Author Sadman101 Posted February 8, 2022 Author Share Posted February 8, 2022 I’m also watching videos going to therapy I’m really internally changing reading books learning new ways to cope with stress I’ve never done this before I really want to change this opened up my eyes a lot it’s a shame I hurt the love of my life in the process I truly want to make it right Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 8, 2022 Share Posted February 8, 2022 2 hours ago, Sadman101 said: There have been people who reconcile before if you knew me personally you would say he’s not a bad guy everyone is sticking out for me telling her to give me a shot that usually does not happen it’s the paradox of resistance normally but yes she did and I truly understand my ways now If she's fleeing the abuse and filing for divorce, you need to address the divorce papers she had sent. It's possible her family knows about the abuse now and is helping her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 8, 2022 Author Share Posted February 8, 2022 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: If she's fleeing the abuse and filing for divorce, you need to address the divorce papers she had sent. It's possible her family knows about the abuse now and is helping her. Her family wants us to get back together everyone knows I’m a good guy that I made mistakes but it’s not who I am Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 9, 2022 Author Share Posted February 9, 2022 I’m really struggling here idk what to do I have a severe depression I’m going to Therapy I’m reading self improvement books I’m trying so hard it’s getting worse I really love her she is my best friend I can’t just forget her I can’t just move on I’m so sad idk what else to do Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 9, 2022 Share Posted February 9, 2022 If she doesn't want to be together and wants this divorce, all you can do is accept that it's over and that you will need plenty of time to move on. It is going to be difficult, yes. But what other option is there? Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 9, 2022 Share Posted February 9, 2022 4 hours ago, Sadman101 said: I’m really struggling here idk what to do I have a severe depression I’m going to Therapy I’m reading self improvement books I’m trying so hard it’s getting worse I really love her she is my best friend I can’t just forget her I can’t just move on I’m so sad idk what else to do Keep going to therapy and if this therapist is not helping you, then seek another therapist. You cannot control her, nor can you control the outcome. You have to work on accepting the situation as it is and continue to work on yourself. Time will help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 9, 2022 Share Posted February 9, 2022 (edited) Remember that it's only temporary. The feelings of sadness will eventually pass. Is there anyone you can talk to? Someone you trust? Divorce (or any break-up, for that matter) is never pleasant. There is a feeling of failure and disappointment. But I learned to try to be a different person after a break up. Sometimes we learn more from setbacks than we do from successes. . Edited February 9, 2022 by Alpaca 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 I’m sorry I doubted you guys she told me yesterday there was someone else from January 10 a week after the divorce her friends brother who lives overseas and he was here visiting she showed me pictures of them admired it said she won’t apologize for moving on but at the same time yesterday in the morning before I knew this I gave her a gift I bought for her for valentines day she told me we could have a baby via Ivf cause she has a hard time getting pregnant but then says she has no feelings for me at all but cried to my mom said I was the one who was supposed to protect her I failed our marriage she said she’s going to meet with my mom in a couple days idk what to think she said they only kissed but he was visiting he lives over seas the mom of the guy she is talking and brother which is her friend are mad at her not talking to her idk anymore what to think Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 19 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: said I was the one who was supposed to protect her I failed our marriage Have you signed the divorce papers yet? She seems to be on an emotional rollercoaster but determined to dissolve the marriage. Was there abuse in the relationship? Since she filed divorce papers, it's not cheating. You're separated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 29 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Have you signed the divorce papers yet? She seems to be on an emotional rollercoaster but determined to dissolve the marriage. Was there abuse in the relationship? Since she filed divorce papers, it's not cheating. You're separated. I was served only in my state you don’t have to file a answer she didn’t ask for any alimony she just wants the marriage to be dissolved and yes there was abuse at times I'm being honest but I’m a good man No one will love her more then me but I don’t understand why she tells me let’s have a baby using Ivf cause she has trouble getting pregnant we almost kissed yesterday in the morning and then after she told that she said she is sorry then later says she is not sorry she is happy but told my mom I failed the marriage etc she wanted us to work how can someone move on that quick but I’m not going to think about it anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: she just wants the marriage to be dissolved and yes there was abuse. Ok. If there was abuse, the marriage needs to be dissolved. Even refusing to answer the divorce summons is a form of control/abuse. However in the case of abuse, she'll be granted the divorce even if you default. You'll need more than anger management class to sort yourself out. Edited February 13, 2022 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok. If there was abuse, the marriage needs to be dissolved. Even refusing to answer the divorce summons is a form of control/abuse. However in the case of abuse, she'll be granted the divorce even if you default. You'll need more than anger management class to sort yourself out. This was a long time ago all of this came out of nowhere everyone knew I truly loved her you really needed to be involved to understand she also said that she wasn’t intending on having a relationship that it just happened they connect yet he’s overseas I don’t get it Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 Could you use some punctuation?? Put a period at the end of each sentence, and capitalize the first word of a new sentence. It would make it much easier to read you posts. 7 hours ago, Sadman101 said: I was served, only in my state you don’t have to file a answer. She didn’t ask for any alimony. She just wants the marriage to be dissolved, and yes there was abuse at times. I'm being honest, but I’m a good man. No one will love her more then me, but I don’t understand why she tells me "let’s have a baby using Ivf", cause she has trouble getting pregnant. We almost kissed yesterday in the morning, and then after she told that she said she is sorry, then later says she is not sorry. She is happy but told my mom I failed the marriage etc. She wanted us to work. How can someone move on that quick? But I’m not going to think about it anymore. Something like this... It would be easier to understand the flow of your response. I'll also agree with @Wiseman2, you should answer the summons and dissolve the marriage as peacefully as possible. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 38 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Could you use some punctuation?? Put a period at the end of each sentence, and capitalize the first word of a new sentence. It would make it much easier to read you posts. Something like this... It would be easier to understand the flow of your response. I'll also agree with @Wiseman2, you should answer the summons and dissolve the marriage as peacefully as possible. May I ask why should I answer the summons? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 16 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: May I ask why should I answer the summons? I am also trying to make it right with her I’m not a bad guy I really want to eventually solve things with her like you saw in the other message earlier today what she told my mom I really do love her Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 9 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: May I ask why should I answer the summons? It is the adult & proper way to handle a court summons. I'm sure her attorney will be notified that an answer was filed and the attorney will notify your estranged wife of your answer. Waiting for the clock to "time out" on the summons and her receiving a "default judgement" seems cruel (to her). I don't understand why you want to make it more difficult than it has to be. Your estranged wife did not take the decision to have your served, lightly. I'm sure she thought long and hard before telling her attorney to proceed with the process. Making her wait for the summons to "time out" is your way of trying to continue to control her and manipulate the situation towards your favor. It is quite clear, she wants this marriage to be over, why not make it easier, rather than harder on her. If you truly love her and care about her, you'll not want to inflict any more pain on this woman. And yes, the waiting can be horribly painful. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 2 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: I am also trying to make it right with her Too little... too late. If your estranged wife wanted to reconcile, she would have instructed her attorney of that new development and you would have been notified. As it stands, the clock is still ticking on the original "court summons" you were served with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said: Too little... too late. If your estranged wife wanted to reconcile, she would have instructed her attorney of that new development and you would have been notified. As it stands, the clock is still ticking on the original "court summons" you were served with. There is no attorney she cried to my mom yesterday that she doesn’t trust my changes that she will never forgive me for the Ivf not working and us having a kid it seems that she is full of regret it’s a default divorce if I don’t respond Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 14 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: There is no attorney. it’s a default divorce if I don’t respond Who sent the papers? Yes you'll lose by default. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Who sent the papers? Yes you'll lose by default. The Sherieffs sent over the paperwork and I don’t want to answer it because if I do it will make the process longer Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 11 hours ago, Sadman101 said: The Sherieffs sent over the paperwork and I don’t want to answer it because if I do it will make the process longer Who sent the paperwork? Yes a sheriff delivers a summons. At this point it's the courts you're dealing with, not your wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 (edited) On 2/13/2022 at 6:39 AM, Sadman101 said: she just wants the marriage to be dissolved and yes there was abuse at times I'm being honest but I’m a good man No one will love her more then me Let her go. Stop trying to control the situation. You lost this woman due to your own poor behavior. Now you need to accept this and let her move on. The whole "No one will love you more than me" is just another form of emotional abuse. 18 hours ago, Sadman101 said: I am also trying to make it right with her I’m not a bad guy I really want to eventually solve things with her like you saw in the other message earlier today what she told my mom I really do love her I'm sure she does still love you. Again, it doesn't matter whether you're a bad guy or a good guy. She wants out. If you truly love her, you'll stop trying to control her and you'll let her go. I know it's hard to accept, but that is the FIRST step in your growth and trying to be a better man - letting her go without a fight. I want to add that if she's crying to her family and friends, it is probably because you're making it difficult for her. She probably really does love you, but she wants to leave the relationship for a chance at happiness and you are making it very difficult for her. If you really are a good guy, you'll let her go peacefully. Edited February 14, 2022 by vla1120 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Who sent the paperwork? Yes a sheriff delivers a summons. At this point it's the courts you're dealing with, not your wife. It is possible that the wife actually created/prepared the divorce papers that the OP was served with. I did know one woman that couldn't afford an attorney and prepared her own divorce papers. She did all of the appropriate filings with the local court and had her husband served by a process server (which she did have to pay for). So it is possible there is no attorney in the mix on this matter. If memory serves, I do think the woman (I knew that did her own paperwork) did have to appear before a judge or magistrate to have the proper paperwork "rubber stamped". And yes, you are correct, at this point it is in the hands of the court system. The clock is still ticking... Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 16 minutes ago, vla1120 said: I'm sure she does still love you. As vla1120 says, one can have feelings of love for another and still make the decision not to be in a relationship with them because it’s not a healthy relationship. This is the case here - the two of you have been hurting each other for a long time and she has finally said - enough. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 (edited) One thing to remember, Sadman101, is that a relationship is not actually about emotional "love" (although that is certainly wonderful to have) but amounts at its core to a mutual decision to continue it. That's all it is. The necessary converse is that once one partner genuinely decides it's over, it's over, and there is often not much one can do. People who are deeply in love break up all the time for practical reasons such as a job overseas. Also, those who remain in denial when their partner is truly done (which is somewhat common) risk getting bit in the rear end if/when the partner carries through on their intent to leave. Edited February 14, 2022 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
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