kythera03 Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 I have been in a relationship with the same guy since October 2019. We live together. I pay rent for my bed room $700 plus bills that are $200-400 depending the time of the year. We normally split the cost of the house hold supplies as we have a Costco account. Now I’m a procrastinator I only do laundry 3 - 4 times a week. Last time I did laundry there was plenty of laundry detergent. I go to do laundry last night and there was no laundry detergent in the container but I saw a new one sitting there. I said to myself I need to venmo half the price of this… so I’m about to do my second load of laundry and I can’t find the laundry detergent any where. I go ask my boyfriend if I can use it and he said yes. I go where is it? You hid it for me? (He put it up way high on the shelf so I couldn’t see or reach it) He goes on to say that he bought this and I need to send him money and I use everything if his and never pay him back. He tells me I shorted him $3.00 last weekend after going to the fair. Mind you he makes a ton of money and I do not. I live pay check to pay check and he does not. He eats all my food and never pays me back. But always wants me to send him money for everything. He never pays for me when we go out. We don’t sleep in the same room. We barley talk. My mom said it’s a control thing. He has to be in control.. what are y’all’s thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 He sees you as a roommate and not a lover. I would next him if I were you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 Buy your own detergent next time and keep it in your room so there is no mix up. Keep your food, groceries and essentials separate. He eats your food in what sense? Do you cook for him or does he take your groceries from the pantry or fridge? He doesn’t treat you as a boyfriend would so why call him one? Were you originally his tenant only and then you both started dating or did you move into this place together? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 $3.00 really?? He is that petty. I've never heard of hiding the laundry detergent, this goes beyond cheap and is just manipulative. My advice... start looking for a new place to live. For the record, I charge my girlfriend $1 per month to live in my home -- ($1 per month makes it so we have a legal lease arrangement). Similar to your situation, I make more than my girlfriend, and would feel like a putz if I took any of her money. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kythera03 Posted March 13, 2022 Author Share Posted March 13, 2022 42 minutes ago, glows said: Buy your own detergent next time and keep it in your room so there is no mix up. Keep your food, groceries and essentials separate. He eats your food in what sense? Do you cook for him or does he take your groceries from the pantry or fridge? He doesn’t treat you as a boyfriend would so why call him one? Were you originally his tenant only and then you both started dating or did you move into this place together? No he eats my snacks and never buys me any to replace them. we were boy friend and girl friend first. I was stay at his place a bunch so he wanted me to start paying rent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kythera03 Posted March 13, 2022 Author Share Posted March 13, 2022 42 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: $3.00 really?? He is that petty. I've never heard of hiding the laundry detergent, this goes beyond cheap and is just manipulative. My advice... start looking for a new place to live. For the record, I charge my girlfriend $1 per month to live in my home -- ($1 per month makes it so we have a legal lease arrangement). Similar to your situation, I make more than my girlfriend, and would feel like a putz if I took any of her money. He used to hide the grates in the oven from his last roommates. He would not give them back till they cleaned the oven. I don’t mind paying rent it’s really only fair. I don’t like how he thinks I owe him for everything… I don’t drink and I am always the DD.. he never pays me for gas.. it’s just crazy to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 3 minutes ago, kythera03 said: He used to hide the grates in the oven from his last roommates. He would not give them back till they cleaned the oven. WOW!! That is just insane! Way too manipulative and controlling. Yes, your mother is right. This is not someone you should be in a relationship with. You have to find a way to get out of there. Did you sign a lease?? 6 minutes ago, kythera03 said: he never pays me for gas.. Your boyfriend is a taker... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 (edited) Your boyfriend seems resentful and is acting out by doing things just to spite you. 1 hour ago, kythera03 said: We don’t sleep in the same room. Is that something that started happening recently? Edited March 13, 2022 by Alpaca Link to post Share on other sites
Author kythera03 Posted March 13, 2022 Author Share Posted March 13, 2022 1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said: WOW!! That is just insane! Way too manipulative and controlling. Yes, your mother is right. This is not someone you should be in a relationship with. You have to find a way to get out of there. Did you sign a lease?? Your boyfriend is a taker... I didn’t t sign a lease and I have been looking. It’s super expensive to live by yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kythera03 Posted March 13, 2022 Author Share Posted March 13, 2022 1 hour ago, Alpaca said: Your boyfriend seems resentful and is acting out by doing things just to spite you. Is that something that started happening recently? No it’s always been like this. I’m a very light sleeper and he likes to have to TV on. But our relationship or whatever this is weird. He doesn’t kiss me, no hugging no complaints and he barley talks to me. The only time he touches me is when we sleep together or when he slaps my butt. He doesn’t know how to handle his alcohol. When he drinks to much he gets very mean then the next day he says he doesn’t remember… well I remember. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 36 minutes ago, kythera03 said: I didn’t t sign a lease and I have been looking. That is good news... when you do find something you can just leave. 37 minutes ago, kythera03 said: It’s super expensive to live by yourself. Yes, I agree. My girlfriend got priced out of the rental market and didn't have any place to go. We looked high and low, but everything was just too expensive. How are the "room rental" prices in your area?? Anything affordable?? Can you share an apartment with a friend?? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 3 hours ago, kythera03 said: He doesn’t kiss me, no hugging no complaints and he barley talks to me Why the heck are you still with this person? He doesn't see you as a girlfriend. He sees you as a tenant. You need to start looking for another place to live so you can get away from this. It's not even a relationship anymore. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 (edited) 4 hours ago, kythera03 said: No it’s always been like this. I’m a very light sleeper and he likes to have to TV on. But our relationship or whatever this is weird. He doesn’t kiss me, no hugging no complaints and he barley talks to me. The only time he touches me is when we sleep together or when he slaps my butt. He doesn’t know how to handle his alcohol. When he drinks to much he gets very mean then the next day he says he doesn’t remember… well I remember. Yikes. Stage left! Can you begin looking for another place to live? Do you have friends or family nearby that you can stay with temporarily? Edited March 13, 2022 by Alpaca Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 10 hours ago, kythera03 said: I have been in a relationship with the same guy since October 2019. We live together. I pay rent for my bed room $700 plus bills that are $200-400 depending the time of the year. Sorry this is happening. Is it his house? Do you co-own or co-lease? As soon as possible, start looking for places to live. You're not compatible. If you are arguing over 3 dollars it's time to set both yourselves free from this. In the meantime sever all financial ties. Change all your passwords to all your accounts. Stop shopping together. You buy your stuff and he buys his. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 9 hours ago, kythera03 said: He doesn’t know how to handle his alcohol. When he drinks to much he gets very mean then the next day he says he doesn’t remember… well I remember. Are you able to live with your mother for awhile until you find another place? If he has an addiction to alcohol or is an alcoholic his relationship is with alcohol and not with you. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 As others have said, he's cheap, controlling and treats you more as a roommate than a girlfriend. Maybe you have a friend who would like to share an apt with you, or can you move back with your parents until you are able to live on your own? When I was married and making more than my husband, we used to split expenses based on the percentage of our household income we each contributed. I would never have expected him to contribute as much as me considering how much less he made than me. If he were a decent human being, he wouldn't do such petty things to you (or any roommate.) You deserve better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 12 hours ago, kythera03 said: I have been looking. It’s super expensive to live by yourself. That's ok. Look for house-shares and roommates and other affordable housing options. Keep in mind, everyone in an alcoholic's life is just a pawn to facilitate drinking. Including you. You're enabling and financing his alcoholism. You're wasting your life away in this situation. Including decent men passing you by while you're stuck arguing about $3. and laundry detergent with a drunk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 (edited) You do not have a boyfriend, lover, potential mate. You have a room mate you have sex with from time to time. Plan accordingly. You need to realize what you have, and it is not much. I hope you are not looking to marry him, as he does not seem to be real attached to you. I wish you luck. Edited March 13, 2022 by understand50 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 13, 2022 Share Posted March 13, 2022 (edited) Is this normal? It would be normal for you to be outraged and to dump this guy. Why did you let this get so far. This guy is a user. He hides the laundry detergent when you're picking up rent!? You got to be kidding me. Get yourself to a therapist and build your self esteem and your standards. You really ought to dump this guy immediately. The problem will be that he is so manipulative that you will need a therapist and wise, tough best friend to help you on strategy. Start telling your friends and family about this arrangement. You got to stop hiding this from folks. That way, you'll get encouragement to make things equal. And since he doesn't want equal, you'll get encouragement to free yourself. Edited March 13, 2022 by Lotsgoingon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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