Wiseman2 Posted May 9, 2022 Share Posted May 9, 2022 3 minutes ago, MLane7698 said: last night I’ve had an tearful argument with him - I’ve asked him if he understands what I feel and he just freaked out. See a physician about your physical and metal health. Ask for a referral to a therapist for ongoing support. There is only so long you can drone on about this.,. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MLane7698 Posted May 9, 2022 Author Share Posted May 9, 2022 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: See a physician about your physical and metal health. Ask for a referral to a therapist for ongoing support. There is only so long you can drone on about this.,. I’m on a waiting list for another therapist for 2 months wait. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 9, 2022 Share Posted May 9, 2022 4 hours ago, MLane7698 said: last night I’ve had an tearful argument with him - I’ve asked him if he understands what I feel and he just freaked out. What was the argument about? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MLane7698 Posted May 10, 2022 Author Share Posted May 10, 2022 8 hours ago, stillafool said: What was the argument about? Ive. Only asked questions- and he freaked out and questions turns into arguments. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 10, 2022 Share Posted May 10, 2022 What questions are you asking? Are they questions you've asked more than once? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MLane7698 Posted May 10, 2022 Author Share Posted May 10, 2022 1 minute ago, basil67 said: What questions are you asking? Are they questions you've asked more than once? Mentioned 1 in my letter and 1 conversation- I told him that I don’t want to go through that miscarriage again and I’ve asked if he understood what I feel? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 10, 2022 Share Posted May 10, 2022 What prompted you to ask the question about the miscarriage? And when he "freaked out" what was he telling you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MLane7698 Posted May 10, 2022 Author Share Posted May 10, 2022 Just now, basil67 said: What prompted you to ask the question about the miscarriage? And when he "freaked out" what was he telling you? I just want to know what he feels - and he said “you’re too old” - it’s not even the answer I’m looking for. I know I don’t want a baby because of the trauma I’ve had. All I want is a compassion and understanding. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 10, 2022 Share Posted May 10, 2022 2 minutes ago, MLane7698 said: I just want to know what he feels - and he said “you’re too old” - It seems like you are unhappy in the relationship, particularly that you want reassurance because he's a younger man. This is no longer about having children now or a miscarriage years ago. Don't wait for a therapist. You can see it physician now for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. It's possible you're feeling moody because of menopause. That's something else you need to contact a physician about. It's seems like you would like reassuring that he still finds you attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MLane7698 Posted May 10, 2022 Author Share Posted May 10, 2022 6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It seems like you are unhappy in the relationship, particularly that you want reassurance because he's a younger man. This is no longer about having children now or a miscarriage years ago. Don't wait for a therapist. You can see it physician now for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. It's possible you're feeling moody because of menopause. That's something else you need to contact a physician about. It's seems like you would like reassuring that he still finds you attractive. He says I’m too old to have a baby! All these happens when my step sister got pregnant- and all I’m wanting to know if he’s bothered by it? If he only knew what I’ve been through- shouldn’t he say - I don’t want you to go through that again because I care about you etc. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 10, 2022 Share Posted May 10, 2022 14 minutes ago, MLane7698 said: I just want to know what he feels - and he said “you’re too old” - it’s not even the answer I’m looking for. I know I don’t want a baby because of the trauma I’ve had. All I want is a compassion and understanding. But he's right, you are too old. (not being ageist, I'm an older woman than you) And given that he knows you're too old, so he's not expecting babies and yet he's still with you. If he really wanted babies, he would have left long ago Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 10, 2022 Share Posted May 10, 2022 (edited) 3 minutes ago, MLane7698 said: shouldn’t he say - I don’t want you to go through that again because I care about you etc. You want him to say that he doesn't want you to go through something you can't do anyway? Please don't hold it against him that he doesn't say things which are illogical. Edited May 10, 2022 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MLane7698 Posted May 10, 2022 Author Share Posted May 10, 2022 11 minutes ago, basil67 said: But he's right, you are too old. (not being ageist, I'm an older woman than you) And given that he knows you're too old, so he's not expecting babies and yet he's still with you. If he really wanted babies, he would have left long ago Should I feel guilty then for not giving him a baby? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 10, 2022 Share Posted May 10, 2022 (edited) Is he saying anything about being so sad that he doesn't have a family? Edited May 10, 2022 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MLane7698 Posted May 10, 2022 Author Share Posted May 10, 2022 Just now, basil67 said: Is he saying anything about being so sad that he doesn't have a family? He said he’s gutted that it didn’t happen to us. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 10, 2022 Share Posted May 10, 2022 (edited) When's the last time he said this to you unprompted? Edited May 10, 2022 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MLane7698 Posted May 10, 2022 Author Share Posted May 10, 2022 Just now, basil67 said: When's the last time he said this to you unprompted? 19th April Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 10, 2022 Share Posted May 10, 2022 I'm sorry this is happening to you. Given that he's chosen to stay, he's got no right to be saying things like this when there is no longer an option to have kids anyway. If I were in your shoes, I'd tell him "As you're clearly unhappy and are also making me miserable, I think it will be best if you leave and find someone who will better suit your needs" Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 10, 2022 Share Posted May 10, 2022 57 minutes ago, MLane7698 said: Should I feel guilty then for not giving him a baby? Does he make you feel guilty or are you envious of your stepsister? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 10, 2022 Share Posted May 10, 2022 (edited) On 3/25/2022 at 9:34 AM, MLane7698 said: I'm on therapy - weve been together 14 years. not married - live together - I've been taking ashwaganda for anxiety etc and it's working great for me. After 14 years this should be resolved. It seems like you are upset about menopause and you keep ruminating and repeating over and over "should I feel guilty"? Sometimes over the counter supplements don't work as well as you hoped and have adverse side effects. See a physician for an evaluation of your health. Edited May 10, 2022 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MLane7698 Posted May 10, 2022 Author Share Posted May 10, 2022 16 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Does he make you feel guilty or are you envious of your stepsister? No - he doesn’t Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 10, 2022 Share Posted May 10, 2022 2 hours ago, MLane7698 said: No - he doesn’t Ok. then there's no need to keep discussing it because you are both ok with this being in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MLane7698 Posted May 10, 2022 Author Share Posted May 10, 2022 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok. then there's no need to keep discussing it because you are both ok with this being in the past. It's really hard to say - if he's ok with it.. I really hope he is - but wheneven I want to express my feelings "he freaks out". Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 10, 2022 Share Posted May 10, 2022 Maybe he's saying he feels gutted because you guys lost your baby to miscarriage (who wouldn't?); but it doesn't mean he wants another baby or he would suggest adoption. Adoption is your only choice. It's not like he's pressuring you to have a baby now but you're putting pressure on yourself because your younger sister is having a baby. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 10, 2022 Share Posted May 10, 2022 2 minutes ago, MLane7698 said: wheneven I want to express my feelings "he freaks out". Ok that's a general relationship/communication problem if conversations turn into arguments. But keep the baby talk off the table since that is not a relevant/solvable topic at this time. Link to post Share on other sites
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