Is there a way to use someone's concern about vaccine side effects to get him to change some of his destructive behaviors?

[max3732]

One of my relatives is very concerned about side effects from vaccines and when I asked if he was going to get vaccinated he mentioned unknown long term risks and other possible negative health effects. He also talks to people online who kind of fuel this skepticism and will give examples of people who have died or had other adverse reactions.

What I don't understand is if he is concerned about long term side effects on his health why does he do so many things that study after study show does have long term negative side effects. For example, he doesn't care at all about nutrition or portions and has let himself go completely so he went from being athletic to obese in the last 10 years. Part of that is after an injury he just completely stopped exercising and won't do any kind of PT or take any action to fix it. When I suggested some basic stretches he could do that might help he snapped at me. He also has an odd sleep schedule even though there is no need for it and stays up late and gets up late. 

Instead of trying to socialize with people in person he plays videogames (he's an adult) and talks about his "friends" that he chats with there. I grew up playing games and still occasionally like to play, but he will spend way too much time on this. I read about a bunch of studies saying that sitting for too long is the new smoking.

I feel like his concern about his health with vaccines might be a good segway to talking about other areas. Something else that happened is someone we both knew who was obese and kept odd hours passed away at a relatively young age (50's) and I was thinking maybe I bring that up to get him to talk his health more seriously.

I just don't understand what would cause someone to not care about his own health and just eat so much and not try to fix his injury and take care of himself. Anytime you mention anything about a food being bad or another one being healthy he gets upset and says he doesn't care. 

[basil67]

Kindly, unsolicited advice is the least welcome form of advice.  if he's not asking for your opinions, advice or support, then don't offer them up.   If you find him too annoying to be around, stop interacting with him 

 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, max3732 said:

 someone we both knew who was obese and kept odd hours passed away at a relatively young age (50's) and I was thinking maybe I bring that up to get him to talk his health more seriously.

It would be best to leave him alone. No one wants to be nagged or bullied.

Talk about other things rather than insulting tips on how he should run his life or health. You're not his physician or therapist. 

Don't bother with vaccine debates. It's too controversial with some people.

Basically you're not doing anyone any good by simply pointing out what an overweight loser they are.

Keep the focus on yourself and stay in your own lane. If he can read, he can understand what health and fitness is.

It's a fool's errand to try to fix and change people, particularly through insults and nagging.

Why, exactly, is it that you feel compelled to fix him?

[max3732]

On 3/8/2022 at 1:17 AM, Wiseman2 said:

It would be best to leave him alone. No one wants to be nagged or bullied.

Talk about other things rather than insulting tips on how he should run his life or health. You're not his physician or therapist. 

Don't bother with vaccine debates. It's too controversial with some people.

Basically you're not doing anyone any good by simply pointing out what an overweight loser they are.

Keep the focus on yourself and stay in your own lane. If he can read, he can understand what health and fitness is.

It's a fool's errand to try to fix and change people, particularly through insults and nagging.

Why, exactly, is it that you feel compelled to fix him?

He helped me a lot growing up and I care a great deal about him. I feel like as an adult I want to reciprocate and don't want to see him throw his life away for no reason. 

I don't understand why he changed and won't interact with people in person, leave the house or care about taking care of himself. His drivers license looked nothing like him until he updated it because he used to be a strong athlete and very fit. Now he just sits on the computer most of the day and complains about an injury but won't get any PT to fix it even though it's very doable.

[flitzanu]

if he wants to be fat, lazy, and unvaccinated that's his own choice.  no amount of nagging or offering suggestions in the guise of "helping" is going to convince him otherwise, that has to be his decision to change his life.

has there ever been a constructive way to criticize someone into thinking your way is better than theirs?

[basil67]

4 hours ago, max3732 said:

He helped me a lot growing up and I care a great deal about him. I feel like as an adult I want to reciprocate and don't want to see him throw his life away for no reason. 

I don't understand why he changed and won't interact with people in person, leave the house or care about taking care of himself. His drivers license looked nothing like him until he updated it because he used to be a strong athlete and very fit. Now he just sits on the computer most of the day and complains about an injury but won't get any PT to fix it even though it's very doable.

At best, you can make an observation, tell him that you're a bit worried and ask if he's ok.   If he tells you that he feels terrible, then perhaps he may accept your help.  But if he tells you that he's fine, then there's nothing you can do.

 

[SumGuy]

On 3/7/2022 at 6:19 PM, max3732 said:

...What I don't understand is if he is concerned about long term side effects on his health why does he do so many things that study after study show does have long term negative side effects. ...

It's because such "facts" are not really what is driving his decision making on both fronts.  They are convenient justifications for it, hence the cognitive dissonance.   It is rare that when people are faced with cognitive dissonance they modify their outlook or behavior, usually they just double down (a short hand way of saying they deny, reframe, attack the messenger).

Get why you want to help, have relatives that are essentially the same.  Sometimes people listen to close friends, even when they say things they don't want to hear.  If he is unvaccinated and has health issues/high risk, it is not necessarily foolish to be a social shut in.

[max3732]

10 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

It's because such "facts" are not really what is driving his decision making on both fronts.  They are convenient justifications for it, hence the cognitive dissonance.   It is rare that when people are faced with cognitive dissonance they modify their outlook or behavior, usually they just double down (a short hand way of saying they deny, reframe, attack the messenger).

Get why you want to help, have relatives that are essentially the same.  Sometimes people listen to close friends, even when they say things they don't want to hear.  If he is unvaccinated and has health issues/high risk, it is not necessarily foolish to be a social shut in.

He was a social shut in before the pandemic. People at work would complain he'd look down and away from them when he was talking and not look them in their eyes. He was also in great shape, very outgoing in college and high school and isn't shy talking to people on the phone.

I just don't understand how he can eat that much and not do a thing to take care of himself. A few years before the pandemic we were on a family cruise and this obese guy collapsed playing dodgeball and someone tried doing CPR and they called the paramedics. He looked at that and I thought he'd reconsider his choices. Instead he goes to the buffet and gets the worst foods you can imagine.

He keeps saying that this guy he plays videogames with said such and such about these vaccines. I'm not arguing with him about any of that since I don't know, but I do know that being obese in itself is a huge health risk. Let alone being so sedentary and it's not good for your mental health to never talk to people. 

I'll tell him thing like that I can almost do 20 pullups now whereas a few years ago I was at like 3 and ask him questions about some of the exercise equipment I'm using that he actually bought and used to use, but nothing seems to help

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, max3732 said:

but nothing seems to help

Unfortunately he doesn't want your "help".

[SingFish]

23 hours ago, max3732 said:

nothing seems to help

Just be his friend. 

[ShyViolet]

It truly is a fool's errand to try and change people or fix their problems for them.  It's not going to work, and it's not your place to do so.  Live your own life and stop trying to live other people's lives for them.

[Wiseman2]

Even oblique references such as "what I do is...." are transparent and ineffective.

It could be perceived as arrogant to prance around talking about one's superior ways of doing things.

[Lisa]

Moderator note:   The topic is about the OP wanting to encourage his brother to live a healthy lifestyle.    Discussion on vaccines are off topic and will be removed.

[ASG]

Honestly, you are just projecting your own prejudices on your relative. 

You have fat shamed him (even though not every obese person is unhealthy, not is every athlete healthy, as you seem to have implied), judged his videogame playing habits and the people he plays with (calling them "friends" is not exactly a nice thing) and also judged his sleeping pattern. 

I mean... honestly... what does it even mean to keep "odd hours"? And how is it in any way unhealthy? Regularly getting less sleep than you need is unhealthy, but the hours you get that sleep in do not really matter. 

It is possible that your relative's mental health is not optimal, but again, if he doesn't want to help himself, you are definitely not going to be able to help him. 

Again, all you come across as is a judgy person.