BaileyB Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 16 minutes ago, vla1120 said: I'm sure she does still love you. As vla1120 says, one can have feelings of love for another and still make the decision not to be in a relationship with them because it’s not a healthy relationship. This is the case here - the two of you have been hurting each other for a long time and she has finally said - enough. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 (edited) One thing to remember, Sadman101, is that a relationship is not actually about emotional "love" (although that is certainly wonderful to have) but amounts at its core to a mutual decision to continue it. That's all it is. The necessary converse is that once one partner genuinely decides it's over, it's over, and there is often not much one can do. People who are deeply in love break up all the time for practical reasons such as a job overseas. Also, those who remain in denial when their partner is truly done (which is somewhat common) risk getting bit in the rear end if/when the partner carries through on their intent to leave. Edited February 14, 2022 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 14, 2022 Author Share Posted February 14, 2022 She just told me she wants to sleep with this other man and she feels a connection with him yea I think it’s time I let go the pain I feel after hearing this is unbearable thank you all for your advice 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 22 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: She just told me she wants to sleep with this other man and she feels a connection with him yea I think it’s time I let go the pain I feel after hearing this is unbearable thank you all for your advice I am sorry to hear that and I know you that you hurting. Just know that you WILL feel better as time goes by. Keep doing the things you are doing to improve. I know you said the abuse was an isolated incident. I hope you are successfully able to address what lead to that situation so that it does not happen in the future with someone new, and you will meet someone new, maybe someone you are better suited for, just give yourself some time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 14, 2022 Author Share Posted February 14, 2022 35 minutes ago, vla1120 said: I am sorry to hear that and I know you that you hurting. Just know that you WILL feel better as time goes by. Keep doing the things you are doing to improve. I know you said the abuse was an isolated incident. I hope you are successfully able to address what lead to that situation so that it does not happen in the future with someone new, and you will meet someone new, maybe someone you are better suited for, just give yourself some time. How can one go on to someone else that quick it hasn’t even been a month since the papers were served I’m really hurt Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 6 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: How can one go on to someone else that quick it hasn’t even been a month since the papers were served I got dumped by one girlfriend at 6:00pm (by phone), so I showered up and went to my local bar. By closing time, I was sleeping with her replacement. I proved to myself that I didn't need that previous girlfriend in my life, if she didn't want me, then I could find someone else and with ease. Your estranged wife may be thinking the same way. It may be a way of "cleansing" you out of her system. More than one woman has told me... the best way to get over a man, is to get underneath another one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 (edited) On 1/28/2022 at 1:01 AM, Sadman101 said: Wife and I are going through she is going away on vacation and told me that she is going alone and didn’t have to explain anything to me but I didn’t ask she said she does not want me to think anything as if I thought she is going with another guy or to meet a new guy why is this? Thank you You are hoping it means she cares, doesn't want you to get the wrong idea and she is leaving the door open for a reconciliation. But if this as you imply was an abusive relationship then she may not want to anger and annoy you in case it sets you off. Her motivation may be more about fear than love. Edited February 14, 2022 by elaine567 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 15, 2022 Share Posted February 15, 2022 2 hours ago, Sadman101 said: How can one go on to someone else that quick it hasn’t even been a month since the papers were served I’m really hurt She may have been thinking about divorce for a very long time. It may not be so sudden for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 15, 2022 Share Posted February 15, 2022 3 hours ago, Sadman101 said: How can one go on to someone else that quick it hasn’t even been a month since the papers were served I’m really hurt I did much the same when I left my ex-h. It was easy to do because I felt so great about having left the marriage. I basically hit the ground running. Link to post Share on other sites
seadoug105 Posted February 15, 2022 Share Posted February 15, 2022 A little thought…. She probably only told you because someone else was going too.. and the “facts” are most likely limited to what that person knew or could prove. You will NEVER know the whole truth, but odds are you only know the tip of the iceberg. as for the baby IVF…. What better way to lock you in as a solid plan-B. personally I think you should be vengeful and seek a revenge that will haunt her for the rest of her years. And the only true way to do that is to cut bait, go no contact, reach indifference, become the best you possible, and live the best life possible. If you truly achieve this, when you cross paths again with you beautiful wife and children, she will just be “someone you use to know.” Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 15, 2022 Author Share Posted February 15, 2022 8 hours ago, basil67 said: I did much the same when I left my ex-h. It was easy to do because I felt so great about having left the marriage. I basically hit the ground running. I’m sorry for the late reply I work it’s tough sometimes to reply right away but then yesterday at the same time she says your going to make me do something I really don’t want to do sleep with him if I don’t leave her alone that I’m pushing her away but 2 days prior to that she told my mom she loves me cares for me that she does not know how she feels she’s scared that I can never change I hurt her beyond any words can explain she said so I’m confused it seems like she is going through the motions herself Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 15, 2022 Share Posted February 15, 2022 2 hours ago, Sadman101 said: she’s scared that I can never change. Did she move out? Who is in the marital home? You don't need an attorney, if you choose to go pro se. You can probably google if ignoring a court order will simply lead to a default divorce or a contempt of court issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 20, 2022 Author Share Posted February 20, 2022 This is weird it seems like she is talking to me again very little it’s weird to ask but I know her today she asked me about putting her in the deed of the house that I bought before we got married I said I’ll work on it she said talk is cheap then after that she said I need to accept we tried to have a healthy marriage but it was toxic that it’s time to move on random much? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 13 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: today she asked me about putting her in the deed of the house that I bought before we got married. she said I need to accept we tried to have a healthy marriage but it was toxic. That makes the divorce less complicated. She can more easily walk away if there are limited joint assets. However check with your attorney on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 20, 2022 Author Share Posted February 20, 2022 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: That makes the divorce less complicated. She can more easily walk away if there are limited joint assets. However check with your attorney on that. She didn’t place anything in the divorce assists she’s does not want anything but this was the kindest conversation we had in a while I just wonder why she asked me about it it sounded like regret and we’re going to sit down me here and her older sister as well soon so idk and my attorney told me that whatever I owned before getting married she is not entitled to it regardless Edited February 20, 2022 by Sadman101 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 On 2/15/2022 at 4:10 AM, Sadman101 said: I’m sorry for the late reply I work it’s tough sometimes to reply right away but then yesterday at the same time she says your going to make me do something I really don’t want to do sleep with him if I don’t leave her alone that I’m pushing her away but 2 days prior to that she told my mom she loves me cares for me that she does not know how she feels she’s scared that I can never change I hurt her beyond any words can explain she said so I’m confused it seems like she is going through the motions herself Do you know if your mom is the one who contacted her and found out this info or did she contact your mom and tell her that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 20, 2022 Author Share Posted February 20, 2022 8 minutes ago, stillafool said: Do you know if your mom is the one who contacted her and found out this info or did she contact your mom and tell her that. She contacted my mom Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 3 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: She contacted my mom That's a good sign. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 20, 2022 Author Share Posted February 20, 2022 1 minute ago, stillafool said: That's a good sign. Let’s see Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 21, 2022 Author Share Posted February 21, 2022 I just wonder why she asked me to put her on the house deed I always told her I’d always be there for her that I’d always have her back but we’re going to talk about it when we meet her older sister as well I hear resentment in her voice that she wanted us to work I also hear maybe we could try again but it could also be my own hope who knows Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 12 hours ago, Sadman101 said: my attorney told me that whatever I owned before getting married she is not entitled to. How long have you been married? Where is she staying now? She has no reason to stay in the marriage since you claim you were abusive and there is nothing to keep her there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 21, 2022 Author Share Posted February 21, 2022 9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How long have you been married? Where is she staying now? She has no reason to stay in the marriage since you claim you were abusive and there is nothing to keep her there. 2 years but like I said we’re meeting with the older sister but she seems very hurt she wanted us to work she told me she wanted us to grow old that she misses how we use to be it wasn’t always bad Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 On 2/15/2022 at 9:10 AM, Sadman101 said: she told my mom she loves me cares for me that she does not know how she feels she’s scared that I can never change I hurt her beyond any words can explain she said so I’m confused it seems like she is going through the motions herself She is a victim of the self confessed "abuse" you doled out. She wants to still love you, trust you but you killed it. She can't erase all those bad memories. Her head is telling her to stay away from you for her own peace of mind and safety. Truth is people rarely truly change and it is all so easy to get back into the same old dysfunctional and abusive dynamics. I think you should move on to another relationship with a determination and resolve to treat the next woman far better. Learn from your mistake. This current broken relationship is not fixable. Even if she does come back it will never be a good solid relationship, too much water has flowed under that bridge.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 22, 2022 Author Share Posted February 22, 2022 And now today I sent her a message if I did get the paperwork to put her on the house deed would she sign it and she totally ignored me Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 23, 2022 Share Posted February 23, 2022 On 2/22/2022 at 12:14 AM, Sadman101 said: ... and she totally ignored me Perhaps you should hire an attorney and allow him/her to handle the communication with your estranged wife. Link to post Share on other sites
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