My boyfriend is annoyed at me

[Lovelorn_lady]

Just now, ExpatInItaly said:

What the fresh heck, girl. 

This isn't normal. You have no idea where you own boyfriend even lives...he's hiding something from you. Why on earth do you even want anything to do with this guy? 

Well, I have thought about all that. The fact of the matter right now is getting the book back from him and how to go about it if I can’t contact him. 

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

He hurt me in many ways, physically and emotionally. He got so drunk a year ago that pushed me into a car. I knew he was drunk and I should have left him right then and there. I didn’t. I forgave him. 

He likes to go to concerts out of state. never once did he invite me. It hurts so badly and I felt left out. I got to stay home while he went out and had fun. 

After a year together, I never met his parents. That hurt me badly. It made me feel like I wasn’t important enough to him. 

And, this is someone who never once told me he loved me. I talked to him about a few times and he said, you have to show it. It makes me wonder if he ever did love me. Not hearing, “I love you” hurts so much. 

Those are the big things to me. 
 

Then there are the small jerk things he’s done. Like not showing up or calling a couple times when he was supposed to come over. One night two weeks ago, he didn’t show up to my place until 2 and 1/2 hours after he was supposed to be here. He was at the bar and ran into an old high school friend and lost track of time. You don’t do those things if you have plans with your girlfriend. You show up or if you have to cancel, you do so. 
 

According to the above his blocking you is the best thing that could have happened.  This is more than likely a married man.  You have no proof that he isn't.  Let him go.

[stillafool]

3 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

Well, I have thought about all that. The fact of the matter right now is getting the book back from him and how to go about it if I can’t contact him. 

Do you know where he works?

[Lovelorn_lady]

Yes, I do know where he works. He has two jobs and I know where both jobs are. 

[Lovelorn_lady]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

This is more than likely a married man.  You have no proof that he isn't.

Well, I have wondered that from time to time. But things haven’t always added up to that. Like he would sleep over at my place 4 times a week. If he were married, wouldn’t that be a red flag for his wife? 

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

Yes, I do know where he works. He has two jobs and I know where both jobs are. 

Send the self-addressed, stamped envelope to him with a note asking him to mail your book back in the envelope.  Do not try to see or talk to him.

[Lovelorn_lady]

Just now, stillafool said:

Send the self-addressed, stamped envelope to him with a note asking him to mail your book back in the envelope.  Do not try to see or talk to him.

Good idea! 

[stillafool]

14 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

Well, I have wondered that from time to time. But things haven’t always added up to that. Like he would sleep over at my place 4 times a week. If he were married, wouldn’t that be a red flag for his wife? 

Not necessarilly.  He could have told her he's on a business trip.  Cheating MM find a way.

[Lovelorn_lady]

Just now, stillafool said:

Cheating MM find a way

Yes, that is true. However, a business trip excuse wouldn’t work in his jobs. He works in a store and is a waiter in a local restaurant, still he could have made up other excuses like he got another job or something. I have wondered if he’s married before. If not, then maybe a live in girlfriend which would explain his never taking me to his house. I have thought about all of this before. 

[ExpatInItaly]

44 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

I have thought about all of this before. 

And how did you manage to convince yourself to overlook this and continue the relationship? 

Do your friends and family know that you have no clue where your own boyfriend lives? 

[SingFish]

1 hour ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

The fact of the matter right now is getting the book back from him and how to go about it if I can’t contact him. 

Is it?

You have a problem letting things go I think. 

 

[glows]

You may have to get used to the idea that you’re not getting that book back. You can try sending a self-addressed envelope like that to his workplace but unlikely he’ll respect your wishes in the same way he’s disrespected you and disregarded you in the past. 

Keep in mind that this book item is also an excuse to keep yourself connected or communicating with him. Don’t be waiting on his reply or for the book to come back to you. Treat it as a bonus if it ever does come back. It doesn’t stop you from ending it.

He may live with his parents in fact or a wife or live in girlfriend. Maybe he has other issues or reasons he can’t get past. It is very odd that he’s not invited you over even once. Don’t go into a tailspin about this now. Just move on and don’t even wait for the book to come back.

[stillafool]

I don't think I would have given a book that was precious to me to a person that I didn't know where they lived.

[LynneVicious]

This whole situation is a mess. Oo, now you’re starting to fill in the holes i mentioned in my post. 

I would say there’s a good chance he’s in a relationship with someone else. There is no reason you wouldn’t know where he lives otherwise. None. 

1. Blocking you on social media

2. Flippant attitude with you

3  haven’t met his friends or family

4  going to concerts out of town while not taking you several times (he was with his wife)

5. Not knowing where he lives!

The signs are all there that he is married or otherwise taken already. I think you know this already but you’re being willfully ignorant. Send him one message with your address to send the book to  then cease communications  

Edited to add #6. No shows for dates and being hours late with really no excuse. More red flags. I’m surprised you haven’t put this together yourself. 

Edited March 24, 2022 by LynneVicious
Addition

[Lovelorn_lady]

21 minutes ago, LynneVicious said:

I’m surprised you haven’t put this together yourself. 

Oh, I have. I just haven’t wanted to admit it to myself until I had to a long time ago. I’m one of these people who I has abandonment issues. Then I ask myself. Is it actually possible that everything he is saying is true? But that’s likely denial. 
 

I have met his friends. I met his sister, and asked he introduce”just a friend.” Many of his friends have told me he hasn’t been with a girl in several years: He’s been everywhere by himself. In fact, they actually thought he was gay because he was never with a girl. This is where none of that makes sense. He’s had close friends for 30 years who were surprised to see he met someone. THINGS DON’T MAKE SENSE! 

Edited March 24, 2022 by Lovelorn_lady

[Lovelorn_lady]

27 minutes ago, LynneVicious said:

This whole situation is a mess. Oo, now you’re starting to fill in the holes i mentioned in my post. 

I would say there’s a good chance he’s in a relationship with someone else. There is no reason you wouldn’t know where he lives otherwise. None. 

1. Blocking you on social media

2. Flippant attitude with you

3  haven’t met his friends or family

4  going to concerts out of town while not taking you several times (he was with his wife)

5. Not knowing where he lives!

The signs are all there that he is married or otherwise taken already. I think you know this already but you’re being willfully ignorant. Send him one message with your address to send the book to  then cease communications  

Edited to add #6. No shows for dates and being hours late with really no excuse. More red flags. I’m surprised you haven’t put this together yourself. 

Couldn’t it also be possible too that he lives with his parents, or maybe a female roommate that there’s nothing more than a roommate situation? I’ve known quite a few people of the opposite sex who had no attraction to each other whatsoever who were only roommates. But I have felt for quite sometime that things haven’t felt quite right.  

[Lovelorn_lady]

How I even met this guy was through close friends of my parents. They used to go to the restaurant he works at. My parent’s next door neighbor knows him pretty well. The neighbors were regulars at his restaurant. We actually met on Valentine’s Day last year: I was single and just moved here from across the country. My parents wanted me to go with them and their neighbors to his restaurant for dinner: I didn’t want to go, “I’m single. This is going to suck.” But I agreed to go. When we got there, he introduced himself and we couldn’t take our eyes off each other. It went from there. My parent’s neighbor and my boyfriend would go out places together like baseball games and different things. They were good friends. I asked our neighbor, “is he single?” He said that he is. This is why the wife and other girlfriend theory doesn’t make any sense at all. Unless this guy is a very good con artist and liar; which I would have known right away; to me it actually seems it can be possible he is being truthful and maybe he’s just immature. 
 

He’s had really bad luck with women. He’s been cheated on, abandoned, had women just leave him without a reason. 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

Couldn’t it also be possible too that he lives with his parents, or maybe a female roommate that there’s nothing more than a roommate situation?

Nah. Highly unlikely. Why would he need to hide a female roommate? I also don't think he lives with his parents, either. He's being too shady about it. 

I think he's got someone else in his life in a romantic capacity.  It happened to a friend of mine as well. She discovered her boyfriend of two years had a whole double-life going on, and he pulled it off because he kept the other woman a secret from nearly everyone. 

Like you, she overlooked a multitude of red flags. 

2 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

In fact, they actually thought he was gay

Maybe they are right, OP. They know him better than you do, clearly. 

[stillafool]

8 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

THINGS DON’T MAKE SENSE! 

What doesn't make sense is you going out with a man for years and not having a clue where he lives.  Do you know his last name?

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

How I even met this guy was through close friends of my parents. I was single and just moved here from across the country. My parents wanted me to go with them and their neighbors to his restaurant for dinner

Anyone who won't invite you to their home is a red flag. Doesn't matter why. Talk to your friends and family about this. They seem to know more.

[SingFish]

10 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

I’m one of these people who I has abandonment issues. Then I ask myself. Is it actually possible that everything he is saying is true? But that’s likely denial. 

I don't think it matters at this point- until you fix your own problems your relationships are not going to work out. 

[glows]

11 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

He’s had really bad luck with women. He’s been cheated on, abandoned, had women just leave him without a reason. 

Yes but it doesn’t mean pick him up like a stray and rescue. I’d explore this need if you feel compelled or drawn to this type of situation.

I can see why you assumed he was someone you could trust if he was a family friend. Keep your distance anyway as this is over. Don’t stay in contact just for the book. I’d consider the book a loss and move forward.

[SingFish]

11 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said:

He’s had really bad luck with women. He’s been cheated on, abandoned, had women just leave him without a reason. 

So your drunk text would seem rather cruel? 

[Lovelorn_lady]

Today has been a really hard day. I must have drafted a few different messages I want to send him. It’s really heart wrenching to be blocked. I don’t deserve it. I know I hurt him too sometimes. But this pain I can’t get over. Despite anything going on with him, he’s been good to me a lot. I don’t want it to be over, although it likely is. The hours pass slowly. Every ding and chime on my phone I hear I hope is a message from him. It isn’t. My heart is so broken. I want to reach out to him. I want to say something to him. Then I tell myself to wait, he’ll unblock me when he’s ready. Then the worst pain takes over in knowing that he might not. It’s only been 2 days since he put a total block on. I’ve been shut out and I don’t know why. I’m hurting bad

[ExpatInItaly]

I think you need to decide that this isn't good enough for you, and you are done with him

It seems you've been living with blinders on for way too long, and I would wager that there is a lot you don't know about him.Hence why he's always hidden where he lives. And if you ever found out the truth, the pieces would come sliding into place and it would hurt you.  A lot. Perhaps that's why you've been sweeping the enormous red flags under the rug for this long, because you're afraid of finding out whatever he's been hiding from you. 

But this was never sustainable and it was eventually going to fall apart. Now is that time. You have to see reality here - this was never the relationship you wanted so badly to believe it was. You can't fool yourself any longer here.