Feeling Like I Have Been Used by My Manager

[Philip Patricia]

It all started at my workplace, particularly my first day at work at a Printing Biz there I met a handsome young man who happened to be my manager, he showered me with so much attention and lots of advises, I remembered hearing him say these words with a smile on his face “Woman you’re beautiful and many male customers would like to get you involve in more personal discussions rather than the business they came for, it is your duty to regulate and remind your clients that this is a workplace and all conversations outside of your work post should be discussed outside work”. After few days of work, I noticed that my manager was strict and does not interact with other work personnel’s the way he interacted with me, I just thought to myself that maybe he treated me differently because I was recently employed. As days went by, I found him to be a very caring person, whenever he comes to the reception he tends to act very nice towards me.

my female colleagues at work had always told me severally that I was very lucky because our Manager had a very high self-esteem and does not involve himself with discussions outside of work with anyone, he only discussed freely with the CEO his boss and myself. While others considered him to be too strict and always business minded, I found him to be very nice and lovely.

One day as I was about closing, he approached me and asked politely if we could talk aside work hours I agreed and we began meeting outside work where we discussed business and personal issues. As days went by, we became closer and one day I insisted on asking him why he was very strict when communicating with my other colleagues while I was given such special treats, he smiled and sighed with a relieve and then he said he was attracted to me right from the first day he saw me, I was speechless, amazed and kind of happy by his reply. We left each other after some business discussions. Later I was asked out by manager and I agreed then we started dating.

Not long after we started dating, I found out that he had a wife and a child elsewhere at another state, I was pissed off and heartbroken. I asked him why he refused to tell me about his involvement in a relationship, he came up with a flimsy excuse that he had planned to divorce the woman, and if he had told me the truth I would refuse to have anything personal with him. I had asked him severally if he was involved in any relationship elsewhere or had a child with someone else but he had said no. I was heartbroken and could not comprehend how he hid this very important information about himself from everybody.

We broke up and after breaking up I lost focus at work and started facing several queries from my superiors. My manager made work very difficult for me and always found fault in whatever I do. I managed to engage my manager on a meeting outside work and asked him why he treated me with such unfairness like someone he never cared for, he came openly and told me that as long as I am still working at that company under his district, he can’t help himself from treating me as it pleases him. I was heartbroken and left with my eyes filled with tears. I made several complaints to my CEO but my complaints were disregarded, I have faced several forms of bully right from my childhood and unfortunately the most painful bully I faced came from someone I once cared for and loved with all my heart.

I successfully took a leave and intend to quit the job but it is difficult getting a good job at my resident, and at this point in time I am not very stable financially.

I’ll appreciate your opinions and response.

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, Philip Patricia said:

I found out that he had a wife and a child elsewhere.

. My manager made work very difficult for me and always found fault in whatever I do. 

Sorry this is happening. Although it seems like sexual harassment from the initial remark about you as window dressing to expecting sexual favors in exchange for fair or preferential treatment.

However your best recourse is to update your resume and LinkedIn profile and start looking for another job.

While you may or may not have a case due to your voluntary affair and his defense will be that you're a scorned woman, it's still best to just resign on good terms and get a out of there asap.

[glows]

Keep applying for jobs and leave this experience in the past. You might also want to be more wary of mixing business and pleasure in future as there are all kinds out there. Just because he’s your manager or someone else employed by the company does not make him trustworthy or reliable. If you have a track record of falling for men in authority or in higher positions, you’ll have to address that and not react to that while at work.

It seems this man pegged you as a type and picked you off very easily. He used you as a means to an end without ever considering your feelings or without regards for the truth so don’t feel sorry he’s gone. What he did was both unethical and unprofessional as your manager. 

Stay focused on finding employment and getting back on your feet. Keep us posted. 

[Johnjohnson2017]

That's why it is usually a bad idea to date a coworker. If thinks sour, then it becomes a living hell working together. In this instance, he was your boss.

[vla1120]

This is a hard lesson learned. It is unfortunate that you had to go through this and that he was not forthcoming with his relationship status. It's good that you've taken a leave and plan to get another job. Depending on where you live and depending on the size of the company and their policies, you may have a case if there is a human resources department and you can make them aware that he approached you and asked you out (especially if it is against company policy.) A labor attorney would be able to answer that question for you.

With him being your supervisor, even if it was not against company policy, it was just morally wrong for him to take advantage of you. Unfortunately, if it is a small, privately owned company, you may have no recourse except to quit and find another job.

 

[Jeff770]

16 hours ago, glows said:

Keep applying for jobs and leave this experience in the past. 

Stay focused on finding employment and getting back on your feet. Keep us posted.

Thanks for your opinion she  should be Working on getting a new job, and putting all of these behind.

 

Edited March 9, 2022 by Jeff770
Typographical error

[6ix]

Thread locked as multiple accounts were used by the same person in the same thread.