hopper90 Posted March 29, 2022 Share Posted March 29, 2022 (now)Ex going through major emotional episode after ex told her he has a new gf. She was single for 7 months after a 5yr relationship but said she checked out a while before and had processed the break or she has feelings for him still. I gave her back her house key and she gave me back my car key. She said that my house/garage keys are in her wallet or bag that she didnt have on her person at the time. Pretty sure she lied. I know she is reluctant to give them to me because she wants to be in control of when she can come grab her stuff, even though I told her to give me a heads up, I doubt she will. I just want my keys back. Then again I guess if I ask her over the phone or text she could just get copies cut. Whats the right course of action? Show up at her place? We ended on ok terms, although there is a matter of me addressing her offer of being on a break for a year while she sorts through her issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 29, 2022 Share Posted March 29, 2022 There's no sense in waiting around for her. The best thing you can do is to change your locks and just keep going forward. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 29, 2022 Share Posted March 29, 2022 You could rekey your place. It's cheaper than changing the locks. I'd rethink ever getting back with a person who can't respect you enough to hand over your keys immediately or when asked. You seem quite suspicious of her or untrusting of her in general. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 30, 2022 Share Posted March 30, 2022 10 hours ago, hopper90 said: . Whats the right course of action? Show up at her place? Stop confronting her. Just change the locks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopper90 Posted March 30, 2022 Author Share Posted March 30, 2022 (edited) 9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Stop confronting her. Just change the locks. I don't want to create situation of more drama, in case I bump into the kids. Which is likely since they attend the same martial arts gym as I. We parted on ok terms and I think we can be friendly if we ever bump into each other. I am still planning to be friendly to the kids, so my thinking is to try to be amicable and give her the opportunity to give the keys, when asked. I am also planning to tell her she has 30 days to get her stuff. On another note, she has been using the counseling services I have access to, through my work, for the past couple of months. They are a work benefit. I should note that this is the only work benefit she had/has access to. Because I felt like it could help our relationship if she could deal with her issues and ex. Looking back I think I should of never offered this and let her find her own therapy. Should I notify them and tell them we are no longer together and not tell her? This is my first break up of any magnitude so just trying make sure I have the right mindset Edited March 30, 2022 by hopper90 Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted March 30, 2022 Share Posted March 30, 2022 work offered counseling services are generally through health insurance? is she carried on your insurance? as for the keys, change the locks or rekey the locks, you don't want random keys of yours floating around in the world, change them and just start fresh. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 30, 2022 Share Posted March 30, 2022 You could just drive over with her things and collect your keys, rekey your place anyway if you don’t trust her that much. It doesn’t sound necessary to me and changing locks is overkill. She seems to have accepted the break up and she’s not pestering you or stalking you or harassing you. It would be another matter if that was the case. Let her know that you’re updating your insurance or work records and remove her as a beneficiary after you’ve exchanged her items and have your keys back. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 30, 2022 Share Posted March 30, 2022 44 minutes ago, hopper90 said: I am also planning to tell her she has 30 days to get her stuff. Looking back I think I should of never offered this and let her find her own therapy. Should I notify them and tell them we are no longer together and not tell her? That's ok. You can stay amicable and cordial if children are involved in some was. Give written notice for her to retrieve her things, a text is fine. Make it a mutually agreeable time. But change the locks anyway. Best bet is to put Everything in writing. For two reasons. Legally and prevents face-to-face drama. Yes notify her in writing that she will also need to get her own therapist. Your employer is not interested in breakups and she needs to terminate the client/counselor relationship herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopper90 Posted March 30, 2022 Author Share Posted March 30, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, flitzanu said: work offered counseling services are generally through health insurance? is she carried on your insurance? as for the keys, change the locks or rekey the locks, you don't want random keys of yours floating around in the world, change them and just start fresh. 1 hour ago, glows said: You could just drive over with her things and collect your keys, rekey your place anyway if you don’t trust her that much. It doesn’t sound necessary to me and changing locks is overkill. She seems to have accepted the break up and she’s not pestering you or stalking you or harassing you. It would be another matter if that was the case. Let her know that you’re updating your insurance or work records and remove her as a beneficiary after you’ve exchanged her items and have your keys back. No she is not on my work insurance. Its just one service connected with my work. The actual work insurance is separate. I come off as distrusting but I think I am just processing the break up and my role, because it happened less than a week ago and she was emotionally distant prior to that. Maybe I'll vent in a separate post.. I guess I don't understand why she hasn't dropped the keys off. I just don't want to come off as too nice and let things linger. I just remembered I have a BBQ at her place to pick up. I'll give her a heads up in the morning that I am picking it up in the afternoon on Friday. Edited March 30, 2022 by hopper90 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 30, 2022 Share Posted March 30, 2022 2 minutes ago, hopper90 said: No she is not on my work insurance. Its just one service connected with my work. The actual work insurance is separate. I come off as distrusting but I think I am just processing the break up and my role, because it happened less than a week ago and she was emotionally distant prior to that. Maybe I'll vent in a separate post.. I guess I don't understand why she hasn't dropped the keys off. Maybe she doesn't trust me Ask to meet her at a mutually agreeable time closer to her house. Bring her items, hand it to her, get your keys back. Take her off the counselling services through your employer and let her know at the end of the meeting as a courtesy. Wish her all the best. There’s no animosity or intent to hurt. Move forwards. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopper90 Posted March 30, 2022 Author Share Posted March 30, 2022 1 minute ago, glows said: Ask to meet her at a mutually agreeable time closer to her house. Bring her items, hand it to her, get your keys back. Take her off the counselling services through your employer and let her know at the end of the meeting as a courtesy. Wish her all the best. There’s no animosity or intent to hurt. Move forwards. There is a way too much stuff to do that. She can make arrangements to pick it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 30, 2022 Share Posted March 30, 2022 You're hoping that her not dropping the keys off is her way of keeping a crack in the door open. When what you need to do is change the locks and start the healing process of moving forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 30, 2022 Share Posted March 30, 2022 1 minute ago, hopper90 said: There is a way too much stuff to do that. She can make arrangements to pick it up. Did you arrange a time and day with her for that? Or are you waiting for her to tell you she’s coming? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopper90 Posted March 30, 2022 Author Share Posted March 30, 2022 8 minutes ago, glows said: Did you arrange a time and day with her for that? Or are you waiting for her to tell you she’s coming? I told her to let me know. If I don't hear from her in the next few days, I will let her know she has 30days. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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