Would a MM make time and spend real time with you if he really wanted to?

[Mizz Layta]

9 minutes ago, glows said:

Is this already in the slow fade as in he’s no longer contacting you and is avoiding meeting up? You mentioned you don’t meet on a regular basis and the last few attempts he’s declined. If so, there’s nothing to say. It sounds like he wouldn’t care if he saw you again. 

If he does tend to contact or message you then mention something along the lines of: “This isn’t working for me and I’m moving on. Wishing you all the best.”

In both instances regardless block and delete. 

 

We haven't been in Contact since the last failed attempt to meet up which was a week ago...the contact between us dwindled with time  and we now go as long as 3  weeks to a month without talking then he reaches out asking how I've been and we plan to meet but the plans have kept falling through. The last time we spent time together in person was 4 months ago..and when I expressed my frustration with meeting while he's working,  he promised to book a day off work to make up for the disappointments and said he'll keep me updated. But ofcourse it never happened but he continued to reach out and attempting to meet up the usual way. So at some point I questioned if he was slowly fading on his end too 

[Bubble_20]

5 hours ago, Mizz Layta said:

I'm not expecting him to prioritize me over his family..i'm just wondering why he wont meet for even an hour after work and insist we meet while he is working when it's not guaranteed. I just wanted firmer plans

He’ll be afraid of having to lie to his wife’s face about his whereabouts. Seeing you during work hours ensures he doesn’t have to do that. Nobody misses him when he’s supposed to be at work anyway. Pretty miserable situation to be in isn’t it? I’m guessing you don’t go on ‘dates’ anywhere either? 

Edited March 11, 2022 by Bubble_20

[Bubble_20]

4 hours ago, Mizz Layta said:

Well I have heard stories about MM who makes an effort to spend quality time with their AP so I was wondering if he just doesn't want to spend real time with me...I'm not expecting him to spend weekends or the night..if he really wanted to he would book a day off every now and then

Sadly, I think you’ve answered your own question. You’re worth more than this. 

[glows]

18 minutes ago, Mizz Layta said:

We haven't been in Contact since the last failed attempt to meet up which was a week ago...the contact between us dwindled with time  and we now go as long as 3  weeks to a month without talking then he reaches out asking how I've been and we plan to meet but the plans have kept falling through. The last time we spent time together in person was 4 months ago..and when I expressed my frustration with meeting while he's working,  he promised to book a day off work to make up for the disappointments and said he'll keep me updated. But ofcourse it never happened but he continued to reach out and attempting to meet up the usual way. So at some point I questioned if he was slowly fading on his end too 

With this being the case, I don’t think it’s rude to block and delete without further words. Say your goodbyes anyway in your heart privately. I don’t think he’s listening or he cares as much as you may want him to. It wasn’t like you were talking daily or meeting regularly. He seems to have treated you like an afterthought.

Remember that this experience ending frees you up to be available to meet others. Date available and single men from now on. While dating isn’t ever without its ups and downs, you still won’t be putting yourself in this position if you’re dating single and emotionally available men. Have your limits and go over your requirements in a partner before starting a new relationship or investing your heart into someone. 

Edited March 11, 2022 by glows

[Bubble_20]

1 hour ago, Mizz Layta said:

Would it be rude to just block his number or should I give him the courtesy of telling him goodbye before blocking him?

You don’t owe him anything. He’s been using you. However, you could politely tell him you that this isn’t working out for you, wish him well. Then block! 

[Mizz Layta]

20 minutes ago, Bubble_20 said:

He’ll be afraid of having to lie to his wife’s face about his whereabouts. Seeing you during work hours ensures he doesn’t have to do that. Nobody misses him when he’s supposed to be at work anyway. Pretty miserable situation to be in isn’t it? I’m guessing you don’t go on ‘dates’ anywhere either? 

No we've never been on a date 

[S2B]

7 hours ago, Mizz Layta said:

We met at my former job..I understand kids come first as it should but can't he take a day off for me sometimes if all is well at home?

His answer is no because you aren’t his priority. And you will remain the OW as long as you expect nothing, allow him to waste your time and energy and you expect nothing from him.

why don’t you date an available guy? You’d be capable of having way more fun!

[Starswillshine]

Sounds like this guy comes around when he is lonely, maybe wife has been busy with the kids, work, etc or otherwise distracted, so he contacts you for some fun time. 

Please remove yourself from this situation. Everyone is worth more than a little play thing that a man takes off the shelf when he is bored and then places back away for weeks and gives no attention. 

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, Mizz Layta said:

.i'm just wondering why he wont meet for even an hour after work and insist we meet while he is working .

Unavailable people choose other unavailable people.

You're accepting a part time if and when situation because you are not ready, willing or able to have a full time relationship.

He has to hide your existence by pretending to be at work. It's really that simple.

 

[vla1120]

11 hours ago, Mizz Layta said:

We haven't been in Contact since the last failed attempt to meet up which was a week ago...the contact between us dwindled with time  and we now go as long as 3  weeks to a month without talking then he reaches out asking how I've been and we plan to meet but the plans have kept falling through. The last time we spent time together in person was 4 months ago..and when I expressed my frustration with meeting while he's working,  he promised to book a day off work to make up for the disappointments and said he'll keep me updated. But ofcourse it never happened but he continued to reach out and attempting to meet up the usual way. So at some point I questioned if he was slowly fading on his end too 

This seems like a perfect time to let it fade completely. Block him and move on. You can find someone who will make time for you so you won't have to question their commitment to the relationship. You deserve that.

[Bittersweetie]

13 hours ago, Mizz Layta said:

Would it be rude to just block his number or should I give him the courtesy of telling him goodbye before blocking him?

I think that, as women, we are expected to always be polite and nice even in circumstances that don't warrant that kind of behavior. In this situation, there is no need to be polite and nice. Just do it. Like a PP said, this is a great time to let things end, delete and block his contacts, and work on moving forward for yourself. 

[Pumpernickel]

51 minutes ago, Bittersweetie said:

this is a great time to let things end, delete and block

I am usually not a blocker, I think it's childish, but in this case I agree. He doesn't want to make the time to meet up anyways, just texts when he's bored. Or texts out of habit.

Last in-person meeting 4 months ago, and contact over the phone/via text since then, with no "result"  ------> massive time-waster

[Alvi]

I am just curious what you are getting out of this thing. I would not call this a relationship. Heck, this doesn't even sounds like an affair. You are just having a sex with a married man occasionally whenever it suits him. What does he do for you? Is he ever there for you when you need him? Nope, not according to your post. Does he ever treats you with a respect? Nope. Does he ever prioritizes you or puts you on top over anything? Nope. Does he wants to leave his wife for you? A million times no to that one. 

It he showering you with the money or the gifts or the expensive jewelry? That at least would make some sense for you to stay. Not going to go into the moral side of this but hey, at least you would be getting something out of him. At least get something, anything in return. He seems to just want to use you occasionally as a free hooker whenever he feels like. And the worst part is that you allow it. Sorry to sound so harsh but this is how I see it. 

This guy lives his full life. He has a wife, children, work, hobbies, etc...and an occasional mistress on top of that. But what about you? What do you have?

He can't be that good in bed, can he be? And even if he is the best, is an occasional sex worth it? There are plenty of single guys out there if you want to date. 

Edited March 11, 2022 by Alvi

[Mizz Layta]

1 hour ago, Alvi said:

I am just curious what you are getting out of this thing. I would not call this a relationship. Heck, this doesn't even sounds like an affair. You are just having a sex with a married man occasionally whenever it suits him. What does he do for you? Is he ever there for you when you need him? Nope, not according to your post. Does he ever treats you with a respect? Nope. Does he ever prioritizes you or puts you on top over anything? Nope. Does he wants to leave his wife for you? A million times no to that one. 

It he showering you with the money or the gifts or the expensive jewelry? That at least would make some sense for you to stay. Not going to go into the moral side of this but hey, at least you would be getting something out of him. At least get something, anything in return. He seems to just want to use you occasionally as a free hooker whenever he feels like. And the worst part is that you allow it. Sorry to sound so harsh but this is how I see it. 

This guy lives his full life. He has a wife, children, work, hobbies, etc...and an occasional mistress on top of that. But what about you? What do you have?

He can't be that good in bed, can he be? And even if he is the best, is an occasional sex worth it? There are plenty of single guys out there if you want to date. 

When we met, I didn't go in thinking that's how it will be because he was actually making effort to communicate on a regular basis and said his living situation was temporary since him and his common law wife were no longer together. At first I would ask him to meet on weekends etc but he would always have an excuse then it became clear that he had no intention of leaving. I should've have left right and then but stayed in hopes that he might leave one day to reasons that has nothing to do with me and the time the relationship was meeting my needs as he was a distracter for what I was dealing with personally. But over time the communication and meetings dwindled over time..and I finally reached a breaking point where I would be happier removing myself in my situation because he won't even come over to my apartment when I asked he claimed he is afraid of getting caught even though I don't live anywhere near his house..so he always want to hook up in cars or his working office 

 

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, Mizz Layta said:

 he won't even come over to my apartment..so he always want to hook up in cars or his working office 

Unfortunately you are accepting treatment like an unpaid escort. If this is ok with you then fine. But if you prefer a BF, this man is too disrespectful and selfish.

[glows]

56 minutes ago, Mizz Layta said:

When we met, I didn't go in thinking that's how it will be because he was actually making effort to communicate on a regular basis and said his living situation was temporary since him and his common law wife were no longer together. At first I would ask him to meet on weekends etc but he would always have an excuse then it became clear that he had no intention of leaving. I should've have left right and then but stayed in hopes that he might leave one day to reasons that has nothing to do with me and the time the relationship was meeting my needs as he was a distracter for what I was dealing with personally. But over time the communication and meetings dwindled over time..and I finally reached a breaking point where I would be happier removing myself in my situation because he won't even come over to my apartment when I asked he claimed he is afraid of getting caught even though I don't live anywhere near his house..so he always want to hook up in cars or his working office 

 

Then consider him a part of a transition period you were going through and let him go. Reserve your energies and focus more on getting back on your feet and recovering from anything that was affecting you personally in other areas. Your priority is you, not him or his home life or common law wife or any unfinished business he has. He's too preoccupied to be in a relationship with you. 

[S2B]

10 hours ago, Mizz Layta said:

When we met, I didn't go in thinking that's how it will be because he was actually making effort to communicate on a regular basis and said his living situation was temporary since him and his common law wife were no longer together. At first I would ask him to meet on weekends etc but he would always have an excuse then it became clear that he had no intention of leaving. I should've have left right and then but stayed in hopes that he might leave one day to reasons that has nothing to do with me and the time the relationship was meeting my needs as he was a distracter for what I was dealing with personally. But over time the communication and meetings dwindled over time..and I finally reached a breaking point where I would be happier removing myself in my situation because he won't even come over to my apartment when I asked he claimed he is afraid of getting caught even though I don't live anywhere near his house..so he always want to hook up in cars or his working office 

 

That’s degrading. Block him. You’ve allowed him to use you.

[stillafool]

On 3/11/2022 at 4:25 PM, Mizz Layta said:

and his common law wife were no longer together.

So he is not legally married?

[Mizz Layta]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

So he is not legally married?

Not according to him, they have 2 children and own a house together so

[basil67]

34 minutes ago, Mizz Layta said:

Not according to him, they have 2 children and own a house together so

Yeah, for all intents and purposes, they are married. 

[Wiseman2]

On 3/11/2022 at 4:25 PM, Mizz Layta said:

 he always want to hook up in cars or his working office 

Are you married/living with someone also?   Unavailable people choose other unavailable people.

When and if you are ready willing and able to have a relationship,  drive-by sexual encounters won't appeal to you anymore.

[ExpatInItaly]

This was just sex to him, OP. 

And now he seems to have lost interest in that, too. Maybe his partner is catching on, or maybe he's got another woman on the go. But whatever the truth actually is, it's quite evident he isn't into this side action with you any longer. 

Demand more for yourself. Steer clear of married men and don't ever accpet being treated like a parking-lot quickie again. You can and should do better for yourself. 

[Mizz Layta]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you married/living with someone also?   Unavailable people choose other unavailable people.

When and if you are ready willing and able to have a relationship,  drive-by sexual encounters won't appeal to you anymore.

I'm single 

[vla1120]

1 hour ago, Mizz Layta said:

I'm single 

Don't give him a moment more of your time. Start putting yourself out there so you have a chance to meet someone who will treat you well.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Mizz Layta said:

I'm single 

Ok so you are free and clear to get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting single, honest, respectful men.

You have no reason to put up with this.