Ex partner won't let go (update - he's threatening to show my pictures)

[AlphaFemme99]

15 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I agree OP and if you left him 8 months ago you should be so removed from his life by now you'd have no idea or care what is going on in his life.

I know but because he was badly hurting and breaking down crying all the time after losing his dad who he was close to, he begged me to stay friends and see him occasionally. We were in a town far from his family and close friends so my kindness let me down and I made the mistake there 🤷🏼‍♀️ He was hospitalised a few times (I know for a fact) so I took it seriously 

I would catch up outdoors once a fortnight but then minimised it further. 

Anyhow I’ve decided he can go ahead and share things if he wants .. I really doubt it as it would make him look bad [ ] 

Edited May 3, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

I’ve written an email to his therapist recently about the stalking and whether I should be worried about my life and to report him etc

 

10 minutes ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

I never have a problem with boundaries… it’s one of my strengths. 

You realize, of course, that his therapist can not respond to you. You are not the client and the therapist must respect the client’s (your ex boyfriend’s) confidentiality. That is a professional boundary that can not be crossed. 

 

Edited May 3, 2022 by BaileyB

[AlphaFemme99]

15 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

 

You realize, of course, that his therapist can not respond to you. You are not the client and the therapist must respect the client’s (your ex boyfriend’s) confidentiality. That is a professional boundary that can not be crossed. 

 

I didn’t know that. I just thought his therapist can’t share things my ex tells him but if he feels I’m in danger is allowed to say: if it makes you feel safe, you can report it or get an AVO.. something like that. 
I also thought he could structure the session knowing the details I told him as my ex is good at being two different people. Maybe to let him know to back off in some sense (as my ex told thought before he had a chance to get back together no matter what I said and he said his therapist told him if he continued improving there may be a chance) 

I had attached some screenshots of evidence of the stalking and thought any therapist had an obligation to go to authorities if they suspected someone was in danger 

Thanks for letting me know that his therapist can’t reply 

Edited May 3, 2022 by AlphaFemme99

[basil67]

@AlphaFemme99 even if his therapist did contact you (which they wouldn't), I'm sure you realise that you don't need their advice to know that you should report any threats to the authorities.   And yes, he probably is telling the therapist that you're all kinds of terrible, but this is his truth and they need to work through this together.  

Kindly, I think your connection to his therapist is because you haven't properly let go yet.  You need to do this without support from his people. 

[AlphaFemme99]

44 minutes ago, basil67 said:

@AlphaFemme99 even if his therapist did contact you (which they wouldn't), I'm sure you realise that you don't need their advice to know that you should report any threats to the authorities.   And yes, he probably is telling the therapist that you're all kinds of terrible, but this is his truth and they need to work through this together.  

Kindly, I think your connection to his therapist is because you haven't properly let go yet.  You need to do this without support from his people. 

No I’ve let go completely.. I just was first concerned for his safety but now feel very unsafe for myself too. I told his therapist I’m honestly not sure what he’s capable of. I also told him what my ex had said: if u start dating someone else I’ll kill him in front of your eyes 

he’s later trying to say he was joking because I wasn’t paying him any attention 

He’s trying to call my sis, like he tried yest, but I alerted my family not to answer incl private numbers 

 

Edited May 4, 2022 by AlphaFemme99

[AlphaFemme99]

3 hours ago, stillafool said:

I agree with Wiseman, at this point he is threatening you so you have no choice but to go to law enforcement.  This guy is suicidal and could do or cause major harm to you.  I don't know what his being from a well known family has to do with it as they have crazies in their families too.

I’m really hoping he’s not because maintaining the wholesome family image is so important to them. His dad was so loved and respected for many years in the industry. It would also cost his family money over book sales if he was charged with anything. Do u think due to this he wouldn’t be dangerous to me ? It’s worrying me.. 

Edited May 4, 2022 by AlphaFemme99

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

I also told him what my ex had said: if u start dating someone else I’ll kill him in front of your eyes 

Personally, that is something that I would report to police. Put it on record. This is not ok - even if he was “joking.”

[AlphaFemme99]

2 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Personally, that is something that I would report to police. Put it on record. This is not ok - even if he was “joking.”

I had it screenshot and it was one of the ones I had sent to his therapist with my letter about being concerned. I was hoping he could report it if he thought it needed that 

[AlphaFemme99]

He keeps trying to call me from a private number as he’s blocked (3 times today) and tried calling my sister a few times. I’m just concerned 😟 

[basil67]

Have you reported it to the police yet? 

[ExpatInItaly]

41 minutes ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

He keeps trying to call me from a private number as he’s blocked (3 times today) and tried calling my sister a few times. I’m just concerned 😟 

Then go to the police. 

[AlphaFemme99]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Have you reported it to the police yet? 

No. I’m temporarily out of town but he’s recently moved 6 hrs away from our town for a new job but is super depressed since it’s a new, small town and he’s far from me. It’s the start of his dream career so he should be more enthusiastic. I thought it was going to be a good thing for him so hopefully he’ll settle down after a week passes 

[Wiseman2]

Leave him alone. Stop contacting his people and especially stop contacting his healthcare providers with your drama. Keep in mind his healthcare providers are for him and are legally bound to protecting his best interests. So they can use your email as evidence of your stalking and harassing him and his people. 

He's not harming you he's just trying to upset you with threats of revenge porn.

Delete and block him and ALL his people from ALL your social media, messaging apps, devices and contact lists. It's time to let go so you can move forward.

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

 and thanked someone who made me aware I shouldn’t be contacting his therapist 

Ok. It's seems that you solved this dilemma and now can move forward in peace. Hopefully you can let go and enjoy life.

[basil67]

2 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

No. I’m temporarily out of town but he’s recently moved 6 hrs away from our town for a new job but is super depressed since it’s a new, small town and he’s far from me. It’s the start of his dream career so he should be more enthusiastic. I thought it was going to be a good thing for him so hopefully he’ll settle down after a week passes 

If you're truly scared, you'd report it to police.   Being out of town is not a hinderance to making a report. 

How he feels about his move and career is irrelevant to the current issue.

 

[AlphaFemme99]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If you're truly scared, you'd report it to police.   Being out of town is not a hinderance to making a report. 

How he feels about his move and career is irrelevant to the current issue.

 

It was relevant as he kept texting (before I blocked him) he wants to come home .. it’s why I mentioned it 

You’re right .. I can always try and go to police and hope I have enough evidence just in case. I return home in 4 days so if he sends more emails and the calls continue I’ll go. I don’t usually get No caller ID and know it’s him .. 

Thanks for the advice. Most of you gave me the notion it is serious enough to report it as well as the threat of what he would do to a future partner of mine 

 

[basil67]

37 minutes ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

It was relevant as he kept texting (before I blocked him) he wants to come home .. it’s why I mentioned it 

You're working on the assumption that being at a new job would distract him.   But his behaviour would likely be no different if he was home or away.

Quote

You’re right .. I can always try and go to police and hope I have enough evidence just in case. I return home in 4 days so if he sends more emails and the calls continue I’ll go. I don’t usually get No caller ID and know it’s him .. 

Thanks for the advice. Most of you gave me the notion it is serious enough to report it as well as the threat of what he would do to a future partner of mine 

There may be nothing the police can do yet. But as a previous poster wrote, at the very least you can establish a pattern. 

Edited May 4, 2022 by basil67

[AlphaFemme99]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

You're working on the assumption that being at a new job would distract him.   But his behaviour would likely be no different if he was home or away.

There may be nothing the police can do yet. But as a previous poster wrote, at the very least you can establish a pattern. 

Ok. Will check it out within a few days. Just hope he realises it’s not getting anywhere and stops 

[vla1120]

5 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

No. I’m temporarily out of town but he’s recently moved 6 hrs away from our town for a new job but is super depressed since it’s a new, small town and he’s far from me. It’s the start of his dream career so he should be more enthusiastic. I thought it was going to be a good thing for him so hopefully he’ll settle down after a week passes 

My therapist kept telling me she was worried that my husband would harm me or my daughters (he blamed them for me leaving him). She said because he was terminally ill, he had nothing to lose and might take me out with him. I kept dismissing her concerns, thinking he wouldn't go that far. Then, when I did move out, I kept my new location secret. He found me and came pounding on my door at 4am one morning. That was the first time I filed a police report. I just wanted it on record that I did not feel safe. I filed another one when he threatened to go out and buy a gun. Filing a report (at least where I live) doesn't mean they will arrest him, or that you have to file a protective order. You're just putting it on record that he poses a threat to you. If he threatened to kill anyone you dated, I consider that a threat. The fact that he continues to contact you through alternative methods indicates to me he still poses a threat. If he contacts you one more time, I would file a police report. Listen to your instincts and get it on record. You know him better than strangers on the internet.

[stillafool]

13 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

Do u think due to this he wouldn’t be dangerous to me ? It’s worrying me.. 

 

8 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

I’m just concerned 😟 

 

13 hours ago, AlphaFemme99 said:

if u start dating someone else I’ll kill him in front of your eyes 

This is no longer in your hands but should be reported to the Police ASAP!  They will have a talk with him and all of this will stop.  You should no longer be concerned about his family or anything else as it pertains to him as it's over and time for you to let this go and let the authorities do their job.  Anything less than that is seen as you getting enjoyment out of the fact that he's pinning for you.

[mark clemson]

Consider looking into revenge porn laws in your jurisdiction. Particularly if you have it in writing that he threatens to show videos etc. If you decide to do this, consider speaking to a lawyer and/or possibly a police detective if the law is on your side and you have solid evidence, first, before making any counter-threats to him.

If he is on written record even threatening to e.g. post video of you on the internet without your consent, he MAY be chargeable with an offense just on that basis, BUT that sort of thing will vary a lot by the specific laws of the jurisdiction you are in. If you go to the police you will normally have the option to file a report, but I believe they often prefer that you be willing to press charges, so that something can be done about the abuse.

Edited May 4, 2022 by mark clemson

[mark clemson]

If he made a death threat in written form that also MAY be an offense, but again that's going to vary by jurisdiction, particularly since it doesn't seem to be towards a specific individual. However, talking to someone who knows the law specific to this sort of thing (i.e., domestic abuse) in your jurisdiction might reveal options you didn't know about.

You could also consider contacting a local org for battered women and enlisting their help.

It sounds like this guy is an emotionally disturbed abuser, plain and simple, and that unfortunately puts you at a lot of risk.

[AlphaFemme99]

On 5/4/2022 at 11:23 PM, vla1120 said:

My therapist kept telling me she was worried that my husband would harm me or my daughters (he blamed them for me leaving him). She said because he was terminally ill, he had nothing to lose and might take me out with him. I kept dismissing her concerns, thinking he wouldn't go that far. Then, when I did move out, I kept my new location secret. He found me and came pounding on my door at 4am one morning. That was the first time I filed a police report. I just wanted it on record that I did not feel safe. I filed another one when he threatened to go out and buy a gun. Filing a report (at least where I live) doesn't mean they will arrest him, or that you have to file a protective order. You're just putting it on record that he poses a threat to you. If he threatened to kill anyone you dated, I consider that a threat. The fact that he continues to contact you through alternative methods indicates to me he still poses a threat. If he contacts you one more time, I would file a police report. Listen to your instincts and get it on record. You know him better than strangers on the internet.

You’re right. He’s never physically hit me so I’m being lenient but we were once driving while the relationship was still on and he went into a rage over a discussion and he threatened to hit into a pole. 
He once also said, if I’m going I’m not going alone 

I blocked him apart from email and forgot about Telegram. I saw 17 missed messages and yesterday he said Goodbye .. I’m leaving this world forever 

[AlphaFemme99]

On 5/5/2022 at 12:34 AM, stillafool said:

 

 

This is no longer in your hands but should be reported to the Police ASAP!  They will have a talk with him and all of this will stop.  You should no longer be concerned about his family or anything else as it pertains to him as it's over and time for you to let this go and let the authorities do their job.  Anything less than that is seen as you getting enjoyment out of the fact that he's pinning for you.

I’ve called the police quite a few times since I left him when he threatened suicide and he’s been taken to hospital twice.
He’s now done it again as I forgot about Telegram .. haven’t used it in a while and when I opened it I saw these missed messages and the last one said Goodbye .. I’m leaving this world 

[AlphaFemme99]

On 5/5/2022 at 1:13 AM, mark clemson said:

If he made a death threat in written form that also MAY be an offense, but again that's going to vary by jurisdiction, particularly since it doesn't seem to be towards a specific individual. However, talking to someone who knows the law specific to this sort of thing (i.e., domestic abuse) in your jurisdiction might reveal options you didn't know about.

You could also consider contacting a local org for battered women and enlisting their help.

It sounds like this guy is an emotionally disturbed abuser, plain and simple, and that unfortunately puts you at a lot of risk.

You’re right. I thought the new job would help him a bit and he’ll settle down but he’s still contacting me on an app I forgot about since I don’t use it as much lately (telegram)

latest msg said Goodbye.. I’m leaving this world forever 

It’s his first week there. I think another week or so and he’ll be ok. It’s his dream career and finally a step forward from the rut covid put him in as well as the loss of someone so dear to him (and then losing me) 

I think I’ll just send the screenshot of the goodbye message to one of his close friends that I confided in about the suicide ideation recently. I’ll say I had to block him for my own health but forgot about this app .. can he check up on him 

what do u think?