Wiseman2 Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 (edited) 21 hours ago, Jay125 said: I would never have dreamt of that, but this behaviour and lack of empathy correlates with baby not being mine. She never stated is wasn't yours, did she? Why is this being thrown into the mix? It's simple. Pay child support (has she served you papers on this yet?) and petition the court for visitation, although she is already allowing it. It's unclear why exactly you are talking to attorneys, if she is allowing visitation? Keep in mind you will most likely not get 50/50 custody of an infant. Edited May 17, 2022 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jay125 Posted May 17, 2022 Author Share Posted May 17, 2022 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: She never stated is wasn't yours, did she? Why is this being thrown into the mix of chaos? It's simple. Pay child support and petition the court for visitation, although she is already allowing it. It's unclear why exactly you are talking to attorneys, if she is allowing visitation? Keep in mind you will most likely not get 50/50 custody of an infant. It is because the visits are uncertain and unstructured plus I have been left off the birth certificate without full disclosure. Also, communication is poor. I initiate it all and had no contact when ex was on holiday and another hospital admission was missed. And I have been kept in the dark on other hospital visits and admissions where baby has been ill (she had a serious condition which flared unexpectedly). This is also when things are going well. Posters here have suggested she isn’t mine and so have people in my life too, but I can’t be sure either way so you are right, paternity test etc and that’s needed to get parental responsibility alone. Then only can custody battles commence. it’s needs to be made official as ex does not care for my feelings at all and has no empathy for my sadness, and it is as such a difficult situation, made harder still by uncertainty for me which is not nice for the child to be around. It is not sustainable. I am no longer paying money ad hoc and am seeking advice to make it official. She has had a years maintenance from me in 5 months (my fault) but that is because I feel guilt for not being in my daughters life more than a few times here and there. I think there have been 12 visits since November last year up to end of March. My ex had plenty of her own income. i pulled away 6 weeks ago, explaining that the birth certificate revelation was a tough one and I needed to think. In that time only I have reached out and the response was hostile and manipulative behaviour was used to draw me out of silence. I think I am only kept on for money it seems (I don’t know for sure). She has a big family who handle everything else despite my pleas to help. Her attitude is well, what can you do. So it’s clear I am not wanted and she is going through the motions at a minimum for whatever reason. It is not for me as she has said she doesn’t do it for me. so in a long winded way i agree with you. Fire has to be fought by the law. I chose badly and made bad choices to make a baby with this person so I have to pay for my child’s sake and do the responsible thing the only way I legally can. It will be a battle as currently my baby has no recognised dad. Link to post Share on other sites
SingFish Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 4 minutes ago, Jay125 said: It will be a battle as currently my baby has no recognised dad. The birth certificate can be amended if your paternity test is positive. I don't know how attached you are already, but it seems reasonable to assure you are the father now you have not been named as such on the birth certificate before you get more emotionally ( and financially ) involved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jay125 Posted May 17, 2022 Author Share Posted May 17, 2022 33 minutes ago, SingFish said: You will know more after the paternity test as to how to proceed. And it's not your fault- if your name were on the birth certificate you would still be paying, it's your ex who has stirred all this up regarding paternity. I agree, I have been told by many that my omission is the worst thing that Could be done to me regarding this. As I was told I didn’t realise this and thought it’s only a piece of paper but it has sunk in since and I’ve got legal advice nothing was done bad enough to deserve this I assure you, but I continue to blame myself I just let it crowd my judgement in doing the right thing. I just don’t know the person I am against now, vs she who I met and fell for. It’s totally different. She is at best cold and gives pleasant platitudes at visits, but you would never think we made a baby together now. She seems to get better when I give money etc. It got a bit better before I stepped away but the birth certificate and not being told about another hospital visit was pause for thought that this can’t work without the legal wheels turning she has not reached out to me once in all this time and tried to bring me out of silence when they were both ill through a generic post on Facebook which I didn’t see anyway I thought even when I met her that should we ever break up, co parenting would be easy, but she has done as little as she can to help me. If I gently argue I get banned from her house. She wants to teach me lessons for the future so she says. She has kept me on but I don’t think it’s for good reasons. I waited weeks for a day trip which she had suggested and then I found all the above out on said trip so I thought that’s it Link to post Share on other sites
SingFish Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 33 minutes ago, Jay125 said: She wants to teach me lessons for the future so she says. Great. She sounds very self obsessed and, well young. Immature. Playing games with an infant in the middle... 45 minutes ago, Jay125 said: I just don’t know the person I am against now It's not about being against her, you are reasonable to not want to pay child support and wanting to confirm paternity knowing now she has not named you as the father. However the most important thing in this is the child. Continue to behave the best you can is my advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 2 hours ago, Jay125 said: It will be a battle as currently my baby has no recognised dad. Ok all you can do is get a paternity test. As of now you have no legal rights or obligations, correct? Don't fight with the ex this much, it won't help to make this a tug of war while the child is an infant. Link to post Share on other sites
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