Is my boyfriend telling the truth about this escort?

[Foxlove]

Me and my partner have been together for 5 years, to begin with he found it hard due to commitment and his past history was great with girls. Throughout the years, I have caught him speaking to girls, getting on cocaine and blaming it on that. He would always show remorse and blame it mental health, his depression and addiction at times and I’d always forgive. I’d say sex is good, we both always finish and do experiment. But I’d found out that 6 months ago he had gone to see an escort when he was on cocaine, but said he went there because he felt like he couldn’t come home on cocaine, and nothing happened. 
 

To me this is unforgivable and I can’t look at him the same because I think he’s lying. 
We have a brought a lovely house together, things are great but the betrayal is heartbreaking. 
What do I do? 

[glows]

Get an STD check by seeing your doctor and speak with a lawyer about dividing any common law assets. Unless you’re willing to live with drugs and infidelity this is finished. What more do you need to know? 

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, Foxlove said:

I’d found out that 6 months ago he had gone to see an escort when he was on cocaine, but said he went there because he felt like he couldn’t come home on cocaine.

Sorry this is happening. How did you come across this information?  Try to extricate yourself from this. If and when he gets arrested for possession, you'll go down with him.

The first step is to get to a clinic/doctor for STD testing. Unless you two do drugs together it's unclear why you would date someone who not only has addiction and mental health problems, but lies to you has a remarkable lack of integrity and won't commit to you.

If you want a happy healthy committed relationship end it with him and reflect on what your red flags and deal breakers are.

 

Edited March 30, 2022 by Wiseman2

[Foxlove]

I came across this on his phone, I wasn’t intentionally looking for something but he went really weird when an unknown number came through. So I’d looked on whatapps and had seen a business account number had said, ‘are you going to come again’, and his reply was ‘no this was a bad time and I wish you the best’. So I had confronted him and he told me that he felt like he couldn’t come home because he’d had taken something and needed somewhere to stay. He’d said that the whole time he was there, he was saying he’d messed up and was talking about me. But the one thing that that bothers me is, that he’d said the girl had said ‘ get your d**k out’ and he’d said no. Which if is intention was to Google an escort - he had that sexual desire to do something especially after paying them £100. 
 

Someone who has mental health issues isn’t a good enough reason to not be with someone, addiction is a knock on affect of dealing with emotions when it gets too much. We don’t do drugs together, but it is highly popular and very common in our area however does not excuse his behaviour. 

i appreciate your reply. 

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, Foxlove said:

addiction is a knock on affect of dealing with emotions when it gets too much.

Cocaine is not for mental health it's for kicks.. Nor are escorts, it's for kicks.

Up to you to decide how much risk you want in your life. Never knowing where he is, what he's doing, if he's in jail, with escorts, etc.

How much of the joint money for the house is he wasting on drugs and escorts? 

[AngryGromit]

1 hour ago, Foxlove said:

... getting on cocaine and blaming it on that.

For me, this be a bigger issue than any potential cheating. As for the STD's, almost all escorts use protection, they wouldn't be in business very long if they did do something to protect themselves.   Dating/relationship/marriage someone with a Drug addition is bad news.  I recall a story a co-worker told me, his neighbor developed a nose candy habit and was selling stuff to support his addiction. My Co-worker had an agreement to buy the neighbors boat for 10k, which was a steal, the boat was worth twice that amount easily. Anyway, while my co-worker was at work, the neighbor ran out of drugs and sold the boat to someone for $2,600, because he needed a fix...NOW! This is how people addicted to drugs are, when they need there next fix, they will do anything to get it.  If the guy would have waited a few hours for my co-worker to get home, he could have gotten 4 times the amount for the boat, but they can't wait a couple hours, they would happily sell there soul to the devil for that next high. In your situation, my biggest fear wouldn't be he lied to you and cheated on you, my biggest fear would be coming home from work and find out he sold family car for peanuts for another high. If he could sell the house, he probably do that too, for another high but selling  a house is a lot more involved, not something you can do in an afternoon when your co-owner isn't home. Personally I think most people that engage in recreational drug use consistently will develop a hard addiction in time, Than it's lose job, sell belonging, sell body, get homeless, get dead.  

Edited March 30, 2022 by AngryGromit

[notbroken]

It is actually an insult that he would think you could believe he went to see an escort but 'nothing happened'.  Something happened - the least of which is that he cheated.  Period.  Even going there is cheating.  He is completely untrustworthy.  He is a risk to your emotional, physical, and financial health.    WAY too risky in my opinion.   If you want to gamble your sexual health and financial well being then stay with him.  If not, get out NOW. 

[AngryGromit]

3 minutes ago, notbroken said:

 If you want to gamble your sexual health and financial well being then stay with him.  If not, get out NOW. 

The house greatly complicates things, it's not something you should walk away from. The good news it's a HOT housing market, if you can get him to agree, it should be easy enough to sell the house and part ways.   

[stillafool]

So he was on coke and felt he couldn't come home to you and because he couldn't do that he went to an escort?  Are there no motels, hotels where you live?  If he had the money to pay an escort he had the dough to rent a hotel room for the night.  If he's getting coked up and having sex with escorts is he really satisfied as you with your sex life

[ExpatInItaly]

On 3/30/2022 at 4:34 PM, Foxlove said:

We have a brought a lovely house together, things are great

Correction - you thought things were great. 

They were not. He's been lying and deceiving you. And he's still lying to you, with his ridiculous story about this particular encounter. He's full of horse manure. This would be a dealbreaker for me, without a doubt. 

I'm sorry. Get yourself tested for STIs/HIV as soon as possible as well. 

[smackie9]

Get a lawyer, get what is yours, sell the house, split assets, then boot him to the curb. 

[vla1120]

On 3/30/2022 at 11:37 AM, Foxlove said:

Someone who has mental health issues isn’t a good enough reason to not be with someone, addiction is a knock on affect of dealing with emotions when it gets too much. We don’t do drugs together, but it is highly popular and very common in our area however does not excuse his behaviour. 

While I agree about the mental health issues not being a deal breaker, addiction is a whole different animal and brings a different set of issues, especially if you do not do drugs. Also, I highly doubt he spent money for an escort just to have a place to stay and did nothing with her, but you'll probably never get the full truth from him. 

[Els]

On 3/31/2022 at 12:34 AM, Foxlove said:

 But I’d found out that 6 months ago he had gone to see an escort when he was on cocaine, but said he went there because he felt like he couldn’t come home on cocaine, and nothing happened.

Yikes....

If anyone actually believes this, I have a few tonnes of sand in the Arabian peninsula to sell to them...

[BaileyB]

A man doesn’t visit an escort to talk - 

you have two problems here - your boyfriend has a problem with drugs and he is unfaithful. How much longer are you going to listen to his excuses?