I asked my husband if he'd ever consider sleeping with someone else if I ever told him he can

[Daisy89]

Ok so I asked my husband just out of curiosity if he’d ever consider taking up an offer for a pass to sleep with another woman he said no I’m married. Absolutely not , I’m not interested (We’re newly married for 1 yr) he then proceeded to say but if we were dating maybe I would consider it and that’s a strong maybe. But we’re married and that’s why I married you. 
 

I felt kindve strange about that response because technically we were dating not to long  ago. I only asked because a friend of mine told me her friends gave each other passes to sleep with others  and I thought it was crazy.  What are your thoughts on this ?

[DKT3]

Understand the conditions you proposed most men would sleep with another woman if his girlfriend said he could...Fewer men would sleep with another women if his wife said he could....the pre-requisite being you said its ok. 

Which brings me to my second point, why would you ask a question like that? Digging for a compliment? Wanting him to say he never would from the moment he met you?

 

[basil67]

I think you shouldn't have asked the question.   But you did ask it, so he should have lied in response to it.

[Uruktopi]

My Ex once asked me almost the same.

I would not say that the question was the main reason of our end 30 years ago.

But it certainly was part of the emotional state of affairs related to it.

[glows]

27 minutes ago, Daisy89 said:

Ok so I asked my husband just out of curiosity if he’d ever consider taking up an offer for a pass to sleep with another woman he said no I’m married. Absolutely not , I’m not interested (We’re newly married for 1 yr) he then proceeded to say but if we were dating maybe I would consider it and that’s a strong maybe. But we’re married and that’s why I married you. 
 

I felt kindve strange about that response because technically we were dating not to long  ago. I only asked because a friend of mine told me her friends gave each other passes to sleep with others  and I thought it was crazy.  What are your thoughts on this ?

It’s between your husband and you. If you’re not willing to engage in something like this or have it in your marriage then don’t waste your energy debating it.

That friend who told you that may be interested in your husband or talking out of her behind as well and just saying it to get you worked up. Who is this friend? A close one or an acquaintance? 

[Alpacalia]

Did your friends include the women too? Did he look like Jason Statham, Ryan Guzman?

I kind of feel like these types of questions do more harm than good.

Are you feeling like he did something while you were dating? If so, what are you basing that on? Just the comment from the friends or is there more to it?

[Brian1223]

I don't understand why people ask these type of questions to their partner. It never ends well.  

Sometimes ignorance is bliss, and some things are better left unspoken about. 

[Happy Lemming]

56 minutes ago, Uruktopi said:

My Ex once asked me almost the same.

 

A few months back "V" asked me a similar question.  She wanted me to pick from her group of friends which one I would most likely sleep with if she wasn't around.  I said "None of them", which kind of started an argument, because I just didn't want to play this stupid hypothetical game.

To shut her up, I picked the biggest (heavy) woman in the group.  This woman is about 60-80 pounds heavier than "V".  I figured that was my safest answer and "V" wouldn't sit there and drive herself nuts comparing herself to one of the other women in the group. 

For the record, I hate those type of questions.  They serve no purpose other than to start an argument or create drama where none exists.

We all have a past... let dead dogs lie.  I don't understand the need to "upset the apple cart" when things are fine.

[Haydn]

Silly question to ask.

However if i am asked then i would give a 7 hour PPT presentation. 

'We can see Julie scores well across the general 'in the kitchen with no panties' but if we cross merge the data we can see that Jacinta tops all graphs apart from in 'The shower' Which is odd as on her 'likes and dislikes' swimming is clearly a hobby, twice a week.

 

[Els]

Do you dislike a peaceful marriage so much that you'll do anything you can to sabotage it?

Some other potential options for questions that might suit your needs:

• "If I gained 100 lbs, would you still be attracted to me?"
• "What do you REALLY think about when you masturbate?"
• "If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?"

 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Daisy89 said:

. I only asked because a friend of mine told me her friends gave each other passes to sleep with others  and I thought it was crazy. 

Why would you ask this type of no-win provocative loaded question?

If you are happily married and your husband is as well, you don't need to entertain what your friends claim they're doing in their personal lives.

[AngryGromit]

If you were not prepared to hear the answer, why would you ask the question?  If he said, Oh yea, there's this hot blonde at work I've been itching to get into her pants. it's only my commitment to you that keeps me for banging her.... just barely. Would you have ended your marriage over this?  The only reason I could see this be a good idea is if your both very open sexually and want to explore the open marriage, or swinging arrangement. From your response, it's obvious your not.    

When I met my Wife (we just got married a few weeks ago), I was very open with her, I was very interested in exploring swinging, we even met another couple when dating and did a full same room swap (we are not practicing in this at the moment) And if she popped this questions, she would not be the least surprised with my answer. But our situation is different. We both want to do a threesome, me with two woman and her double penetrated. Not really a question of if, more when.  

Edited March 11, 2022 by AngryGromit

[notbroken]

Don't ask questions that you don't want the answer to.  Also don't 'force' people to lie.   Just not good for your relationship.   I think your husband handled it well and honestly.  Drop it!  Totally drop it!

[stillafool]

12 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

To shut her up, I picked the biggest (heavy) woman in the group.  This woman is about 60-80 pounds heavier than "V". 

See an answer like this would make me feel even more insecure because I'm not in that weight range.  I would think I needed to put on more weight to turn him on.  It's best not to ask these types of questions.

[Happy Lemming]

Just now, stillafool said:

See an answer like this would make me feel even more insecure because I'm not in that weight range.  I would think I needed to put on more weight to turn him on.  It's best not to ask these types of questions.

Yea, I was between a rock and a hard place. 

"V" always seems preoccupied with her weight.  She has all sorts of derogatory names for my bathroom scale, and has tried to throw it away on more than one occasion.  So the last thing I wanted to do was pick one of the thinner women in her group of friends.

I never really cared if "V" fluctuated a bit with her weight, but she is borderline obsessed with it. 

And yes, 100% agree... best not to ask these types of questions.

[mark clemson]

17 hours ago, Daisy89 said:

 I only asked because a friend of mine told me her friends gave each other passes to sleep with others  and I thought it was crazy.  What are your thoughts on this ?

There are couples who have open marriages and many who don't. Sometimes it works well, other times it ends up eroding or blowing up the marriage. It's certainly not for everyone.

[mark clemson]

7 hours ago, Elswyth said:

• "If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?"

And the dreaded "Does this dress make... ?" 🙂

[central]

Don't ask if you don't want to know, and even then you may get a lie.  You mostly heard what you wanted him to say, though, but I'd drop it there.

We've had an open/polyamorous relationship/marriage for 22 years.  It has worked very well for us because we have great trust, agreed boundaries, and good communication.

[Wiseman2]

19 hours ago, Daisy89 said:

I only asked because a friend of mine told me her friends gave each other passes to sleep with others  and I thought it was crazy.

Sounds like they the spent the night watching romcoms and were goofing around with you:

 

[ShyViolet]

There are people in this world who have open marriages, who responsibly choose to allow each other the freedom to sleep with others.  Some couples are happy with this arrangement and it works for them.  It requires a lot of communication and it's obviously not for everyone.  It's not necessarily "crazy".

But unless this is something you are actually interested in pursuing, you shouldn't have asked.  Maybe the fact that you asked means that deep down the idea intrigues you.

[BaileyB]

If you ask a loaded question like that, you had best be prepared for any answer. 

[FMW]

I turned 57 last month.  One of the great things about aging is that I know better than to ask questions about hypothetical situations.  We all need to deal with our insecurities on our own and not put someone else in the position of making us feel better.  The problem is that no matter what answer is given, it's not going to help.  If you're insecure enough to ask the question, you probably wouldn't believe him even if he'd said "absolutely not, I would never have any interest in any other woman".  

Don't worry about what other people are doing in their relationships, just focus on yours.  Enjoy and trust what you have with your husband (unless you have a solid reason not to), don't go looking for problems that don't exist.  

[Alpacalia]

On 3/11/2022 at 2:30 AM, Elswyth said:

Some other potential options for questions that might suit your needs:

• "If I gained 100 lbs, would you still be attracted to me?"