Feeling Insecure as an Overthinker

[MilesLeftToGo]

Hello everyone. I am on this website because I do not know any where else to go and I hope to receive some honest advice and feedback. I am feeling very sad and bothered and insecure with my current relationship. 
 

I have been seeing someone for 5 months now and we met online. We only live 7 hours apart so its not like its horrible for driving? Seeing each other in person is not the most difficult thing even though the drive is annoying obviously.

My thing with this is that in the beginning like I believe all relationships do we always wanted to be around each other non stop and we only focussed on each other and spent basically 24/7 with each other that we could in the online realm.

When we are in person we do the same thing of course. We have the same core values and beliefs on everything and we are interested if this relationship leads to marriage and if we are each others last.

But my issue that I am feeling hugely insecure about is that for about the past 2 weeks my girlfriend has been severely distant and scarce on her communication. In the beginning she would always offer me and share with me information on what she is doing and where she is going who she talked to and who trys to talk to her.

To set the scene more she is in college taking in person classes/courses. She is in a new semester with new classes and classmates. The thing is when I met her she really was alone and lonely did not have anyone at all. I was literally the only person she had besides family of course, but like she had no other friends male nor female. Which I know is odd but she explained things to me as why and I know it is true and believable but that part is not the point, just trying to make a clearer picture.

In her one class she only had 3 other classmates and they are all guys. So its a small class that involves a lot of interpersonal interaction and there are open projects and free time for them all to hang around and talk and get to know each other. And its really bothersome because we talked about infidelity and how we are both against it and that there are no second chances if either one of us cheats, and I truly felt that she really does or did love me.

I mean I still kind of feel she does love me still, but its like I dunno she is doing stuff different and she does not offer information on her own anymore and doesnt contact me as much even through a text or a call while she is in the college, she goes from like 9 am till about 4 pm she comes home, so she is there all day. She also plays for a sports team for the college too. 

She described how the one classmate at one point they were talking and she was on her phone and he grabbed her phone out of her hand and added his number into it, she told me she did not mind cause she was thinking of how to ask him for his number just as friends right?

But I thought it was weird and its flirtatious that a guy does that to a girl from my experience. She told me that she did not flinch or try to stop him or even say like hey what are you doing, she just let him add it.

She also has the other 2 guys numbers in as well and I guess cause the one guy has an Iphone as well they get to play like a billiards game through text message or something which when I am talking with her on the phone I hear the notifications going off as they are playing. Like in this seasons sports team she said she made some friends I guess but got like one girls number and is in like the teams group chat. 

So my thing is she is desperate to make friends cause she made friends before this semester with one guy who she would text while in school as well as me cause she would text us both that she is bored for example or talk about doing stuff in between classes or whatever. But he ended up making a joke to his friend in front of her about dating her and stealing her from me. So she stopped talking to him on her own.

But maybe about a month later this guy approached her at school and asked her for her snapchat she said she did not have snapchat and he asked her for her instagram which she gave him, turns out after 5 days of them messaging he confided in her that he was into her and wanted to be with her which she told him she has a boyfriend and stopped talking with him.

But now the past two weeks it has just been really weird with so much less attention and time spent with her and she talks about wanting alone time and before we were always on mutual apps together and she is one of those people who are always on their phone, like her life is her phone, its in her hand all the time.

So she wants to spend less time with me and do less things and I remember all the times she would call me or send me a text while at school and now its like hardly at all, like she will answer SOMETIMES if I call her when I know she is free but even then she only keeps me for like 1 minute maybe 2 minutes if I am lucky.

I even sent her a cute text earlier today talking about some nice things and saying I love her and she did not even respond to it, I said "Hello, how are you?" Like 2 hours after I first sent it and she replied saying "Hello, Im good how are you?" And I was like so you ignored the text and she said that she did not see it, and it was during the class she was in with the 3 guys and she told me she was busy and not on her phone, but she ended up taking a picture while in the class about an hour after I sent my message and she just said she did not see it and she was sorry.

But it has me thinking she just did not want the guys around her to see and ask questions or whatever. I do not know if it is just me overthinking and being insecure but it is killing me. Like really bad.

I feel so empty and loss and I cannot do anything about it cause like what could I even do if it was a normal  in person relationship you know? I just dont understand why she wanted all this reassurance and time spent in the past and she was so insecure about me talking to other women yet she feels its ok what she is doing and she talks about just wanting to make friends, but like now she is giving me way less time and is acting fishy over wanting to call or talk or text and its like when I do call her at home she takes awhile to answer or she will call me like after the first set of ringing ends as if she is ending a conversation with someone else first.

I need someone to please be honest with me on the possibilities and not just make me feel good. But also please don't hype up something unrealistic saying she is doing stuff with all 3 of those guys.

Edited March 8, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs

[Happy Lemming]

I don't think I would describe a 7 hour drive as "only".  There is way too much distance to try to make this thing work.  She may be thinking the same thing and is trying to ease out of the relationship for someone local.

As a general rule, anything over a 1 hour drive is too far to make it work.

My advice...  date someone local.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, MilesLeftToGo said:

. We only live 7 hours apart 

Sorry this is happening. How often have you seen each other in person? 

Who contacted whom and why from this kind of distance?

After 20 weeks it doesn't seem to be fulfilling or working out. You can't really text-tether anyone without coming across as needy or controlling.

Since it seems more like lonely penpals at this point, consider cutting your losses.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting local single women.

Anyone who contacts you from a distance is a red flag 🚩.

Make sure you reset your distance criteria to realistic distance. If you can't see each other in person on a regular basis, it's not going to work out.

[BaileyB]

If it feels like she is pulling away because she has met some other people in her classes, that is probably exactly what is happening. Trust your instinct.

Nobody is going to invest that heavily in an online relationship when they have the option to spend time with people in college. I’m sorry. 

[glows]

She may not have any intentions to cheat on you but she leads a fuller life now with her classes and sporting events. When you’re there in person amongst classmates and friends, it’s reasonable not to check your phone throughout the day. 

Here’s what I suggest: Have a phonecall each evening or at the end of the day unless something important comes up. Be faithful to that one catch up call. Text messages are always at risk of being missed and you’re making yourself sick with worry over something that likely hasn’t happened. She seems devoted to you. 

Try this and keep us updated. It’s important you also keep up with your commitments and stay focused on your life. Are you working? What do you do in your free time? What’s the plan regarding this long distance situation? Do you plan on moving closer to her? 

[MilesLeftToGo]

Thank you all for your responses. @Wiseman2 and @BaileyB I understand your thoughts and appreciate the feedback on to seek for local relationships. Sometimes though we do not always choose who we love and grow attached to.

 

@glows Thank you for your insight and encouragement how to move forward in my situation. I appreciate the advice and information you have shared with me.

[MilesLeftToGo]

I am mostly asking for females sense my concern is the woman I am seeing. I also want other peoples perspective as well, not gender limiting mind you. 

I would like to know as well how big of a difference is "i love you" to "love you" my current partner tells me she knows that there is a difference and that the "I love you" is more meaningful cause of the "I" but she mostly just says "love you" and she explained that when she says it, it is not any less than including the "i"

 

BUT my actual discussion I would like to be talked about is how easy is it for someone to tell someone that you love them? Like if a woman says it does she mean it? How likely is it if your significant other says that they love you that they don't mean it? Is it a 50/50 chance, or is it like if your significant other says they love you that they usually always mean it?

 

At the same time how big of a difference is your partner initiating the "I love you" compared to if you initiate it first?

 

I would definitely say with my current significant other, it is about the same we both initiate it first. I am just concerned if she always means it especially since the past several weeks she has been severely distant and wanting more alone time and not really texting me as much or wanting to call me as much. I have been the one to do most of the calling recently. So I am just concerned if she is just auto replying her "I love you" I also noticed that she has not said "too" like before the two weeks of distance, she would always respond with "I love you too" now she just responds with "i love you" I am a huge overthinker so thats why I seem neurotic haha.

[basil67]

I'm female.  If I feel love, I can say it.  

I think that 'love you' is not less than "I love you".  It's simply a kind of shorthand expression used when the other knows that you love them and you're just reiterating.   I do have to say that I wouldn't be impressed to have a partner nitpicking the exact words I use when expressing my love.   Why do you feel the need to argue.

That said, with regards to saying it's not true, when I was leaving my first marriage, I still said "I love you".  And I honestly thought that I did love him.  It wasn't till after I left that I found myself relieved to be gone that I realised the truth was I no longer loved him.  

Could it be that her distance is being caused by your overthinking?  Or is there something else going on?

Edit to add: I just found your other thread.  You're long distance and she's living a fun new life....yes, she's likely drifting away from the relationship.  

 

 

Edited March 9, 2022 by basil67

[FMW]

It seems like the issue is probably your other concerns about your relationship, not the semantics of how your love is being expressed.  But, to answer your questions:

I don't think there is any significant difference as far as feeling goes to saying "love you" or "I love you".  

As for adding the "too" after it, I actually prefer to hear just "I love you" in response to my saying I love you to my guy, and not "I love you too".  That's just my preference, I'm sure there's no difference in meaning in reality.  I just prefer it without the "too" because it seems like less of an automatic response.  See, we all overthink sometimes 😄

Your questions about whether or not her saying it is genuine I would guess are about your general uncertainty and insecurity about the relationship.  I think most of the time people mean it when they say it, but then again there are different kinds and levels of "love".  It seems you aren't feeling it, so that's the problem.     

[glows]

I have no problem saying it in a relationship and haven’t had issues with my current partner or exes saying it. No one has ever not reciprocated if that’s what you’re asking and I have never second guessed someone’s sincerity. I’ve always meant it. I don’t recall who said it first most times and I don’t think it makes a difference. Usually we feel it before we say it so there is no difference. 

I also don’t know if I’ve just always been with grammatically correct partners but I’ve never had someone just say “love you” to me personally. Perhaps it’s a cultural thing. Obviously “love you” seems informal but I don’t see why it’s any less effective. 

If you feel it’s sincere in your heart why would any of this matter? It sounds to me that you truly just aren’t meant to be with this person at all if you’re uncomfortable about these things. They can make a person feel very uneasy with someone who’s not right for you and make no difference at all if you’re with someone who complements you and whom you’re compatible with. 

[MilesLeftToGo]

I got to say I love posting here, the replies and comments from people really cause me to think and I actually feel like I matter even though none of us know each other. 

@basil67 I appreciate your reply. Thank you to for commenting on the other post here as well. You mentioned about something else going on....I would say that we have had some difficult times recently as well that has lead to this distance emotionally and mentally from each other. I would say that if we lived together in the same house it would be different, but honestly even if it was in the same local area and she did the same things she was doing now I would still feel the same way and question it. It does stem that during one of our arguements roughly 2 weeks ago, I still told her I loved her and she did not say it back and I asked and she said she just can't at that moment cause she did not feel it, and it was really hurtful cause I thought we were always supposed to love our significant other even through arguments and bad times. But I guess I understood in the end. But she said I love you after that a couple times and we had another issue where I said it to her and she did not say it back, but now with her being super distant and pushing me away, I kind of feel like her "I love you" are like on auto pilot or that she feels like she has to say it in response to me, but it might be my overthinking cause she will offer an I love you first still at times, its just when I say it first and she responds now, she sounds so lifeless and like deadpan.

 

@FMW Well thank you as well for your reply, you are right in that its other things and not the semantics, it is my overthinking brain trying to understand everything. So the way we tell each other "I love you" I am trying to decipher how genuine it is cause I do not want her to just hold onto me because she is afraid of being alone because she is attached or anything. If you read what I said to Basil67 I think it adds onto it. So its like for the first 3 months that is all we did was constantly say I love you over and over, she would question me if she told me that she loved me to much and I said no not at all, I never get tired of hearing it. So its like, I was used to one thing and then it changed.

 

@glows I am grateful for your response. I find it interesting you mention grammatically correct, cause I do tend to pride myself when I speak and I personally always would want to use "I love you" but I heard that if your partner says "love you" you are supposed to match that. Most times I usually say "I love you regardless" But you are right in the end it doesnt truly matter, I guess I am just overthinking which I do a lot and it honestly destroys me, but I can't control it or help it and I just have to deal with it. I will be honest, it is not that I am uncomfortable per say, I need my overthinking mind to be eased about it. Like I am trying to pick out and find anything that I can focus on and maybe get a greater understanding to, like if she is telling me she loves me, but she truly does not. I want to address it cause if she is telling me she loves me but doesn't, that means that her chances of cheating are high. I am deathly afraid of being cheated on, I am such a loyal person and even though I have faults and I am not perfect, I always mean well and I do try my best, especially when I do make mistakes, I try to fix them and admit to them and address them and recognize and understand myself.

[glows]

47 minutes ago, MilesLeftToGo said:

I got to say I love posting here, the replies and comments from people really cause me to think and I actually feel like I matter even though none of us know each other. 

@basil67 I appreciate your reply. Thank you to for commenting on the other post here as well. You mentioned about something else going on....I would say that we have had some difficult times recently as well that has lead to this distance emotionally and mentally from each other. I would say that if we lived together in the same house it would be different, but honestly even if it was in the same local area and she did the same things she was doing now I would still feel the same way and question it. It does stem that during one of our arguements roughly 2 weeks ago, I still told her I loved her and she did not say it back and I asked and she said she just can't at that moment cause she did not feel it, and it was really hurtful cause I thought we were always supposed to love our significant other even through arguments and bad times. But I guess I understood in the end. But she said I love you after that a couple times and we had another issue where I said it to her and she did not say it back, but now with her being super distant and pushing me away, I kind of feel like her "I love you" are like on auto pilot or that she feels like she has to say it in response to me, but it might be my overthinking cause she will offer an I love you first still at times, its just when I say it first and she responds now, she sounds so lifeless and like deadpan.

 

@FMW Well thank you as well for your reply, you are right in that its other things and not the semantics, it is my overthinking brain trying to understand everything. So the way we tell each other "I love you" I am trying to decipher how genuine it is cause I do not want her to just hold onto me because she is afraid of being alone because she is attached or anything. If you read what I said to Basil67 I think it adds onto it. So its like for the first 3 months that is all we did was constantly say I love you over and over, she would question me if she told me that she loved me to much and I said no not at all, I never get tired of hearing it. So its like, I was used to one thing and then it changed.

 

@glows I am grateful for your response. I find it interesting you mention grammatically correct, cause I do tend to pride myself when I speak and I personally always would want to use "I love you" but I heard that if your partner says "love you" you are supposed to match that. Most times I usually say "I love you regardless" But you are right in the end it doesnt truly matter, I guess I am just overthinking which I do a lot and it honestly destroys me, but I can't control it or help it and I just have to deal with it. I will be honest, it is not that I am uncomfortable per say, I need my overthinking mind to be eased about it. Like I am trying to pick out and find anything that I can focus on and maybe get a greater understanding to, like if she is telling me she loves me, but she truly does not. I want to address it cause if she is telling me she loves me but doesn't, that means that her chances of cheating are high. I am deathly afraid of being cheated on, I am such a loyal person and even though I have faults and I am not perfect, I always mean well and I do try my best, especially when I do make mistakes, I try to fix them and admit to them and address them and recognize and understand myself.

Dial it back and pause a bit when you’re having arguments. Give each other space to think and respond. 

Saying you love someone can sound disingenuous if it’s timed incorrectly or inappropriate. Deep down it seems you need her to tell you this often because you don’t feel it between you anymore as she becomes busier with school, extracurricular and making new friends. 

At the root of all this seems to be such tremendous distrust of your partner. I think that’s coming from the long distance and possible lack of plan for the future. There’s nothing to really look forward to if you both aren’t bridging that space.

I also suggested you stay busy but not so much as a distraction as to balance your social life. It can’t be all about your partner. You didn’t respond about that or about how you’re thinking of bridging that gap or closing the seven hrs commute. All these may be adding to your anxiety as well. Stay balanced and be realistic about the logistics/distance. Not spending enough quality time and having no shared short/long term goals introduces a lot of uncertainty and doubt.

[Wiseman2]

We always choose who we contact and pursue. Especially when you go out of your way to communicate with someone 7 hours away.

If you can't see each other on a regular basis, this can become quite frustrating for both of you.

[Wiseman2]

How often do you see each other in person? Perhaps that's the issue. In person you can better assess feelings and meanings behind words because of context,tone and actions.

If you are afraid of being cheated on, long distance relationships are too treacherous for you. Reconsider whether dating someone local who you can build a connection to in person would help alleviate your fears.

[MilesLeftToGo]

@glows Well we have talked about that we both date and seek out a partner for the purpose of it leading to marriage. She is in college and it might not be until she is graduated that we will be together in the same house. We do want to bridge the space. I do appreciate the advice and what you are telling me. You are right I know its not all about the partner. It is just when someone shows you a side of them, the side you fell in love with, the side you got used to, the side that wanted to spend every second of their free time with you as possible, to just all of a sudden being to busy to send a thinking of you text, or to call during lunch like she always used to, we would even facetime during lunch, to now that doesnt happen at all, like she would always do homework during her lunch and still be on facetime with me, but now she does not even want to do that and just does her work. Its that what concerns me is how she always wanted to do it and if I said no or was busy it was an issue or she was concerned, but now that she does not want to do it and I am concerned I do not have a right to be? So before when we first met she really only had her family in her life, she did not have any other friends, neither male nor female, and even during that prior semester she did not make any new friends and all she had was me, so now during this semester she is in a class of 4 people including her and the other 3 are male, she has all 3 of their numbers in her phone. Also she now has made some female friends from her sports team, but she is still closest with the 3 male friends from her class. So its like that is why I am concerned why she has less interest and communication with me, cause I kind of feel like 2nd best now as if I was a placeholder until she found something better, cause I know some people will hold onto someone in fear of being alone until they find something to replace them. Also my overthinking doesnt help, cause I do know during her prior semester she made a male friend and she texted both me and him that she was bored on some days, but she ended up cutting him off when he expressed he had feelings for her, but its like I know she likes attention and wants friends and people to talk to and now that she has some people she does not seem to have a strong interest in me, I could see if she would still send a cute I miss you text or thinking of you text or an I love you text, but it got to that point where she doesnt, even if I send her a text she may not reply for hours or at all, and she would always call me during her lunch, every time until about 2 weeks ago it stopped, and she already been in this semester since January. 

 

@Wiseman2 We see each other about 1 time a month, and I understand what you mean about "In person you can better assess feelings and meanings behind words because of context, tone and actions." I will be honest, the times ive seen her in person she sounds the exact same over the calls, like I do not get any less or more indication whether in person or talking online. It is just since the past 2 weeks it has been really different. I personally believe it is cause she has the male classmates she is drawing closer to, she always reassured me that they are just friends and she calls them obscene words and stuff, she said one of them flirted with her before but she did not react to it. Its just I feel that I am less important now that she has other people, like I feel she feels less into me because she knows she has other options now. 

[chillii]

Male here . If it's real love and full trust is there , then it's a pleasure to say and feel , you actually need to just get it out , we both do.

But l hear you with your gf and l agree that so far , that doesn't sound like a love l'm talking about. l notice also to in a lot of posts, the way such words are just thrown around, not much of it is the real love and sure enough a mth or two later the same poster is here again they've broken up and their so called love has just gone onto the rest of their relationships pile and they're dating again already.. Nothing real about any of that. You feel reading a lot of stuff that many relationships just use the words bc that's what they're suppose to do , but there's no depth or real to it.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, MilesLeftToGo said:

We see each other about 1 time a month. I feel that I am less important now that she has other people, like I feel she feels less into me because she knows she has other options now. 

She my be dating locally at college where she can have real and satisfying relationships in person. You need to do the same.

[MilesLeftToGo]

19 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

She my be dating locally at college where she can have real and satisfying relationships in person. You need to do the same.

But why would she still tell me she loves me and we still spend time and fall asleep on facetime together? Like thats what is weird, is she is totally distant from me during the weekdays, but still falls asleep with me on facetime at night, but on the weekends we spend our time together and its all lovey dovey. Its just I am trying to understand some things is all. I can't comprehend everything going on.

[glows]

It does seem like she's pulling away but not necessarily the reasons you think (ie cheating). There's a very real possibility both of you are leading different lives. She's expanding her network at school, training to think critically, needing to be responsible for assignments and exams and managing a competitive sport or part of a sporting team. That's why I had alluded in your other thread to your social commitments also and what you're doing for yourself to stay engaged and mentally or intellectually stimulated. If you don't talk as often it may be she feels she doesn't have much in common with you anymore. This is just a hunch on my part. 

I think you have a lot of anxiety over being cheated on but it's almost a self-fulfilling prophecy because you remain in a relationship with someone who seems less and less interested. If she is using you as a placeholder, then end this. You know in your heart whether this is not working anymore. What other further conviction or convincing from anyone else do you need? Let go and find someone who is more in tune with you or your lifestyle. So far it's a lot about her, her life and what she's doing. Turn that focus back to you. This situation is so out of balance. I think you have lost important parts of yourself or this relationship may be preventing you from growing in ways you would if you weren't in it. Do you feel this is the case?

[MilesLeftToGo]

4 hours ago, glows said:

It does seem like she's pulling away but not necessarily the reasons you think (ie cheating). There's a very real possibility both of you are leading different lives. She's expanding her network at school, training to think critically, needing to be responsible for assignments and exams and managing a competitive sport or part of a sporting team. That's why I had alluded in your other thread to your social commitments also and what you're doing for yourself to stay engaged and mentally or intellectually stimulated. If you don't talk as often it may be she feels she doesn't have much in common with you anymore. This is just a hunch on my part. 

I think you have a lot of anxiety over being cheated on but it's almost a self-fulfilling prophecy because you remain in a relationship with someone who seems less and less interested. If she is using you as a placeholder, then end this. You know in your heart whether this is not working anymore. What other further conviction or convincing from anyone else do you need? Let go and find someone who is more in tune with you or your lifestyle. So far it's a lot about her, her life and what she's doing. Turn that focus back to you. This situation is so out of balance. I think you have lost important parts of yourself or this relationship may be preventing you from growing in ways you would if you weren't in it. Do you feel this is the case?

It most certainly may be the case. I understand about fulfilling the prophecy part as well. Cause I read that a woman is actually more likely to cheat if she already feels that her partner does not trust her as it is. At the same time I just may be attached. As well as afraid of being alone. Cause I honestly hate starting over and going through the early motions of finding and getting with someone to be honest.

[MilesLeftToGo]

Like my title says, I was texting my partner and she told me that she was going to go out after school instead of doing something with her sports activity like she was originally supposed to. So I asked her what does it mean that you are going out, I asked her what she is going to do and she did not respond. I know she was free and not busy, so I called her twice neither answered or rejected and sent her a couple texts and she finally replied telling me "I don't want to call right now sorry" So then I said tell me whats going on. After a few moments of anxiety coursing through my body she replied saying "I'm sad okay?" then another text right after "I'm tired and sad" She also said this same thing to me yesterday and we had no interaction for about 5 hours till around 9:30pm last night which she just wanted to go to sleep at that point. I replied with "Again? Why whats wrong?" I then said "Please don't push me away when I am here for you and to help, you told me not to push you away when my dad went through a stroke and I was distraught by that"  (My dad had a stroke during our first month of me and her being together) 

 

Which she then replied "Because I'm f'd up rn" then right after "And I can't be around or with you when I'm like this" then another "I need to focus on myself right now"

 

I told her I am here for her. She replied Thanks. I then said "If you just need anything at all. If you want to vent to me and I stay silent. Or if you need me to distract you" And her final texts was "Okay" and then right after "Thanks" 

That is where it is left at for now. I am hugely concerned it is because she is just talking to others and being entertained by them.

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, MilesLeftToGo said:

she then replied "Because I'm f'd up rn" then right after "And I can't be around or with you when I'm like this" then another "I need to focus on myself right now"

Sorry this happened. Your excessive fear of being cheated on, jealousy and possessiveness was suffocating her. Stop it.

Stop "facetiming until we fall asleep together" etc. and all the other suffocating activity. Dating is not babysitting.

For someone who is terrified of being cheated on an LDR with a popular collage girl who wants to enjoy her life is a poor choice for you.

Edited March 9, 2022 by Wiseman2

[glows]

Don't text or call her again. You're pushing too hard. Let her come to you.

 

 

[MilesLeftToGo]

@Wiseman2 @glows Thank you both for your comments. I just got to say, I was not the one who would instigate these things. She was always the one to call me first and always wanted to do the things that she stopped doing now, which is why I am so concerned and bothered. Its like just an all of a sudden change and it bothers me and I don't understand it.

[glows]

4 minutes ago, MilesLeftToGo said:

@Wiseman2 @glows Thank you both for your comments. I just got to say, I was not the one who would instigate these things. She was always the one to call me first and always wanted to do the things that she stopped doing now, which is why I am so concerned and bothered. Its like just an all of a sudden change and it bothers me and I don't understand it.

Yes, it can be disconcerting and painful but take stock of what's happening and respond in the moment. Don't keep pressing hard and insisting things to be the way they used to be. This is being pushy and aggressive or not responding well to the situation or what your partner is showing you. If she's not feeling well give her space. 

I'm also not sure what you're waiting for here if you are unhappy. Have you considered ending the relationship or are you waiting for her to end it? You seem very unhappy and suspicious daily.