Ladies can you advise

[salparadise]

1 hour ago, OnlafterdarkGary said:

anytime i bring up talking about what she wants a future with me etc she shuts it down fairly quickly. I just want a straight forward no i dont see a future or whatever then i can let go. Or would it be a good idea to suggest a month of not seeing each other see if she if anything changes 

If anything changed it would be only temporary. She might pay lip service momentarily, but then back to the same old shyte. I think a better way would be to not announce it and just make yourself scarce. See how long it takes before she wants to talk (but don't be holding your breath). Then say this is not meeting my needs –– no plans, no communication, no affection, no respect. I'd bet a hundred dollars that if she responds at all it will be to turn it around and make it your fault. She has checked out without leaving. Life is short man, don't waste it on something as broken as this.

[Perdu]

On 4/6/2022 at 10:11 PM, OnlafterdarkGary said:

Break it down so it isnt long. 
Moved out in 2020 kept on trying mainly one sided broke up but nothing changed in feb 21 

when i say nothing changed we still have sex ( she mainly wants it lay down from behind) ive commented on no affection etc.

Hardly any kissing cuddling not like it was, she still invites me up to stay we go out to bars do things meals out. 
As things i feel got better i ask quite a lot how she feels ( says nothing). Ive pointed out that i no longer like how we are apart etc and want a future together. She never answers nothing and its like im in limbo constantly. She gets annoyed at me asking and always points out shes got things going on in her life. Like im stressing her out! 
I ve said look if you feel things are gone and no future etc then what is the point why dont we give up. Its at these points and when i seem to act like im giving up she drags me back in. I just dont know what to do and im hearing you all probably saying walk away but its not what i want. 
Ive told her its not fair to leave me in the dark all the time but she will not communicate anything to me apart from the odd i love you now and again 

 

 

 

She seems to be very confused and uses that to her advantage. 

I don't think it's love anymore, she may say that she loves you every now and again, but her actions speak otherwise. She's just used to having you around, that's why she's willing to see you from time to time and also needs the physical intimacy that you can provide. 

My question for you is why are you still there if you are not satisfied with the situation? You can't convince/force someone to care for you more than they can. You can only accept what they offer or leave. 

You seem to have accumulated much frustration over the last year. It's never a good idea to stay hanged on someone/something, especially since you both took some liberties (as being separated).

Don't expect for her to change just because you desire it. If she will, it will be out of her own will, it's not in your power to make that happen.

At this moment, better to move on and try to find someone else, that can fulfill all your needs.

 

 

[OnlafterdarkGary]

33 minutes ago, Perdu said:

She seems to be very confused and uses that to her advantage. 

I don't think it's love anymore, she may say that she loves you every now and again, but her actions speak otherwise. She's just used to having you around, that's why she's willing to see you from time to time and also needs the physical intimacy that you can provide. 

My question for you is why are you still there if you are not satisfied with the situation? You can't convince/force someone to care for you more than they can. You can only accept what they offer or leave. 

You seem to have accumulated much frustration over the last year. It's never a good idea to stay hanged on someone/something, especially since you both took some liberties (as being separated).

Don't expect for her to change just because you desire it. If she will, it will be out of her own will, it's not in your power to make that happen.

At this moment, better to move on and try to find someone else, that can fulfill all your needs.

 

[OnlafterdarkGary]

Last night was first time during sex she has allowed me to play with her breasts. Pathetic i know but for me it seemed like a bit of a step, i also asked her she wanted a future with me or not and dont play games with me. She said she does want a future but its going to take time. 
Right now my heads a f***in mess im reading the advice which seems correct yet my heart says theres sumert there i just dont know. Just a definitive answer from her thats all i want 

[Perdu]

1 minute ago, OnlafterdarkGary said:

Last night was first time during sex she has allowed me to play with her breasts. Pathetic i know but for me it seemed like a bit of a step, i also asked her she wanted a future with me or not and dont play games with me. She said she does want a future but its going to take time. 
Right now my heads a f***in mess im reading the advice which seems correct yet my heart says theres sumert there i just dont know. Just a definitive answer from her thats all i want 

Sorry, but for me, just because you have sex with someone (at whatever level you are comfortable with it) doesn't mean that you want more than that. Actions speak louder than words, especially words during physical intimacy. People can speak "in the moment" and, if their actions don't match their words, it's all talk.

Also, try think from another perspective: if you are always there for her when she calls you, giving her sex, attention, time, etc what reason would she have to get back with you if she already has everything she needs from you?

If there will be a reconciliation, I don't think your constant presence in her life and the pressure you are putting will help your cause. Her figuring things out (which is very vague, by the way, since you didn't provide details) can take years, especially since she has no incentive to do so.

I can understand that you have benefits from the situation so you are not eager to walk away, but I think making yourself scarce it's a better strategy than what you are doing right now, which is clinging to every gesture of goodwill that she is able to show.