CallMeCelia Posted March 7, 2022 Share Posted March 7, 2022 (edited) So I have a friend of mine, let’s call her K. She just got out of a relationship that didn’t serve her last summer ie; the man was a total fixer-upper and she deserved better. She has a tendency to get totally head over heels in love with someone as soon as they meet and it drives me nuts because that’s all she wants to talk about. She started seeing this guy two-ish months ago (let’s call him X) and things seem to be going fine. She spends a lot of time at his place since he lives alone and they seem to like one another just fine. The problem is that she constantly talks about the guy. It’s honestly at a point where I could say, “oh, the grass was so green” and she’ll respond by saying, “ X showed me some green grass the other day and it was so cool, he’s the cutest, btw we had sex last night and blah blah blah.” She’ll often say, “I’m just gonna spend some time alone tonight.” But if he calls she runs to him. She recently had surgery and so she’s been on crutches / walking with a cane and has been taking Ubers to and from his place and or driving herself (which she isn't supposed to be doing). This weekend I asked if she wanted to go out, but she was like “Nah I’m going to stay home but if X would’ve asked me I would definitely go out.” X asked her to come over and sure enough she left to go to his place. And if he isn't available she wants to hang out with me and talk about him or do literally anything that doesn't require her to be alone ie; continually having guests over one right after the other, constantly being on the phone, etc. She does not like alone time at all. She has told men in the past that if she gets pregnant she’s keeping the baby and she seems proud of that statement. She also low-key has this mixed-race baby fantasy because she shows me babies that are mixed and she continually chases after black men because they’re just “different” and the sex is “better”. On top of that, she boasts that she always tells the men that she dates that she has abandonment issues and that that remark “gets them to stick around.” Before things started getting serious with X she was seeing someone else at the same time and would say things like, "it's so hard having someone be in love with you when you don't want them. I'm in love with X, not this guy." I worry for her and for my own sanity. We have had several conversations about this and I have asked to perhaps have conversations that don't revolve around men, just once lol. I have started to just keep my responses to her neutral and say, “okay” whenever she goes into a spiel about how amazing this guy is and how perfect he is for her. I am sincerely at a loss on how to get distance since we live together and he’s all she wants to talk about. TLDR; my friend has abandonment issues, really wants a baby, and she's more than just a little boy crazy. Am I wrong if I just want space from her? Edited March 7, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed catch phrase related to alternate forum 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 7, 2022 Share Posted March 7, 2022 (edited) Well like a lot of women your friend just seems to be man crazy. She likes sex and that is why she's up for seeing guys and not you at the last minute. Most people when in a new relationship talk about their new partner a lot so give her time to get used to him. I wouldn't tell her what to do or how to live her life if I were you because she knows what she wants. Edited March 7, 2022 by stillafool 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 7, 2022 Share Posted March 7, 2022 Are you dating/have a BF? Distance yourself from this friend. Focus on school, work, other friends, family. Also focus on your interests, hobbies, classes, course, groups, sports and fitness. Just be very busy all the time and keep tiptoeing away from anyone you deem as a drama queen. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CallMeCelia Posted March 7, 2022 Author Share Posted March 7, 2022 @Wiseman2 I am dating but not as actively because I work full time and am in school full time (on top of being an artist). Thank you, I'll be sure to keep my distance because it's literally giving me so much anxiety just talking to her. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 7, 2022 Share Posted March 7, 2022 3 hours ago, CallMeCelia said: Am I the a-hole if I just want space from her? TLDR; my friend has abandonment issues, really wants a baby, and she's more than just a little boy crazy. AITA if I don't want to be around her as much as before? The friendship seems to have run its course if she's not much of a friend to you and you're thinking that she's manipulative towards men in general or with her partners. You don't seem to think highly of her at all so let go. Friendship goes both ways and right now nothing is working between the two of you as friends. It's ok to distance yourself and treat her as an acquaintance. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted March 9, 2022 Share Posted March 9, 2022 It doesn't sound like you are enjoying this friendship with her at all, so just stop doing it. Stop feeling obligated to go through the motions of this friendship. Distance yourself and do other things. When she talks to you, cut it short. Make other friends. Be out of the house more. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 9, 2022 Share Posted March 9, 2022 On 3/7/2022 at 3:42 PM, CallMeCelia said: @Wiseman2 I am dating but not as actively because I work full time and am in school full time (on top of being an artist). Thank you, I'll be sure to keep my distance because it's literally giving me so much anxiety just talking to her. Well you schedule sounds so busy you barely have time for her anyway so it's good she's involved with her boyfriend. I don't understand why her love for her new bf would cause you anxiety but if so it's definitely time to put this friendship to rest. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CallMeCelia Posted March 11, 2022 Author Share Posted March 11, 2022 On 3/9/2022 at 10:32 AM, stillafool said: Well you schedule sounds so busy you barely have time for her anyway so it's good she's involved with her boyfriend. I don't understand why her love for her new bf would cause you anxiety but if so it's definitely time to put this friendship to rest. It's only because she constantly says she doesn't want them to find me attractive but wants me to hang out with her and him. But! Like everyone has said, I've definitely been distancing myself as much as I can given our tight apartment. Thank you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 11 minutes ago, CallMeCelia said: It's only because she constantly says she doesn't want them to find me attractive but wants me to hang out with her and him. But! Like everyone has said, I've definitely been distancing myself as much as I can given our tight apartment. Thank you! Is it a lease? Would you consider moving? You both seem very different and are clashing quite a bit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 (edited) 13 hours ago, CallMeCelia said: It's only because she constantly says she doesn't want them to find me attractive but wants me to hang out with her and him. Well this makes it all the more reason to stop contact with this friend and move on. Besides you're too busy with your own life to hang out with them, right? Afterall you don't have time to actively date a guy with your schedule. It should be easy to end this friendship and start making more time to date. Edited March 11, 2022 by stillafool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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