Wilson66 Posted March 16, 2022 Share Posted March 16, 2022 After a lot of upset between me and my girlfriend, I have come to recognise that I am being incredibly needy and I hate it. It is making me very anxious and driving my girlfriend away. I have a read a few articles in the web but can anybody recommend a book that might help? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 (edited) You could look up books on "attachment styles" as possibly you have insecure attachment. Keep in mind that a partner with avoidant attachment might deem a pretty normal person "needy" because they (the partner) are avoidant and need some "distance" to feel emotionally comfortable in a relationship. Although it's counter-intuitive, from what I understand, insecure and avoidant attachment types actually tend to bond frequently as it creates a dynamic that reinforces both tendencies. So it wouldn't be a shock if she has an avoidant style to some extent and you have insecure. Assuming you genuinely are "needy," you could consider therapy with a licensed and experienced therapist, which IMO has a better chance of success with addressing any issues than "self help" via reading books (although one never knows). You should also consider whether trying to change yourself to suit a partner actually makes sense for you. Some people are ok with this, but if your partner makes you miserable and/or you "drive her away" you should at least consider whether you are simply incompatible. Not saying this is the case, just something for you to consider. If you are (or have the potential to become) very attractive, then any specific partner tends to matter less (as you have other options) and this reduces the need to cater to the desires of a partner who one isn't very compatible with. "Change your personality" seems like a big ask, although perhaps she is not asking, but rather you are being responsive. Nonetheless something to think about. Edited March 17, 2022 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 12 hours ago, Wilson66 said: After a lot of upset between me and my girlfriend, I have come to recognise that I am being incredibly needy and I hate it. It is making me very anxious and driving my girlfriend away. How long have you been dating? How old is she? What exactly do you mean by "needy"? Do you mean controlling? Such as monopolizing her time or text-tethering? Do you work? Go to school? Live with your parents? Get more involved in your own life. Work another job. Take some classes and courses. Volunteer. Get involved in sports and fitness. Stay in touch with friends. Make new friends. Keep yourself busy with worthwhile, productive and enjoyable pursuits. If your anxiety is overwhelming, see a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. Self help books are fine, but for a broad based audience and not specific to you or your situation in particular. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 15 hours ago, Wilson66 said: After a lot of upset between me and my girlfriend, I have come to recognise that I am being incredibly needy and I hate it. It is making me very anxious and driving my girlfriend away. This is very vague. What are the disagreements about? If you’re “needy” perhaps you fear losing your girlfriend or are anxious in general. Do you suffer from anxiety? Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 (edited) 20 hours ago, Wilson66 said: After a lot of upset between me and my girlfriend, I have come to recognise that I am being incredibly needy and I hate it. It is making me very anxious and driving my girlfriend away. I have a read a few articles in the web but can anybody recommend a book that might help? It's good that you have this type of self-awareness. I always say begin therapy with a trained clinician. It's something that we could all use quite frankly. If you're an adult think of how long it took you to develop into the person that you are. There's no single thing be it books, advice from strangers on the internet or youtube videos that's going to solve these issues. It's going to be a work in progress and you're not going to be better in a month or 6 months or a year. It's going to take time, focus and dedication. Good luck. Edited March 17, 2022 by dramafreezone Link to post Share on other sites
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