I don't know what to do

[Glittergirl007]

Hello. I am needing some advice.

I feel like my husband does not care about my emotional needs or at times about me much at all.

I will try to express to him how I am feeling and he immediately comes back and tells me how I am wrong because he did this, this, and that. However, the things he mentions don’t always resonate with me which is why I’m bringing it up in the first place. When I start to tell him how I feel like he doesn’t care about me, he really goes off.  He ended up coming over and was going to sit with me. I immediately felt good about it and start crying telling him how I feel. That agitated him to the point he got up and started leaving screaming things like “I don’t know why I do anything for you” and other things. I’m talking screaming. 
 

I mentioned more than once if he was willing to reconcile and talk I’d be open. However, he doesn’t want to. I’ve given him space and have stayed out of his hair for several hours. He doesn’t have any desire to hear my side. He rudely shuts me down during the conversation and then blames everything on me. Eventually it ends by him just being done with it.

 

i am tired of this situation. I feel so horrible about myself and I feel like he doesn’t care and doesn’t care to work with my through any issues. He says he is trying but then he aways explodes and it becomes essentially a no communication zone. He says that it isn’t all my fault that it happens in one breath but says I push him to it.

 

i don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?

Edited March 5, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
langauge

[basil67]

Hi @Glittergirl007  a few of us reached out to you the last time you posted about this, but you didn't respond.   I'll start by re-asking the question which I asked you back then:  What do you bicker about?  Are they recurring issues or new ones each time?   

 

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, Glittergirl007 said:

That agitated him to the point he got up and started leaving screaming things like “I don’t know why I do anything for you” and other things. I’m talking screaming. He tells me to *** off during the conversation and then blames everything on me.

Unfortunately he is abusive and that won't change. Talking to someone like this about your feelings is like loading the gun they'll shoot you with.

Go to  your physician privately and confidentially for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Be honest about your emotions and the abuse. 

Ask for a referral to a therapist  privately for ongoing support (Do Not Tell Him) discuss the abuse.

Be honest with trusted friends and family about  the abuse.

Privately and confidentially consult an attorney (Do Not Tell Him and never threaten divorce) to discuss your options in divorce and how to extricate yourself from this. Carefully research "abusive relationships". 

 This has been going on for a while and you need to make the changes because he enjoys terrorizing you and seeing you weak the same way a shark attacks when they sense blood.

 

Edited March 5, 2022 by Wiseman2

[glows]

7 hours ago, Glittergirl007 said:

Hello. I am needing some advice.

I feel like my husband does not care about my emotional needs or at times about me much at all.

I will try to express to him how I am feeling and he immediately comes back and tells me how I am wrong because he did this, this, and that. However, the things he mentions don’t always resonate with me which is why I’m bringing it up in the first place. When I start to tell him how I feel like he doesn’t care about me, he really goes off.  He ended up coming over and was going to sit with me. I immediately felt good about it and start crying telling him how I feel. That agitated him to the point he got up and started leaving screaming things like “I don’t know why I do anything for you” and other things. I’m talking screaming. 
 

I mentioned more than once if he was willing to reconcile and talk I’d be open. However, he doesn’t want to. I’ve given him space and have stayed out of his hair for several hours. He doesn’t have any desire to hear my side. He rudely shuts me down during the conversation and then blames everything on me. Eventually it ends by him just being done with it.

 

i am tired of this situation. I feel so horrible about myself and I feel like he doesn’t care and doesn’t care to work with my through any issues. He says he is trying but then he aways explodes and it becomes essentially a no communication zone. He says that it isn’t all my fault that it happens in one breath but says I push him to it.

 

i don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?

It seems very volatile and violent verbally speaking. Has he ever hit you? What are these issues you have? I’ve highlighted the part above where you mentioned your issues. 

When arguments are very heated it helps to diffuse the situation by stepping away for awhile and then coming back to discuss the issues in a neutral way without discussing feelings. Feelings are extremely subjective. If you both need to work out issues about the kids or laundry or coordinating other events together talk about those tangible issues instead of feelings. They are also less open to interpretation or argument when you’re discussing actual events or items that need to be adjusted or changed. 

Now, I should also mention that emotionally abusive individuals may gaslight your or force you to question your reality or memory of events. If you find this is the case more and more often or you both cannot agree on what happens in the relationship or what needs to change, end this. You’re no longer speaking the same language and sincerity is out the window. Never remain with an emotionally abusive or flat out abusive person. 

Edited March 6, 2022 by glows