Pain wont go away no matter how much I do or try

[ClaireKampton]

I am trying everyday to get over this pain and nothing is helping. Its been 8 months since my boyfriend and I broke up and I am still in so much pain. To give you guys a background, we dated for 6 years, 4 of them we did long distance and 2 we were basically living together. We were so happy and had truly the best memories with my family and his family. Ofcourse there were some issues, especially in regards to me with his family because we didnt speak the same language and his mother wanted him to marry someone from the same "sect" as him, but otherwise we were really good. When I say that I loved him that was an understatement. He was my everything. He was my soulmate. Him and I knew we were getting married no matter what the difficulties were but we just werent sure when. In the last year of our relationship it became a little rocky. Since we were highschool sweethearts, it was hard for both of us to accept the fact that we hadnt experienced anything except each other. I think I had much more of an issue than he did with that, but overall, I just wasnt sure if we should take a break and experience others and come back to each other. He was on board with this plan and told me that having an open relationship is okay, not great, but okay. I didnt talk to anyone and as far as I know he didnt speak to anyone. But I kept doubting our future. His mom, the things that frustrated me, his lack of appreciation, including the fact that I did absolutely everything for him and he never did anything for me. I would constantly plan things all the time for us and he would do things like, change the plans for my birthday because he had a family dinner. CASUAL FAMILY DINNER. His mother came first and I think even his friends came first, BUT he always made me feel so loved. That there was no one else in the world for him. And then he calls me 2 weeks after the open relationship. He was done with me. He didnt want to be together anymore. I heard from his voice that he didnt love me anymore. But how? How could he just fall out of love with me so quickly? Yea I had my issues, but I thought we were on the same page and very much in love! 

As I said, its been 8 months. I am in a relationship with the most loving and caring man. He moved on super quickly and is in fact now dating my ex best friend of 15 years who hurt me. This has destroyed me. But, everyone is telling me that I shouldnt be upset anymore because he is not in my life anymore. I shouldnt care because we are not in a relationship anymore and I am in a relationship. I feel so bad because I cannot give my full self to this relationship because of my constant sadness. When I say constant, it really is taking over my life. I cry everyday, I miss our memories, I miss our fun moments, I miss not worrying about who I was going to be with in the future. But now all I do is worry. I cant concentrate on my studies and feel like im going to be like this forever. He obviously doesnt care about me anymore, and yet everytime I get a text I am praying that it is from him begging me to be his girlfriend again, even though I KNOW FOR SURE, that would NEVER happen. 

So... if someone can please help me. I need to move on. I need to stop living in denial that we are still together. Because we are very much not. I am terrified I lost my soulmate and cannot get over the fact that I have given him 6 years of dedication and love. He was able to throw it all away and in fact spat in my face by dating my ex bestfriend. How do I move forward? How do I not be in constant pain? 

Thanks guys, 

Claire

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, ClaireKampton said:

I am in a relationship with the most loving and caring man. I miss not worrying about who I was going to be with in the future.

Protracted sadness like this need to be evaluated. While a childhood sweetheart breakup can be bittersweet, you seem depressed and unable to get out of that.

What do you mean "sect" ? Was he scheduled for an arranged marriage all along? How is it you were at the same high school and long distance? When you mean "live together", do you mean you moved in with his family?

What's wrong with the man you are now with? 

[glows]

How long have you been seeing your current boyfriend? It seems like you’re rebounding and having a rough time. 

Who suggested an open relationship regarding your ex? He already had one foot out the door by the time that became a reality. He wasn’t ever in it as 100% as you were. In future know when to pause and take stock of what’s going on. Continuing to pour yourself out like that while the other person has checked out is no good. 

You’re better off now without them both, your ex and the ex friend. Focus on healing. And if this current relationship isn’t for you or the timing isn’t right, cut him loose. He deserves to be with a woman who isn’t still longing for an ex. 

[stillafool]

Break up with your current bf if you're still not over the other one because that isn't fair to him.  Breakups are hard to get over and it's normal to feel sad for a length of time.  If you have been struggling a long time maybe it's time to seek professional help, especiall if you feel suicidal.  Your ex didn't seem to be as invested in that relationship as you were if he was willing to share you with others, rather spend time with his friends than you, didn't prioritize your b-day, etc., and now is in a relationship with a former friend of yours.   I don't see him coming back to you and wanting to get back together.  He treated you awful.  You can't make someone love you who doesn't.  You will start to heal when you accept that truth.