Shoe93 Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 Hello all, so to begin this long and complicated story, my wife and I had been married 10 years, we married at a young age but were madly in love. Long story short, I found out in august of 2021 that my wife had been sleeping with her female best friend. She kicked me out, and I worked hard to get her back, and I did. From august to January of 2022, I struggled accepting that my wife and here were still friends, and not to mention she was staying in our home. I was doing some changing, working on myself, trying to be a better husband than ever before, all I asked of her was to break ties with her friend, and focus on us. She denied my request, invalidating my feelings time after time, I tried everything to make her see that I was trying, but she was constantly wanting to involve her friend in every aspect of our lives. Finally I had enough, I filed for divorce. After the divorce was final, I am now kinda regretting my decision, but on the other hand, would she ever change? We are now in no contact, she is seeing someone else now and her best friend moved in with her. So I’m just really confused on what to do next. I love her, but I don’t love her actions. Now with all this being said, I’m not completely innocent of infidelity either, but I put that all behind me and we worked through it. So idk. I’m just really confused right now… Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Shoe93 said: After the divorce was final, I am now kinda regretting my decision, but on the other hand, would she ever change? We are now in no contact, she is seeing someone else now and her best friend moved in with her. So I’m just really confused on what to do next. Well, there is nothing to do next. The marriage is over, man. There was nothing to save anymore, and it would have crashed and burned either way. Your ex-wife was clearly checked all the way out of your marriage and wanted to move on. The only thing to do now is accept that this chapter has been closed, and work on healing so you can properly let go and find happiness with someone else someday. Edited March 17, 2022 by ExpatInItaly Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 Retrace your thoughts then and take your time. Guilt is not uncommon regardless of what side of the fence you’re on during divorce. It’s one emotion most go through in the process while healing and accepting it’s over. It may be guilt over not having done enough or guilt doing something wrong. Sometimes it’s guilt over being the person to say enough is enough. Other times it’s guilt over divorce affecting children or other members of the family. And other times in regards to faith or religion, there is guilt over breaking covenants or vows. Most who have never been married or are non-religious won’t understand those barriers or difficulties while healing. An option is seeking leaders in your community who can help you through those emotions or thoughts or seeking a good therapist specializing in divorce and rebuilding an identity. If you contributed to the marriage breakdown with infidelity to start there may be guilt there too. Some of it may be residual from an earlier part of your marriage. What you do next is respect that you’re divorced and she has moved on with her life, regardless of feeling confused or feeling guilt or regret. End the dysfunction that’s been going on for 10+ years. If you’re lonely be honest with yourself and make new friends. Join clubs, meet new people. Don’t double back with exes or begin fantasizing a romance that has long been stale and long gone. You both had 10 years together and neither were loyal nor seemed to agree with one another. Keep posting if it helps. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 3 hours ago, Shoe93 said: After the divorce was final, I am now kinda regretting my decision, Unless you have children there's no reason to be in touch. Move forward. Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women (or men or both) for a brief low-key coffee ☕ Divorce is the end of a relationship not a variation of it. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 (edited) 5 hours ago, Shoe93 said: I am now kinda regretting my decision, but on the other hand, would she ever change? What has she done that has indicated that is even a possibility? 5 hours ago, Shoe93 said: We are now in no contact, she is seeing someone else now and her best friend moved in with her. So I’m just really confused on what to do next. It sounds like she has moved on. She has been unfaithful to you, she has refused to end all contact with her affair partner - she has in fact moved her in and you out of the home - you are now divorced and she is apparently in another relationship… I’d say that it’s time for you to move on from this train wreck. You made a good decision when you left and filed for divorce - ever doubt that. Going back to a peaceful and monogamous marriage with this woman is not an option anymore. If you go back for what I would say amounts to more abuse, I would be really concerned about you. Good luck! Edited March 17, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. While you work on fully recovering emotionally, also work on yourself - do your best to make yourself as attractive, confident, and financially sound as possible for you. Then, once you've had time to recover from the divorce, find a new and hopefully better partner for you. It's easier said than done, but is probably the most positive way forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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