I can't tell if my boyfriend is cheating, no longer interested, or if I'm just overthinking.

[marebear20]

My boyfriend and I are both 21 years old. We met on tinder (not the best platform, I know) about 9 months ago and have been in a committed relationship for the past 6 months. Our relationship is about 3 hours long distance, and we typically get to see each other about every two weeks on the weekend. I go to college currently while he is in the army. Our relationship started off great. We texted everyday and he always begged to see me when I was home. However recently things have just felt off...

The last time I saw him was on Valentines Day when he surprised me and came up for the day. Everything was great and I felt loved and secure in the relationship. However about two weeks ago something changed. I know he is working so I don't expect to hear from him too much during the work day but our communication seems to have dwindled. I know social media should not be a big thing but he has not once posted about me, the post I have of him is hidden in his tagged photos, I am now suddenly not his #1 best friend on snapchat, he is now hiding his snap location and he doesn't ask about my day. My boyfriend NEVER calls me. He says he doesn't like phone calls but I feel that he should want to talk to me and hear my voice since our relationship is long distance. I haven't seen him in over a month now due to our schedules and not being available.

I've talked to him about my concerns and not feeling like we are communicating enough to keep our relationship going. I also brought up my questions about the things in the previous paragraph. All he said is that "he has been snapping his guy friends more lately", "he turned off the ability for tagged photos to show up on his profile due to not being able to be too far from base?", and "that he doesn't know how I ever saw his snap location due to him almost always having the location on his phone off". These answers left me confused and unsure.

I'm a big phone call person so I've asked him to start trying to call me, so I feel more involved in his life and vice versa. I am the only one that calls and since he doesn't call I'm constantly scared my calls will annoy him. It has been about 5 days since our conversation about communication but I haven't noticed much change yet (he has not called). During our conversation, he never gaslit me or called me too sensitive. All he did was listen. However he also did not try to reassure me in that he was committed to our relationship. All I want is more effort for communication in the relationship and everything else would be perfect.

What should I do/do you think he is losing interest?

Edited March 11, 2022 by marebear20
more details needed to be added

[vla1120]

Have you talked to him about his views on Russia/Ukraine? It was a little over two weeks ago that the invasion happened. He's in the military. Being prior military, I know what type of influence something like this has on the military mindset considering this invasion has had a global impact. That would be my first thought, talk to him and see where he's at on that topic. After that, it's a guessing game. Back when I was in, we didn't have cell phones. Even if we did have, I cannot imagine it would have been acceptable to be using it during duty, but I have heard the military has softened a bit since I was in. 

Maybe it would be more beneficial if you could date a little closer to home. LDRs are hard to maintain in the best of circumstances. You're both young. Try to have an upfront conversation with him about where this is going and whether it would be better to let it cool down.

[glows]

32 minutes ago, marebear20 said:

My boyfriend and I are both 21 years old. We met on tinder (not the best platform, I know) about 9 months ago and have been in a committed relationship for the past 6 months. Our relationship is about 3 hours long distance, and we typically get to see each other about every two weeks on the weekend. I go to college currently while he is in the army. Our relationship started off great. We texted everyday and he always begged to see me when I was home. However recently things have just felt off...

The last time I saw him was on Valentines Day when he surprised me and came up for the day. Everything was great and I felt loved and secure in the relationship. However about two weeks ago something changed. I know he is working so I don't expect to hear from him too much during the work day but our communication seems to have dwindled. I know social media should not be a big thing but he has not once posted about me, the post I have of him is hidden in his tagged photos, I am now suddenly not his #1 best friend on snapchat, he is now hiding his snap location and he doesn't ask about my day. My boyfriend NEVER calls me. He says he doesn't like phone calls but I feel that he should want to talk to me and hear my voice since our relationship is long distance. I haven't seen him in over a month now due to our schedules and not being available.

I've talked to him about my concerns and not feeling like we are communicating enough to keep our relationship going. I also brought up my questions about the things in the previous paragraph. All he said is that "he has been snapping his guy friends more lately", "he turned off the ability for tagged photos to show up on his profile due to not being able to be too far from base?", and "that he doesn't know how I ever saw his snap location due to him almost always having the location on his phone off". These answers left me confused and unsure.

I'm a big phone call person so I've asked him to start trying to call me, so I feel more involved in his life and vice versa. I am the only one that calls and since he doesn't call I'm constantly scared my calls will annoy him. It has been about 5 days since our conversation about communication but I haven't noticed much change yet (he has not called). During our conversation, he never gaslit me or called me too sensitive. All he did was listen. However he also did not try to reassure me in that he was committed to our relationship. All I want is more effort for communication in the relationship and everything else would be perfect.

What should I do/do you think he is losing interest?

I think you're expecting changes in a person quite quickly. Give it a month and see whether anything changes. You're feeling neglected and it's been six months, a good time to take a look at your lifestyles and see whether they're complementary to one another. I'd stay off of social media and don't resort to checking on him there. I have no doubt he's feeling watched and scrutinized at this point. If he wasn't losing interest before, he may be very wary now. 

Take a few steps back, you've said what you needed to say and so now let him show you whether he deserves to stick around in your life. If it's not the case, set yourself free and don't hang on just because you care about him. This is a two-way thing. 

[Wiseman2]

35 minutes ago, marebear20 said:

My boyfriend and I are both 21 years old. We met on tinder  about 9 months ago. The last time I saw him was on Valentines Day when he surprised me and came up for the day. Everything was great and I felt loved and secure in the relationship. However about two weeks ago something changed.

Sorry this is happening. He seems to care about you but this distance is tough. So is military life. It seems you're afraid he's losing interest or dating local girls? 

 You've already mentioned your observations and concerns so see if he steps up to the plate.

If not, reconsider if long distance and all the issues with it is the right situation for you.

[marebear20]

17 minutes ago, glows said:

I think you're expecting changes in a person quite quickly. Give it a month and see whether anything changes. You're feeling neglected and it's been six months, a good time to take a look at your lifestyles and see whether they're complementary to one another. I'd stay off of social media and don't resort to checking on him there. I have no doubt he's feeling watched and scrutinized at this point. If he wasn't losing interest before, he may be very wary now. 

Take a few steps back, you've said what you needed to say and so now let him show you whether he deserves to stick around in your life. If it's not the case, set yourself free and don't hang on just because you care about him. This is a two-way thing. 

Thank you @glowsfor your advice. I will try to stay off social media and try not to make it too important. As a youngster millennial, I am surrounded by friends that keep telling me all the social media things are strange which didn't help my insecurities. I am sure he does feel a bit scrutinized but as for the communication issue, I knew I had to express how I was feeling to give us the opportunity to get better. I kept to "I feel... when..." statements instead of the blaming "you.. you.. you" statements. I also expressed my happiness with the other aspects of our relationship as to not make him feel that he was completely doing everything wrong. All I can do now is sit and wait to see if something changes. 

Edited March 11, 2022 by marebear20

[glows]

12 minutes ago, marebear20 said:

Thank you @glowsfor your advice. I will try to stay off social media and try not to make it too important. As a youngster millennial, I am surrounded by friends that keep telling me all the social media things are strange which didn't help my insecurities. I am sure he does feel a bit scrutinized but as for the communication issue, I knew I had to express how I was feeling to give us the opportunity to get better. I kept to "I feel... when..." statements instead of the blaming "you.. you.. you" statements. I also expressed my happiness with the other aspects of our relationship as to not make him feel that he was completely doing everything wrong. All I can do now is sit and wait to see if something changes. 

It's good that you've communicated how you feel. I'd let him demonstrate his care for you now. Watch a person's actions over time. Not what they say, not what they say elsewhere. It's all in his actions and the way he treats you. At some point you'll have to know when to cut your losses when someone is just not who you're looking for in a partner. 

Try not to go down the rabbit hole debating about whether he's cheating on you. If he's not with you, in mind or spirit, he's elsewhere. It doesn't matter whether there's someone else or not.