Minabyte_ Posted March 4, 2022 Share Posted March 4, 2022 My boyfriend and I have been dating for around 2 months. There is no sexual activity in our relationship, and he is my first boyfriend. He's had other girlfriends in the past but has never actually kissed any before me (I know this as a fact). I’m asking for advice because I have been feeling guilty after kissing him even though I love our kisses. Despite this, I often can’t be happy after a kiss because I feel so bad. The guilt won’t go away and the only reasoning I can come up with is that I’m a year younger than my parents/church wanted me to start dating at. My parents are supportive of the relationship despite this so I don’t know if that’s the real problem. I also tend to feel nauseous after a longer/more intimate kiss even though I loving kissing him and long for it. I looked all over the internet and it seems like it’s because I’m not emotionally ready for this type of relationship but I'm not certain how accurate this is. I really hate feeling this way and I think that it adds to the guilt. I don’t know what to do. I think slowing down would be the best course of action but it would be hard because we both love our kissing so much. I’m also scared of hurting him/making him feel bad, even though I know he would only be supportive. Does anyone have any idea of what I should do? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 4, 2022 Share Posted March 4, 2022 Before I give further thoughts, may I ask how old you are? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 4, 2022 Share Posted March 4, 2022 5 hours ago, Minabyte_ said: the only reasoning I can come up with is that I’m a year younger than my parents/church wanted me to start dating at. My parents are supportive of the relationship despite this so I don’t know if that’s the real problem. Your parents know about him and are ok with your dating? Do you belong to the same church? Have you met each other's parents? If you are not ready for any type of arousing contact, just back up a bit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 4, 2022 Share Posted March 4, 2022 There is nothing wrong with kissing the boy you are dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Minabyte_ Posted March 4, 2022 Author Share Posted March 4, 2022 8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Before I give further thoughts, may I ask how old you are? I'm 15. My parent's understandably wanted me to wait till I was 16. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Minabyte_ Posted March 4, 2022 Author Share Posted March 4, 2022 5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Your parents know about him and are ok with your dating? Do you belong to the same church? Have you met each other's parents? If you are not ready for any type of arousing contact, just back up a bit. My parents do know about him and wish I didn't date yet but are still supportive. He is not a member of my church, and we have met each other's parents. Thank you for your response! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 4, 2022 Share Posted March 4, 2022 13 hours ago, Minabyte_ said: My boyfriend and I have been dating for around 2 months. There is no sexual activity in our relationship, and he is my first boyfriend. He's had other girlfriends in the past but has never actually kissed any before me (I know this as a fact). I’m asking for advice because I have been feeling guilty after kissing him even though I love our kisses. Despite this, I often can’t be happy after a kiss because I feel so bad. The guilt won’t go away and the only reasoning I can come up with is that I’m a year younger than my parents/church wanted me to start dating at. My parents are supportive of the relationship despite this so I don’t know if that’s the real problem. I also tend to feel nauseous after a longer/more intimate kiss even though I loving kissing him and long for it. I looked all over the internet and it seems like it’s because I’m not emotionally ready for this type of relationship but I'm not certain how accurate this is. I really hate feeling this way and I think that it adds to the guilt. I don’t know what to do. I think slowing down would be the best course of action but it would be hard because we both love our kissing so much. I’m also scared of hurting him/making him feel bad, even though I know he would only be supportive. Does anyone have any idea of what I should do? You do what you have to do. If your boyfriend is with you for the right reasons and not wrapped up in himself and the strong, confident and admirable man you think he is, he will care about you and share your thoughts. You’re both together as a team. Please don’t settle for less in a partner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 4, 2022 Share Posted March 4, 2022 Bingo...I knew it's because of religion/expectation of adults. As they say "guilty pleasures". Nothing is going to happen to you...what you are doing is perfectly natural...Your parents do trust you to keep your legs closed, that's why they are supportive. They know what you are up to because they were doing it themselves when they were your age. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted March 5, 2022 Share Posted March 5, 2022 This is so sad.... indoctrinated by religion to feel guilty about doing something that is a totally normal, natural human thing to do. It's not even sex, it's just kissing. Ask yourself what exactly is behind this guilt. You are still very young, if you feel uncomfortable with kissing then slow down. But it doesn't even sound like you're uncomfortable with it. If you want to do it and you enjoy it, then be in control of your own life and do what you want. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 5, 2022 Share Posted March 5, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: This is so sad.... indoctrinated by religion to feel guilty about doing something that is a totally normal, natural human thing to do. I agree. Minabyte_ - your parents are not wrong for encouraging you to wait and placing some limitations on the things you are allowed to do. That’s actually good parenting. There is a reason why young people are not allowed to do certain things (drive, drink alcohol, vote) and that is because your brains are still maturing and you simply haven’t had the life experience to be able to deal with certain adult situations. Young people can easily get themselves into difficult situations that could change the course of your life if you get involved in adult situations before you understand and you are able to deal with the consequences. That said, it is sad if the message your parents or your church are giving you is to feel guilt or shame for doing something that is a normal, healthy expression of love. It’s these kind of expectations that cause problems later in life when someone is married and they feel guilt or shame for engaging in physical intimacy with a man. Physical intimacy is a wonderful thing, it’s a very normal and healthy part of life. It’s also a very important part of an intimate and romantic relationship. You should never feel shame when you express your love for a man in a physical way - whether that is a hug, or a kiss, or eventually sex. Edited March 5, 2022 by BaileyB 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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