Picking up where we left off after one month

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, glows said:

Wow. What was the disagreement about? 

He said he had  this great idea. His exam will be done on webcam. He suggested I stand behind his screen and if he's struggling during the exam I can help him. THAT does not fly with me, I took it as a joke and laughed it off, then I realized he was serious so I asked him what's the real reason you contacted me again? And he floaded me with long messages saying he knows me, he's not answering this question on text, I'm confusing him, he's upset at my question, am I always looking for flaws, how about I concentrate on my feelings and not try to disect his...and all this was filled with !!!! So I told him to calm down, his words and tone were very moralizing, he then said he didn't mean it that way...blahblah. I said let's drop it for now. When I looked later he had deleted his previous messages except the very last ones where we agreed to leave it be for now. 

Notice he never answered my question.

So this morning I sent him a message saying we are not compatible, I knew it in February and I know it now. Good luck with everything. I did not wait for a reply I blocked and deleted. 

[glows]

38 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He said he had  this great idea. His exam will be done on webcam. He suggested I stand behind his screen and if he's struggling during the exam I can help him. THAT does not fly with me, I took it as a joke and laughed it off, then I realized he was serious so I asked him what's the real reason you contacted me again? And he floaded me with long messages saying he knows me, he's not answering this question on text, I'm confusing him, he's upset at my question, am I always looking for flaws, how about I concentrate on my feelings and not try to disect his...and all this was filled with !!!! So I told him to calm down, his words and tone were very moralizing, he then said he didn't mean it that way...blahblah. I said let's drop it for now. When I looked later he had deleted his previous messages except the very last ones where we agreed to leave it be for now. 

Notice he never answered my question.

So this morning I sent him a message saying we are not compatible, I knew it in February and I know it now. Good luck with everything. I did not wait for a reply I blocked and deleted. 

Well, he has a different idea of ethics. You both know that now and I think he’s very unsure and worried about the language exam. Suggesting something like that is him expecting to fail and also low confidence/poor judgment. He’s not doing too well. He knows the suggestion was inappropriate.

I think you were alarmed (rightly so) at any aggressive texts or yelling in exclamation. 

[Happy Lemming]

I'm sorry things didn't work out.

Are you going to take another break from dating or crank your profile back up??

[Gaeta]

8 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Are you going to take another break from dating or crank your profile back up??

I got a profile back up this morning, my month long break is over. Concerning this guy I am fine, I never grew attached to him. 

[Kamille]

Glad you got clarity Gaeta. Onwards!

[Amanda92]

7 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I got a profile back up this morning, my month long break is over. Concerning this guy I am fine, I never grew attached to him. 

You were on a date with him, so this break didn't work. In my opinion you should delete all dating apps for several weeks and focus on yourself. Maybe dance lessons or book club? I'm sorry to say that, but you seems to be desperate and this is why you continue talking to guys that don't deserve you. I also would love to be in a relationship, so I understand you, but this whole multi-dating with so many "prospects" isn't healthy at all.

[Gaeta]

If l were desperate l'd be with him or with any other weirdo that crossed my path. I'm looking forward to meet someone worthy but l'm far from desperate. I prefer being alone than being with the wrong person.

[clia]

[ ] 
 

Gaeta, I’m glad you have moved on from this guy. As Camille said, onwards!  

Edited April 3, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
comments criticizing moderation will be removed.

[Wiseman2]

22 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I sent him a message saying we are not compatible, I knew it in February and I know it now. Good luck with everything. I did not wait for a reply I blocked and deleted. 

This is a great opportunity to make a comprehensive list of red flags and deal breakers, stick to it and screen well. For example: cheap, no car,  etc.

There is too much wear and tear in winging it and trying everything out once no less twice or whatever. Know yourself and you'll find the right man.

[NuevoYorko]

Didn't something almost exactly like this happen with a different man you recently dated?  For some reason,  things came to a halt - then he reappeared.  Soon you were asked for money, if I remember correctly.  

Maybe it was "Romeo"?

Do you have ideas about why men would think you're a likely target for providing them with things like this?

[Gaeta]

12 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

Do you have ideas about why men would think you're a likely target for providing them with things like this?

Romeo wanted money after 6 weeks dating and it ended. Then he came back a month later and turns out he wanted fiscal service.

I thought dating men with higher financial means would take care of that but it doesn't seem so, like demonstrated here.

I did come across men that wanted to bring something to my life but circumstances were not right for a relationship like recently single, no connection, etc.

The important thing is that after a few dates l see through it and l discontinue dating them.

As to why it happens to me more often than the norm, your guess is as good as mine. If they think l'm vulnerable, they're in for a surprise.

[poppyfields]

36 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

As to why it happens to me more often than the norm, your guess is as good as mine. If they think l'm vulnerable, they're in for a surprise.

I think this may have been mentioned in the Romeo thread, but there is a certain subset of men who specifically target women 50+ on dating apps and websites, assuming them to be lonely, vulnerable, well off financially.

Did you ever end up watching "Dirty John" a true story about this very thing?  I think I may have recommended you watch, for informational purposes plus it was a great series in general. 

I don't know what apps you use Gaeta, or if they ask you to list your occupation or salary, and if you do, that may be why you are being targeted by these users/losers. 

Or even if don't provide that info, just listing yourself as divorced is enough because in their twisted brains, divorced = 50+, rich, lonely, vulnerable.

Or even if you list nothing, the fact you are 50+ is enough for them to make assumptions and target you.

Many portray themselves to be quite wealthy themselves like the Dirty John character but it's all a big facade. 

That's why I'd love to see you off these apps and sites and venture outside, as I suggested in a previous post. 

Once the weather warms up of course!

Edited April 3, 2022 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

@poppyfields: no, l would never post my earning braket and as for my field of work l put something vague. 

I will venture outside dating apps but l don't have high hopes there either. Men approaching me RL in the past were as shady. 

l will meet someone eventually, l know it's a slow process. 

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

@poppyfields: no, l would never post my earning braket and as for my field of work l put something vague. 

[Snip]

l will meet someone eventually, l know it's a slow process. 

OK, just something to be aware of that's all, cause I do think it's strange it happened twice within a relatively short period of time. 

And yes I do think this last bozo was a user/taker and do not believe for one second he was who he portrayed himself to be - well off financially etc. 

No man with money is going to opt to sit on a dirty public bench in the freezing cold waiting for a bus.  Or cycling everywhere in temps 20 below. 

Not gonna happen, just my take on that whole thing fwiw. 

I think he was just another scammer and player in the true sense of the word and I am pleased as punch you never fell for him! 

I KNOW you will meet someone nice eventually too! 

Edited April 3, 2022 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

l will meet someone eventually, l know it's a slow process. 

Agree. I think cutting losses early is the key. Especially red flags. People may think it's "being picky" or "closed minded" but I think it's efficient to know what does and does not work. Also on your list of deal breakers, you can have a list of "relative " deal breakers. For example something that is not terrific, but not horrible in an otherwise 100% match.

For example Absolute deal breakers for me include drugs, drinking problem, lives with/involved with ex, not financially independent, poor hygiene, etc. The list is much longer but it cuts the mismatches out early. There is no "maybe" when it comes to those. Like the car thing or the robe thing or the cheap thing. Something like this could be a hard "no" next time.

[Happy Lemming]

On 4/2/2022 at 7:54 AM, Gaeta said:

I got a profile back up this morning...

@Gaeta Any updates?? 

Since putting your profile back up, any new "gentleman callers"??

[Alvi]

On 4/3/2022 at 1:32 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Also on your list of deal breakers, you can have a list of "relative " deal breakers. For example something that is not terrific, but not horrible in an otherwise 100% match.

One time my psychologist told me to make 3 very long lists: 1) Everything that I am looking for in a guy including his looks  and hobbies 2) Some things that I can live with when it comes to a guy and relationship ( some compromises that I am willing to put up with) 3) Everything that I am definitely not looking for in a guy/relationship and absolute dealbreakers (including looks too)

I did some soulsearching and it took me probably three weeks to come up with complete lists (she only gave me one week initially). This actually helped me to see what I want in a guy as opposed to what I don't want and what I am willing to put up with.

[Gaeta]

4 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

@Gaeta Any updates?? 

Since putting your profile back up, any new "gentleman callers"??

No one interesting *yawn*

This one interesting man wrote to me. Turns out he's out of the Province till July (for work). I don't want to write to someone that long.

[Happy Lemming]

Just now, Gaeta said:

Turns out he's out of the Province till July (for work). I don't want to write to someone that long.

I agree...  You don't need a pen-pal.

Spring is around the corner... The weather will begin to turn warmer and people will want to get out.  Maybe that will spark a new influx of individuals.