relationship or their girlfriends did, and suddenly, the men became obsessed!  Literally.  Wanting their girlfriends back and promising their everlasting love. 

From what I've read and experienced, it's sometimes difficult to get in touch with your feelings/emotions for someone when that someone is right there, staring you in the face so to speak.

People can become complacent and lazy.  Taking each other for granted, the end result is feeling "meh."

Anyway, it's doubtful she will leave, but you could.

I would think being alone would be better than what you've got now, which sounds quite empty and unfair to both of you. 

Edited July 7, 2022 by poppyfields

[basil67]

8 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

........ Most of my irritation is  really because I am not where I want to be in life. 

Which brings us full circle to the power of gratitude and the change it will make on your outlook, and in turn, your interpersonal relationships and general success in life.   You can dismiss the advice and the people who care enough to give it, but know that the result will be that you will end up spinning your wheels in misery for the rest of your life.

Edited July 7, 2022 by basil67