Lovelorn_lady Posted March 21, 2022 Share Posted March 21, 2022 I did and said some stupid things recently that made my boyfriend annoyed with me. He blocked me on Facebook, but not Instagram or a spare phone I have. We’ve been communicating on that. Yesterday I sent him a message telling him some stuff, and in that message, I told him, “…I need to know if things are going to be okay with us. Are you needing some time and space, are things over, are we okay?” He texted back saying he needed some time and space. I told him that was okay and I will respect it and we’ll talk about stuff when he’s ready. He responded, “okay.” Well, this morning I got 2 messages from him. One saying, “We do have a lot on common.” I am not sure what he meant by this. It seemed a bit out of context. Then the second one he sent said, “I’m annoyed at you.” I do know why he’s annoyed at me. I texted him back and said, “I know you are. You have every right to be. I did some stuff that annoyed you lately. I’m sorry for that. I won’t do those things again. I can promise you that. Are you ready to talk about things?” He responded only with, “I’m not mad, though.” I replied, “I’m glad you’re not mad at me. That makes me feel a little better.” Then I sent another text saying, “keep telling me your thoughts and feelings so I can better understand where you’re at.” I haven’t heard from him since, that was almost 5 hours ago. Was that a little too much, did I push him further away or annoy him more by saying that to him? I’m worried that may have pushed him more away, rather than making him feel supported and more ready to talk. I thought it was supportive to him. It seemed like he was ready to talk, but I worry saying that made him not want to. Will he reach out again? What should I do next. I guess there is not much I can do except just wait for him to reach out, if he does. How do I not further annoy him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 21, 2022 Share Posted March 21, 2022 10 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: I did and said some stupid things recently that made my boyfriend annoyed with me. He blocked me on Facebook, but not Instagram or a spare phone I have. We’ve been communicating on that. Yesterday I sent him a message telling him some stuff, and in that message, I told him, “…I need to know if things are going to be okay with us. Are you needing some time and space, are things over, are we okay?” What did you say? Don't beg. Let him cool off and let the dust settle. Wait until he reaches out. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 21, 2022 Share Posted March 21, 2022 A look back at your history shows this has been going on since late November. It's been four months now and it's clear that he will never forgive you for dumping him. It's time to block him and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SingFish Posted March 21, 2022 Share Posted March 21, 2022 53 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: What should I do next. Get on with your own life. If you've apologized and tried to fix things and he's still messing about it sounds like he has a bit of growing up to do. People who can't let go of things are too high maintenance! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 16 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said: He blocked me on Facebook, but not Instagram or a spare phone I have. This is incredibly immature of him, and it's game-playing. I would kick a guy to the curb if he pulled malarkey like that. It says everything about his mindset (Hint: juvenile, selfish and punitive) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 He may be blocking you if you’re verbally abusive and harassing him. What kinds of “stupid things” are we talking about here? Questioning him about women on social media etc? When irritated, pause. Think about why. When someone draws back, pause also. Think about whether they’re retreating from you because you’re offensive or harassing. Perhaps you have also done nothing wrong or believe so. In this case you do believe you were in the wrong. It sounds quite dysfunctional at the moment. Don’t keep bothering him if he’s not responding to you. You seem to be clamouring for attention or need his input. Watch his actions to infer what he’s feeling. You don’t need someone to spell it out verbally. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 16 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said: I texted him back and said Then I sent another text saying Is this an on/off situation? Is this the same man?: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 Basically, what happened that night is I sent him a drunk text saying that I wanted him to leave me alone. However, I sent that message by accident. I meant to delete it and accidentally hit send. Then he blocked me. That’s what caused all this. I didn’t mean what I said in that message. I explained all of it to him. I apologized a few times. Yesterday afternoon I got a message from him asking me why I would think and say that. I explained in detail exactly what happened. Again I told him that I didn’t mean to send the message. That I didn’t mean what I said. I explained everything. Then I got a text back from him last night saying “I understand about you being scared about your eyesight.” This factors in, too because it’s part of this. I’m about to have major eye surgery. Anyway, he sent another message right after that saying, “You thought dumping me would make your eye sight situation better?” I texted back saying, “No, I didn’t feel that way at all.” Then another one, “I didn’t dump you, and that wasn’t my intention.” Again, like I said, I sent that initial drunk text that caused all this by accident. I didn’t mean it send it and I didn’t mean what I said in it. I explained that to him a couple of times. He hasn’t responded to that last text I sent saying I didn’t dump him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Is this an on/off situation? Is this the same man?: Yes, this is the same man. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: Basically, what happened that night is I sent him a drunk text saying that I wanted him to leave me alone. However, I sent that message by accident. I meant to delete it and accidentally hit send. Then he blocked me. That’s what caused all this. I didn’t mean what I said in that message. I explained all of it to him. I apologized a few times. Yesterday afternoon I got a message from him asking me why I would think and say that. I explained in detail exactly what happened. Again I told him that I didn’t mean to send the message. That I didn’t mean what I said. I explained everything. Then I got a text back from him last night saying “I understand about you being scared about your eyesight.” This factors in, too because it’s part of this. I’m about to have major eye surgery. Anyway, he sent another message right after that saying, “You thought dumping me would make your eye sight situation better?” I texted back saying, “No, I didn’t feel that way at all.” Then another one, “I didn’t dump you, and that wasn’t my intention.” Again, like I said, I sent that initial drunk text that caused all this by accident. I didn’t mean it send it and I didn’t mean what I said in it. I explained that to him a couple of times. He hasn’t responded to that last text I sent saying I didn’t dump him. He seems perpetually in a bad mood and annoyed. What is the point of being with someone like that? You’ve apologized so stop reaching out and apologizing or worrying so much that you pissed him off. At some point you have to realize it’s not a you problem anymore. It’s a him problem. If he wants to see you again he’ll have to act like it. Otherwise you have better things to do. Edited March 22, 2022 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 11 minutes ago, glows said: He seems perpetually in a bad mood and annoyed. What is the point of being with someone like that? You’ve apologized so stop reaching out and apologizing or worrying so much that you pissed him off. At some point you have to realize it’s not a you problem anymore. It’s a him problem. He is annoyed. That‘s why I’m treading carefully and not contacting him first. I’m trying to watch what I say so I don’t annoy him further. I know it‘s not my problem anymore. I did everything I could. I apologized, I explained things, and I was honest with him. It is his problem now. Frankly, I’m pretty pissed off at him! That he keeps doing this. I think he’s being ridiculous. He needs to either stop this immature game he’s playing or I’m done with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: or I’m done with him. Go straight to this. It's your decision. Being treated as a yo-yo in an on/off situation where he's playing games and your walking on eggs seems like a waste of your time, no? Edited March 22, 2022 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 If I have the story right from the previous thread, you broke up with him in November because he had blown you off for a couple of scheduled dates or plans. However you then told him you didn't really want to break up and he responded with cryptic comments at that time as well that you weren't sure of their meaning. You eventually patched things up, but then you had an emotional outburst with him, and once again went through the same cycle - his cryptic comments, you reaching out to see where you stood. I don't think either of you are handling things in a mature manner. Honestly, if you repeatedly feel the need to (fake) break up with him or to have emotional outbursts or texts, this relationship probably doesn't have what it takes to last. It doesn't matter that you didn't mean to send the text. It's like loading a gun and pointing it and then saying you didn't mean to shoot someone, it went off by mistake. Your emotions are uncontrolled and his communication skills are seriously lacking. Stop the repetitive cycles and move on. It shouldn't be this hard. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 8 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: He is annoyed. That‘s why I’m treading carefully and not contacting him first. I’m trying to watch what I say so I don’t annoy him further. I know it‘s not my problem anymore. I did everything I could. I apologized, I explained things, and I was honest with him. It is his problem now. Frankly, I’m pretty pissed off at him! That he keeps doing this. I think he’s being ridiculous. He needs to either stop this immature game he’s playing or I’m done with him. It could have been done last year. Move on then and don’t do this back and forth anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 I do feel like texting him and telling him that we either figure things out, or we end it. i can’t keep doing this with him. He needs to man up and and talk to me openly and honestly and stop this game, or he needs to be out of my life. I am worried about sending anything right now, though because I don’t want to cause more problems. Yeah, I messed up AGAIN! It was my fault. I am open to working things out with him, but this off/on thing needs to stop. I’m wondering if I’ll even hear from him again. I know, if I don’t, I don’t. Move on! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 2 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: Yeah, I messed up AGAIN! It was my fault. What did you do that you think annoyed him? Tell us and we will tell you if his point is valid. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 (edited) My thought would be to not "push" - give him some time to process this text you sent. He'll come back to you IF he's ready. He's having 2nd thoughts and from the whole picture here, I think that's understandable. I think if you truly want to be with him you need to stop sabotaging things. Firmly making up YOUR mind may be more important than whatever he is thinking IF he comes back. You don't seem overly distressed at the prospect of potentially losing him. IF he comes back you hopefully will be able to mend things with "sweetness" (and not further damaging things) as he's apparently pretty tolerant and so must either really like you a lot or really want to be in a relationship and finds you an acceptable partner. You might consider doing some internet research on "attachment styles" as it sounds like you may be a bit avoidant and perhaps unconsciously "push people away" when they get too close?? Seems like perhaps you have a pattern of pushing him away/"inadvertently" sabotaging things, but then "reeling him back in". This would (possibly) be because even though you're avoidant, you still actually really do want the relationship and so you get into this pattern. Edited March 22, 2022 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 15 minutes ago, stillafool said: What did you do that you think annoyed him? Tell us and we will tell you if his point is valid. Oh, I got drunk one night last week and sent him a drunk text that I didn’t mean. I told him to leave me alone. I then told him that I didn’t mean to send it, which I actually didn’t. I meant to delete it and accidentally hit the send button. I’ve explained all this to him and he still seems to feel I dumped him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 13 minutes ago, mark clemson said: My thought would be to not "push" - give him some time to process this text you sent. He'll come back to you IF he's ready. He's having 2nd thoughts and from the whole picture here, I think that's understandable. I think if you truly want to be with him you need to stop sabotaging things. Firmly making up YOUR mind may be more important than whatever he is thinking IF he comes back. You don't seem overly distressed at the prospect of potentially losing him. IF he comes back you hopefully will be able to mend things with "sweetness" (and not further damaging things) as he's apparently pretty tolerant and so must either really like you a lot or really want to be in a relationship and finds you an acceptable partner. You might consider doing some internet research on "attachment styles" as it sounds like you may be a bit avoidant and perhaps unconsciously "push people away" when they get too close?? Seems like perhaps you have a pattern of pushing him away/"inadvertently" sabotaging things, but then "reeling him back in". This would (possibly) be because even though you're avoidant, you still actually really do want the relationship and so you get into this pattern. I am very distressed about possibly losing him, but at the same time, I am mad at him for blocking me, keeping me blocked, and continuing with his behavior. I just want him to talk about things. Clearly, he isn’t ready to do that. I don’t want to push things, but I also want to know where things stand. At this point, it doesn’t seem like things are really over. He hasn’t said anything like that, at least yet. I’m laying low right now. He asked for space. He said he’s annoyed with me. That’s why I’m treading carefully. He does like me a lot. He does want to be in a relationship. I do want this relationship. That’s why I’m not walking away right now. I don’t push people awY on purpose. The last time in November we had a disagreement. He failed to even show up or call twice when we made plans. I was furious and at first dumped him, but then decided I didn’t want that. This time now was my doing. However, if I hadn’t been drunk I never would have sent a message like that to him. I am tempted to send him a message along the lines of, “I know I messed up bad. I know you’ve asked for space and are annoyed with me. But I want this relationship and I want to work things out.” And just leave it at that and see what he says. But I also do want to just continue giving him his space and I don’t want to annoy him further. I don’t know what the right thing to do is. I want him to know that I’d like to work things out. Link to post Share on other sites
SingFish Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 8 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: Oh, I got drunk one night last week and sent him a drunk text that I didn’t mean. I told him to leave me alone. I then told him that I didn’t mean to send it, which I actually didn’t. I meant to delete it and accidentally hit the send button. I’ve explained all this to him and he still seems to feel I dumped him. Maybe he's worried about your drinking? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 4 minutes ago, SingFish said: Maybe he's worried about your drinking? That could be. I didn’t think of that. But then, he drinks sometimes too, more than I do. I socially drink and never that much. Seriously though, who hasn’t gotten drunk once or more than that? I think we all have. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 I am not clear on why you even typed out a "leave me alone" message to begin with. You say you accidentally sent it, but you didn't accidentally write it. Why did you want him to leave you alone? This relationship sounds dysfunctional and exhausting. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 It’s easy for people to say just walk away. It’s not an easy thing to do when you love someone and have a history with that person. When things are good with us, they’re really good. We have had our share of problems, but all relationships do. I want to work things out with him but I don’t want to push and make things worse. I’m in a lot of anxiety right now because I honestly don’t know where things are at the moment. I don’t want to lose him. At the same time, he’s done a lot of jerk things to me. Like the week before last, he didn’t show up to my place for 2 1/2 hours after he said he’d be here one night. He was at the bar and met up with an old high school buddy and lost track of time. He blew me off twice in 2 weeks last November. Blocking me and needing time apart when things go wrong. Those sorts of behaviors. Despite that, we have a strong bond. We have something really special. We have something worth fighting for. I do know that it’s possible this will be over. I am prepared for that too. I’ll be sad and heartbroken, but at the same time, I will understand. I am so hurt now as it is. I know he’s hurting right now too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I am not clear on why you even typed out a "leave me alone" message to begin with. You say you accidentally sent it, but you didn't accidentally write it. Why did you want him to leave you alone? This relationship sounds dysfunctional and exhausting. At that time, I was just feeling sad. I’m having a serious problem with my eyes. I’m visually impaired and need extensive surgery. I just hit a low point that night. I was also drunk. I normally wouldn’t have even thought anything like that if I hadn’t been drinking. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 12 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: It’s easy for people to say just walk away. It’s not an easy thing to do when you love someone and have a history with that person. Most of us have lost someone we loved and with whom we felt a strong bond. At some point you have to decide whether or not the roller coaster of the relationship is worth it. If you choose to hang on and let him determine whether or not you're going to be together, you should expect these cycles to continue. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts