Am I over thinking? What should I do in this situation ?

[Vanity1]

I need some insight.

My brothers gf, keeps inviting me to her family’s special occasions. 

Her brother is getting married and shes inviting me to her future sister in laws wedding shower (and their wedding) . Since the bachelor and bachelorette didn’t directly invite me themselves, is this inappropriate?  I’ve met them before but I wouldn’t consider us friends at all. 

And would it be rude to decline? Or should I just go because it seems like my bros GF wants me to go- is it important to her since she loves my brother? Am I over thinking? I have serious anxiety issues. 

[understand50]

Are you a guy or a gal?   If you are a guy, yeah creepy. if a gal, she just wants to have a good relationship.

 

My take.

[Vanity1]

2 minutes ago, understand50 said:

Are you a guy or a gal?   If you are a guy, yeah creepy. if a gal, she just wants to have a good relationship.

 

My take.

I’m a gal!!!! 

So I should go then even though not directly invited by the hosts? 

Declining to go would hurt her feelings right? 

[glows]

I don’t think you have to go to the shower or the wedding if you don’t want to but know that people remember these sorts of things and whether you made an effort on a big day that is special to them or their family. You may not like or agree with weddings in general but making that effort for others builds relationships later on down the line. One day she may help you or be present for you too. 

These sorts of things are also “the more the merrier” type of events. It’s a party so why shouldn’t she invite you? 

There’s no need to be anxious. Whether you decline or not is your choice but this isn’t solely about you. I’d go personally and have a good time. It’s such a small ask in the bigger scheme of things and you might enjoy yourself. 

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, Vanity1 said:

My brothers gf, keeps inviting me to her family’s special occasions. Her brother is getting married and shes inviting me to her future sister in laws wedding shower (and their wedding) .

How serious are they? Perhaps they are trying to include you to be polite if your brother and his gf are serious?

Of course it's just an invite so you can simply be busy or decline.

[Vanity1]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How serious are they? Perhaps they are trying to include you to be polite if your brother and his gf are serious?

Of course it's just an invite so you can simply be busy or decline.

They have been together for years and planning to buy a house together.

Is it common for the grooms sister to invite whomever they want. Also the reason why my anxiety is spiking is because I’m a loner lol,  I don’t really care for all this social stuff, I’m an introvert so I’m wondering if she’s just inviting me out of pity?? Of course no body can know what she’s thinking. I just don’t want to go because she feels bad and then the hosts is like “ wth” why’s she even here. 

Edited March 6, 2022 by Vanity1

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Vanity1 said:

I don’t really care for all this social stuff

That's ok. Just be busy or decline. 

[understand50]

18 minutes ago, Vanity1 said:

They have been together for years and planning to buy a house together.

Is it common for the grooms sister to invite whomever they want. Also the reason why my anxiety is spiking is because I’m a loner lol,  I don’t really care for all this social stuff, I’m an introvert so I’m wondering if she’s just inviting me out of pity?? Of course no body can know what she’s thinking. I just don’t want to go because she feels bad and then the hosts is like “ wth” why’s she even here. 

Looks like she just wants a good relationship and wants to be part of the family. Would not over think it.  If you do not want to go, just say cant make it because of your schedule.  On the whole, this is a good thing, as it really helps if all the "in laws" get along together.

I wish you luck.

[Vanity1]

27 minutes ago, glows said:

I don’t think you have to go to the shower or the wedding if you don’t want to but know that people remember these sorts of things and whether you made an effort on a big day that is special to them or their family. You may not like or agree with weddings in general but making that effort for others builds relationships later on down the line. One day she may help you or be present for you too. 

These sorts of things are also “the more the merrier” type of events. It’s a party so why shouldn’t she invite you? 

There’s no need to be anxious. Whether you decline or not is your choice but this isn’t solely about you. I’d go personally and have a good time. It’s such a small ask in the bigger scheme of things and you might enjoy yourself. 

I feel like you’re 100% right.

im just going to make the effort for her and my brother. I enjoy her company, I do like her. It’s suppose to be a fun time and I’m here overthinking everything smh! 

[glows]

8 minutes ago, Vanity1 said:

I feel like you’re 100% right.

im just going to make the effort for her and my brother. I enjoy her company, I do like her. It’s suppose to be a fun time and I’m here overthinking everything smh! 

The wedding shower is an opportunity to meet others who are likely also going to the wedding. Wish the bride and congratulate her on her engagement too. I hope you have fun. If you’re nervous imagine how the organizers must feel or the engaged people themselves. I think it’s very normal to be feeling jittery and unsure about how it’ll go but know the spotlight isn’t on you. That’s a lot of pressure off. 

[Vanity1]

16 minutes ago, glows said:

The wedding shower is an opportunity to meet others who are likely also going to the wedding. Wish the bride and congratulate her on her engagement too. I hope you have fun. If you’re nervous imagine how the organizers must feel or the engaged people themselves. I think it’s very normal to be feeling jittery and unsure about how it’ll go but know the spotlight isn’t on you. That’s a lot of pressure off. 

 

I messaged her a few minutes ago accepting the invite -I am going . I just have to keep reminding myself the spotlight isn’t on me, I’m not not that important. Lol I am in my head so much!

thanks so much for the reassurance, phew. 

Edited March 6, 2022 by Vanity1

[Lotsgoingon]

You're not over-thinking, you're mis-thinking.

The question is about what she wants or feels. The only question is: do you want to go? Different versions of that might be: do you feel comfortable going without a direct invitation? 

The basic question is: do you like your bf's sister? Not should you like her? Not whether you have to learn to get along with her? But do you like her? Do you trust her? Do you get her vibe?

You are asking about other people. First, you need to check in with what YOU want, then you approach other people with your feelings and aims in mind. Example: if you're uncomfortable going to this event because you don't know the engaged parties, you share that concern with your bf's sister. She can then reassure you or not--she can talk to the original parties. 

How long have you been dating your bf? That matters in situations like this. If you just started dating, the expectaions on meeting family are lower. If you've been with each other for two years, the expectations are higher. Still what YOU feel is part of the equation. 

It's others' expectations on the one hand and YOU and what you want to do on the other.  Both are equally important.