Getting back with my ex after emotional infidelity

[astrarooney]

I have this problem, and I don't know what to do. My ex-boyfriend (23 years old) and I (22 years old) broke up because I felt emotionally betrayed.

He was a fan of a twitch girl (you know, those pretty girls who play live videos and have a community). The thing is that this girl has a very small stable community (no more than 8 people), and my ex was always talking to her and commenting on her streams. He played live with her, and sometimes they even talked to each other on live audio. Not only that, they both followed each other on instagram, twitter and talked to each other privately. And the worst of all is that they had this kind of relationship for a year, and I never knew . He never mentioned it to me.
When I found out, I felt betrayed, and I qualified it as an emotional infidelity because:
-He hid it from me
-He opened up with her and they shared a lot
- In my eyes she was something like a crush for him
-They talked constantly in private

So, I decided to break the relationship, but we got back together since he told me that she was just an internet girl. And that he was going to block her. He did for a while

But I was so hurt by this that I no longer trusted him. I felt that he was one of those men who fall in love with these internet e-girls and end up giving them money etc. And I was afraid that he would betray me again

Due to my lack of trust in him, we had some problems and after a year of this problem we ended up again. A few days passed and we decided to try again, but I realized that he had contact with this girl again, so I asked him why he did it. He told me that he wanted to explain to her why he hadn't spoken to her for a year, at that moment I felt betrayed again, as if he had run to cry to this girl as soon as he broke up with me.

Now he resumed his friendship with her, and everything is as before

The point is that yesterday we have met again, to see if we can get back together. But I am undecided, he now tells me that she is a precious friend. And he does not want to block her or cut contact again, however this stresses me a lot, I spent a year feeling bad about myself because of this whole thing. I don't want to compete for his attention or feel inferior.

and I can not get over it is something that hurts me a lot. I love him very much, but I don't trust him.

Thanks for reading, and my ex doesn't think it was emotional cheating, so he can't understand my feelings.

[stillafool]

Since he's standing firm to keep her as his friend and you know you can't put up with that it's best not go get back together.  You will just break up again when you find out he's seeing her.

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, astrarooney said:

I decided to break the relationship, but we got back together since he told me that she was just an internet girl. , he now tells me that she is a precious friend.

Twitch girls are not "friends". Keep your resolve. He seems too immature and randy to have a relationship.

Don't be the security blanket and live release for him. Not all young men are this disrespectful to their GFs.

Edited March 24, 2022 by Wiseman2

[BrinnM]

I wouldn't want a BF who subscribes to some female's video channel. AFAIK, you have to pay or donate for watching and interacting. That's such a waste of money, and if he thinks they're "friends", he hasn't figured out yet that this is just her strategy. She is friendly to everyone. The friendlier, the more $$. That's what would bother me the most. 
(not sure if their 1-year-secret-relationship was during or before you guys were together, though, but even if it was before, he is way too focused on someone who he probably has a crush on........BAD SIGN, red flag 🚩) 

You keep breaking up and getting back together — why? Can't you stay single for a while, sort yourself out, and get back into dating later? I don't think you BF is a good match. He sounds immature and naïve, and he doesn't make you a priority.

 

Edited March 24, 2022 by BrinnM

[glows]

I’m sorry to say but I can see both sides and neither of you are going to be happy in this relationship. You’re both in terrible denial about each other or whom you choose as friends. 

People aren’t expected to give up their friendships because they’re in a relationship.

You decided she was an enemy or some twitch girl he hid from you and he had his guard up from then on. If you can’t accept his friends why do you even bother dating him? A person’s friends, family, belief system and other traits are all a package deal. You don’t get to come in and tell someone what they should change about themselves. 

Having said that committed and devoted couples generally also don’t start conversations and friendships that can be misconstrued easily as something else. Or give rise to questions because of shady activity and a reluctance to be open. All of this was too little too late by the time you discussed it because you already have such a firm idea in your head that he’s doing something wrong and he’s cheating on you. 

If you don’t like his choice in friends, move on. Don’t keep writhing in anger and resentment or disdain over his choices. It’s a lot of stress on you. Nobody needs that kind of stress.

[Alpacalia]

The best thing to do?

Not get back together with him, period.

[Uruktopi]

20 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

The best thing to do?

Not get back together with him, period.

This

[ExpatInItaly]

It's time to realize that this relationship has run its course. 

There is no point trying again, because it will just end the same way.