How do you know for sure?

[stillafool]

19 hours ago, Gingerberry said:

In the area where I live, it is completely legal to be separated while remaining in the same home. However, I do agree that living under the same roof is less than ideal in terms of being independent and moving on. 

 

No one here said it was illegal to stay in the same house while separated.  The fact is it is not separation because you are together.  As you can see it's not going to work you living under the roof with your husband and kids and thinking it's perfectly okay for you to date other men.  The only way separation works is to actually separate and move out.  I can understand why your husband thought you were willing to see how things go rather than jump to divorce because you're still there.  You need to be honest with him and let him know you don't want a separation but a divorce so you can see your OM.

[stateofaffairs]

On 4/21/2022 at 10:44 PM, Gingerberry said:

In the area where I live, it is completely legal to be separated while remaining in the same home. However, I do agree that living under the same roof is less than ideal in terms of being independent and moving on. 

 

I am currently "separated" from my spouse under the same roof, as well. It is challenging. We are figuring it out. I cannot require that he leave. My situation is a little different, but not entirely. I simply do not love my spouse anymore, and through a little acceptance of some outsider comments (here), don't really respect him anymore either. Those are hard things to get back.

But, dating other people while still married is quite a slippery slope, depends on your state and agreements in separation. In my state, there is no such thing as a legal separation. Anything done during a separation can still be viewed as infidelity. There is no required length of time for a separation from your spouse before filing for divorce. You file, and get your ducks in a row, and divorce can potentially be final within 60 days. That is super fast, in my opinion. Which is a main reason I requested a, self-imposed, separation agreement with my husband in order to make sure this is the route I truly want. Lots of other mess, but this is about you here.

You have made up your mind and know what you need to do.

Mediation is absolutely worth pursuing, unless he gets hateful and you guys cannot compromise, I don't see why that would not be a viable option, and a hell of a lot less expensive. But, if he gets legal counsel, you absolutely should too, even if just for reviewing your plan and making sure you are not getting screwed.