'New life'

[glows]

6 minutes ago, Jane1230 said:

My program is going to take a year so I'm considering going back home after for at least some years. It's hard to say why I want it. Probably just to see what may happen. It might be friendship or relationship, but I don't believe that people are able to jump into relationship right after reconnecting after a long time without any communication. So anyway I think whichever sort of connection we'll have it must start with friendship in any case

I’d shelve this for now. The waiting period before you go away this fall will be a challenge because you’ll need to keep busy. Seek support for your mental health and depression or depressive episodes. Anticipate when these come and go, speak with your doctor. If you’re lonely be with friends and hang out with them. Make the most of the summer. 

You’re thinking way too far ahead into next year. You may find work there and not come home. Or meet someone new. Why limit yourself? Like I said the challenge will be these next six months or so until you leave because this is all you know- life at home in your town. Give yourself plenty of room to change and grow once you leave.

[Jane1230]

26 minutes ago, glows said:

I’d shelve this for now. The waiting period before you go away this fall will be a challenge because you’ll need to keep busy. Seek support for your mental health and depression or depressive episodes. Anticipate when these come and go, speak with your doctor. If you’re lonely be with friends and hang out with them. Make the most of the summer. 

You’re thinking way too far ahead into next year. You may find work there and not come home. Or meet someone new. Why limit yourself? Like I said the challenge will be these next six months or so until you leave because this is all you know- life at home in your town. Give yourself plenty of room to change and grow once you leave.

Thank you, I think I will. In my first language there's a saying "solve the problems when they come" so probably I'll try to

[ExpatInItaly]

I think this was probably an inevitable split, if you've been together since you were young teens. Most of us outgrow our first loves and want to spread our wings. 

It doesn't mean either party did something wrong, necessarily, but that things ran their course - as they usually do with relationships that start before adulthood. We evolve and change and oftem aren't the best matches for each other anymore. 

It will hurt for a while, especially since you were together so long, but brighter days lie ahead. 

[chillii]

23 hours ago, Jane1230 said:

Work, family issues, health (mostly mental and partly physical), moving overseas, our relationship - I was voicing my needs they couldn't fulfill because of constant exhaustion and depression and they felt extremely guilty about it... I told more than once that if we have plans and we have to cancel it or postpone it is fine and I'm okay with it, but it must be articulated because I'm not a mind reader and it's hard to guess what other person wants unless it's said. Additionally they once told me "you're with me only because there aren't any other options. I'm so miserable" and "I'm always tired, I don't even remember time when I wasn't"

Op , when your partner is in as badder shape as that , you can't be just all about your so called needs , what about theirs and in the shape they're in , are their needs being met, l very much doubt it frankly hence the shape he was in and that comment ,

Tbh op , it's probably time at any rate , you were both alone for awhile and looking after and finding yourselves .You've both got MH problems too and honestly , the space and some time to grow might even help.

And yeah , there are 1000s of older couples around that even grew up together , not so common these days but it does still happen and who knows. With some time apart after all this time , could be just what you both need right now but maybe later on at some stage you reconnect when your both in a better place - who knows, or maybe there's someone new.

Good luck anyway and take this time to look after yourself , even get involved in some things you've wanted to do.

[Jane1230]

4 hours ago, chillii said:

Op , when your partner is in as badder shape as that , you can't be just all about your so called needs , what about theirs and in the shape they're in , are their needs being met, l very much doubt it frankly hence the shape he was in and that comment ,

Tbh op , it's probably time at any rate , you were both alone for awhile and looking after and finding yourselves .You've both got MH problems too and honestly , the space and some time to grow might even help.

And yeah , there are 1000s of older couples around that even grew up together , not so common these days but it does still happen and who knows. With some time apart after all this time , could be just what you both need right now but maybe later on at some stage you reconnect when your both in a better place - who knows, or maybe there's someone new.

Good luck anyway and take this time to look after yourself , even get involved in some things you've wanted to do.

Thank you for the answer. The problem was my ex had some significant problems communicating on their needs. I'm not making excuses, but I honestly didn't know what to offer. Everything was fine until 5-6 month before the break up when I started noticing that they were becoming more and more apathetic and uninterested in everything. And on my attempts to ask questions I was given "I'm fine" in 90% of cases... I do agree that sometimes people aren't able to be in relationship matter how much they love their partners. Probably it was the real case of "it's not you, it's me". Additionally my ex was SUPER anxious about being a burden. I don't know how often it happens, it sounds really like cinema or books, when someone breaks up with the person they love just to " set them free " because they don't know how much time it may take to solve their problems and it's generally unfair to say "well, my mental health is in a deep s*** so wait for me for a year or two years and we will see".