Heartbroken and hoping for a second chance

[Tom009]

Hi all,

First time posting here.
Trying to get some insight and advice here on my scenario. My ex girlfriend broken up with me, and we are in about 2 months NC now. We were together for more than 10 years, and in the recent year, she has been dropping hints and asking about our future. I am too stupid to ignore her on this, as I was too pre occupied with my career and thought that she will always be here for me.

She has always asked me what my plan was, and I would always avoid the question, not because I didn't want to share my plan, but I wanted my plan to come as a surprise when the time comes.

And finally, after more than 10 years together, I think she gave up on me. We meet for one final time and I tried to ask her to give us a chance, she said she need to think about this. She told me that she feels that there is no future with me as I still did not ask her for marriage and shared my plan, which I agree was my mistake. She said rather than wasting time with me, its better if she can try her relationship with others instead who would want to marry her.

I asked her not to jump to such conclusion and give us another chance, she said she is unsure. I shared that to me, she is already my wife, and I did want to have children with her in the future.

Before she leaves our final meeting, she actually promised me that she will still reply my messages, and promise to meet me one more time later, as there are still things that I wanted to share.

Due to this, I continue communicating with her via text messages. On the first week after this, she still responds normally, but later, her text messages got less and less, and I panicked, and on the third week, I finally asked her about it as she has promised that we can keep communicating till our next meetup. I told her I am really hurt by her her action where she keeps on ignoring me,  (its a mistake I know), and she finally blocked me everywhere. I asked her to just tell me what she thinks, if she would have tell me she needed the space, I would have pulled back. But because she promised that we could still communicate, that was why I kept up with the messaging till I am blocked.

After that, we went NC till now as I start doing more research on what to do. I did not really do much begging and harassing, other than texting more on the final few days before she blocked me. I thought it was ok to keep texting her, as she promised earlier we can still be in touch via text where she promised that she will always reply, and also promised to meet me one more time earlier, but now everything is gone.

I have read from ebook that a female that is around her age, 32, is facing pressure on building a family due to their biological clock limit, and to them, their cut off date that they most likely given themselves will be 35. This could be one of the main reason of her giving up, but I will never know what's the main reason now as we were not able to meet one more time to talk things through. Or it could be another guy.

My friends and others have advice me to contact her again even though I am blocked to let her know what my plan really is, and to tell her that I really wanted to get married, as she could have given up hope on me due to this, but at the same time, from the research I did from reading the forum and others, its best to keep doing NC especially when I am blocked.
So I am really confused right now on what to do. She has always dropped hints and wanted us to talk about the future before the break up, but at the same time, if she really loves me she would have given me another chance to talk about my plan if she really wanted, before deciding to cut me off without finding out.
So would like to get some feedback from others here, what is the best way to move forward? Keep doing NC, or to find a way to contact her again to let her know, that i really had a plan to get married and I am not just neglecting her?

[Acacia98]

1 hour ago, Tom009 said:

She has always dropped hints and wanted us to talk about the future before the break up, but at the same time, if she really loves me she would have given me another chance to talk about my plan if she really wanted, before deciding to cut me off without finding out.

So would like to get some feedback from others here, what is the best way to move forward? Keep doing NC, or to find a way to contact her again to let her know, that i really had a plan to get married and I am not just neglecting her?

Please leave her alone. The time to talk to her about your intentions for marriage was when you were together, and having failed that, you should have talked to her about it when it became apparent that she was ending the relationship. The fact that, even after your relationship has ended, you've still been withholding that information from her and waiting for some fairy tale perfect time to discuss it translates into not valuing her time or her emotions. As I see it, she kept giving you chances to make things right until it was too painful to continue on that road. She got to a point when she had to accept that marriage was not in the books for you and start moving on.

If you have any respect and affection for her, please let her go.

Edited March 13, 2022 by Acacia98

[Wiseman2]

She may see you as having wasted a decade of her life stringing her along so it's doubtful she'll sign up for more of that. Move forward, it's your only option now.

[Happy Lemming]

Unless you want to have children there is no reason for you to get married. 

Many years ago, I was hit with that "get engaged or leave" ultimatum from a woman, I left.  So, glad I did... Last I heard, this woman is on husband number 4, could be more.

Block her... go no contact.

My advice... Shower up, get out there, meet new women and enjoy yourself!! 

"Variety is the spice of life" -- William Cowper

Edited March 13, 2022 by Happy Lemming
spelling

[glows]

5 hours ago, Tom009 said:

Hi all,

First time posting here.
Trying to get some insight and advice here on my scenario. My ex girlfriend broken up with me, and we are in about 2 months NC now. We were together for more than 10 years, and in the recent year, she has been dropping hints and asking about our future. I am too stupid to ignore her on this, as I was too pre occupied with my career and thought that she will always be here for me.

She has always asked me what my plan was, and I would always avoid the question, not because I didn't want to share my plan, but I wanted my plan to come as a surprise when the time comes.

And finally, after more than 10 years together, I think she gave up on me. We meet for one final time and I tried to ask her to give us a chance, she said she need to think about this. She told me that she feels that there is no future with me as I still did not ask her for marriage and shared my plan, which I agree was my mistake. She said rather than wasting time with me, its better if she can try her relationship with others instead who would want to marry her.

I asked her not to jump to such conclusion and give us another chance, she said she is unsure. I shared that to me, she is already my wife, and I did want to have children with her in the future.

Before she leaves our final meeting, she actually promised me that she will still reply my messages, and promise to meet me one more time later, as there are still things that I wanted to share.

Due to this, I continue communicating with her via text messages. On the first week after this, she still responds normally, but later, her text messages got less and less, and I panicked, and on the third week, I finally asked her about it as she has promised that we can keep communicating till our next meetup. I told her I am really hurt by her her action where she keeps on ignoring me,  (its a mistake I know), and she finally blocked me everywhere. I asked her to just tell me what she thinks, if she would have tell me she needed the space, I would have pulled back. But because she promised that we could still communicate, that was why I kept up with the messaging till I am blocked.

After that, we went NC till now as I start doing more research on what to do. I did not really do much begging and harassing, other than texting more on the final few days before she blocked me. I thought it was ok to keep texting her, as she promised earlier we can still be in touch via text where she promised that she will always reply, and also promised to meet me one more time earlier, but now everything is gone.

I have read from ebook that a female that is around her age, 32, is facing pressure on building a family due to their biological clock limit, and to them, their cut off date that they most likely given themselves will be 35. This could be one of the main reason of her giving up, but I will never know what's the main reason now as we were not able to meet one more time to talk things through. Or it could be another guy.

My friends and others have advice me to contact her again even though I am blocked to let her know what my plan really is, and to tell her that I really wanted to get married, as she could have given up hope on me due to this, but at the same time, from the research I did from reading the forum and others, its best to keep doing NC especially when I am blocked.
So I am really confused right now on what to do. She has always dropped hints and wanted us to talk about the future before the break up, but at the same time, if she really loves me she would have given me another chance to talk about my plan if she really wanted, before deciding to cut me off without finding out.
So would like to get some feedback from others here, what is the best way to move forward? Keep doing NC, or to find a way to contact her again to let her know, that i really had a plan to get married and I am not just neglecting her?

She may know your plan and it may not be for her. I’m guessing you have a proposal in the works but it’s within the next 2-5 years. Is this accurate? 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

You had 10 years to get your plan together. 

And now that ship has sailed. You need to let her go, as she's already decided to set herself free. 

[chillii]

Were you living together op ? Anyway , atm yeah  agree with others she's given up and checked out. She's trying hard to leave it behind and move on that's why she's blocked you. lt's hard to tell if she still actually loves you enough to marry now even if you wanted to , she may've started losing love and giving up long before you actually split up. Can't tell from what you've said but she's just trying , maybe even rebounded onto somebody new. And hell yeah , 32ish is a "very"  important time to most women.

Personally though and you have nothing to lose now, if you really, honestly, do still love her and see no one else,100% that you do want to spend your life with her, marry her, have a family, then write her a letter. On paper, mail it to her, a real letter, no texting or bs, no call, a real letter. Tell her how you feel and what you want and for Christ sakes make sure your plan is in it too , what you feel and you better be talking about a ring too, and now, not in 5yrs.  Make it good and you just never know.

[basil67]

16 hours ago, Tom009 said:

 or to find a way to contact her again to let her know, that i really had a plan to get married and I am not just neglecting her?

It doesn't matter that you did have a plan.  What matters is that you didn't make her an equal partner in the planning of your future together.   

Sure, a surprise is nice, but not when it comes years too late and with the partner being treated as someone who doesn't deserve a say in the planning and timing of their life.   You talk about reading books on the topic.  Well women read about this too.  And what we read are stories of other women who've waited too long for men who didn't make a move to marry and as a result of waiting too long, the women's fertility was lost.  She was not prepared to be a statistic.

If you want a second chance, the ONLY option you have left is to knock on her door with a bunch of flowers and a ring and an agreement to marry this year and start planning a family.   It may be too little, too late but it's really your only option to save this relationship

[Tom009]

Thanks everyone for your feedback. Leaving it to fate was one option.
 

6 hours ago, chillii said:

Were you living together op ? Anyway , atm yeah  agree with others she's given up and checked out. She's trying hard to leave it behind and move on that's why she's blocked you. lt's hard to tell if she still actually loves you enough to marry now even if you wanted to , she may've started losing love and giving up long before you actually split up. Can't tell from what you've said but she's just trying , maybe even rebounded onto somebody new. And hell yeah , 32ish is a "very"  important time to most women.

Personally though and you have nothing to lose now, if you really, honestly, do still love her and see no one else,100% that you do want to spend your life with her, marry her, have a family, then write her a letter. On paper, mail it to her, a real letter, no texting or bs, no call, a real letter. Tell her how you feel and what you want and for Christ sakes make sure your plan is in it too , what you feel and you better be talking about a ring too, and now, not in 5yrs.  Make it good and you just never know.

 

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

It doesn't matter that you did have a plan.  What matters is that you didn't make her an equal partner in the planning of your future together.   

Sure, a surprise is nice, but not when it comes years too late and with the partner being treated as someone who doesn't deserve a say in the planning and timing of their life.   You talk about reading books on the topic.  Well women read about this too.  And what we read are stories of other women who've waited too long for men who didn't make a move to marry and as a result of waiting too long, the women's fertility was lost.  She was not prepared to be a statistic.

If you want a second chance, the ONLY option you have left is to knock on her door with a bunch of flowers and a ring and an agreement to marry this year and start planning a family.   It may be too little, too late but it's really your only option to save this relationship

Thanks Chillii and basil67 for your input as well,

I would really love to do this, to get married this year and talk things through.

But this is my main worry now, I am afraid further mistake will push her further away, as my constant messaging has push her to block me. I am very afraid my further action will push her further away as there could be another person involved as well which she sort of just mentioned that there are also others who are pursuing her, where perhaps she could give another person a try instead.

I am just torn now between going on NC and give her the space and time, or to go look for her..We were supposed to meet up where I could have talk things thru, before she abruptly blocks me after my messaging. I thought if there could be a small chance she would have stick to our promise to meet me one more time to talk things through.

On one hand, I thought of letting things cool down as she process her thought, on the other hand I would really want to do my best before giving this up.
This is a confusing and tough time. Thanks for all the input.

Really appreciate you guys opinion and input.

Edited March 14, 2022 by Tom009

[chillii]

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

It doesn't matter that you did have a plan.  What matters is that you didn't make her an equal partner in the planning of your future together.   

Sure, a surprise is nice, but not when it comes years too late and with the partner being treated as someone who doesn't deserve a say in the planning and timing of their life.   You talk about reading books on the topic.  Well women read about this too.  And what we read are stories of other women who've waited too long for men who didn't make a move to marry and as a result of waiting too long, the women's fertility was lost.  She was not prepared to be a statistic.

If you want a second chance, the ONLY option you have left is to knock on her door with a bunch of flowers and a ring and an agreement to marry this year and start planning a family.   It may be too little, too late but it's really your only option to save this relationship

Haaaa , brilliant idea even better and that was coming from a woman op so l'd listen.

We don't know if it'll work but if you really want this it's worth a shot right.

Edited March 14, 2022 by chillii

[glows]

She seems finished with talking. Ten years with you produced a lot of talking and not enough action so she may already have all the answers she needs. 

No contact is to heal and let go, not to manipulate someone in transparent reverse psychology tactics hoping that person comes back. Sadly it also seems like her mind games are working on you as she drops hints about possibly seeing others and triggering your jealousy and anxiety post break up. This is such a dysfunctional and disrespectful way to treat each other. Her dating life is her private business going forward.

Slow down and take a deep breath. Think for a minute and don’t respond to her comments about her possibly dating someone else. Take the time to put your life back together and stay on track with your other commitments and don’t panic. If she doesn’t want to respond to you any longer she’s entitled to leave. Before you love someone you’ll have to respect their autonomy. If she wants to reconcile with you it’s not because you tried to cajole or convince her. 

Take care and keep us posted. 

[basil67]

4 hours ago, Tom009 said:

 I thought if there could be a small chance she would have stick to our promise to meet me one more time to talk things through.

She has an absolute right to change her mind.   At this point, she likely feels that you wasted all those precious years by stringing her along and she's not going to let you waste a moment more.  And honestly, this is entirely fair. 

I know you're worried about making more mistakes, but honestly, I don't think it could get much worse from here.   This is why I suggested proposing.  It may not work, but as they say: Go Hard or Go Home.

 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Tom009 said:

 my constant messaging has push her to block me.

It would be best to work on yourself and leave her alone. That last thing you need right now is a restraining order or being charged with harassment or stalking.

You didn't respect her for 10 years. She's 32 and doesn't have time to waste. You know each other very well at this point, so it's best to go your own way.

[Tom009]

8 hours ago, chillii said:

Haaaa , brilliant idea even better and that was coming from a woman op so l'd listen.

We don't know if it'll work but if you really want this it's worth a shot right.

 

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

She has an absolute right to change her mind.   At this point, she likely feels that you wasted all those precious years by stringing her along and she's not going to let you waste a moment more.  And honestly, this is entirely fair. 

I know you're worried about making more mistakes, but honestly, I don't think it could get much worse from here.   This is why I suggested proposing.  It may not work, but as they say: Go Hard or Go Home.

 

Thanks Chillii and basil67,

But I have been blocked, isn't that an obvious sign that she is not interested in this at the moment? I'll seriously think about what to do next.

 

7 hours ago, glows said:

She seems finished with talking. Ten years with you produced a lot of talking and not enough action so she may already have all the answers she needs. 

No contact is to heal and let go, not to manipulate someone in transparent reverse psychology tactics hoping that person comes back. Sadly it also seems like her mind games are working on you as she drops hints about possibly seeing others and triggering your jealousy and anxiety post break up. This is such a dysfunctional and disrespectful way to treat each other. Her dating life is her private business going forward.

Slow down and take a deep breath. Think for a minute and don’t respond to her comments about her possibly dating someone else. Take the time to put your life back together and stay on track with your other commitments and don’t panic. If she doesn’t want to respond to you any longer she’s entitled to leave. Before you love someone you’ll have to respect their autonomy. If she wants to reconcile with you it’s not because you tried to cajole or convince her. 

Take care and keep us posted. 

Yes I will definitely take some time to think this through, I do feel hurt and heartbroken by this as well, as I do think we should have been able to talk this through like an adult, even if we were to end this, rather than cutting me out totally after we are together for so long without giving us the chance to talk this through. I was committed and it never cross my mind that I would walk away no matter what happens, but the fact that she can just walk away , its really something that I need to think through.

 

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It would be best to work on yourself and leave her alone. That last thing you need right now is a restraining order or being charged with harassment or stalking.

You didn't respect her for 10 years. She's 32 and doesn't have time to waste. You know each other very well at this point, so it's best to go your own way.

Definitely its the next path if all else fails.

 

Breakup sucks really. Always thought that love conquers all, perhaps the love is no longer there, can't be too sure as it's always hard to get an exact answer during breakup.

[ExpatInItaly]

23 minutes ago, Tom009 said:

I do think we should have been able to talk this through like an adult, even if we were to end this, rather than cutting me out totally after we are together for so long without giving us the chance to talk this through. I was committed and it never cross my mind that I would walk away no matter what happens, but the fact that she can just walk away

You really still don't get it, Tom. 

 

[glows]

27 minutes ago, Tom009 said:

 

But I have been blocked, isn't that an obvious sign that she is not interested in this at the moment? I'll seriously think about what to do next.

 

Yes I will definitely take some time to think this through, I do feel hurt and heartbroken by this as well, as I do think we should have been able to talk this through like an adult, even if we were to end this, rather than cutting me out totally after we are together for so long without giving us the chance to talk this through. I was committed and it never cross my mind that I would walk away no matter what happens, but the fact that she can just walk away , its really something that I need to think through.

 

Someone who blocks you is fed up of the situation and doesn’t want to listen to your reasons or plans or be convinced any longer. She doesn’t want to listen to you and there’s nothing left to talk about. 

What you’re feeling is loss and pain. Scrambling or panicking right now attempting to change her mind is only going to show her how disrespectful you are of the way she feels. Real life doesn’t work like cheesy rom coms on TV. You also want to think carefully about a woman who has blocked you and then unblocks you or attempts to reconcile with you. That strong off/on and hot/cold is enough to give anyone whiplash. Don’t let a marriage for instance or a lifetime with someone start out like this. My thoughts are that she’s ended it for more reasons than a lack of proposal. 

You’re both incompatible and haven’t been getting along for awhile. If you have other projects in the works stay busy. Even if she comes back to you or opens up a conversation, would you trust her? You haven’t yet processed this break up or any resentment you may feel at this loss of trust and communication. Be mindful of these things going forward. I think this is very much over. 

[basil67]

6 hours ago, Tom009 said:

But I have been blocked, isn't that an obvious sign that she is not interested in this at the moment? I'll seriously think about what to do next.

Of course it's an obvious sign that she's not interested in speaking to you.   As far as what to do next, you only have two choices - either go big with a proposal and hope it works, or move on and start healing.

6 hours ago, Tom009 said:

Yes I will definitely take some time to think this through, I do feel hurt and heartbroken by this as well, as I do think we should have been able to talk this through like an adult, even if we were to end this, rather than cutting me out totally after we are together for so long without giving us the chance to talk this through. I was committed and it never cross my mind that I would walk away no matter what happens, but the fact that she can just walk away , its really something that I need to think through.

Given that she doesn't want to save the relationship, If she had met you, "talking it through" would have been her explaining yet again why she no longer wants to be with you and discussing building her new life (and likely, you trying to talk her out of it).  She can't see the point in telling you yet again that she wants out and dealing with you wanting to change her mind.  Can you see the point in having this discussion again?

Out of curiosity, why did you not propose while she was still talking to you?

6 hours ago, Tom009 said:

Breakup sucks really. Always thought that love conquers all, perhaps the love is no longer there, can't be too sure as it's always hard to get an exact answer during breakup.

The idea that love conquers all is terribly naïve.  For love to endure, it needs to be supported by meeting each others needs.  You neglected her needs for so long so now that her love has died.   And she really won't be able to accurately pinpoint how she was feeling until the shock of the breakup has worn off and she's made inroads into rebuilding her life. 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Tom009 said:

Definitely its the next path if all else fails.

Yes breakups suck, but when someone blocks you, it's time to focus on moving forward not backwards.

[Lotsgoingon]

She absolutely was smart to dump you. If you can't figure out that you want to be married after ten years, then you ain't going to figure it out.

She has rage at you, huge amounts of rage and hurt. BTW: I read nothing in your post about why you now want to get married other than she has left you for not getting married.  No convincing change of mind or heart. You're just hurt she dumped you. Did you really think she was going to hang on forever. I say the buzzer sounded at about 3 years, maybe 4. She should have dumped you then. And you should have dumped her because clearly the relationship was not making you comfortable. 

You're completely wrong about love--and you're thinking in terms of a first-time, love-struck teenager. In fact, we can love people and dump them in the same breath. We simply conclude the person isn't a good relationship partner. We love them in the sense that we want the best for them and we see their admirable qualities, we see their possibilities.  But they might be destructive, addicted, mean, confused, un-loving back to us, unreliable, chronically unemployed, from a violent family and on and on. 

You need to update your view of "love." 

 

 

[Tom009]

16 hours ago, glows said:

Someone who blocks you is fed up of the situation and doesn’t want to listen to your reasons or plans or be convinced any longer. She doesn’t want to listen to you and there’s nothing left to talk about. 

What you’re feeling is loss and pain. Scrambling or panicking right now attempting to change her mind is only going to show her how disrespectful you are of the way she feels. Real life doesn’t work like cheesy rom coms on TV. You also want to think carefully about a woman who has blocked you and then unblocks you or attempts to reconcile with you. That strong off/on and hot/cold is enough to give anyone whiplash. Don’t let a marriage for instance or a lifetime with someone start out like this. My thoughts are that she’s ended it for more reasons than a lack of proposal. 

You’re both incompatible and haven’t been getting along for awhile. If you have other projects in the works stay busy. Even if she comes back to you or opens up a conversation, would you trust her? You haven’t yet processed this break up or any resentment you may feel at this loss of trust and communication. Be mindful of these things going forward. I think this is very much over. 

Hi glows, thanks for your insight, I do agree with you as well, as I also suspect its not just the lack of proposal, but more than that.

I am definitely still processing to see what is the best move to move forward. Definitely moving on is what I've been doing. Part of me leans heavily towards moving on.

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

Of course it's an obvious sign that she's not interested in speaking to you.   As far as what to do next, you only have two choices - either go big with a proposal and hope it works, or move on and start healing.

Given that she doesn't want to save the relationship, If she had met you, "talking it through" would have been her explaining yet again why she no longer wants to be with you and discussing building her new life (and likely, you trying to talk her out of it).  She can't see the point in telling you yet again that she wants out and dealing with you wanting to change her mind.  Can you see the point in having this discussion again?

Out of curiosity, why did you not propose while she was still talking to you?

The idea that love conquers all is terribly naïve.  For love to endure, it needs to be supported by meeting each others needs.  You neglected her needs for so long so now that her love has died.   And she really won't be able to accurately pinpoint how she was feeling until the shock of the breakup has worn off and she's made inroads into rebuilding her life. 

Yes I agree, i am done talking as well, its like what you sad, either go big or go home, to take action instead of talking if I still want to pursue this.
To answer why did I not propose while she is still talking, to  be frank, I am in a dazed during the break up and I don't even know what is the thing that I should do or not do. If I would have taken more time to process, I would have propose and go all out. There is also still part of me that is unsure if the real reason is the lack of proposal like what glows has pointed out or if there is other factor and someone else.

So would like to ask your opinion, I think going to her house will be difficult, if she doesn't really want to have anything to do with me anymore, I doubt she will open the door for me or to meet me.
I was thinking, how bout I seek her parents blessing first instead? And let them know to give me one final opportunity to do something for their daughter, to go big or to go home? to take one final action before walking away? As there is no other way I could be in contact with her at all, the only way in is through her parents, chances of them hearing me out may be higher ? What do you think?

 

And thanks to everyone for your opinion, greatly appreciated.

Edited March 15, 2022 by Tom009

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Tom009 said:

hink going to her house will be difficult, if she doesn't really want to have anything to do with me anymore, I doubt she will open the door for me or to meet me.
I was thinking, how bout I seek her parents blessing first instead? And let them know to give me one final opportunity to do something for their daughter

No. Terrible idea. Do not involve her parents. 

It isn't their decision to make. She is her own woman, and if she said no, she means no. 

Edited March 15, 2022 by ExpatInItaly

[basil67]

If you were my daughter's boyfriend, I would not give my blessing.   You've had plenty of opportunity and blown the lot.

[glows]

6 hours ago, Tom009 said:

Hi glows, thanks for your insight, I do agree with you as well, as I also suspect its not just the lack of proposal, but more than that.

I am definitely still processing to see what is the best move to move forward. Definitely moving on is what I've been doing. Part of me leans heavily towards moving on.

Yes I agree, i am done talking as well, its like what you sad, either go big or go home, to take action instead of talking if I still want to pursue this.
To answer why did I not propose while she is still talking, to  be frank, I am in a dazed during the break up and I don't even know what is the thing that I should do or not do. If I would have taken more time to process, I would have propose and go all out. There is also still part of me that is unsure if the real reason is the lack of proposal like what glows has pointed out or if there is other factor and someone else.

So would like to ask your opinion, I think going to her house will be difficult, if she doesn't really want to have anything to do with me anymore, I doubt she will open the door for me or to meet me.
I was thinking, how bout I seek her parents blessing first instead? And let them know to give me one final opportunity to do something for their daughter, to go big or to go home? to take one final action before walking away? As there is no other way I could be in contact with her at all, the only way in is through her parents, chances of them hearing me out may be higher ? What do you think?

 

And thanks to everyone for your opinion, greatly appreciated.

I don’t agree with a proposal if she has blocked you. Both of you have had time to say what you needed to say and anything right now is a knee jerk reaction to pain and loss. Similarly visiting her parents for approval seems disrespectful just because your ex herself won’t see you. 

Take this time to heal and focus on you and what you need to do for yourself. You don’t know yet what life has in store for you or whom you might meet who inspires you to more happiness. This may be a blessing quite frankly and it’s freeing you to live your life. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Tom009 said:

 I doubt she will open the door for me or to meet me. I was thinking, how bout I seek her parents blessing first instead?

Her parents most likely know why she ended it and blocked you. Not sure why you believe a proposal after wasting 10 years of her time would matter.

[Lotsgoingon]

And no, going to talk to her parents is a terrible idea. She will think you're a stalker. And she'll be confirmed that you are not the right person to be with.

Your inability to think clearly about this relationship and your ideas about trying again and getting a "second chance" indicate that you really want to work on yourself.  You're missing some basic social awareness. You're also missing some basic self-awareness.

No shame intended. I've had to update my social awareness many times--sometimes painfully when I realized that my way of thinking was creating the opposite effects from a partner from what I intended. Many of us only update our social awareness after a breakup or a disastrous relationship.

If you can't figure out in a simple sentence why you didn't propose to her, then you need hit "pause" on dating and consider talking to a therapist. 

The next woman out there will interpret ten years and no marriage as a major red flag. And you had better have a good explanation, and right now you don't. It is very possible that she wasn't the right person for you, but you were blocked in reaching that conclusion.