Wiseman2 Posted March 25, 2022 Share Posted March 25, 2022 6 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said: I’ve been shut out and I don’t know why. You do know why. You drunk texted him dumping him. Take some time off to breathe and regroup. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 25, 2022 Share Posted March 25, 2022 11 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said: Today has been a really hard day. I must have drafted a few different messages I want to send him. It’s really heart wrenching to be blocked. I don’t deserve it. I know I hurt him too sometimes. But this pain I can’t get over. Despite anything going on with him, he’s been good to me a lot. I don’t want it to be over, although it likely is. The hours pass slowly. Every ding and chime on my phone I hear I hope is a message from him. It isn’t. My heart is so broken. I want to reach out to him. I want to say something to him. Then I tell myself to wait, he’ll unblock me when he’s ready. Then the worst pain takes over in knowing that he might not. It’s only been 2 days since he put a total block on. I’ve been shut out and I don’t know why. I’m hurting bad Turn the notifications off and give yourself a break. You’re feeling edgy and stressed out because of a situation you’ve both prolonged for way too long. If he unblocks you so what? Don’t respond to the texts. This is completely over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 25, 2022 Author Share Posted March 25, 2022 5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: You do know why. You drunk texted him dumping him. Take some time off to breathe and regroup. But I didn’t dump him. Telling someone to leave you alone isn’t the same as dumping them. Even still, if I got a message like that from him, I wouldn’t have blocked him. I would have responded with something like, “What’s going on? Let’s talk about this.” But then again, that’s the mature way to handle something like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 25, 2022 Author Share Posted March 25, 2022 Just now, Lovelorn_lady said: But I didn’t dump him. Telling someone to leave you alone isn’t the same as dumping them. Even still, if I got a message like that from him, I wouldn’t have blocked him. I would have responded with something like, “What’s going on? Let’s talk about this.” But then again, that’s the mature way to handle something like this. Then a full on block? If he seriously thought I dumped him, I don’t think we would have texted like we did last Saturday night. It seemed like things were fine with the way were talking to each other. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 25, 2022 Share Posted March 25, 2022 I honestly think it's your problem with alcohol and the things you do and say then not remember when you drink. He may consider you unstable and no longer wants that in his life. It could also be he has a woman at home who he has been cheating on with you and has now decided to give you up and do right by her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 25, 2022 Author Share Posted March 25, 2022 2 minutes ago, stillafool said: I honestly think it's your problem with alcohol and the things you do and say then not remember when you drink. He may consider you unstable and no longer wants that in his life. It could also be he has a woman at home who he has been cheating on with you and has now decided to give you up and do right by her. But still you talk about things, we’ll maybe not having a woman at home, but you talk about stuff and not completely block someone. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 25, 2022 Share Posted March 25, 2022 You're expecting mature and logical behaviour from a person who won't even tell you where he lives. There is a lot wrong with this picture, OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 25, 2022 Share Posted March 25, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, Lovelorn_lady said: I would have responded with something like, “What’s going on? Let’s talk about this.” Exactly. He asked for space and you kept texting whether you dumped him or whatever the case, he was annoyed you drunk texted him. When someone drunk texts and then keeps apologizing and texting it's not respecting boundaries if someone explicitly asks for time or space.. Edited March 25, 2022 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 25, 2022 Author Share Posted March 25, 2022 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: When someone drunk texts and then keeps apologizing and texting it's not respecting boundaries if someone explicitly asks for time or space.. He asked for space after that. When he asked, I told him I would respect that. I didn’t contact him after that unless he contacted me first. That’s the only time I would text him. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 25, 2022 Share Posted March 25, 2022 32 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: When someone drunk texts and then keeps apologizing and texting it's not respecting boundaries if someone explicitly asks for time or space.. And especially when that someone is of a certain age and not a teenager or very young adult, it indicates a problem that didn't just start recently. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 25, 2022 Share Posted March 25, 2022 He's blocking you though. Isn't that enough to move in the other direction. Where's your dignity and self-worth, lady? You don't deserve any of this. I think Stillafool made a very good point about your drinking. It may be creating a worse situation for you dependent on this unhealthy dynamic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 25, 2022 Author Share Posted March 25, 2022 42 minutes ago, glows said: I think Stillafool made a very good point about your drinking. It may be creating a worse situation for you dependent on this unhealthy dynamic The thing is, I really don’t drink a lot. Just socially. I got drunk that one night and it was the first time in a long time. Even if that’s the case and how he is feeling, he should at least talk to me about it. He drinks way more than I do. Blocking someone is definitely not an appropriate way of handling situations. Communication is essential in any relationship, regardless of what’s going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 25, 2022 Author Share Posted March 25, 2022 4 hours ago, stillafool said: I honestly think it's your problem with alcohol and the things you do and say then not remember when you drink. He may consider you unstable and no longer wants that in his life. It could also be he has a woman at home who he has been cheating on with you and has now decided to give you up and do right by her. It could be, but you discuss your feelings with someone. If he doesn’t want that in his life, he needs to talk to me about it and tell me that. I can’t know anything just by him blocking me. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 25, 2022 Share Posted March 25, 2022 22 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: It could be, but you discuss your feelings with someone. If he doesn’t want that in his life, he needs to talk to me about it and tell me that. I can’t know anything just by him blocking me. He doesn’t have to actually. This is where a person reads between the lines. Not everything needs to be spelled out. His interest is lukewarm at best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 25, 2022 Author Share Posted March 25, 2022 6 minutes ago, glows said: He doesn’t have to actually. This is where a person reads between the lines. Not everything needs to be spelled out. His interest is lukewarm at best. I know he doesn’t have to, but it would be the decent thing to do. We don’t even know that alcohol is the main reason he’s doing this. I know nothing and I have all the possible reasons swirling around in my head. It’s frustrating. If we are broken up, he can at least tell me that rather than stonewalling me. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 25, 2022 Share Posted March 25, 2022 11 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: I know he doesn’t have to, but it would be the decent thing to do. We don’t even know that alcohol is the main reason he’s doing this. I know nothing and I have all the possible reasons swirling around in my head. It’s frustrating. If we are broken up, he can at least tell me that rather than stonewalling me. Stonewalling you unfortunately is an answer. When someone treats you like that they aren't worth your time. I understand you're upset but I think you're squeezing water from a rock, so to speak. This person isn't that person you're looking for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 25, 2022 Share Posted March 25, 2022 53 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: Blocking someone is definitely not an appropriate way of handling situations. When did he block you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 25, 2022 Author Share Posted March 25, 2022 Just now, Wiseman2 said: When did he block you? It was a partial block starting last Wednesday. He had me blocked on Facebook and my phone. We had been communicating on my spare phone. Just this Tuesday night it became a full block when he blocked me on Instagram and my spare phone. So we were communicating for about a week on the spare phone before I was completely blocked. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 25, 2022 Share Posted March 25, 2022 OP, in your heart of hearts - do you not think you can do better than this strange person? Surely it can't feel good to be with a man who behaves this way, has been physically aggressive with you, emotionally distant, and keeps his own home a secret. What is keeping you so attached to this? I don't mean to be insensitive, but have you not had a boyfriend before? Your standard is really low here, and I'm wondering where that comes from. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 25, 2022 Share Posted March 25, 2022 55 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: Even if that’s the case and how he is feeling, he should at least talk to me about it. He drinks way more than I do. He already talked to you about this the last time you did it but as he can see you have no control over yourself. People who rarely drink don't come home after having drinks, plan to go to bed but then decide to stay up, drink alone and then forget what they did. Maybe it would help not to keep alcohol at your home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 25, 2022 Author Share Posted March 25, 2022 1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said: OP, in your heart of hearts - do you not think you can do better than this strange person? Surely it can't feel good to be with a man who behaves this way, has been physically aggressive with you, emotionally distant, and keeps his own home a secret. What is keeping you so attached to this? I don't mean to be insensitive, but have you not had a boyfriend before? Your standard is really low here, and I'm wondering where that comes from. Yes, I’ve had plenty of boyfriends and was even married once. This comes from a fear of abandonment and being alone. My ex husband filed for a divorce I had no idea was coming. Things seemed fine. He never talked to me about anything that was bothering him. I was at work one day and I was served with divorce papers. You can imagine my shock. The whole situation with my ex husband traumatized me. Before him I was in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic who kept telling me “no one will ever love you.” That occurred for a couple of years. 3 years ago I was broken up with by a guy I was living with. So, all of this has built up. I know I can do better than this current guy, but so afraid to let him go because I’m worried I won’t find anyone else and I’ll end up alone. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 25, 2022 Share Posted March 25, 2022 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Lovelorn_lady said: I know I can do better than this current guy, but so afraid to let him go because I’m worried I won’t find anyone else and I’ll end up alone. But you aren't really with him either, are you? This is half-baked relationship. You don't know a whole part of his life. Don't know where he calls home. Have never seen where he lays his head at night, where he hangs out after a long day, where he chugs down coffee in the morning. You wouldn't know where to direct an ambulance if he was having a medical emergency. How on earth have you managed to convince yourself to overlook all of that? I would bet any money he's got another girlfriend. Maybe she doesn't live with him, but spends time at his house. Edited March 25, 2022 by ExpatInItaly Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 25, 2022 Author Share Posted March 25, 2022 5 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: How on earth have you managed to convince yourself to overlook all of that? I don’t think it’s necessarily that I overlooked it. I was in the “eventually” mindset. Like, “If I haven’t met his parents yet, I will eventually.” So I guess it didn’t seem like that big a deal to me, at the same time it’s really hurt me that I haven’t met them. I have talked to him about it a couple of times. He said I haven’t met them yet because his mother has been judgmental of his girlfriends. Valid? Who really knows. I never entirely considered it a red flag because of that eventually mindset. Maybe that’s naive on my part, but despite everything, we have had great times together. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 25, 2022 Share Posted March 25, 2022 I wasn't talking about not having met his parents. I was talking about the fact that you don't know where he lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovelorn_lady Posted March 25, 2022 Author Share Posted March 25, 2022 13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I wasn't talking about not having met his parents. I was talking about the fact that you don't know where he lives. I know. I was using the parents thing as an example. It’s the same with knowing where he lives. It’s that eventually mindset. I think the problem with me is that I’m too tolerant. Link to post Share on other sites
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