anitta Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 I am a woman in my early 30s,I met a woman online , that i cant stop thinking about.Problem is she doesnt know i am married to a man ,how do i tell her without loosing her? my marriage has been over even before this,we live as roommates,not even as friends most of the times.I so regret not saying the truth in the start but when we first started our communication I thought of it as a "not serious online thing",just for fun, But one thing led to the other..it became serious,we talk all the time,and I really like her and think about her She deserves to know the truth and I will tell her,but i am just very very sad at the idea of loosing her since we get along so well. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 Are you bisexual?? Do you want to have sex/relationship with this woman?? Have you met in person, yet?? Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 The alternative is to continue doing as you have and it would feel worse over time. It’s also not much of a friendship or romance if it’s built on lies, regardless of whether this is an affair or not. What is preventing you from ending the marriage to this “roommate” husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Author anitta Posted March 11, 2022 Author Share Posted March 11, 2022 4 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Are you bisexual?? Do you want to have sex/relationship with this woman?? Have you met in person, yet?? Yes i am a bisexual,i like her a lot,not in person yet but we did have live camera on Link to post Share on other sites
Author anitta Posted March 11, 2022 Author Share Posted March 11, 2022 5 minutes ago, glows said: The alternative is to continue doing as you have and it would feel worse over time. It’s also not much of a friendship or romance if it’s built on lies, regardless of whether this is an affair or not. What is preventing you from ending the marriage to this “roommate” husband? I know that What prevents me right now is my situation at my work,I also come from a very conservative family,but that will not stop me from ending this once i solve my problems. I just wish i told this woman in the start Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 1 minute ago, anitta said: I know that What prevents me right now is my situation at my work,I also come from a very conservative family,but that will not stop me from ending this once i solve my problems. I just wish i told this woman in the start I don’t know what’s the situation at your work. Hopefully your husband and you don’t work together. I think it may be a much better idea to end this affair and divorce your husband first or separate. It doesn’t sound like you’re ready to start a new relationship. Do you have kids? Try speaking with a lawyer in private to discuss your options for separation/divorce. The details are private and confidential and your family doesn’t need to know just yet. Start spending more energy and time here ending the unhappy marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 8 minutes ago, anitta said: Yes i am a bisexual,i like her a lot,not in person yet but we did have live camera on I think you need to tell her you are bisexual, not all lesbians want to date bisexual women, some want strictly lesbians (or so I've been told by the few lesbians that I know). If you get over that hurdle, then tell her you want to meet. Once you meet (in person), lay your cards on the table and tell her about your marriage, etc. If that goes well, let nature take its course and see where the relationship goes. At some point you'll have to tell your husband, but let's not put the cart before the horse. See how you get along with this woman. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 Obviously, people will take you much more seriously after you end your marriage. For me, there is literally nothing you could say or do that would cause me to ever consider dating a married woman. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 1 minute ago, BaileyB said: Obviously, people will take you much more seriously after you end your marriage. I agree. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author anitta Posted March 11, 2022 Author Share Posted March 11, 2022 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: I think you need to tell her you are bisexual, not all lesbians want to date bisexual women, some want strictly lesbians (or so I've been told by the few lesbians that I know). If you get over that hurdle, then tell her you want to meet. Once you meet (in person), lay your cards on the table and tell her about your marriage, etc. If that goes well, let nature take its course and see where the relationship goes. At some point you'll have to tell your husband, but let's not put the cart before the horse. See how you get along with this woman. Thanks,thats helpful.I did tell her I am a bisexual she was ok with it ,and she has been dating bi girls before.I always knew i prefer women but my conservative family made me suppress that,since this woman also comes from the same background she understands me Edited March 11, 2022 by anitta Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 Are the thoughts genuinely intrusive, frequent, hard-to-control, and "dreamy"? If so, you may have limerence - this is a genuine altered state of consciousness, with similarities to addiction and OCD, that is rare, but that people can experience for a romantic interest a few times in life, particularly in a "kept-apart" situation. If you think that you have this, you might want to research it a bit, e.g. via Wikipedia. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 1 hour ago, anitta said: I did tell her I am a bisexual she was ok with it ,and she has been dating bi girls before. OK... well that is really good news that you've jumped that hurdle and your potential love interest has dated "bi" in the past. At this point, try to set up an in-person meet (someplace public) and have a date. Talk in person, laugh and get to know one another. If you do decide you want to have sex with this woman, at that point you may want to disclose a little more about your marriage, your life, your conservative family and the forced suppression of your bisexuality, etc. If she is still on-board, go enjoy yourself and see where it goes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 8 hours ago, anitta said: she doesnt know i am married to a man. How did you meet online? Was it a dating app? How long have you been married? Have you always known that you're bisexual? How long have you been talking? Have you met in person? You seem lonely. So talking to people who you're catfishing (pretending to be a single lesbian) may seem like a solution to you. Honesty is the best policy. Tell this woman you're married to a man. Skip the cheater lines about "we're like roommates", that type of rationalizing just adds insult to injury. Talk to your therapist about your unhappy marriage and loneliness. Does your husband know you're unhappy? Does he know you're bisexual? Link to post Share on other sites
Author anitta Posted March 11, 2022 Author Share Posted March 11, 2022 7 hours ago, mark clemson said: Are the thoughts genuinely intrusive, frequent, hard-to-control, and "dreamy"? If so, you may have limerence - this is a genuine altered state of consciousness, with similarities to addiction and OCD, that is rare, but that people can experience for a romantic interest a few times in life, particularly in a "kept-apart" situation. If you think that you have this, you might want to research it a bit, e.g. via Wikipedia. I dont know might be,I know i am thinking about her a lot,she said she does the same.But i am not going to believe that too easy,she is charming and has had experience with women way more than I.i am married so not as much experienced.When this started to become "serious" i even tried to ghost her,and convinced my self it is for the best(not because she is bad for me ,I really enjoy talking to her but this secret of mine was too big to handle,and i wanted to save my self from heartbreak) so i was convinced she would not contact me again,but she did, and then we continued where we stopped. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anitta Posted March 11, 2022 Author Share Posted March 11, 2022 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How did you meet online? Was it a dating app? How long have you been married? Have you always known that you're bisexual? How long have you been talking? Have you met in person? You seem lonely. So talking to people who you're catfishing (pretending to be a single lesbian) may seem like a solution to you. Honesty is the best policy. Tell this woman you're married to a man. Skip the cheater lines about "we're like roommates", that type of rationalizing just adds insult to injury. Talk to your therapist about your unhappy marriage and loneliness. Does your husband know you're unhappy? Does he know you're bisexual? It was a forum,not dating app Married for 6 years,yes i have always known i am bi ,it went away for a period when i met my husband but i always knew i like women more so this is not new. I am not on any dating apps ,it did not start out like that . And no my husband has no idea i am bi,i believe he would not understand that .we come from eastern Europe,lgbt rights are not as in the west Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 1 minute ago, anitta said: my husband has no idea i am bi,i believe he would not understand that .we come from eastern Europe,lgbt rights are not as in the west Does he know how unhappy you are? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 11, 2022 Share Posted March 11, 2022 12 hours ago, anitta said: Thanks,thats helpful.I did tell her I am a bisexual she was ok with it ,and she has been dating bi girls before.I always knew i prefer women but my conservative family made me suppress that,since this woman also comes from the same background she understands me Why didn't you remain single instead of marrying a man if you've always preferred women? Link to post Share on other sites
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