glows Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 34 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: At that time, I was just feeling sad. I’m having a serious problem with my eyes. I’m visually impaired and need extensive surgery. I just hit a low point that night. I was also drunk. I normally wouldn’t have even thought anything like that if I hadn’t been drinking. Focus on surgery and healing. Stay away from drinking if your health and eyesight are both compromised. You’ve depended on him for support and he’s not the one to provide that. Are you a part of any support groups with others sharing the same health or eye issues? You may find that so much more useful than heavily relying on a person who is avoiding you. Don’t keep questioning someone or asking the same things. Practice other ways of dealing with your anxiety. You’ll have to recognize when someone is just not a positive influence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 I really am tempted to contact him and acknowledge that I know he’s annoyed with me and that he asked for space. But that I want this relationship and I want to work things out. I know I shouldn’t, but I feel I need to. He didn’t say to not contact him at all. Would that really be such a horrible thing to do? It’s not begging, it’s not being mean and nasty. In fact, I think it’s approaching it respectfully. He needs to know where I stand, too. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 3 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: I really am tempted to contact him and acknowledge that I know he’s annoyed with me and that he asked for space. But that I want this relationship and I want to work things out. I know I shouldn’t, but I feel I need to. He didn’t say to not contact him at all. Would that really be such a horrible thing to do? It’s not begging, it’s not being mean and nasty. In fact, I think it’s approaching it respectfully. He needs to know where I stand, too. He said he’s not mad at you so why are you going on with the idea that he’s annoyed? He’s probably weirded out that you keep following this train of thought. Your anxiety is really showing here. Please step back and let him come to you with another topic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 2 minutes ago, glows said: why are you going on with the idea that he’s annoyed? He told me he’s annoyed with me, but that he wasn’t mad. I know I should step back. My anxiety is showing. I guess I’m also worried I’ll never hear from him again. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 1 minute ago, Lovelorn_lady said: He told me he’s annoyed with me, but that he wasn’t mad. I know I should step back. My anxiety is showing. I guess I’m also worried I’ll never hear from him again. Let this blow over and try doing something else to handle that anxiety: write, sing, dance or listen to music, clean your place, be productive. If you don’t hear from him again then you both have released yourselves from this prison. It’s also not love if you’re constantly questioning the motives of your partner. Work through that anxiety if it’s just your anxiety speaking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 1 hour ago, Lovelorn_lady said: I told him to leave me alone. What made you send him a text to leave you alone? What had he done? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 2 minutes ago, stillafool said: What made you send him a text to leave you alone? What had he done? He didn’t do anything. He did absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, things were going really well for us. What made me send the text is that I was drunk and wrote it when I was feeling bad. I didn’t mean it and it was actually sent by accident. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 16 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: What made me send the text is that I was drunk and wrote it when I was feeling bad. Do you get drunk often? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 1 minute ago, stillafool said: Do you get drunk often? No, I don’t. Rarely. I did one time before and drunk texted him then. I don’t even remember what that was all about. He told me to not drunk text him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 Honestly though, should I just consider this relationship done? Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 (edited) 20 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: Honestly though, should I just consider this relationship done? You need to seek help from your doctor about anxiety and if your drinking gets out of control. Deal with your health issues. The relationship wasn’t much of one but it’s perceived as a relationship by you because of shared history. He wasn’t much of a boyfriend at all and you’re busy with more important things to do like fixing your eyes and healing from surgery. Whenever he fails as a partner or there’s a minor misunderstanding between you two you’re sent into overdrive apologizing nonstop and worried you’ll lose him. Ask for help with your anxiety and don’t be afraid of losing individuals who just don’t add to your life. You need more support mentally and medically speaking. This guy is just a tiny insignificant but annoying thorn in your side. There are other productive and helpful things you can do to help yourself. Edited March 22, 2022 by glows 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 3 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said: I don’t know what the right thing to do is. Indeed it's a tough call. Consider perhaps the following sequence: give him his space until you feel he genuinely should have processed it by then; then give him a bit more; then if he hasn't gotten back in touch, contact him to find out what's up. You seem to have gotten to "no guarantees" land here, which can understandably be a bit nerve-wracking, but you're in the situation you're in. Next time around (with him OR someone else) try to avoid getting into to begin with. (That can be easier said than done, I realize.) Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 2 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said: He told me he’s annoyed with me, but that he wasn’t mad. I know I should step back. My anxiety is showing. I guess I’m also worried I’ll never hear from him again. And what does that tell you about the strength of this relationship? If you are genuinely worried about that being a real possibility, things are much worse than you realize. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 1 hour ago, Lovelorn_lady said: I did one time before and drunk texted him then. I don’t even remember what that was all about. He told me to not drunk text him anymore. Focus on your physical and mental health. Follow up with your ophthalmologist for the eye issue, see your regular physician for overall health. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. Although you're not drinking heavily, stuff is happening that indicates you are anxious and trying to quell that through having a drink or having this cold BF as a security blanket. Both of those situations make matters worse. Do you work? Do you have friends and family who are supportive? Try to remove toxic situations from your life rather than use them as distractions from your health problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 1 hour ago, glows said: You need to seek help from your doctor about anxiety and if your drinking gets out of control. Deal with your health issues. The relationship wasn’t much of one but it’s perceived as a relationship by you because of shared history. He wasn’t much of a boyfriend at all and you’re busy with more important things to do like fixing your eyes and healing from surgery. Whenever he fails as a partner or there’s a minor misunderstanding between you two you’re sent into overdrive apologizing nonstop and worried you’ll lose him. Ask for help with your anxiety and don’t be afraid of losing individuals who just don’t add to your life. You need more support mentally and medically speaking. This guy is just a tiny insignificant but annoying thorn in your side. There are other productive and helpful things you can do to help yourself. You’re correct in saying I need help for the anxiety. Although, anyone who loves and cares about someone would be anxious in such a situation. No one really wants to lose someone. No one wants to go through that pain. I do need a lot of support. it seems that I am always the one to apologize. He does too, but in this case, I’m the only one who has when it would be appropriate for him to also. I need to calm down and step back as you’ve said. The more anxious I get the more likely I am to do something dumb like text him about where things are. If he does care about me in the least, he’ll be in touch. I have to be patient and give it time. It’s only been 2 days since he asked for space. I have been holding out and not contacting him unless he’s done so first. I just need to chill out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 5 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said: Oh, I got drunk one night last week and sent him a drunk text that I didn’t mean. I told him to leave me alone. I then told him that I didn’t mean to send it, which I actually didn’t. I meant to delete it and accidentally hit the send button. I’ve explained all this to him and he still seems to feel I dumped him. From his angle, you dumped him late last year because he didn't see you a couple of times and now you "accidentally" dumped him again. Is it really any surprise that he doesn't know what to think of you. And honestly, all the explanations and apologies in the world don't undo a dumping. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 9 minutes ago, basil67 said: From his angle, you dumped him late last year because he didn't see you a couple of times and now you "accidentally" dumped him again. Is it really any surprise that he doesn't know what to think of you. And honestly, all the explanations and apologies in the world don't undo a dumping. Is it even a real dumping if it was accidental? If I really wanted to dump him, I certainly would not have done it that way. He asked why I thought and said what I did, and I explained it to him. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: Is it even a real dumping if it was accidental? If I really wanted to dump him, I certainly would not have done it that way. He asked why I thought and said what I did, and I explained it to him. If it was the first time it had happened, then yes, it's worth talking through. But this is not the first time it's happened and so it's simply compounded the previous time you dumped him. A lot of people don't give second chances after being dumped, so you're lucky he gave you a second chance the first time you did it Edited March 22, 2022 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 1 hour ago, Lovelorn_lady said: You’re correct in saying I need help for the anxiety. Although, anyone who loves and cares about someone would be anxious in such a situation. No one really wants to lose someone. No one wants to go through that pain. I do need a lot of support. it seems that I am always the one to apologize. He does too, but in this case, I’m the only one who has when it would be appropriate for him to also. I need to calm down and step back as you’ve said. The more anxious I get the more likely I am to do something dumb like text him about where things are. If he does care about me in the least, he’ll be in touch. I have to be patient and give it time. It’s only been 2 days since he asked for space. I have been holding out and not contacting him unless he’s done so first. I just need to chill out. I agree. Take a step back and chill out then. Call your friends and plan something or do something nice for yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 He just texted me a couple minutes ago saying, “I’m taking some time to think about things.” I already know that. What does he mean by that and how do I respond? Is it okay to say something like, “I know. Take the time you need. I hope this time apart will bring us closer.” Or maybe, “…will be good for us.” Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 Imo, no response necessary. I’d leave it. Plan something nice for yourself this evening. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 11 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: He just texted me a couple minutes ago saying, “I’m taking some time to think about things.” Do Not respond. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 14 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: He just texted me a couple minutes ago saying, “I’m taking some time to think about things.” I already know that. What does he mean by that and how do I respond? Is it okay to say something like, “I know. Take the time you need. I hope this time apart will bring us closer.” Or maybe, “…will be good for us.” Do not respond to someone who says they are taking time out. Only respond if there is a question in his messages. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SingFish Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 16 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: What does he mean by that and how do I respond? It means he's thinking and no response is necessary I don't think. As @glowssuggests do something fun or comforting. Don't drink is my advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 Does his taking time to think really mean he just broke up with me? I know often it can. Link to post Share on other sites
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