vla1120 Posted February 23, 2022 Share Posted February 23, 2022 On 2/22/2022 at 2:14 AM, Sadman101 said: And now today I sent her a message if I did get the paperwork to put her on the house deed would she sign it and she totally ignored me Depending on what state you live in, your house (premarital property) could be protected from her. Why would you put her on the deed and give away half of your house? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 27, 2022 Author Share Posted February 27, 2022 We’re both having a sit down with her sister tomorrow I pretty much told her if she is really done with me and can’t forgive me to state it in front of her sister and I’ll let her go forever because she also finds reasons to message me Almost daily her sister is well respected and older and mature she actually wants us to reconcile but no one can force it as well prayers please o wrote a letter to her Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 27, 2022 Share Posted February 27, 2022 5 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: We’re both having a sit down with her sister tomorrow I pretty much told her if she is really done with me and can’t forgive me to state it in front of her sister and I’ll let her go forever because she also finds reasons to message me Almost daily her sister is well respected and older and mature she actually wants us to reconcile but no one can force it as well prayers please o wrote a letter to her Good luck with your sit down. If she really is done with you, then you need to go no contact. Block her so she cannot message you. Do NOT put her on the deed to your home. Tell her the only communication will be through your lawyers and then file for divorce. Then, you should continue to work on yourself to rectify the things you believe led to the failure of this marriage. Do it not only for yourself, but for any future partners as you move forward in life. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is close one door so that another door opens. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 27, 2022 Share Posted February 27, 2022 7 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: I pretty much told her if she is really done with me and can’t forgive me to state it in front of her sister What does her sister have to do with it? Is this an arranged marriage where elders are presiding over things in some way? She already contacted an attorney to file for divorce. All you have to do is answer the summons. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 27, 2022 Share Posted February 27, 2022 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: What does her sister have to do with it? Is this an arranged marriage where elders are presiding over things in some way? I also find the sister's involvement strange. Her sister should not be a factor at all, OP. You're grasping at straws. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 27, 2022 Share Posted February 27, 2022 With the suggestion of abuse involved, is the sister actually acting as some sort of a chaperone, in case it all goes nasty? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 27, 2022 Author Share Posted February 27, 2022 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: What does her sister have to do with it? Is this an arranged marriage where elders are presiding over things in some way? She already contacted an attorney to file for divorce. All you have to do is answer the summons. How many times do I have to say there are no attorneys involved??? Read before you respond thanks this was not a arraigned marriage and we are a pretty close family overall they love me cause I’m a genuine person they tried to talk to both of us last week but I was busy with work Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 27, 2022 Author Share Posted February 27, 2022 12 minutes ago, elaine567 said: With the suggestion of abuse involved, is the sister actually acting as some sort of a chaperone, in case it all goes nasty? Absolutely not it was just both of us losing our cool during the marriage nothing Communication couldn’t fix Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 27, 2022 Share Posted February 27, 2022 2 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: we are a pretty close family overall they love me cause I’m a genuine person. Perhaps in your jurisdiction divorce summonses are delivered by the sheriff, but it was initiated by your wife and whoever drew up the summons. Her family are unaware of the abuse? It's still unclear why family members handle divorce in your area.🤷♂️ Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 27, 2022 Share Posted February 27, 2022 1 hour ago, Sadman101 said: How many times do I have to say there are no attorneys involved??? Read before you respond thanks this was not a arraigned marriage and we are a pretty close family overall they love me cause I’m a genuine person they tried to talk to both of us last week but I was busy with work Maybe there SHOULD be an attorney involved. She wants to divorce you, but she asked you to put HER name on YOUR house deed, so clearly, she intends to take what she can from the marriage. I was able to divorce without any attorneys involved, but that's because there was not conflict and the divorce at the time was amicable. You can't even meet with your wife without family being involved. Also, the fact that family is SO involved in your marriage is a bit telling, in my opinion. You keep saying you're a genuine person, a nice guy, and yet there was abuse in the past. I'm not sure who you're trying to convince, but I think you might be obsessing and you're not willing to let her go. I know what a codependent relationship looks like, especially when one of them is trying to leave the relationship but the other won't allow it easily. Kindly and gently, the more you protest, the more I think that's what's going on, here. You are not willing to let her go, so she keeps having to try to convince you and now family is involved. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 27, 2022 Share Posted February 27, 2022 3 hours ago, Sadman101 said: Absolutely not it was just both of us losing our cool during the marriage nothing Communication couldn’t fix So why does her sister need to be present for this conversation tomorrow? Are you hoping she wil convince your wife to change her mind? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 28, 2022 Share Posted February 28, 2022 9 hours ago, Sadman101 said: Absolutely not it was just both of us losing our cool during the marriage nothing Communication couldn’t fix If it was that simple, the issues would have been fixed already Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted February 28, 2022 Author Share Posted February 28, 2022 47 minutes ago, basil67 said: If it was that simple, the issues would have been fixed already That’s the thing commucation was lacking I mean hindsight 20/20 now it’s easy to say but let’s see Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted March 3, 2022 Author Share Posted March 3, 2022 Yesterday she messed me and told me I should buy her a rental property since she was a good wife to me don’t mean we are solving anything she said but that it’s the right thing to do I’m confused ? Idk what to think Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 3, 2022 Share Posted March 3, 2022 34 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: Yesterday she messed me and told me I should buy her a rental property since she was a good wife. Is she going forward with the divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted March 3, 2022 Author Share Posted March 3, 2022 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Is she going forward with the divorce? As of now yes which is why I’m very confused my first thought was maybe she was having some regret filing but she is still seeing this other guy even though he is overseas this is beyond confusing Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 3, 2022 Share Posted March 3, 2022 3 minutes ago, Sadman101 said: As of now yes. my first thought was maybe she was having some regret filing Ok. Then there's no need to try to persuade her to drop the case. All you can do is answer the summons. Since you kept your assets in your name, the divorce should be rather uncomplicated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted March 3, 2022 Author Share Posted March 3, 2022 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok. Then there's no need to try to persuade her to drop the case. All you can do is answer the summons. Since you kept your assets in your name, the divorce should be rather uncomplicated. Absolutely I’m just wondering why she sent me that message for I didn’t try to ask her to drop the case I just wonder why she sent me that Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 3, 2022 Share Posted March 3, 2022 (edited) 6 hours ago, Sadman101 said: Yesterday she messed me and told me I should buy her a rental property since she was a good wife to me This would I suppose depend on your financial situation and "philosophy" towards such things. Speaking generally, I'd say it would be a "No" as once you divorce (and the intent is clearly there) her finances are her own business except insofar as division of marital assets and spousal or other support is determined by a court. IF on the other hand you are a multi-millionaire and able to easily afford such a thing purely for sentimental reasons, then perhaps it might be worth considering. It sounds like she may be trying to exploit your lingering feelings for her and/or desire to get back together for financial gain. You might consider whether that is actually the case or not. It also seems like she may feel a certain sense of entitlement, as a rental property seems like a big ask for most normal folks. Edited March 3, 2022 by mark clemson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted March 3, 2022 Author Share Posted March 3, 2022 17 minutes ago, mark clemson said: This would I suppose depend on your financial situation and "philosophy" towards such things. Speaking generally, I'd say it would be a "No" as once you divorce (and the intent is clearly there) her finances are her own business except insofar as division of marital assets and spousal or other support is determined by a court. IF on the other hand you are a multi-millionaire and able to easily afford such a thing purely for sentimental reasons, then perhaps it might be worth considering. It sounds like she may be trying to exploit your lingering feelings for her and/or desire to get back together for financial gain. You might consider whether that is actually the case or not. It also seems like she may feel a certain sense of entitlement, as a rental property seems like a big ask for most normal folks. Thank you she was never the type to want anything she always tried to help as well with food and stuff I never wanted her to but she tried I found it weird when she bought it up 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted March 3, 2022 Share Posted March 3, 2022 6 hours ago, Sadman101 said: Absolutely I’m just wondering why she sent me that message for I didn’t try to ask her to drop the case I just wonder why she sent me that Because she's trying to get what she can from you, which is also why she asked you to put her name on your house deed. SHE's the one who filed for divoce. SHE's the one who left the marriage. Her living expenses are going to be HER responsibility, now. You need to talk to a lawyer to make sure your interests are protected and then answer her complaint and let the divorce go through. She's already with another man. You should want to be done with her and take this time to work on yourself and your future. Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted March 4, 2022 Share Posted March 4, 2022 Why on God's green earth would you even consider putting her on the deed to a house that you owned before you got married? This woman wants half of your property and is going to divorce you anyway. Your lawyer even advised you that she is not entitled to any assets that you owned before marriage. This is the case in my state, as well. It doesn't matter how giving she was during the marriage, it's clear from her responses to you right now that she is looking to take half of anything of any value (your home that you owned before her!)--not as a step toward reconciliation--but so that she can have financial security after the divorce is finalized. *****Do not, repeat, DO NOT put her on the deed to your house.***** She is divorcing you and looking to garner your assets in the meantime. This is not a peace offering to save your marriage. It would be downright foolish to put her on the deed. Of course she's being nice in this conversation, she's being just nice enough to try to get you to part take in her plans of taking your assets when she already has a backup man in the wings that she is planning on moving on with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted March 4, 2022 Share Posted March 4, 2022 She is also asking for a rental property because her end goal is to obtain a place to live from you when she leaves--either directly in the form of being put down on your deed or via you purchasing her a residence outright. This is very inadvisable. She doesn't want you, she wants the financial security you can give her right now as she prepares her exit. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 4, 2022 Share Posted March 4, 2022 17 hours ago, Sadman101 said: Thank you she was never the type to want anything she always tried to help as well with food and stuff I never wanted her to but she tried I found it weird when she bought it up You have only been married 2 years and you stated there was abuse and no joint assets. She doesn't want anything from you, so offering enticements to dissuade her from divorce isn't working. You can ignore the summons but she seems resolute in wanting to dissolve the marriage. Eventually you'll have to answer to the courts about the divorce papers that were delivered to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadman101 Posted March 4, 2022 Author Share Posted March 4, 2022 I haven’t offered anything she is the one who wants it now not me and the divorce will just be a default divorce but she is messaging me now last couple days telling me how I failed the marriage and etc and how she’s Happy in her new life that she changed that she is selfish and heartless now even though I don’t ever initiate contact Link to post Share on other sites
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