Input welcome! New man in my life

[Blinkblue178]

Hi All,

So i've somewhat recently split from my fiance of 6 years, we have a toddler together and things are amicable, so thats good.

Completely unexpectedly, I've met an incredible man. I feel like we are the same person, and he absolutely adores me. I am in Australia, he is in the USA. We've been talking for months now, and given that covid has chilled out, he wants to fly to my city, get accommodation close by (because he cant stay with me, i have a toddler who is my main focus), to see how the sparks are in person, and then he wants to relocate here permanently. Massive, I know. But he is all in. We video call around the clock when we can, around me being a mum and both of our jobs. I know the distance and all that comes with it is a hurdle, but I honestly feel like I have found a soulmate in this amazing man. He is totally onboard with the fact that I have a child, and wants to be a part of her life in any way that works for her. He is so respectful of the entire situation.

So my question is, how do I go about broaching the topic with my loved ones? It may come to them as a bit of a shock that someone is wanting to move mountains to come see her and see how we work out. I personally feel like its a bit of a bonus, because weve been able to get to really know eachother on a deep level without anything sexual in the mix. We're both in our 30's (if that makes any difference?).

I mean I know I could eventually meet someone here in my city and it could work out and I could be happy, but this guy is just wonderful, so I'm willing to give this a go.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

[Happy Lemming]

This will never work... You do realize it is a 20 hour flight from the US to Australia. 

The whole thing feels a little like some type of scam, if you ask me. One of those "too good to be true" things.

My advice... date someone local.

 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Blinkblue178 said:

. I am in Australia, he is in the USA. We've been talking for months now,   

Sorry this is happening. Perhaps loneliness is driving this. Do you still live with your child's father? 

Were you overlapping "talking for months" with "just getting engaged" 6 mos ago? Very confusing.

Have you sold the house? Have you figured out visitation/custody and child support?

Unavailable people choose other unavailable people. Right now you're talking to someone you don't know to assuage loneliness.

However be careful about romance scams. Anyone who claims to be ready willing and able to drop everything and move halfway around the world for someone they're just taking to is a gigantic red flag 🚩.

Obviously you're not ready to date yet, so talk to trusted friends and family. Get involved in your work and most of all readjusting to being a single mom.

Therapy to address exiting an abusive relationship (if you actually moved out and left) would be better than a fantasy romance with someone you don't know and can't meet in person.

Edited March 8, 2022 by Wiseman2

[FMW]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Anyone who claims to be ready willing and able to drop everything and move halfway around the world for someone they're just taking to is a gigantic red flag

Very much so.  Added to the fact you are 

9 hours ago, Blinkblue178 said:

somewhat recently split from my fiance of 6 years

this fast-track involvement is concerning, especially because you have a small child.  "Shock" from your loved ones is a very reasonable expectation.  That you anticipate this reaction means you realize this situation is problematic.  

I understand you are enjoying the attention and excitement, especially after the recent end of another relationship, but slow down and give this all some serious thought.

 

[glows]

I’d be concerned that he’s planning to move to Australia like this. What is he running away from in the US? 

It’s even more of a concern as you have a young child. 

Are you also saying you’ve never actually met him at all yet? At the beginning of your post it sounds like you’d run into him or met in person in your town but as I read through the rest of your post it doesn’t sound like you’ve met at all. 

If you both choose to go ahead with this, do it as regular people would and have him move to his own residence, see how he finds employment and deals with the stresses of relocation and employment. Do not support him financially. 

Then date once a week or within reason while you see if you’re compatible. Don’t introduce him to your child at all yet. Give it a year or more of in person dating after he moves. Please think of your child. 

Edited March 8, 2022 by glows

[LynneVicious]

Don’t put the cart before the horse. This is way too fast way too soon. 

The problem with these types of relationships is you get over invested before you’ve even met yet. There’s a chance one of you won’t like the other so much in person. 

If you guys hit it off, the worst thing would be for him to move across the globe after not knowing each other that well. No, you cannot truly know someone by chatting online or video calling. 

If he were to move right away, that’s a big red flag. And it puts unnecessary pressure on you to try harder to make it work because he ‘gave up everything’ to move to your country. 

You have a young child to take care of that is your top priority. Was he planning on visiting once then moving? That’s a bad bad idea. You cant possibly know someone well enough after one visit to have them move with you or even close to you from across the world while taking care of a young child. 

[PotatoHead]

Definitely take your time and be cautious, but if you've been talking this much and feel you know and can trust him enough to meet, I don't see the harm in it.  If you really do hit it off, then your loved ones should be happy that you've found someone that makes you happy.  Just don't jump in too quickly to having him move internationally.  Once spending more time together in person, reality could set in and things could fizzle out some.  I would recommend spending as much time together as you can before he moves, but that could be difficult with the distance.

I was in a similar situation, knew I had found my soulmate except she was only 700 miles away.  We were able to have extended visits every month or so for a year before I moved.  And still after all that time, things did not turn into the fairy tale we had imagined once I did move.  Be prepared for that to happen.  What if he relocates and it doesn't work out?

[vla1120]

16 hours ago, Blinkblue178 said:

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

There are too many unknowns in this situation. You've only been talking a few months. You've never met him. He's a complete stranger to you (and especially to your child - some men seek out young single mothers to get access to their children - very sad, but true!) 

Have you done a background check on him? Do you even know he is who he says he is? Please, do tell your family as soon as possible. Also tell your recent ex-fiance. He might have an opinion about who's going to be spending time with his child. 

Finally, if you DO decide to move forward with this, make sure HE has enough money to support himself as well as a place to live. Do NOT let him come and move in with you and do not financially support him. Treat him like any other stranger you would meet and date him from a distance before you give him full access to you and your child. Please proceed with caution.

[JRabbit]

You should be using this time to focus on yourself, and your child. A man can come later. You are recently split. Have you hear the term rebound? Sometimes when people are freshly out of a relationship, they feel vulnerable and lonely and thus see things in others they might normally not see or accept.  It is a red flag to jump into a relationship so quick. It's a reg flag to think you are in love with someone you have never actually met.  It's a red flag to introduce your child to a person you don't even know.

Have you done a criminal record check on this person? Have you researched their true identity?

[stillafool]

I agree that men should be put on hold for now and your small child and all of his/her needs and attention should be the #1 priority for now.