My boyfriend is annoyed at me

[ExpatInItaly]

3 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

I believe you are correct, but couldn’t it be he just wants space as well? Why would he block me before breaking up with me? I haven’t bothered him. I’ve been respectful of his space and haven’t reached out to him. I only texted him when he contacted me. 

I doubt it, with two "accidental" break-ups behind you now. 

And sometimes people block each other when they're about to cut the other party loose. Or maybe there's something that might pop up on his IG that he doesn't want you to see. Either way, this relationship is not built to last. Too much drama and too much damage has been done. 

I would move on without him. This is too dysfunctional to be salvaged at this point. 

[Lovelorn_lady]

5 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I doubt it, with two "accidental" break-ups behind you now. 

And sometimes people block each other when they're about to cut the other party loose. Or maybe there's something that might pop up on his IG that he doesn't want you to see. Either way, this relationship is not built to last. Too much drama and too much damage has been done. 

I would move on without him. This is too dysfunctional to be salvaged at this point. 

This last time wasn’t even a breakup. I said I wanted to be alone. That’s different than a breakup, and even still, I feel I deserve the opportunity to talk about things. Maybe that will happen in time when he’s calmed down and can actually think about things rationally. He said he isn’t mad. He clearly is. Blocking me yet again was done out of anger and hurt. Not because I was annoying him. 

Edited March 23, 2022 by Lovelorn_lady

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

This last time wasn’t even a breakup. I said I wanted to be alone. That’s different than a breakup, and even still, I feel I deserve the opportunity to talk about things. Maybe that will happen in time when he’s calmed down and can actually think about things rationally. He said he isn’t mad. He clearly is. Blocking me yet again was done out of anger and hurt. Not because I was annoying him. 

You're splitting hairs because you're realizing now how bad that text sounded. 

The effect is the same: "leave me alone" is rude, hurtful, and rejecting. I would have interpreted that as a break-up as well. And I wouldn't want to offer a third chance to soemeone who'd sent that and previously had dumped me.  I'm sorry OP, but I believe he has calmed down and is thinking rationally - and likely coming to the conclusion that this isn't what he wants anymore. 

Take the lessons learned here moving forward. Apply them in your next relationship. 

[Lovelorn_lady]

2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

and likely coming to the conclusion that this isn't what he wants anymore. 

Then, can’t he man up and be honest and straightforward about it instead of being cowardly and blocking me to show me we’re done? 

[ExpatInItaly]

Just now, Lovelorn_lady said:

Then, can’t he man up and be honest and straightforward about it instead of being cowardly and blocking me to show me we’re done? 

That's exaclty what he should do. It doesn't mean he will. 

Or, maybe that's the next conversation he's going to have with you.

[Lovelorn_lady]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

That's exaclty what he should do. It doesn't mean he will. 

Or, maybe that's the next conversation he's going to have with you.

Well, that could be too. 

[Lovelorn_lady]

19 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I wouldn't want to offer a third chance to soemeone who'd sent that and previously had dumped me.  I'm sorry OP, but I believe he has calmed down and is thinking rationally - and likely coming to the conclusion that this isn't what he wants anymore. 

You’re very well correct. It’s very possible I did want to break up with him and was kidding myself by not. They say the truth comes out when you’re drunk. The honest truth is that this has been a very hard relationship for me. He has hurt me deeply a lot. I have actually really thought about breaking up with him a lot and that was being sober. But I held out and put up with a lot from him. 

He hurt me in many ways, physically and emotionally. He got so drunk a year ago that pushed me into a car. I knew he was drunk and I should have left him right then and there. I didn’t. I forgave him. 

He likes to go to concerts out of state. never once did he invite me. It hurts so badly and I felt left out. I got to stay home while he went out and had fun. 

After a year together, I never met his parents. That hurt me badly. It made me feel like I wasn’t important enough to him. 

And, this is someone who never once told me he loved me. I talked to him about a few times and he said, you have to show it. It makes me wonder if he ever did love me. Not hearing, “I love you” hurts so much. 

Those are the big things to me. 
 

Then there are the small jerk things he’s done. Like not showing up or calling a couple times when he was supposed to come over. One night two weeks ago, he didn’t show up to my place until 2 and 1/2 hours after he was supposed to be here. He was at the bar and ran into an old high school friend and lost track of time. You don’t do those things if you have plans with your girlfriend. You show up or if you have to cancel, you do so. 
 

So it’s not totally invalid why I would have a thought to break it off. I feel I have more of a reason to than he does. 
 

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

And this is the post I was waiting for, OP. 

It was obvious that you didn't just tell him to leave you alone out of nowhere, but that you weren't ready to admit to yourself yet that this man doesn't make you happy. That hurt in the "leave me alone" was coming from somewhere, and here it is. 

It is time for you to get real with yourself: this is not the relationship you want either. 

[Wiseman2]

End it. You claim he has a drinking problem, but you're the one doing regrettable stuff. Pointing fingers at each other about who does more hurtful stuff when they're drunk is not a relationship.

 

[glows]

50 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

Then, can’t he man up and be honest and straightforward about it instead of being cowardly and blocking me to show me we’re done? 

It doesn’t matter what he is. As long as he is out of your hair and your life, it’s a blessing. You’re placing too much importance on someone who doesn’t need to be in that spot. Save it for someone else. 

[Lovelorn_lady]

I am just curious. Since he blocked me on Instagram, could that be because I actually did respond to his message this afternoon when he said, “I’m taking time to think about things” that I responded at all and said, “I know. I understand and respect that. Take the time you need.” Could that just have annoyed him even further? 

[glows]

Just now, Lovelorn_lady said:

I am just curious. Since he blocked me on Instagram, could that be because I actually did respond to his message this afternoon when he said, “I’m taking time to think about things” that I responded at all and said, “I know. I understand and respect that. Take the time you need.” Could that just have annoyed him even further? 

There is no way for any of us to know. If you’ve kept texting in the past, he might be doing a pre-emptive block. It only goes to show how dysfunctional and warped this thing is. You don’t have to keep spending time wondering what he thinks. I don’t see anything rude in what you said or wrote.

I personally would not have said anything or responded because it’s very predictable. He hurts you and treats you poorly, you’re resentful, you faux break up or get frustrated with him, he turns it on you, you apologize, he needs space, you get anxious, he blocks you, you second guess yourself, he blows you off, you apologize, he blocks you, you second guess yourself… it keeps going on. 

Is it any surprise that he did block you this time again? You could count to ten and it seems he’s blocking you every ten seconds or ten hours. You’re always wondering why he blocks you and what you’ve done wrong. It’s a neverending cycle. 

[ExpatInItaly]

23 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

I am just curious. Since he blocked me on Instagram, could that be because I actually did respond to his message this afternoon when he said, “I’m taking time to think about things” that I responded at all and said, “I know. I understand and respect that. Take the time you need.” Could that just have annoyed him even further? 

We have no idea, OP. 

And it's not particularly important in the grand scheme of things. With the updated information you added, this relationship has never been a good one and it needs to end. 

[basil67]

3 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

This last time wasn’t even a breakup. I said I wanted to be alone. That’s different than a breakup, and even still, I feel I deserve the opportunity to talk about things. 

There's nothing to talk about.

In a good relationship - the kind of relationship which goes the distance - the two of you are there for each other.   There are no breaks or alone time.  The two of you share a house, a bed, a bathroom and there's no time out.   If one part of the couple can't do that, then the relationship won't last.  

[Wiseman2]

Strive for less antagonism in your life. That means if someone wants "space" don't textbomb. 

Decide how long this on/off situation is going to work for you.

 

[Lovelorn_lady]

If this was actually a breakup, he has something of mine I would like back. It’s a very sentimental item, a book written by my grandfather that I lent to him. How would I even get in touch with him to get it back if he blocked me and I can’t reach him? The book is out of print and I can’t get another copy. 

[stillafool]

6 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

That’s why I told him in the message I sent last night, “I didn’t dump you and that wasn’t my intention.”

So you sent him this message after you had told him to "take the time that you need"?  Maybe this is why he blocked you.

5 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

Now I just found out he’s blocked me on Instagram. That’s definitely not a good sign. 

 

5 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

Now I am seriously mad. I know I agreed to give him space, but I am going to attempt to text him, if he hasn’t blocked me on my spare phone now, as to why he keeps blocking me! We didn’t even have a chance to talk about things. 

You wouldn't know you were blocked unless you tried to reach him again.

4 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

I believe you are correct, but couldn’t it be he just wants space as well? Why would he block me before breaking up with me? I haven’t bothered him. I’ve been respectful of his space and haven’t reached out to him. I only texted him when he contacted me. 

But according to your posts above you did bother him after you told him to "take his time".

[stillafool]

3 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

If this was actually a breakup, he has something of mine I would like back. It’s a very sentimental item, a book written by my grandfather that I lent to him. How would I even get in touch with him to get it back if he blocked me and I can’t reach him? The book is out of print and I can’t get another copy. 

Send him a self addressed, paid envelope and a note asking him to send the book back in it.

[Lovelorn_lady]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

So you sent him this message after you had told him to "take the time that you need"?  Maybe this is why he blocked you.

 

You wouldn't know you were blocked unless you tried to reach him again.

But according to your posts above you did bother him after you told him to "take his time".

No actually, I didn’t send him anything after I told him to take the time he needs. I thought about it, then thought better of it. I found out he had blocked me on Instagram because I opened Instagram to find out I had one less follower. No surprise that it was him. That’s how I found out he blocked me on it. I don’t know if I am also now blocked on the spare phone we have used to communicate. I am assuming since he blocked Instagram, he’s blocked that too. But this is why I’m perplexed at why he blocked me on Instagram. I wasn’t trying to contact him at all. I was leaving him alone. 

[Lovelorn_lady]

6 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Send him a self addressed, paid envelope and a note asking him to send the book back in it.

I don’t have a mailing address for him. 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

I don’t have a mailing address for him. 

Say what? You don't have a mailing address for your own boyfriend? 

Do you not know where he lives? 

Edited March 23, 2022 by ExpatInItaly

[Lovelorn_lady]

Just now, ExpatInItaly said:

Say what? You don't have a mailing address for your own boyfriend? 

Do you not know where he lives? 

No, I don’t. That’s another thing he never shared with me. 

[stillafool]

Have you ever been to his house?

[Lovelorn_lady]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

Have you ever been to his house?

Nope. He always came to mine. He said his own parents haven’t even been there. 

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

Nope. He always came to mine. He said his own parents haven’t even been there. 

What the fresh heck, girl. 

This isn't normal. You have no idea where you own boyfriend even lives...he's hiding something from you. Why on earth do you even want anything to do with this guy?