Alpacalia Posted March 10, 2022 Share Posted March 10, 2022 (edited) Just a general question without hoping to get into too many specifics. If you had a family member that was making some very unhealthy choices and living rather recklessly - is it more helpful to intervene or leave them to their own devices? Edited March 10, 2022 by Alpaca Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 10, 2022 Share Posted March 10, 2022 Unfortunately, we can't help a person who doesn't want to be helped. Have they mentioned that they aren't happy with their life? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted March 10, 2022 Author Share Posted March 10, 2022 5 minutes ago, basil67 said: Have they mentioned that they aren't happy with their life? Yes, and that their life is is falling apart. I feel like it's not my place to do or say anything since they haven't specifically asked for help. At the same time, I'm not sure what to say or do (or if there's anything that I can do or say)? I also do not want to (or can) inundate myself with. It's just painful to love somebody deeply and watch them self-destruct. But I also know that it's their suffering to fix. Just as mine is. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 10, 2022 Share Posted March 10, 2022 6 hours ago, Alpaca said: is it more helpful to intervene or leave them to their own devices? You need to accept her for who she is. She's an adult and lives her own way according to her. Especially when someone has chosen to get far away from family and their input it's best to just accept it. Perhaps it's depends on the culture. In collectivist culture individualistic thinking is secondary to the family unit. Some families simply get over-enmeshed and as part of that simultaneously estrangement and dysfunction, there's attempts to fix and change everyone. Do want is best for you and your future. People come to you in their own time in their own way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 10, 2022 Share Posted March 10, 2022 If someone tells you they are unhappy and their life is falling apart, I think you have an opening to at least say something like "I'd like to try and help if you're interested in my thoughts". You can then gauge their openness to your involvement and tread carefully, remembering you have limited ability to help them make needed changes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted March 11, 2022 Author Share Posted March 11, 2022 15 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: You need to accept her for who she is. She's an adult and lives her own way according to her. Especially when someone has chosen to get far away from family and their input it's best to just accept it. Perhaps it's depends on the culture. In collectivist culture individualistic thinking is secondary to the family unit. Some families simply get over-enmeshed and as part of that simultaneously estrangement and dysfunction, there's attempts to fix and change everyone. Do want is best for you and your future. People come to you in their own time in their own way. I know. It's hard. My main concern is that there is a high chance their risky behavior could result in well, death. But I guess that's just their risk to take. I know there's interventions for this sort of thing that's why it's something I was thinking of. 10 hours ago, FMW said: If someone tells you they are unhappy and their life is falling apart, I think you have an opening to at least say something like "I'd like to try and help if you're interested in my thoughts". You can then gauge their openness to your involvement and tread carefully, remembering you have limited ability to help them make needed changes. Right. Something to consider. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 If a loved one is an addict/involved in drugs, there's help for you. Get support through Al-Anon. It's for the loved ones of people who are involved in addictions. Distance yourself. Including from her friends and this guy you're talking to that she introduced you to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 You have a conversation with them, you give them your opinion and your advice. If you've already done that and they are not taking your advice, then STAY OUT of it. You can't live someone else's life for them, you can't control them, you are not their therapist. There's really nothing you can do if you've already given advice and they have chosen not to take it. You'll drive yourself crazy if you continue trying to get involved. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted March 13, 2022 Author Share Posted March 13, 2022 9 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: You have a conversation with them, you give them your opinion and your advice. If you've already done that and they are not taking your advice, then STAY OUT of it. You can't live someone else's life for them, you can't control them, you are not their therapist. There's really nothing you can do if you've already given advice and they have chosen not to take it. You'll drive yourself crazy if you continue trying to get involved. Thank you, ShyViolet. I have already decided not to say anything. Though they told me their life is falling apart, I gave them no advice. My concern was for their safety (as I mentioned earlier). I will try to check in with myself first in the event anything changes down the road. Link to post Share on other sites
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