mtnbiker3000 Posted March 7, 2022 Share Posted March 7, 2022 It’s been a while. A long while since I’ve been here. Worked really hard to get past my ex quite a few years ago. Mostly using the work of Robert Glover and his book, ‘No More Mr Nice Guy’. Had several different smaller relationships over the years until finally about 18 months ago I met a really great woman and we immediately hit it off! Within 2 weeks age of each other, both having been through significant emotional trauma in our lives and both having put in a lot of work to become healthier. Many other similarities too! We did not live together. Well, I finally realized she was emotionally checking out of the relationship and had been for about a month or so, and last Saturday I decided to end it. The intimacy had all but disappeared in a pretty short period of time. Part of this was due to getting a new puppy in late January which definitely strained the RS as she literally needed constant supervision. Plus there was a medical situation which prevented us from having sex for about 3 weeks at the same time. We did talk about this intimacy issue on multiple occasions, but we really could never get to the bottom of it. Basically it just boiled down to the fact that needs were not being met for either of us – yet she was also not really able to even express her needs other than the one really big issue we faced from early on in the RS. Her inability to have an orgasm during sex. However, we spent a lot of time in counseling and were actually turning the corner on this when everything stopped due to the puppy and the medical issue. She was having orgasms. Not every time but the frequency was increasing. I thought I was past being a ‘nice guy’, but realized I was/am falling back on poor behaviors that are damaging to a healthy relationship: Covert contracts. Care taking. Giving to get. Etc… And as I felt the RS slipping away, I really began to fall back heavily on these patterns! Of course I know I am not all to blame for the lack of intimacy and ultimately the end of the RS, but I do feel like I made some repeating mistakes that did not help the situation, which is frustrating. I say this because the relationship ended almost exactly as the one with my ex did almost 10 years ago. I guess I did well in that this time I had healthy boundaries in place that were crossed and could not be repaired. My old self would have stayed and begged, pleaded and argued in an attempt to get her to check back in to the RS. But I know that is not possible. Not really asking a question or anything here, just feeling kinda crappy and venting, I guess. I know I’m all over the place and there’s more to this story that I am sure I am not being very clear about, but as I said, mostly just venting. Thanks for reading! Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 7, 2022 Share Posted March 7, 2022 Puppies or dogs in general do need to be supervised and they can take a lot of time to train. It sounds like you felt taken forgranted in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted March 7, 2022 Author Share Posted March 7, 2022 Not necessarily taken for granted, but definitely feel like I dropped down the priority list a few notches... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 7, 2022 Share Posted March 7, 2022 Dropping down the priority list is a very normal thing to happen in a relationship which is on it's last legs. I think you should give yourself a pat on the back for walking away when it was time. You may feel that you're still being a "nice guy", but I'm seeing progress. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 8, 2022 Share Posted March 8, 2022 When a dating relationship stops being fun, its time to move on. Sometimes relationships just run their course and they are done. My advice... shower up, and get out there. Plenty of fish in the sea!! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 8, 2022 Share Posted March 8, 2022 8 hours ago, mtnbiker3000 said: . Part of this was due to getting a new puppy in late January which definitely strained the RS as she literally needed constant supervision. Plus there was a medical situation which prevented us from having sex for about 3 weeks at the same time. Sorry this happened. A puppy should not be straining a relationship. It seems like it was a wall to prevent more pressure in an already incompatible relationship. Whose medical issue prevented sex? If someone can't have sex for 21 days for medical reasons why is that an issue? People get sick, stuff happens. You were right to end it rather than keep trying to force fit an incompatible situation. Is this the same woman?: Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted March 8, 2022 Author Share Posted March 8, 2022 Yes. Same woman! Link to post Share on other sites
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