Happy Lemming Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 OK... just to clarify something in my own mind. You and your (estranged) wife are NOT using lawyers to affect your divorce. Should I assume you are utilizing the services of an arbitrator?? If so, how far along in the process are you?? Is the process stalled in any way?? If you are not using an arbitrator, who is doing the paperwork?? Marriage is a legal contract... in order to dissolve the marriage paperwork needs to be filed with the proper authority, who is doing the filing?? Are there any issues/problems with the proceedings?? Are either one of you stalling the process?? I guess, I'm wondering if she is taking steps to move towards a final divorce decree or if she is moving towards some type of reconciliation?? You can't reconcile with her, unless she wants to reconcile with you!! It is a two way street, both parties have to want to reconcile to affect that result. I'm assuming she knows your position on the divorce. She may very well be taking this vacation to do some sole searching about the two of you. No one knows what is going through her mind, except her. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 (edited) Seems like what you're asking OP is whether her bringing up that she's going on vacay alone means that she secretly still wants to be with you. I get that that's your wish but I think it's a big leap. One possibility - have you ever asked her if there's someone else, including during your divorce process? For example, when she told you she wanted to split up, did you ask her if there was someone else? Because if so, she might have said that simply because she knows it's a question you were thinking about and she doesn't want to deal with that. Bottom line is this - it might be that she still has feelings for you. It also could be that she really is going to meet up with someone while on vacation. Both of these things are possible, and it doesn't, in the end, really make a difference. Because unless she says she wants to reconcile, she doesn't. I don't know what happened to dissolve your marriage, but it does sound like the marriage is still headed for divorce. I assume you've asked her to reconsider and she's said no. I'm sorry, but that means she's still planning on it. Best thing you can do here is let go and work on those issues you mentioned about how to be a better partner to someone in general, not specifically to her. Edited January 28, 2022 by serial muse Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted January 28, 2022 Author Share Posted January 28, 2022 14 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: OK... just to clarify something in my own mind. You and your (estranged) wife are NOT using lawyers to affect your divorce. Should I assume you are utilizing the services of an arbitrator?? If so, how far along in the process are you?? Is the process stalled in any way?? If you are not using an arbitrator, who is doing the paperwork?? Marriage is a legal contract... in order to dissolve the marriage paperwork needs to be filed with the proper authority, who is doing the filing?? Are there any issues/problems with the proceedings?? Are either one of you stalling the process?? I guess, I'm wondering if she is taking steps to move towards a final divorce decree or if she is moving towards some type of reconciliation?? You can't reconcile with her, unless she wants to reconcile with you!! It is a two way street, both parties have to want to reconcile to affect that result. I'm assuming she knows your position on the divorce. She may very well be taking this vacation to do some sole searching about the two of you. No one knows what is going through her mind, except her. Her friend just told me she tried to call me idk why Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 1 minute ago, Sadman101 said: Her friend just told me she tried to call me idk why Any reason why she wouldn't call you directly?? Why involve a friend?? I assume you have "voicemail" on your phone, she could easily leave a message, correct?? What is the status of your divorce proceedings?? Is the paperwork completed?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted January 28, 2022 Author Share Posted January 28, 2022 1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said: Any reason why she wouldn't call you directly?? Why involve a friend?? I assume you have "voicemail" on your phone, she could easily leave a message, correct?? What is the status of your divorce proceedings?? Is the paperwork completed?? She did try to call me I just didn’t get the call she told her friend to tell me she tried and she filed the paperwork I got served last week but she is trying to contact me she is a mutual friend just to inform me she tried to call me Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 1 minute ago, Sadman101 said: She did try to call me I just didn’t get the call she told her friend to tell me she tried OK... well that happens. Personally I get poor signal in my home, so I do miss a call from time to time. Why do you think she didn't leave a message?? Did your (mutual) friend deliver a message that she wants you to call her back?? Or that she'll attempt to call you later?? I wouldn't hang a lot of hope on an attempted phone call, especially given the fact that she filed paperwork with the proper authorities. 4 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: ...she filed the paperwork I got served last week Usually, when you are served (legally) you have to respond with an answer (in a certain time frame). Again, I'm assuming there is some 3rd party handling the paperwork, do you have instructions how to respond?? Is this 3rd party a mutually agreed upon arbitrator?? Have you had an attorney review the paperwork you were served?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted January 28, 2022 Author Share Posted January 28, 2022 7 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: OK... well that happens. Personally I get poor signal in my home, so I do miss a call from time to time. Why do you think she didn't leave a message?? Did your (mutual) friend deliver a message that she wants you to call her back?? Or that she'll attempt to call you later?? I wouldn't hang a lot of hope on an attempted phone call, especially given the fact that she filed paperwork with the proper authorities. Usually, when you are served (legally) you have to respond with an answer (in a certain time frame). Again, I'm assuming there is some 3rd party handling the paperwork, do you have instructions how to respond?? Is this 3rd party a mutually agreed upon arbitrator?? Have you had an attorney review the paperwork you were served?? She didn’t leave a message cause I didn’t get the call. And why would I file a response for I want it come from her not me trying to force her Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 4 hours ago, Sadman101 said: Yes it’s what I am hoping for I really hurt her she was such a good wife I mistreated her and behaved bad and I am getting the help I need to change subconsciously so I can really be a better me I truly miss her I really want to reconcile with her she is very hurt she cries every-time her friends bring me up we have common friends that she introduced me to when we first met It's good that you are making changes, but the changes have to be for you, not for her. Don't talk about making changes. Prove to her that you ARE making changes. Even then, however, it may be too little too late for her. If so, just let her go find happiness. That's what you should want for her, if you truly care about her. If, down the road, after she sees you've made changes, maybe you can explore your relationship with her, but don't put the cart before the horse. For now, let her go and work on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 1 minute ago, Sadman101 said: She didn’t leave a message cause I didn’t get the call. When I don't get good signal & miss a call, my cell phone/carrier allows the caller to leave a message. Does your cell phone do that?? OK... I guess that really doesn't matter. Did the mutual friend tell you she wants you to call her back or will she attempt to call you again?? 4 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: And why would I file a response... Because you are legally bound to file a response. 7 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: ...for I want it come from her not me trying to force her She filed paperwork and had you served, the ball is now in your court. You are not forcing anything, she has taken a step forward in the divorce process by having you served. At the end of the day, I really do think you need some expert legal advice from an attorney who is going to advocate for you. You need to understand the process and how it affects you. Write down all of your questions... everything from divorce to reconciliation, to all financial matters, etc. You need to be properly informed about the laws in your jurisdiction and how the process works. I know you are sad, but you still need to protect yourself, including your present & future assets & income. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 (edited) I’m sorry. It would seem like your marriage is ending and you really should get legal counsel. Edited January 28, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 1 hour ago, Sadman101 said: she filed the paperwork I got served last week You need an attorney asap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 There are times when people simply decide they're done (for whatever reason). It's natural that they then start to do things independently and enjoy/live their lives as they see fit. Sometimes there's not much you can do except to accept the situation (although that's easier said than done) and mourn and emotionally process the loss of the relationship before moving on. Certainly reconciliation is sometimes possible. However, given that she's off to go have fun so soon after serving you a divorce, it sounds like she has been planning this for a while now. It seems quite deliberate and well-thought out. So, it's likely IMO that "the decision's been made" and there may be little point in efforts on your side to reconcile, unfortunately, and you may be better off saving efforts to "be a better man" for the next partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted January 28, 2022 Author Share Posted January 28, 2022 59 minutes ago, mark clemson said: There are times when people simply decide they're done (for whatever reason). It's natural that they then start to do things independently and enjoy/live their lives as they see fit. Sometimes there's not much you can do except to accept the situation (although that's easier said than done) and mourn and emotionally process the loss of the relationship before moving on. Certainly reconciliation is sometimes possible. However, given that she's off to go have fun so soon after serving you a divorce, it sounds like she has been planning this for a while now. It seems quite deliberate and well-thought out. So, it's likely IMO that "the decision's been made" and there may be little point in efforts on your side to reconcile, unfortunately, and you may be better off saving efforts to "be a better man" for the next partner. I mean I don’t understand the fact why she is trying to call me as well she is very sad about the situation as well Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 13 hours ago, Sadman101 said: There are no concerns she told me she was going on vaction I never asked her about she just told me and made sure to say she is going alone then said so I don’t think anything as in her with another guy if we are in the process of divorce why would she say that for if i didn’t even ask I'm not sure why she would say something like that. You're once again estranged and going through a divorce. You're not obliged to pay heed to her reasoning, and what she does on vacation isn't your primary concern, but she may have done so out of courtesy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted January 28, 2022 Author Share Posted January 28, 2022 I mean she is not the type to mess around or anything not that it matters because that’s not what I am worried about or asked about she is very kind but also very hurt I broke her she cries A lot her friends tell me I wish I can Make it right Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 53 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: she is trying to call me as well she is very sad about the situation as well She may simply be being honest about her feelings. Emotions are often not 100% either/or. She can be sad about leaving but still be 100% resolved to do so. If she calls off the divorce, THEN maybe get your hopes up. Unless that happens I'd say don't bother grasping at straws, it isn't likely to do anything but extend your distress, unfortunately... Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 Since you hurt so badly, the least you can do to her, the last act, let it be an act of kindness and let her be.. Leave her alone! Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 29, 2022 Share Posted January 29, 2022 She may have been calling to see if you have secured an attorney, so you can file an answer to the divorce papers (you were served). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted January 29, 2022 Author Share Posted January 29, 2022 No she would’ve asked me directly and she didn’t ask Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 29, 2022 Share Posted January 29, 2022 1 minute ago, Sadman101 said: No she would’ve asked me directly and she didn’t ask Has she tried to call again, since your (mutual) friend told you she was trying to contact you?? Did your mutual friend tell you that you were supposed to return her call?? Maybe send her an email, telling her "Mutual Friend" told me you were trying to get a hold of me?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted January 29, 2022 Author Share Posted January 29, 2022 Her mutual friend did tell me to reach out to her yes but I’m trying to not contact her as she is on vacation Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 29, 2022 Share Posted January 29, 2022 14 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: Her mutual friend did tell me to reach out to her yes but I’m trying to not contact her as she is on vacation Why?? If she got word to you to call her, why haven't you done so?? Wouldn't that be similar to returning a voicemail message?? Again, I don't understand the need to involve this "mutual friend" when she could have left you a voicemail telling you exactly what she wanted... Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 29, 2022 Share Posted January 29, 2022 9 hours ago, Sadman101 said: I’m trying to not contact her as she is on vacation That's fine. You don't have to communicate with her at all. Just hire an attorney to answer to the summons. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted January 29, 2022 Author Share Posted January 29, 2022 55 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: That's fine. You don't have to communicate with her at all. Just hire an attorney to answer to the summons. May I ask what’s the point she is Not asking for anything except a divorce she isn’t asking for alimony or anything we don’t have children if she just wants a divorce then I’m probably not going to answer the summons she just wants the divorce that’s it I looked it over Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 29, 2022 Share Posted January 29, 2022 2 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: I’m probably not going to answer the summons . Research what happens if you don't answer the summons and if she'll win by default. You're the defendant, she's the plaintiff. It's a lawsuit. Your marriage is a legal contract that needs to be dissolved by the courts. You don't have to hire an attorney, you can answer pro se. However ignoring it won't stop the divorce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts