Oddballgirl101 Posted March 9, 2022 Share Posted March 9, 2022 (edited) My boyfriend and I are long distance. We met because we were in the same friend group and eventually developed feelings for each other. It has been 3 years since we started dating and everything is mostly ok except... (also yes we have met up many times) Over the couple months he became a moderator in another group of people. His new friends are very important to him but I'm finding it hard to feel like I have a place in his life anymore. We still talk every day and everything but since I always hear him texting his friends I always start to think that maybe he'd just rather hang out with them. I feel like I hold him back and feel guilty even though we're dating and I shouldn't feel this way. The past week it has felt a little worse since now he is a streamer and while I'd love to watch him and support him I just don't feel like he'd even want me there since all his new friends watch him. It gets to the point where I don't even want to talk to him anymore because I feel like I'm holding him back from his friends. I barely even text him anymore because of this. Whenever he calls me to talk about random stuff I start to tear up because I'm not that interesting and he would probably have more fun talking with his friends. I've tried talking to him about it but I end up chickening out every time because he starts to feel guilty. I don't want him to feel guilty but I just don't feel like there is any place in his life for me anymore. I don't want him to stop talking with his friends or anything... I would like to discuss this with him but I don't know what to say that will not make him feel bad. I am not very good at wording these types of things so I would like some advice on what to say to him. Edited March 9, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator fixed typo Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 9, 2022 Share Posted March 9, 2022 When he spends time with you is it quality time and just the two of you or is he chatting and texting his friends when he's having dinner with you, for example? He's leading more of a public life now and you may have to make a decision about whether this means you're incompatible in the long run. I was with someone who was in the public eye and we had very different lifestyles, eventually growing apart. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oddballgirl101 Posted March 9, 2022 Author Share Posted March 9, 2022 Well, we're usually on the phone a lot so he will be texting his friends during that which I guess is fine. If we're sharing a moment like watching something together he will usually not text his friends too much but he still does a little bit sometimes. Even when we are meeting up he will usually be on his phone. I know he isn't cheating on me but I do wish he would focus on me a little more sometimes and I think I will have to decide whether we are incompatible due to this. I appreciate your words 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 9, 2022 Share Posted March 9, 2022 From the little that you've written he seems young and inexperienced and excited about his new roles. It makes him feel important and have value. He may like feeling popular or needed. As his girlfriend encourage him if you care about him but I think it also helps if you express what you need out of the relationship and be more honest about your needs in your communication. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oddballgirl101 Posted March 9, 2022 Author Share Posted March 9, 2022 Thank you so much. I would like to tell him what I am needing in this relationship but I don't want him to feel guilty about all the time he spends with his friends. I know how important his friends are to him so I just want to make sure I say everything correctly. I've tried discussing it before but he just feels guilty so I always end up chickening out and telling him that it's actually all fine when it's not. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 9, 2022 Share Posted March 9, 2022 When you plan a call or date suggest a time when he isn't busy as it would be nice not to have any other interruptions. Most people will take the hint but if he's not able to or too busy to understand what you're saying, then let him know you'd prefer if you both have each others' undivided attention when you're spending time together. He may not understand what you're saying anyway so be prepared for pushback but just let him know to give you a call when he is free and let him finish what he needs to do. This is a long distance relationship so you may have to come to terms with not enough in-person time to balance these electronic types of communication. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 10, 2022 Share Posted March 10, 2022 9 hours ago, Oddballgirl101 said: . I would like to tell him what I am needing in this relationship but I don't want him to feel guilty about all the time he spends with his friends. Step back and decide if it's working out. Does he get paid for any of this or is it a hobby? The most important thing is not giving him a list of your needs, it's observing that they aren't being met. Telling him what you "need" in a relationship comes across as needy and controlling. What you can do is improve your own life. In contrast to his being overinvolved in his cyberworld, do something productive and rewarding with your time. Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses, get a side hustle. You could learn a language, get a degree or buy a car in the time he's wasting on this. You will also have the opportunity to meet people who want what you want rather than having to beg for attention (never do that). People lost in video games really get nowhere. Once you improve your own life you'll see that you can achieve things when you put your focus on that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 10, 2022 Share Posted March 10, 2022 (edited) Maybe try and get involved with his group and get to know his new friends so you can be a part of it and not feel left out. You know the only reason this is happening is because well he can't physically be with you. He's bored. Might be something to think about. You have to make things more interesting of yourself with him. If you don't change it up, you will lose him. Edited March 10, 2022 by smackie9 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 10, 2022 Share Posted March 10, 2022 22 hours ago, Oddballgirl101 said: Whenever he calls me to talk about random stuff I start to tear up because I'm not that interesting and he would probably have more fun talking with his friends. Reading between the lines, I think the tears actually stem from you not feeling important to him anymore. How often do you see each other in person? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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