Author John Glasby Posted June 25, 2022 Author Share Posted June 25, 2022 1 minute ago, Annama said: Thank you for your kind words. Trust me, after such a long time, she would not feel any resentment or even an ounce of a negative feeling towards you. I dont believe there would be any animosity whatsoever. I think it is rather the opposite. She wont be liking lots of your posts now as that is not necessary. Liking one was just subtle. Do you still think of her often? Yes, unfortunately, I think of her constantly. My trip to Europe was touched by moments of great sadness, wishing I could enjoy the sights and sounds with her - she was always such a pleasant traveling companion. That was the first trip I've made in five years without her as a companion. Traveling alone never used to bother me one bit, but this trip was different, for obvious reasons. That's the life of the broken hearted, I'm afraid ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 25, 2022 Share Posted June 25, 2022 3 hours ago, John Glasby said: out of the blue, she likes a post I made on FB regarding my travels through Europe. I took some comfort in the fact that at least she doesn't appear to hate me. Exactly. There's no reason to "hate you", since there was no animosity, just incompatibility as far as goals, etc.. She has reached neutrality and that's a good thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Annama Posted June 25, 2022 Share Posted June 25, 2022 I totally understand John Will you send her a birthday wishes? You mentioned she has a birthday soon Link to post Share on other sites
Author John Glasby Posted June 25, 2022 Author Share Posted June 25, 2022 Yeah, her birthday is next month, and I do plan to text her a very brief, funny birthday message wishing her well on her 39th. I have no agenda, and don't want anything in return. Maybe she felt like my letter meant I don't want any contact between us and that's why she didn't wish me HBD. Maybe she just doesn't care. Either way, I do care and want to wish her a happy birthday. Perhaps, following on the heels of her liking that post of mine, it will establish a healthy tone between us should we ever communicate in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
assertives Posted June 26, 2022 Share Posted June 26, 2022 (edited) Honestly, I doubt what you wrote in that letter would have made alot of difference in how she's dealing with communication post break up. Because of what you shared about how you guys also seems to have started not very long after her previous relationship before you. There are people who are like that, once a decision is made, it's done and dusted, no more looking back and ruminating over past issues. Sounds like she's like that. You've been together for over 4 years, I'm sure you know what's she's like. Was she in still in contact/texting her ex birthday wishes when she was already with you? I wouldn't put too much stock in that letter or ascribe any meaning to her liking your social media posts. I too thinks it sounds like she has reached neutrality. Glad to hear that you are out travelling and exploring the world. Enjoy yourself! Edited June 26, 2022 by assertives Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 26, 2022 Share Posted June 26, 2022 18 hours ago, John Glasby said: I do care and want to wish her a happy birthday. That's fine. It's seems you have both reached the state of neutral indifference where you can be social media friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author John Glasby Posted June 26, 2022 Author Share Posted June 26, 2022 1 hour ago, assertives said: Was she in still in contact/texting her ex birthday wishes when she was already with you? No, but as I understand it (from a mutual friend, as she and I never really talked about him), he was a Navy guy she dated for 2-3 months but who failed to stay in close contact by text and whatnot so she binned him. It sounds like he didn't consider her serious relationship material, so I am sure the break was pretty easy for him. She then turned to me. Oddly, I remember once when I remarked about her prior "boyfriend" she said, "I don't think I'd consider him a 'boyfriend.'" I remember taking pause at that, as they were sleeping together, how could you not consider him a "boyfriend?" And I later learned she'd actually had the guy meet her Dad when he travelled through London. I don't know - she's just different from me in some respects when it comes to relationships - I think she's had several and she's a pretty tough customer in terms of resilience. To that point, I agree she seems readily capable of "flipping the switch" once a relationship is done. I really, really wish I could be so resilient. But 4+ years was the longest relationship I've ever had, and even though in the midst of it, I didn't see "marriage" in the future, the companionship was such a bedrock part of my life, having it all torn away has really done a number on me. To think she can so easily slide right into a new relationship is probably par for the course for her, but man, it hurts me to have to live through it. I know it doesn't reflect on the "realness" of what we had, but at times it really feels like it invalidates all that we shared. At the end of the day, I know I was hurting her slowly over years by basically saying, "I want you now, but not forever." I get that. I have to say though, I feel like karma has repaid me in full in the span of just five months (and counting.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author John Glasby Posted June 30, 2022 Author Share Posted June 30, 2022 Well, folks, in a sense, I guess we've reached the end of this story. I learned today that my ex and her new boyfriend are already living together. We all live on a company compound, so it's not like they "own" or bought anything together, it just means they're living together in an apartment that's in his name. She still keeps her apartment, as technically, non-married people aren't supposed to live together here. But it's essentially like "playing house" - she's moved into his apt in reality, if not on paper. Not to mention, the apartment he's moved to is even closer to where I moved a couple months ago! Now we're just a few streets apart. It's like this whole episode just keeps kicking me over and over in new and creative ways. Another tremendous blow to my ego, psyche, and already broken heart. Just four months in, they're already living together. At this point, I see no point in wishing her a happy birthday, much less leaving her a letter when I leave. All is lost. She's moved on so far, and so fast, I must seem like a distant memory to her - any contact from me whatsoever, would likely be a trivial annoyance or feel inappropriate given that she's living with him. Next to hearing they're engaged, this is about as devastating as it could get for me. I see no way forward and must simply accept that I lost a girl whom I loved and still love, and would have wanted to have a life with. I just couldn't see it at the time. And there was no time given for a second chance. I thank all of you for your input over these last few months. It's not always been what I wanted to hear, but I know you were giving your best counsel. I've learned some really hard lessons from this, and I'll be honest, right now, at age 51, I feel like I don't have the desire to try again. But maybe some day. This has laid me low. John 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 22 minutes ago, John Glasby said: Just four months in, they're already living together. At this point, I see no point in wishing her a happy birthday, much less leaving her a letter when I leave. Yes, guard your heart and delete and block her an all her people from all your social media, messaging apps, contact lists and devices. There's nothing you can do about her moving on or the proximity, but you can get it out of your face somewhat by deleting her. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 I agree. The best thing you can do now is lose her number block her social media so that you're not reminded of her. Can you expedite moving away? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author John Glasby Posted June 30, 2022 Author Share Posted June 30, 2022 58 minutes ago, basil67 said: I agree. The best thing you can do now is lose her number block her social media so that you're not reminded of her. Can you expedite moving away? I turned off her Facebook feed a long time ago, but to be fair, she hasn't posted anything about them. Actually, what I suspect is that she posts stuff but excludes me and our mutual friends from seeing it, which is actually kind of thoughtful - she's trying not to rub anything under my nose. But I don't go to her FB - I know that's just shopping for pain. I'm not going to unfriend her though - heck, she hasn't even removed pics of us together from her FB. And that's the only social media I do. I've also turned off feeds from a couple mutual friends of her boyfriend, as they could easily post pics of the couple, so I've blocked those connections too. I could leave end of September instead of December, though I'll be leaving money on the table doing so. But for my mental health, it may be the best thing. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 17 hours ago, John Glasby said: At this point, I see no point in wishing her a happy birthday, much less leaving her a letter when I leave. I agree. She is has moved on and is another place now. It's time for you to close this chapter for good, too. Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 I’m with @ExpatInItalyhere. No birthday wishes, let alone another letter. It’s a NO from me! Link to post Share on other sites
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