Treading New Waters: International Dating

[poppyfields]

On 3/8/2022 at 5:43 AM, InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel said:

Yesterday in a cute an playful way she asked for dinner via an app. I obliged but felt conflicted.

Can you share more how this went down?  How did she present the question to you? 

Did she ask you to buy her groceries or take out via an app like Uber Eats (for example), a popular app in the US?  And have it delivered to her? 

Or did you share a mean together over FaceTime or Skype and you paid via an app? 

It all sounds strange but then again, I'm not one for long distance international relationships.

I've had long distance, on line "interactions" and they were fun, I even fell for one guy a few years back, but nothing even close to what you describe. 

I think perhaps you will simply have to play this out and go meet. 

I don't suggest you surprise her, tell her you're coming and when, gauge her reaction and don't be surprised if she starts backing off after that. 

Telling her will save you time and money if it turns out she has no intention of meeting you and interacting with you for money, ego boost, boredom, whatever. 

Good luck.

 

Edited March 9, 2022 by poppyfields

[glows]

3 hours ago, InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel said:

Yes I will do the prep work to see if she can dedicate the two days & weekend virtually. That conversation is going to be a weird one ahaha. If for any reason I see that an issue will arise I will just tell her. But I really want to surprise her like her and I spoke about. I know it can go either way, and I am prepared for that. I simply want to give this my best shot. I have never been so reckless before in my life, but for this woman I will risk it. I want to see this through to the end.

It sounds like you've made up your mind. Let us know how it goes. 

[InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel]

7 hours ago, Allupinnit said:

I hate to ask but it seems more common than not that these relationships start out with camming first then the bigger financial asks start down the road.  

Have you ever seen 90 Day Fiance?  Most of the couples start this way; man gets all smitten with a woman in a foreign country WAY out of his league looks-wise where she gives it a shot because she thinks she wants a piece of the American Dream.

Then said couple finally meets in person and everything royally falls apart because as individuals they are polar opposites and the entire thing was transactional at best and not based on any real selfless love on either part.

You say she's lived here before, was denied a visa, and now you come on the scene and you're willing to go to great lengths to be with your "Peruvian Angel."  You're being taken for a ride, friend.

Ouch dude. I hope you aren't saying I am like that. Ahahaha. I enjoy that show by the way. Your concerns are certainly valid. I guess I am fool in that case. Many people are advising me against it, but I have never been more sure of what I want in my life. All I can really say is that I hope it is genuine and sincere.

[InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

This is a mistake. You're deceiving her by pretending it's a virtual "date". If you respect her, tell her the truth that you are going in person.

Darn. I really don't want it to be interpreted in that manner. I think I may just tell her the night before. It will remain somewhat of a surprise and I think the excitement of it will still carry over the next day when I arrive.

[InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel]

6 hours ago, glows said:

It sounds like you've made up your mind. Let us know how it goes. 

I will glows, don't worry. I haven't made up my mind quite yet. I am reflecting on the feedback I received in this thread still. I will make a decision the week of. But until then for me it is still up in the air. I will end up doing what I believe will make her the most happy.

[InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel]

6 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Can you share more how this went down?  How did she present the question to you? 

Did she ask you to buy her groceries or take out via an app like Uber Eats (for example), a popular app in the US?  And have it delivered to her? 

Or did you share a mean together over FaceTime or Skype and you paid via an app? 

It all sounds strange but then again, I'm not one for long distance international relationships.

I've had long distance, on line "interactions" and they were fun, I even fell for one guy a few years back, but nothing even close to what you describe. 

I think perhaps you will simply have to play this out and go meet. 

I don't suggest you surprise her, tell her you're coming and when, gauge her reaction and don't be surprised if she starts backing off after that. 

Telling her will save you time and money if it turns out she has no intention of meeting you and interacting with you for money, ego boost, boredom, whatever. 

Good luck.

 

On more than one occasion she mentioned she is hungry. And I have told her a few times that I can't wait to take her out and feed her, and that I wouldn't let her be hungry when we will be together. The night in question the conversation when down this familiar path, but she mentioned that I could feed her through rappi. Rappi is the Latin America equivalent to an uber eats. I was really sad the moment she asked on the phone. I was not sure what to do so I obliged. I figured I would err on the side of caution. If we were physically together I wouldn't hesitate to buy her food. I told her I'd send a meal and had to get off the phone to set it up. And so I did. But I didn't call her back that night and I went to sleep since I was really down about it. 

All signs point to telling her before hand. Perhaps I may stifle the romantic in me to be more pragmatic about it. It might just be the mature thing to do in this scenario. I will keep thinking about it.

[poppyfields]

22 minutes ago, InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel said:

On more than one occasion she mentioned she is hungry. And I have told her a few times that I can't wait to take her out and feed her, and that I wouldn't let her be hungry when we will be together.

I'm confused about this.   Is she poor and not able to afford to buy food for herself or feed herself? 

I often say "I'm hungry," that doesn't mean I expect or even want my boyfriend to feed me or buy me food. 

It simply means I'm hungry and gonna make myself something to eat or go out and buy something for myself, so I won't be hungry anymore.

It's a passing comment that has no meaning or value. 

Are you sure that was her reasoning for telling you she's hungry?  That she expected and intended for you to by her food though an app? 

I find that really odd if that was the case. 

What did you end up getting?  Did she tell you what foods she likes? 

 

Edited March 9, 2022 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

On 3/8/2022 at 5:43 AM, InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel said:

She has a great job and works hard..

I wouid assume from this she can afford to buy food for herself... 

My thoughts are this:

Either you misinterpreted her reason for telling you she's hungry or she's an entitled princess who seeks a beta provider. 

I truly don't know, again the whole thing sounds off especially only knowing her for a couple of weeks. 

But good luck, hope it works out. 

[Ami1uwant]

3 hours ago, InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel said:

Ouch dude. I hope you aren't saying I am like that. Ahahaha. I enjoy that show by the way. Your concerns are certainly valid. I guess I am fool in that case. Many people are advising me against it, but I have never been more sure of what I want in my life. All I can really say is that I hope it is genuine and sincere.

What makes you so sure?

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel said:

 I may just tell her the night before. It will remain somewhat of a surprise 

It's unfair to impose like that. No one wants unannounced guests they never met before. It's just not a nice thing to impose on her.

You're imaging this scenario where she's so impressed by this gesture that sex is sure to follow.

It's controlling and disrespectful to simply do that without including her in the plan. This indicates not a "romantic surprise" but arrogance and unilateral thinking.

 

[chillii]

In hoping all is well op but never the less. l also strongly agree with others in letting her know but the night before, that's also not even nearly enough notice either sorry. Besides, if you were to ask her and settle you visiting say a wk before for example, if something isn't legit that also gives her plenty of time to back out, which you would want to know about before hand anyway, right ?

Edited March 10, 2022 by chillii

[InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel]

13 hours ago, poppyfields said:

I'm confused about this.   Is she poor and not able to afford to buy food for herself or feed herself? 

I often say "I'm hungry," that doesn't mean I expect or even want my boyfriend to feed me or buy me food. 

It simply means I'm hungry and gonna make myself something to eat or go out and buy something for myself, so I won't be hungry anymore.

It's a passing comment that has no meaning or value. 

Are you sure that was her reasoning for telling you she's hungry?  That she expected and intended for you to by her food though an app? 

I find that really odd if that was the case. 

What did you end up getting?  Did she tell you what foods she likes? 

 

The other times she would just make something herself afterwards. She works at a good job and is able to feed herself. She is a marketing analyst at an IT company. Although from what I gathered she is frugal ahaha.

I am unsure if that was her reasoning or intentions. I ended up getting her a value meal from KFC. We have talked about our favorite foods before, and places we frequent. We are both foodies so it has been a topic of conversation more than once.

[InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel]

12 hours ago, poppyfields said:

I wouid assume from this she can afford to buy food for herself... 

My thoughts are this:

Either you misinterpreted her reason for telling you she's hungry or she's an entitled princess who seeks a beta provider. 

I truly don't know, again the whole thing sounds off especially only knowing her for a couple of weeks. 

But good luck, hope it works out. 

Thank you for the input. I will keep it in mind. I am hoping for the best. At the very least I feel I will have an answer in the coming weeks/months.

[InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel]

10 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

What makes you so sure?

I have enjoyed my solitude for some time now. I met this girl and ended up liking her more than I had imagined. My heart is singing a song that I haven't felt for half a lifetime. That makes me want to see where this goes through to the end. Good or bad. If I have a chance to share a sincere and warm love with this woman, I want to give it my all. I don't want to look back one day and think that I should've tried harder, or something along those lines. I want to be able to say that I held nothing back and put my best foot forward. The rest is up to fate.

[InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's unfair to impose like that. No one wants unannounced guests they never met before. It's just not a nice thing to impose on her.

You're imaging this scenario where she's so impressed by this gesture that sex is sure to follow.

It's controlling and disrespectful to simply do that without including her in the plan. This indicates not a "romantic surprise" but arrogance and unilateral thinking.

 

I was following you up until the end of your second sentence. This was a detail that I had not mentioned since I did not think it was relevant, but provided all things go well - we are waiting to be married to have sex. I don't want to do it beforehand personally, and neither does she. 

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel said:

we are waiting to be married to have sex.

Ok, but it's still important to plan with her and let her know you will be visiting. If you get married will you move to Peru?

[InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel]

1 hour ago, chillii said:

In hoping all is well op but never the less. l also strongly agree with others in letting her know but the night before, that's also not even nearly enough notice either sorry. Besides, if you were to ask her and settle you visiting say a wk before for example, if something isn't legit that also gives her plenty of time to back out, which you would want to know about before hand anyway, right ?

I think letting her know beforehand is the mature thing to do. As much as I want to come for a surprise romantic visit - it sounds like it can be interpreted as irresponsible for a first time meeting. Plus letting her know beforehand would allow her to plan her time accordingly. Provided things go well there will be more opportunities for surprises in the future. A surprise party for example. And perhaps a surprise visit when we are closer as a couple. I will let her know this weekend. That will be an entire month notice. Thank you all for helping me. I was hoping that opening this thread would help me better navigate these sort of situations since I have never dated internationally before.

[InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel]

25 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, but it's still important to plan with her and let her know you will be visiting. If you get married will you move to Peru?

No I would not move to Peru. She would move to me in the US. And you are right. I have decided to let her know this weekend which will provide a full month notice. I would love to surprise her, but for a first time meeting it seems it can backfire in any number of ways. And I would also want to act in a way that her father would approve of. He might also feel a surprise visit for the first time is extreme.

[Ami1uwant]

36 minutes ago, InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel said:

I have enjoyed my solitude for some time now. I met this girl and ended up liking her more than I had imagined. My heart is singing a song that I haven't felt for half a lifetime. That makes me want to see where this goes through to the end. Good or bad. If I have a chance to share a sincere and warm love with this woman, I want to give it my all. I don't want to look back one day and think that I should've tried harder, or something along those lines. I want to be able to say that I held nothing back and put my best foot forward. The rest is up to fate.

You have a void…I have a feeling it could have been anyone.  You need to separate the idea of love vs actual love.

 

Sure I’d love to meet < insert hot woman name> but then reality sets in.

 

 

[Ami1uwant]

39 minutes ago, InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel said:

I was following you up until the end of your second sentence. This was a detail that I had not mentioned since I did not think it was relevant, but provided all things go well - we are waiting to be married to have sex. I don't want to do it beforehand personally, and neither does she. 

Another red flag in relationships. Sexual compatibility is important.

[InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel]

1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said:

You have a void…I have a feeling it could have been anyone.  You need to separate the idea of love vs actual love.

 

Sure I’d love to meet < insert hot woman name> but then reality sets in.

 

 

I disagree. I had other opportunities to pursue relationships with women both local and abroad. I never truly had the desire to get to know someone and to explore a romantic relationship until her. The situations before I was relatively indifferent towards the prospective partners, whereas now I am actively pursuing the relationship and happy to do so.

[InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel]

1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said:

Another red flag in relationships. Sexual compatibility is important.

Wouldn't this be a positive then in my case? We both hold the same stance on sex.

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel said:

I disagree. I had other opportunities to pursue relationships with women both local and abroad. I never truly had the desire to get to know someone and to explore a romantic relationship until her. The situations before I was relatively indifferent towards the prospective partners, whereas now I am actively pursuing the relationship and happy to do so.

When were those other ones…pre Covid?  
 

now after 2 yrs of difficult dating circumstance you might jump at any pulse.

 

sex is critical to a long term relationship.  Sex should not wait till marriage,

[LynneVicious]

1 hour ago, InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel said:

Wouldn't this be a positive then in my case? We both hold the same stance on sex.

Absolutely not. Once you’re married, if you’re sexually incompatible, it’s too late at that point. Sex makes up a large portion of a Relationship, and once you’re married without ever being intimate, you run into the risk of incompatible sex drives, styles or just pack of sexual chemistry. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, InLoveWithAPeruvianAngel said:

 I would love to surprise her, but for a first time meeting it seems it can backfire in any number of ways. And I would also want to act in a way that her father would approve of. He might also feel a surprise visit for the first time is extreme.

Exactly. Keep your head about it.