sarah99 Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 We broke up 6 months ago. Had been together 5 yrs. Iam 22 he is 23. We were crazy about each other for a long time..lived together,,uni together,,travelled together. He fell in with a new crowd in work..out all the time with them. A young collegue only 18 was constantly messaging him..complimenting him etc. We rowed a lot about it. he cheated with her on a work night out..took her virginity..i threw him out he begged to come back. But eventually he decided he wanted her not me..He was getting a lot of pressure from new crowd to be with this girl..no excuse I know. I told him I wanted to NEVER see him again..no contact. I blocked him on everything. I havent laid eyes on him for that whole 6 months. I became aware he was logging into an old pet insta we had that still follwed me. He logged into this insta every week to check my instagram. I just let this happen although i knew I should just block it. On valentines I put on a post with a new man whom I have just started dating. Ex logged on obviously saw this and hasnt logged on since. Fast forward to yesterday and Iam driving home from work into my drive way and have a stop as a couple and her dog are walking past my drive...It was them!..He was walking past my house..with her.and her dog! Its stirred everything up for me..I feel invaded. He KN OWS i dont want contact..why cant he respect that? He had a hood up and I dont think he wanted to be seen. We made brief eye contact and it really unsettled me. She seemed oblivious..I dont think she knew it was my house. They both live no wear near me..well he lives 20 mins drive away and her a 30 min walk away. I live on a quiet street..they absoluetly did NOT need to be in this street. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 8 minutes ago, sarah99 said: He logged into this insta every week to check my instagram. I just let this happen although i knew I should just block it. On valentines I put on a post with a new man whom I have just started dating. They both live no wear near me..well he lives 20 mins drive away and her a 30 min walk away. Sorry this happened. Yes block him from ALL social media and messaging apps. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do about running into an ex. The best thing is to move forward so you are more indifferent to him and can adopt a "who cares"? attitude toward him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarah99 Posted March 17, 2022 Author Share Posted March 17, 2022 Thanks. I understand I might run into him..I have been avoiding any places he might be..restuarants he like etc. But this was outside my house!..He was literally outside my home with her. I mean..just why? he knows I want no contact..he begged me 6 months ago to keep contact..i said I couldnt..it would be too painful. I even unfollowed his friends so I wouldnt see any picturs of the two of them on their instas. he knows this too. Why is he not respecting my boundaries. It should be very very easy to avoid my street. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 Do you live with your parents? Are they aware of the situation? While not trespassing, check what the stalking laws are in your area, if you feel that's what is going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarah99 Posted March 17, 2022 Author Share Posted March 17, 2022 Yes I live with my mother..This is also the house that ex himself lived in for 2 years with me. My mother is aware and is concerned that he might have been been here more than once but not been spotted. She is worried about the effect on me because I was in a very bad state for months after break up. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 I'm sorry but if he is not walking on your private property, off the sidewalk, I don't think there's much you can do about it as long as he's not bothering y'all. Maybe they were seeing someone who lives in that neighborhood and had to walk the dog before leaving. Hopefully you won't see them again and yes block him from whatever you have so he can't see you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarah99 Posted March 17, 2022 Author Share Posted March 17, 2022 They werent seeing anyone in my street. They walked to the bottom and turned onto a different road,,a roadthat has several different ways to get to it rather than right past my house. It was a deliberate move by him. I dont know if she was aware,,i suspect not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarah99 Posted March 17, 2022 Author Share Posted March 17, 2022 (edited) On the plus side it gave me some satisfaction to see they were not holding hands or even touching in any way. You could drive a bus between them and his body language just seemed miserable. when we had been togther only 6 months he couldnt keep his hands off even walking the down the street..he always wanted to be holding hands and arms around me. Even so I feel he should respect my space..seeing him again has set me back. Edited March 17, 2022 by sarah99 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 Try to resist the temptation to over-analyze the limited interaction you saw between them, OP. You might have felt vindicated for a moment but that feeling won't carry into a positive frame of mind and the truth is you have no idea what things are like in their relationship. He isn't the type to respect boundaries, as evidenced by his cheating, so it also follows that he doesn't think much of walking by your house with his new girlfriend. This is not a guy who cares about your feelings or is mindful of you. Let his new girlfriend deal with him now. He's a chump. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 50 minutes ago, sarah99 said: On the plus side it gave me some satisfaction to see The best satisfaction is that you dodged a bullet and are free to date a nice guy now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 If he lives a 20 minute drive away, this seems deliberate. You already know he was looking with the pet IG, so my guess is there is likely something he is still hung up about which isn't surprising when people don't take the time to process the end of a relationship before monkey-branching to another. I doubt it will last between them because of the ages alone, but try your best to not be too unsettled by this. Hopefully it won't be a recurring issue. You don't want a partner who is still figuring themselves out and willing to leave you for other women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 18, 2022 Share Posted March 18, 2022 10 hours ago, sarah99 said: Even so I feel he should respect my space..seeing him again has set me back. I agree with you and he hasn’t. He also has a proven history of inappropriate behaviour and has cheated on you. None of this is surprising even if it is alarming and disconcerting. You’re also recognizing you’re still hurt over the way he treated you because this has set you back. Don’t let your bitterness get in the way of your new relationship. This man is dust in your rear view mirror. Delete or remove him and block him on Instagram or anywhere else. There is no reason to be friends with someone who can’t respect you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 18, 2022 Share Posted March 18, 2022 20 hours ago, sarah99 said: He had a hood up and I dont think he wanted to be seen. We made brief eye contact and it really unsettled me. She seemed oblivious..I dont think she knew it was my house. It doesn't make sense if he wanted you to see them that he would put his hoodie up and not want to be seen. I think there was another reason they were in the neighborhood. Would they have walked over there from their house? Wouldn't he be in trouble with his gf if he had ran into you there? Does she know who you are? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarah99 Posted March 19, 2022 Author Share Posted March 19, 2022 She knows who iam but not where I live..unless he has told her. They had no other reason to be there..there are 10s of streets they could have walked down in my neighbothood..and they walked down turned around and walked back out of my street. I think he wanted a nosey at the house..see if there was another car there etc. I dont think he wanted to be seen and panicked when I had to be pulling into driveway at the same time he was passing. For all I know he has been doing this on the regular and I have never caught him before. He is taking a chance though..if the gf doesnt Know I live there..he risks me coming out and confronting them..how would he explain that. And if she does know..then I have no idea lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 19, 2022 Share Posted March 19, 2022 Talk to your parents about it. You should be over him by now. Especially if you are dating again. Unfortunately it's a public street and you are simply guessing as to why they were there. They can walk anywhere they want. However the main issue is why this even bothered you so much and why you haven't moved on. See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. See if you may have a treatable situation such as anxiety or depression, that gets you this outraged over this. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. Sooner or later you'll need to be indifferent so something like this doesn't throw you into a tailspin. Link to post Share on other sites
SingFish Posted March 19, 2022 Share Posted March 19, 2022 On 3/17/2022 at 2:20 PM, sarah99 said: Why is he not respecting my boundaries. Because he's an a**hole. Wish them well- he's someone else's problem now. Put him behind you. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 19, 2022 Share Posted March 19, 2022 5 hours ago, sarah99 said: She knows who iam but not where I live..unless he has told her. They had no other reason to be there..there are 10s of streets they could have walked down in my neighbothood..and they walked down turned around and walked back out of my street. I think he wanted a nosey at the house..see if there was another car there etc. I dont think he wanted to be seen and panicked when I had to be pulling into driveway at the same time he was passing. For all I know he has been doing this on the regular and I have never caught him before. He is taking a chance though..if the gf doesnt Know I live there..he risks me coming out and confronting them..how would he explain that. And if she does know..then I have no idea lol. It’s disturbing he’s around your area in front of your house and this was a five year relationship which ended in his cheating. Try dealing with this and the betrayal. It set you back seeing him and it’s understandable to feel hurt all over again. You will have to process that anger and betrayal from six months ago and six months is nothing in terms of time especially if it was a five year relationship. Don’t dissolve into perpetual anger and bitterness, call him names or give this more room than it needs in your brain or heart. What was he to you other than a first boyfriend? Did you both have plans to get married or have a family? He’s not the same person you used to know. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 19, 2022 Share Posted March 19, 2022 (edited) On 3/17/2022 at 3:02 PM, sarah99 said: He logged into this insta every week to check my instagram. On valentines I put on a post with a new man whom I have just started dating. What was the purpose of this? Edited March 19, 2022 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarah99 Posted March 19, 2022 Author Share Posted March 19, 2022 Yes we had plans to get married and have a family. We had our whole lives together planned out. He had wanted to get engaged when we were only together for 12 months.. But I had wanted to wait till we had bought a house. He was very very obsessed with me for a long time. He would often just cry with how happy he was. There was no purpose to the valentines picture other than iam a young girl who uses Instagram. I had kept my new man off my insta for a while and thought it was time to make it insta official so to speak. It certainly wasn't for ex to see.. Like I say I have him blocked and have no idea when or if he will ever use pet account. I kept so many pics off my insta with my new man.. But wanted to show him off so to speak.. To my friends etc. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 19, 2022 Share Posted March 19, 2022 31 minutes ago, sarah99 said: Yes we had plans to get married and have a family. We had our whole lives together planned out. He had wanted to get engaged when we were only together for 12 months.. But I had wanted to wait till we had bought a house. He was very very obsessed with me for a long time. He would often just cry with how happy he was. There was no purpose to the valentines picture other than iam a young girl who uses Instagram. I had kept my new man off my insta for a while and thought it was time to make it insta official so to speak. It certainly wasn't for ex to see.. Like I say I have him blocked and have no idea when or if he will ever use pet account. I kept so many pics off my insta with my new man.. But wanted to show him off so to speak.. To my friends etc. I hope you see how equally disturbing and unstable this sounds. I’ve bolded the portion above. You may be missing that kind of rollercoaster and feel pulled strongly back to that period where it felt intoxicating but also very volatile. Seeing him again reminds you of that time. Letting go of this chapter also means saying goodbye to someone whom you were almost willing to spend the rest of your life with. He did play a significant role in your life at one time. But not anymore. You made sure of it by ending things. You took control of the situation and you weren’t hapless nor did you stay to be cheated on more or mistreated. When you feel frustrated keep reminding yourself of this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 19, 2022 Share Posted March 19, 2022 1 hour ago, sarah99 said: He was very very obsessed with me for a long time. He would often just cry with how happy he was. Well as you can see he was full of it. If he was that obsessed with you he never would have cheated with this young girl, took her virginity and decided he wanted to be with her rather than you. It's great you have a new man in your life and you have every right to make it public. I hope you will reach a state of indifference towards your ex soon. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 19, 2022 Share Posted March 19, 2022 You two started as teens, OP. It was unlikely to be the relationship of your lifetimes, despite his big daydreaming about it. Most of that is not grounded in reality when both parties are so young and inexperienced at life. These young relationships generally have expiration dates of a few years, as both people grow and change and want to see what else is out there. The way he chose to get out of the relationship was awful, but shows you how immature he still is. You already know he doesn't really care about you, so I would not try to read into this run-in too much. How is your relationship with your current boyfriend? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Agentra Posted March 21, 2022 Share Posted March 21, 2022 Ha! I'm only a year older than you but to be frank, I would've lost my sh*t!! You're definitely more mature than I am :') Block him everywhere, don't let him have any access to you or your life. I say good riddance. I'm sure this pissed you off and hurt as it sounds like you had some very happy times with this person. Cherish that. But he walked out as a cheater and if he had decent morals, he would leave you be and not walk by your home with a new girlfriend. Just ignore. He isn't worth the headache. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 21, 2022 Share Posted March 21, 2022 On 3/19/2022 at 10:22 AM, sarah99 said: thought it was time to make it insta official so to speak. It certainly wasn't for ex to see.. But why specifically leave this door open with him? At some level you know why. Focus on your own new relationship and don't worry about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts