NGBY24sun Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 I am really struggling hear over my heart and head! I started a relationship last November and we have been getting on so well and its been great. a few weeks ago he asked me to marry him, at first I said no as it was too soon and he was upset about this. We spoke about things over the next few days as I had suffered domestic violence in my last relationship and I was scared of commitment again, especially having 3 children. He was really understanding and I have always been honest with him about my past. He is amazing with my children and they all get on really well. A few days later he asked again and I said yes. I know in his past he has been a bit of a player and a cheat which has always stuck in my mind especially after my cheating violent ex. I kept getting paranoid at the slightest message when he was on his phone etc which in turn us ended up having an argument and I told him to leave. We have been keeping in touch via messaging and calls and he really wants to see me and make a go of things and that he loves and misses me and the children, however this is where I am struggling with. As we met on POF i probably did the worst thing by checking if he was still on there (plz don't judge me here!) I found the original profile where we got in touch which hadn't been used for months and months but there was also another profile he had set up. I was horrified. I have been stalking it as they say due to my trust issues and he has been on there most of the time we have been split up. I confronted him over this and he denied being on there saying why would I be as i I want you and no one else. I kept questioning him and he still said the same thing saying he doesnt even remember the password or anything. After me confronting him no one has even been on the profile at all. Am I stupid taking him back, can I ever trust him, I really do love him and hes shown he has to me. Just dont want to get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 So you've only known him for 4 months and he wants to get married? That's way to soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NGBY24sun Posted March 12, 2022 Author Share Posted March 12, 2022 I know, just dont know what to think at all Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 2 minutes ago, NGBY24sun said: I know, just dont know what to think at all Think of your kids and protect your children. All your alarm bells are going off and you were in a previous abusive, cheating relationship. Why would a man want to marry within months of meeting you? Is he employed? Needs to escape his country of origin? Recently broken up from his ex? Trying to prove himself? Ask yourself why a person would want to marry a woman he has just met in November. Or why he’s getting so attached to your kids. You’re at risk of being abused again if you’re not healed or recovering from the reasons that attracted you to your ex. This may not be love but infatuation and limerence. If you can’t be certain or trust this man it’s not love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 12, 2022 Share Posted March 12, 2022 3 hours ago, NGBY24sun said: I started a relationship last November and we have been getting on so well and its been great. a few weeks ago he asked me to marry him. I was scared of commitment again, especially having 3 children. Slow way down. Protect your children. From your research and counseling regarding the abusive ex, you already know quick overinvolvement is a huge red flag. What's the hurry and why is he hustling you like this? Talk to your therapist about this. Take your time. It's better than jumping from the frying pan to the fire. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 15 hours ago, NGBY24sun said: Am I stupid taking him back, can I ever trust him, Stupid, no. Naive, well, yes. And can you ever trust him? Oh, hale no. 13 hours ago, NGBY24sun said: I know, just dont know what to think at all Sure you do. You know what's going on here, but your heart doesn't want to believe it yet. But it's right there for you to see. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 14, 2022 Share Posted March 14, 2022 Why is he near let alone getting close , to your children so soon ? As for him , what's the rush a few mths isn't long . See how things go for another yr or so. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 14, 2022 Share Posted March 14, 2022 (edited) My sincere apologies for what has happened in your past. No. He cannot be trusted. Moreover, your judgment seems to be shaky. It's no surprise he's active on the dating site. It was just a matter of confirming it. I'm sure you're all too aware of those alarms going off in your head. There's a good reason you're looking for them. Someone with his background and a history of domestic violence does not bode well for the future. I'm sorry, but I do not see any upside to this dynamic. Though I understand it hurts your heart, you have to think about the future of you and your children. Edited March 14, 2022 by Alpaca Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts