were you cheated on or did you cheat?

[scobro]

Did your marriage or relationship end because you were cheated on or did you cheat and what was the situation like was it an absolute nitemare or was it a pretty calm ending?.

[allaboutchoices]

Did your marriage or relationship end because you were cheated on or did you cheat and what was the situation like was it an absolute nitemare or was it a pretty calm ending?.

 

I cheated on my xH. Couldn't hide it, didn't want to hide it, we ended it right away. It was a nightmare, but in separate ways. I'm sure he's gone through hel! and back feeling betrayed, I've gone through hel! and back feeling guilty. We have never spoken about it and we haven't seen each other or talked to each other since the D. The D was pretty calm and respectful. Sign here, sign there, have a nice life.

 

I don't know if I was cheated on. I don't think I was, but one never knows.

[scobro]

I cheated on my xH. Couldn't hide it, didn't want to hide it, we ended it right away. It was a nightmare, but in separate ways. I'm sure he's gone through hel! and back feeling betrayed, I've gone through hel! and back feeling guilty. We have never spoken about it and we haven't seen each other or talked to each other since the D. The D was pretty calm and respectful. Sign here, sign there, have a nice life.

 

I don't know if I was cheated on. I don't think I was, but one never knows.

 

What was your reason for cheating did you fall for another guy or was it a work fling.Please explain i find it interesting

[allaboutchoices]

The way I saw it then was I had no idea why I did it.

 

The way I see it now is: I subconciously did not want to be in that marriage (don't get me wrong, he was a great and supporting H; I was young and felt like I was 'missing out'), and cheating was a way out for me. I knew if he found out the decision would be made for me. I didn't have to go through explaining why I didn't want to be married. All that I see now, but didn't see then. I honestly was unable to explain why I did it.

I was a chickensh*t and I was very selfish doing that. I learned from it and moved on. No regrets, now I know what NOT to do in future

I guess I wasn't a marriage material at that time

 

P.S. Oh, I forgot to add (933KJ reminded me with his post) that my xH is re-married and seems to be quite happy. In the long run I believe I did him a favor, knowing now that I could not offer him what he was looking for.

[933KJL]

I was cheated on and I think I caught her on the first time. But one never knows. Anyhow, this was always a deal killer for me and she knew that going into the marraige that I would not tolerate it. Well in the situation, I was willing to forgive, but she did not want to do the counseling thing, so we divorced. A shame sinc we have three kids, but it was fairly calm--we tried to put our issues aside and keep kids in mind.

 

She went through a phase post divvorce with rampant internet dating bar hopping and so forth which was totally unlike her as I knew her. She is married again now (not to her internet cheater) and she was married within 2 years of the divorce.

 

The bummer is that I have no idea what i did or did not do to make her take that leap to cheat. I would love some closure!

[whichwayisup]

The bummer is that I have no idea what i did or did not do to make her take that leap to cheat. I would love some closure!

 

Why not ask her now? If you feel you need the closure, then do it.

[933KJL]

I have tried, but she will not budge. Her new life is pretty secretive too. She neglected to mention to her current hubby that she was married before me as well. I am not sure I NEED the clousre, it might be good info to have for the future!

[scobro]

She neglected to mention to her current hubby that she was married before me as well.

 

How in the hell do you start an intimate relationship with someone and then get married and not even mention you have been married before.???Wouldn't this guy find pictures notice slip ups by your ex about previosly being married even friends of hers mentioning it her parents brothers sisters etc.....Is this guy stupid?.This is not like I use to have a dog or cat this is I use to be married and that is something you do not lie about to your partner.I think your ex has issues.

[allaboutchoices]

Yeah, communication issue:p (just hinting about your other post)

[scobro]

Yeah, communication issue:p (just hinting about your other post)

i hear ya

[scobro]

Õk, Ï Çhéä†êd, béçäûšé ï †hðùgh† î† vväš gõõd fôr bô†h õf ùš, bü† ì vvâš ƒüçkéd ûp äš ùšüål. åñd šhé lêf† mê lîkê â ghðš†. ì fëêl hër årôüñd mê bù† šhé ïšñ'† †hëré.[/QU

You serious? You cheated because you thought it would be good for both of you????Imgine your wife coming to you saying..." I let another man insert his penis in me because I thought it would be good for both of us".come on bro give me a break

[Tiny]

î gûêss ï dêsërvé ït. ånd î dîd ît ìn frðnt ôf hêr

 

Silly fk, u must have a really fkd up angle on this life

[allaboutchoices]

î gûêss ï dêsërvé ït. ånd î dîd ît ìn frðnt ôf hêr

Did she ask you to? Were you trying to get some excitement into the relationship? Or did you just want to hurt her?

Tiny, i would hold on to those comments until we know what really happened.

[allaboutchoices]

Mind Games. Mind Games suck. And you chose a wrong one, too.

[Scott S]

Did your marriage or relationship end because you were cheated on or did you cheat and what was the situation like was it an absolute nitemare or was it a pretty calm ending?.

 

I was the cheatee. My ex-w started a tryst with the husband of one of her friends, which grew or mutated into a full-fledged adultery relationship.

 

Of course I was hurt. As for the ending, I had decided that there was no value added in making a messy divorce. Just exit the marriage & resume my life in the new direction it had taken. So I did. We filed a legal separation, then an uncontested divorce.

 

Now, the OM's estranged wife was quite another matter. The fury of the woman scorned, so to speak. She wanted her pound of flesh, or rather ton, & would proceed by whatever means necessary to see that the both of them would be left utterly ruined.

 

Ordinarily this would not have been my concern, but where it became problematic for me was that she believed me to be a material witness, & that I was going to be involved in her lengthy & messy proceedings. This would have caused me quite a few problems by interfering with my agenda.

 

Fortunately I did manage to avoid becoming ensnared, & moved from the state before she could have me supoenaed.

[elijahBailey]

Fortunately I did manage to avoid becoming ensnared, & moved from the state before she could have me supoenaed.

 

freakin' crap. bet you had to run fast.

 

hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

[Scott S]

freakin' crap. bet you had to run fast.

 

hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

 

You have no idea. I believe she would have killed the both of them if she thought there was any chance of getting away with it.

 

BTW, just to clarify, I was the one cheated upon, the cuckholded spouse.

[elijahBailey]

BTW, just to clarify, I was the one cheated upon, the cuckholded spouse.

 

yup, I got that the first time around

[tonyp56]

I was the one that was cheated on. My wife, not I, decided to take it outside of our marriage.

[Scott S]

I was the one that was cheated on. My wife, not I, decided to take it outside of our marriage.

 

Very sorry to hear that.

 

One of the most painful things to endure is to be betrayed like that by someone you love.

[Scott S]

hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

 

Thinking back, what I found so disconcerting was her lack of consideration for my needs & situation.

 

It was all about her, getting back at the both of them, getting her ton of flesh, leaving them without a pot to p*ss in. No regard for how this agenda would have affected me.

 

It was as though I was simply a tool or device required to accomplish the task. Almost like hanging a picture on the wall, she wouldn't ask the hammer about how it feels.

[lilmoma1973]

My h cheated on me and we are still together !! It is a working progress still hard for me to believe what he says after what he did ... I knows i took him back but once you lose trust its hard to rebuild !! He is in a band and he lies about things with money and little things because he says it isn't any my buisness and that what he does in the band does effect me when it effects the bank account!!

[scobro]

My h cheated on me and we are still together !! It is a working progress still hard for me to believe what he says after what he did ... I knows i took him back but once you lose trust its hard to rebuild !! He is in a band and he lies about things with money and little things because he says it isn't any my buisness and that what he does in the band does effect me when it effects the bank account!!

 

As an ex professional musician I can only say it takes a truly certain kind of woman to be with a musician especially one that tours alot.I was signed to a record label and have toured but I was youinger 21 and no commited relationship and can only say that whatever you think goes on does and that applys to anything you can think of in regards to groupies, drugs and infedelity.Sorry hate to be brutally honest but I have seen it first hand with all bands.Now don't get me wrong I am not saying your guy is cheating but he is in an evironment that makes it oh so easy......ah the good ol days:p .

[tonyp56]

My h cheated on me and we are still together !! It is a working progress still hard for me to believe what he says after what he did ... I knows i took him back but once you lose trust its hard to rebuild !! He is in a band and he lies about things with money and little things because he says it isn't any my buisness and that what he does in the band does effect me when it effects the bank account!!

 

I forgave my wife not once but three times for cheating. I was willing to forgive for anything, and she took that forgiveness and my unconditional love for her and threw it in a trash-can when she moved out of "our" house and moved in "her" house. Not two weeks later her new man (the one that she has been having an affair with) moved in with her. They have been unseparateable every since.

 

I said I will always love you, I didn't say I will always love you if you don't hurt me. I even forgive her now, but the hurt and anger that she has caused by leaving me, abandoning me, etc. kills me. It has now been over 7 weeks since she left, and I have got to say, I am not sure if I wouldn't take her back. But I know in my mind, that would be the worst mistake I could ever make.

 

Point being, keep an eye on your husband, don't let him do to you what my wife did to me. I found out about the first affair (5 years ago), I forgave, then I found out about this one (6 months ago), and found out that there was a second one around the first that she never told me about. Yet, I still forgave, thinking she would end it (I thought she'd see that she had someone that loved her, and that it wasn't worth the pain that she caused), I told her so, but as you can hear, she didn't!

[tonyp56]

Very sorry to hear that.

 

One of the most painful things to endure is to be betrayed like that by someone you love.

 

 

Thanks, I am just hoping to get over this soon. She left 7 weeks ago, more or less for her new man (moved in with her 2 weeks after she left, he was the one that she had her last affair with). Anyways, day by day I guess.