How long till you found love again

[smile95]

thanks everyone....I went to couseling before and thinking it is time to go back...before it was to leave him and now it is to break this cycle we are in and try and work on my self esteem. He doe the silent treatment for weeks and then returns and we start all over. I want to be over with this and I have to stop basing my worth on him and if he wants me in his life. SOmehow I do not feel that a man is suposed to treat me this way. As I have said it is tough for me to let go of the good times, but the bad outweigh the good. Will therapy help me? Or am I wating $? Not sure how much it helped before? I did realize...no matter how many times I go to counseling, it will not change him.....

[scobro]

but the bad outweigh the good. ...no matter how many times I go to counseling, it will not change him.....

 

I think you answered your own question.Your first signature is the best advice for you.

[dgiirl]

I hear you people in your 20s worried about finding someone ...what about us in our 40 and up...but I do believe its hard no matter what your age but you have to keep trying so do I even if it means alot of meaningless relationships til you find the right one and I am hoping there is for everyone:confused:

 

I think everyone is scared they'll never find love again. I'm in my 30's, no kids, I'm scared I'll never find someone to have kids. Fear fear fear. But I do believe we're meant to go through the stuff we've gone through. Everything has a reason. And if we can walk away learning something about ourselves and life, then we come away as better ppl. Everyone lives the life of romeo and juliette. Eventually we'll all be alone. We're the only ones who live this whole life with ourselves so we might as well start to enjoy living alone and liking ourselves above everything else But dont give up hope. I believe ppl come into our lives for a reason, to teach us something. Some stay longer than others, some are only in our lives for a very short period of time. But we grow with each experience. That's what life is.

[smile95]

Do you think it is ok that I still have good memories of him? How do I prevent them from overtaking the bad? I just feel brainwashed almost to belive that I will never find anyone else...he even told me I would never find anyone that loved me as much as he did....my thought was "Lord, I hope not!!!" lol

 

I am doing better than before, but I still miss him. Well, I think I miss the him that I thought he was and the "him" from the beginning.

 

I have noticed my crying is getting less and less and if he does not mess with my head by telling me he loves me and then the next day dropping off the earth, I do sooo much better!!

 

I believe I learned a lot from this.

[smile95]

question.....if he truly wanted nothing to do with me, why would he continue to text me every so often to say he loves me but when I respond....I gt ignored? Is he just trying to keep me on a hook and reel me in and when I respond to that, he knows he still has me? I have heard so many people tell me this, but I want to change my #. Will solve a lot.

 

I know I have to let go before I can let anyone else in or even think about doing that.

[Pyro]

question.....if he truly wanted nothing to do with me, why would he continue to text me every so often to say he loves me but when I respond....I gt ignored? Is he just trying to keep me on a hook and reel me in and when I respond to that, he knows he still has me? I have heard so many people tell me this, but I want to change my #. Will solve a lot.

.

 

You should definitely change your number. IMO, I think that he plays this texting game with you because he knows that you will respond back and for him, it could be an ego thing, thinking that he has this girl wrapped around his finger, or he could just be staying in contact with you just for a back-up plan. I am not sure if he is seeing anyone else right now but those could be his intentions for just in case it doesn't work out with the other person. Again, this is only my opinion.

[scobro]

Do you think it is ok that I still have good memories of him? How do I prevent them from overtaking the bad?

I believe I learned a lot from this.

 

Beth you want to have good memories of your life with him that is what forgiving and letting go is all about,just realise that there was bad as well because what we tend to do when we are feeling alone is remember our ex in a lot brighter light than they really were.We tend to put them on a higher pedastal because we are feeling lonely and think we won't find love again so the love we knew from our ex is hightened in our minds.You will find it again you are in a transistion stage that could be a year or a few years.Once you feel you do not need a relationship to make you complete is when it usually will happen.

So buckle up little camper part of the journey in life is being alone and comfortable with yourself.

[smile95]

i think it is time for me to let go. For good. I can honestly say that I am not getting anything but heartache. I love him so much and he knows this and just hurts me. It is like he knows when I am moving on and then BOOM he reels me in and I am naive enough to fall for the words. It is sad to know that I love this man so much and I seem to mean nothing to him. It would be easier if he would tell me it is over and be mean to me.

[smile95]

Beth you want to have good memories of your life with him that is what forgiving and letting go is all about,just realise that there was bad as well because what we tend to do when we are feeling alone is remember our ex in a lot brighter light than they really were.We tend to put them on a higher pedastal because we are feeling lonely and think we won't find love again so the love we knew from our ex is hightened in our minds.You will find it again you are in a transistion stage that could be a year or a few years.Once you feel you do not need a relationship to make you complete is when it usually will happen.

So buckle up little camper part of the journey in life is being alone and comfortable with yourself.

 

thanks....I have faith that there is a reason for all of this......I DO need to be ok with me alone. I am very independent but I would still love to share my love with someone. I guess I need to stop looking so hard. I wish I could just hit the delete button and erase good and bad memories. You are right about the ose colored glasses. I wish I knew why that happens. Usually I miss him and then he calls after a month and soon realize why I was miserable....usually only takes one conversation.......

[Pyro]

Sorry, my reply showed up twice.

[Pyro]

I DO need to be ok with me alone. I am very independent but I would still love to share my love with someone. I guess I need to stop looking so hard.

 

I am exactly the same way as you are. I absolutely can't wait to meet someone to share my love with, but I also do enjoy the alone time because it helps mr figure out what I want out of life and what type of person I am looking to meet. I use to look and try so hard to meet someone, but I learned that it is merely impossible. All that I can say is to go about your day, one day at a time and when you are not trying or thinking about it, you will run into someone nice.

[smile95]

thanks....it is funny....all my friends who are married want my life. Never married no kids and free...I want their lives...married with kids.....however, I think that I need to take things as they come. I truly believe that God has everything worked out for me. I have faith in that. One day I will look back and this time will all make sense. I am 29 and hardy ever dated since I had 2 long term bfs. So I think I am old enough to know now what I want and do not want. Good luck to you all.......