Cheating ex doesn't seem to acknowledge break up

[Agentra]

Posts like this hurt me a lot because being on the other side of somebody's manipulation, lies and gaslighting is a horrible place to be in, especially when you still care. Don't believe a word he says, don't waste your precious time analysing his crap, not worth it. Let him be his own problem now. 

I'm sorry this happened. Hold your head up high and onwards ❤️

[Lifegoeson12]

13 minutes ago, Agentra said:

Posts like this hurt me a lot because being on the other side of somebody's manipulation, lies and gaslighting is a horrible place to be in, especially when you still care. Don't believe a word he says, don't waste your precious time analysing his crap, not worth it. Let him be his own problem now. 

I'm sorry this happened. Hold your head up high and onwards ❤️

I agree, it’s a horrible place to be in. Sometimes I feel like maybe I did wrong I know I didn’t but it feels like that 

[introverted1]

18 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said:

But I am now thinking maybe he was one.

"The one" won't be a guy who has cheated on you twice.

[glows]

8 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said:

I agree, it’s a horrible place to be in. Sometimes I feel like maybe I did wrong I know I didn’t but it feels like that 

It takes awhile for those feelings to fade but they will. You'll have to give yourself that chance to let it fade but it starts with not having any contact with that person.

[Calmandfocused]

Why should he take the break up seriously? 
 

You certainly are not. 
 

The correct response when you find out someone is cheating on you is ; “get out my life, I never want to see you again” (or something of that Ilk). 
 

What you don’t say is “ we are finished but do you fancy coming on holiday with me still? … No. just no! 
 

Please assert your boundaries and show him you respect yourself. Until you do that he will continue to treat you exactly as he pleases, including carrying on like nothing has happened. 

[stillafool]

I agree with Calmandfocused, and if you really are serious about being over this guy for good you will block him from contacting you so you can move forward.

Edited March 10, 2022 by stillafool

[Lifegoeson12]

So after breaking up with my ex after he cheated. He called me 2 days ago, and we spoke on the phone. I asked him why he done what he done. He told me he thinks fidelity isn’t for him. And said he has some kinks he is into and can’t do them with me because he sees me as a peaceful person someone who brings him peace and that he just wants to do his kinks with someone he never has to see again. I feel like it’s a Madonna whore complex, he also said he was afraid I would judge because I told him if I caught him doing drugs id leave him. I said ok and that he shouldn’t have gotten into a relationship we me. Anyway we chatted some more on the matter. And I made it very clear this would be the last time we talked. he didn’t really say anything about it but we just said goodbye.  
 

later that night I blocked him on everything, I unblocked him the next day as I felt it childish to do so as he hasn’t really done anything crazy but I was happy anyway as it meant we didn’t follow each other on social media anymore. Low and behold he started following me a few hours after I unblocked him. Why? I don’t get it why would you want to follow someone who not only doesn’t follow you but removed you from their following list. 
 

I’m just a little confused over it I made it clear to him that it would be the last time we spoke. We didn’t end it in a big fight I simply explained I deserved better and to be with someone who treats me better. So it was amicable that’s why I felt bad for blocking so I thought ok I’ll unblocked but neither of us will follow each other. 
 

I don’t even know how he knew I blocked him or unblocked him unless he was checking. We only properly broke up last week so to me it’s a little odd to jump straight back to following your ex. I will block him if he contacts me I doesn’t bother me much that he follows me it is weird but I haven’t and won’t follow him back so I’m assuming he will get bored. 

[glows]

Do you also think it’s childish that you’re still wondering what his intentions are? You mentioned it’s childish to block someone. Removing an individual is necessary when that person doesn’t respect your privacy or space. It may also be because he/she doesn’t add any value. 

You both have a history of on/off and cheating, disloyalty and not enough understanding. 

As long as you allow him any presence in your life you’ll keep wondering what he thinks because you both never understood each other in the first place. Hopefully it doesn’t prevent you from moving on, healing and eventually dating someone else. 

 

[Ami1uwant]

Blocking someone is not childish.  In social media it’s easy to stalk someone by creating new accounts or use different/ mask IP addresses

 

he might be looking at you as a game to try and conquest.

 

his excuse on cheating is utter BS.  He might be somebody that is bisexual or a swinger and wants someone who is into that. You don’t appear to be into it so no matter what he will always cheat on you.

[Wiseman2]

57 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said:

He told me he thinks fidelity isn’t for him.

Ok if you want a one-on-one faithful situation he's not the one and there's no reason to remain in contact.

Deleting and blocking is to help you regroup in peace without background noise from a past that didn't work out.

[stillafool]

It really doesn't matter why he's following you online the point is you told him it's over and not to contact you which he is doing.  As long as he doesn't contact you he can do what he wants.  If it bothers you so much go back to blocking him.

[Goodguy05]

3 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said:

So after breaking up with my ex after he cheated. He called me 2 days ago, and we spoke on the phone. I asked him why he done what he done. He told me he thinks fidelity isn’t for him. And said he has some kinks he is into and can’t do them with me because he sees me as a peaceful person someone who brings him peace and that he just wants to do his kinks with someone he never has to see again. I feel like it’s a Madonna whore complex, he also said he was afraid I would judge because I told him if I caught him doing drugs id leave him. I said ok and that he shouldn’t have gotten into a relationship we me. Anyway we chatted some more on the matter. And I made it very clear this would be the last time we talked. he didn’t really say anything about it but we just said goodbye.  
 

later that night I blocked him on everything, I unblocked him the next day as I felt it childish to do so as he hasn’t really done anything crazy but I was happy anyway as it meant we didn’t follow each other on social media anymore. Low and behold he started following me a few hours after I unblocked him. Why? I don’t get it why would you want to follow someone who not only doesn’t follow you but removed you from their following list. 
 

I’m just a little confused over it I made it clear to him that it would be the last time we spoke. We didn’t end it in a big fight I simply explained I deserved better and to be with someone who treats me better. So it was amicable that’s why I felt bad for blocking so I thought ok I’ll unblocked but neither of us will follow each other. 
 

I don’t even know how he knew I blocked him or unblocked him unless he was checking. We only properly broke up last week so to me it’s a little odd to jump straight back to following your ex. I will block him if he contacts me I doesn’t bother me much that he follows me it is weird but I haven’t and won’t follow him back so I’m assuming he will get bored. 

Men have a hard time understanding what no means lol for real 

[ExpatInItaly]

12 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said:

Low and behold he started following me a few hours after I unblocked him. Why?

Probably because he wants to see if he can someday take advantage of your weak boundaries here. 

Keep guys like this blocked. It is not childish to draw a firm line and not allow people like him any access to you. You say he didn't do anything crazy, but girl, he cheated on you. He has zero respect for you and treats you like a toy. 

So what is kind of crazy? Allowing any avenue of contact in the future. Block him again if you want to preserve your self-worth. 

[smackie9]

The adult thing to do IS to block/delete this person from your SM/ life. Remember he is the one that doesn't know boundaries, he is the one that reached out to you, he is the one following you on SM, he's the one that cheated on you. His contact info, etc is of no need to you right? You have your closure, be done with him, and move on.

The guy took no responsibility/accountability for his behaviour. He showed no remorse, he down played it and diverted blame onto you in a underhanded way. Good riddance.

Edited March 13, 2022 by smackie9

[vla1120]

If it bothers you that he follows you, or if he contacts you again, re-block him. Otherwise, go on with your life and don't worry about what he's doing with his.  Some people think blocking people is childish. I think blocking people is a good way to maintain your boundaries, especially if they are toxic or hurtful. 

[Alpacalia]

20 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said:

So after breaking up with my ex after he cheated.

There is nothing about this person that adds value to your life, so block him.

[Lifegoeson12]

So as in my previous post before. I mentioned I was going on a trip with my friends and family for my birthday. My then boyfriend was due to go but we broke up. He originally wanted to go with us. 

I asked him politely if he could change his flights to a later date as I had paid for the hotel and stuff so it wouldn’t be a loss to him. The night before I was due to fly out he texted me to say he wasn’t going to go. I was so relieved. Anyway, cut to Friday evening I happened to be scrolling on instagram while relaxing in the hotel when I noticed his friend who I’m friends with posting about going to Rome. 

I just figured he was bringing him at a later date. His firmed texted me later that evening and asked me if I had plans for dinner for the next night. I said we didn’t but didn’t think much of it. The next morning guess who I saw was in the airport on the way to Rome. My exes friend and my ex. I don’t follow my ex so I only saw it on his friends account. 

I was shocked. He told he wasn’t going to go, and he didn’t want to ruin my bday weekend with my friends and yet he still decided to come. So his friend was texting me asking if he and my ex could meet me and my sister for dinner. I wasn’t sure but I agreed. It was my exes friend that organised it not my ex he didn’t text me once. 

The dinner was fine, my ex barely spoke to me at all to be honest he wouldn’t even really look me in the eye. I was chatting to his friend and I asked why did they come to Rome now of all times and he said because of me my ex wanted to see me. But yet when we had the dinner he barley spoke to me. 

We said goodbye after and he gave me a hug, a little longer than normal and then we said our goodbyes. 

So I logged back into my old dating account one where I had him as a favourite and he blocked me. I don’t know why as I knew he was on it anyway as he messaged a friend of mine who he didn’t know I knew. 

I’m so confused he came all the way to Rome, wanted to have dinner with me, didn’t speak to me at all, texted me that night saying it wasn’t easy for him and that he cares for me, included lots of kisses in his texts and then blocks me on the dating app but still watches my social media.

I just don’t know what to do. He cheated and for that I don’t think I could ever take him back but I just find the whole thing bizarre. Why would someone do all that but not even mention the idea of getting back together ect. Not that I would but I was expecting it in some way and maybe that’s my fault for expecting it but I just thought with him flying this way and so on maybe he was going To see if I wanted to give him another chance but nothing was said not even a I hope your well etc

everyone thinks it so strange he showed up on a trip that he said he wasn’t going on and brought a friend for backup support 

[Ami1uwant]

You don’t do anything?  Why does it matter to you hr blocked you?

I don’t know how far Rome is from you, but your ex deciding to also go could be irelevent.  In talk if going, there might have been some things he wanted to see too.  He’s capable of traveling on his own.

 

[Lifegoeson12]

It doesn’t matter that he blocked me. I just thought I’d mention it. As for the travelling he agreed to go at a later date so that not to ruin my birthday with my friends and family and then his friend told me he said he wanted to go to see me as a grand gesture but then when I agreed to meet him he decided not to talk. He chatted away with my sister all night and except for a hello didn’t saY much to me. 
 

he was the one to want to go to Rome to see me, and the same with dinner. But then doesn’t say a thing I just thought it was odd

[salparadise]

Yea, it's odd alright. It's also odd that you'd agree to go to dinner with him and a bunch of others given that it was bound to be a tense, uncomfortable situation. Were you expecting that he'd make grand play at dinner? Sounds like to me that you're ready to reconcile... if he'd do something dramatic. If he cheated (are we talking literally?) and you are certain that you're done, then why haven't you blocked him and refused to be anywhere near him?  Were you both on this dating app while you were dating- that part sounds odd too?

[assertives]

I wouldn't waste anymore headspace wondering why he did what he did. It seems to me he doesn't care and he does what he does cos it's convenient to him and cos he can. You paid so why wouldn't he go for a free trip?

If he really cared about your feelings, he probably wouldn't have cheated on you in the first place. Asking to go to dinner with you and yet spend the whole evening purposely ignoring you and talking to your sister on your birthday sounds like another instance of him not caring about your feelings. Just block him and his friends on all your platforms.