SunshineB Posted April 19, 2022 Share Posted April 19, 2022 I am in the same boat - my heart longs for someone I know is not right for me especially as there were so many red flags. There were good times but there were also times when I felt more alone even in his company. Why do we want and crave someone that we know is not good for us?? Also found out that he was on a dating site and recently when we got back together he lied to me which hurts so bad. He told me he met one person and went on two dates which was a lie. I confronted him and he ignored me, I sent a text in anger and still no reply. Pray everyday that my heart will get stronger as I know he didnt deserve me. I supported him through his anxiety and all his hardships but he still kicks me down and blames everything on me. We just need to keep pushing on no matter how much it hurts. All that keeps me going is knowing that he will be the same with someone else as he isnt the easiest person to be with even though I overlooked his faults. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 19, 2022 Share Posted April 19, 2022 3 hours ago, picaso3183 said: She wants something back from me which I will have to return but just not ready to. I would ask a friend to deliver it to her. It will take time, but the sting will fade. Trust the healing process. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 19, 2022 Share Posted April 19, 2022 3 hours ago, picaso3183 said: Just over a week since I last spoke. Blocked her and deleted her number. Although I do have it saved on a scrap of paper. Getting easier but still miss her. Vivid dreams. Day dreams of her with other guys. She wants something back from me which I will have to return but just not ready to. Thinking of leaving it on her doorstep. But part of me hopes this will trigger something in her to get in touch. I know she wont and even if she did it is not healthy. Hoping another week I will feel a bit better Return it asap and don’t prolong returning the item. If she’s told you she wants it back or it was the understanding that it’s hers and not yours(wasn’t given to you), then give it back to her as it’s less about you and more about returning an item that isn’t yours. Hanging on to this is like keeping her number on a scrap paper. They’re all reasons to get back in touch. Link to post Share on other sites
Author picaso3183 Posted April 19, 2022 Author Share Posted April 19, 2022 2 hours ago, glows said: Return it asap and don’t prolong returning the item. If she’s told you she wants it back or it was the understanding that it’s hers and not yours(wasn’t given to you), then give it back to her as it’s less about you and more about returning an item that isn’t yours. Hanging on to this is like keeping her number on a scrap paper. They’re all reasons to get back in touch. I will definitely return it ( even though it was never said it was a lone to me ). But just not ready at the moment as feel like seeing her or her house or even the area she lives will set back my recovery process. She is in no rush for the item and has no use for it but it is hers so I will give it back in a few weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author picaso3183 Posted April 19, 2022 Author Share Posted April 19, 2022 3 hours ago, SunshineB said: I am in the same boat - my heart longs for someone I know is not right for me especially as there were so many red flags. There were good times but there were also times when I felt more alone even in his company. Why do we want and crave someone that we know is not good for us?? Also found out that he was on a dating site and recently when we got back together he lied to me which hurts so bad. He told me he met one person and went on two dates which was a lie. I confronted him and he ignored me, I sent a text in anger and still no reply. Pray everyday that my heart will get stronger as I know he didnt deserve me. I supported him through his anxiety and all his hardships but he still kicks me down and blames everything on me. We just need to keep pushing on no matter how much it hurts. All that keeps me going is knowing that he will be the same with someone else as he isnt the easiest person to be with even though I overlooked his faults. I feel the same. Sorry you are going through this. Feel your pain and yes you made a good point. Very likely that both people we dated will act the same with other people.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 19, 2022 Share Posted April 19, 2022 Not ready? Do you like hanging on to a thread that keeps you in limbo? As others have stated, get rid of it ASAP! Have you read the No Contact Guide sticky in here? You're not doing yourself any favors! You're prolonging your pain! Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 20, 2022 Share Posted April 20, 2022 3 hours ago, picaso3183 said: Very likely that both people we dated will act the same with other people.. Maybe they will maybe they won't. Not your concern. Like Yoda might say... "It matters not!" Link to post Share on other sites
SunshineB Posted April 20, 2022 Share Posted April 20, 2022 15 hours ago, picaso3183 said: I feel the same. Sorry you are going through this. Feel your pain and yes you made a good point. Very likely that both people we dated will act the same with other people.. I am sorry you are going through this too! I am pretty sure they will both be the same in a relationship. I am feeling a lot stronger today so hoping this is a sign that I am moving on, hope you do the same and YES return her stuff with out actual contact. I posted my exes things as I didnt want any reminder of him. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 20, 2022 Share Posted April 20, 2022 (edited) 16 hours ago, picaso3183 said: I will definitely return it ( even though it was never said it was a lone to me ). But just not ready at the moment as feel like seeing her or her house or even the area she lives will set back my recovery process. She is in no rush for the item and has no use for it but it is hers so I will give it back in a few weeks. It’s one way to stay in contact with her. You both had many relapses. It might be better to mail it to her house and not contact her again. Edited April 20, 2022 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
SunshineB Posted April 20, 2022 Share Posted April 20, 2022 3 minutes ago, glows said: It’s one way to stay in contact with her. You both had many relapses. It might be better to mail it to her house and not contact her again. I agree, rather mail it, thats what I did...what I couldnt mail, I gave away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 20, 2022 Share Posted April 20, 2022 3 minutes ago, SunshineB said: I agree, rather mail it, thats what I did...what I couldnt mail, I gave away. I’m sorry you had to go through that as well but glad you’re closing this chapter. Link to post Share on other sites
SunshineB Posted April 20, 2022 Share Posted April 20, 2022 4 minutes ago, glows said: I’m sorry you had to go through that as well but glad you’re closing this chapter. Thank you, your comments help with my healing process Link to post Share on other sites
Author picaso3183 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Share Posted April 20, 2022 3 hours ago, SunshineB said: I am sorry you are going through this too! I am pretty sure they will both be the same in a relationship. I am feeling a lot stronger today so hoping this is a sign that I am moving on, hope you do the same and YES return her stuff with out actual contact. I posted my exes things as I didnt want any reminder of him. Glad you feel a bit stronger. I do too today. Bit more philosophical about it... learning lessons for future relationships. I wish i could mail it... it's too big! I'm honestly not hanging onto it for a reason to contact, but right now if I even approach her house I know it will set me back. I don't even like going to her area but family live near so have to. I can't even send anyone to deliver it as we never introduced people to eachother so that would be weird. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted April 20, 2022 Share Posted April 20, 2022 52 minutes ago, picaso3183 said: Glad you feel a bit stronger. I do too today. Bit more philosophical about it... learning lessons for future relationships. I wish i could mail it... it's too big! I'm honestly not hanging onto it for a reason to contact, but right now if I even approach her house I know it will set me back. I don't even like going to her area but family live near so have to. I can't even send anyone to deliver it as we never introduced people to eachother so that would be weird. nothing is too big to mail. i had a 65" tv delivered on a fedex van, and a set of speakers dropped off from a semi truck. you absolutely can mail it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author picaso3183 Posted April 20, 2022 Author Share Posted April 20, 2022 2 hours ago, flitzanu said: nothing is too big to mail. i had a 65" tv delivered on a fedex van, and a set of speakers dropped off from a semi truck. you absolutely can mail it. Can you mail a baby elephant? ... haha just messing. No she can wait she doesn't need it and I will absolutely give it back but on my terms when I feel ive moved on enough to door step it. She never actually said it was on loan either so its a bit tight of her to ask for it now specially when she doesn't need it Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 20, 2022 Share Posted April 20, 2022 1 minute ago, picaso3183 said: Can you mail a baby elephant? ... haha just messing. No she can wait she doesn't need it and I will absolutely give it back but on my terms when I feel ive moved on enough to door step it. She never actually said it was on loan either so its a bit tight of her to ask for it now specially when she doesn't need it I'm not the person but I'm half expecting someone on the forum involved in conservation to raise their hand and say, yes, I ship baby elephants. 🐘 Not sure why returning an item has to be on your terms. It's good that she's that understanding. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 20, 2022 Share Posted April 20, 2022 On 4/19/2022 at 12:18 PM, picaso3183 said: She wants something back from me which I will have to return but just not ready to. Thinking of leaving it on her doorstep. But part of me hopes this will trigger something in her to get in touch. If she asked for her property, you need to let her come get it. You can not keep other people's property. Don't make it a game or a tug-of-war. The onus is on you to reply to a request for her property and the onus is on her to collect her belongings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 21, 2022 Share Posted April 21, 2022 7 hours ago, picaso3183 said: No she can wait she doesn't need it and I will absolutely give it back but on my terms when I feel ive moved on enough to door step it. She never actually said it was on loan either so its a bit tight of her to ask for it now specially when she doesn't need it What is the item in question? It seems you're assigning it a lot more meaning that she does, as she hasn't actually asked for it back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author picaso3183 Posted April 21, 2022 Author Share Posted April 21, 2022 3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: What is the item in question? It seems you're assigning it a lot more meaning that she does, as she hasn't actually asked for it back. Don't really want to go into specifics here on the rare chance she is on here. But its something she gave me which I need practically for my child. I offered to pay for it at rhe time she said no her kids outgrown it she doesn't need it or the cash. No mention of ever giving her it back. Then when we split and I go no contact all of sudden she wants it back " when I've finished with it" she knows full well that is likely 6 months time when my child outgrows it. So I bought a new one anyway as I do intend to give it back. I know this all sounds petty and like I'm keeping it for an excuse for contact..really not the case. Ive bought a new item but I'm just not ready emotionally to see her, her house, or speak to her yet. Hope that makes sense.. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 21, 2022 Share Posted April 21, 2022 Just now, picaso3183 said: I go no contact all of sudden she wants it back " when I've finished with it" So, she has in fact asked for it back. I was under the impression she hadn't. You may not be emotionally ready for it, but you need to return her item. And not 6 months from now or when you feel strong enough. We sometimes have to do the hard thing and get it over with, OP. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 21, 2022 Share Posted April 21, 2022 27 minutes ago, picaso3183 said: I know this all sounds petty and like I'm keeping it for an excuse for contact..really not the case. Ive bought a new item but I'm just not ready emotionally to see her, her house, or speak to her yet. Hope that makes sense.. You need to pull up your big boy undies and give it back. Ask a friend to meet her if you're not up to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 21, 2022 Share Posted April 21, 2022 1 hour ago, picaso3183 said: its something she gave me which I need practically for my child. I offered to pay for it at rhe time she said no her kids outgrown it she doesn't need it or the cash. Was it a gift or did she just let you borrow it? That's important legally. If it was a gift, there's no reason to return it. If she let you borrow it, you need to arrange a mutually convenient time for her to get it. You're emotional readiness is not the issue. The issue is she has the right to collect her item if you borrowed it but not if it was clearly a gift. Stop dragging it out. The sooner you sort this out, the sooner you'll feel better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted April 21, 2022 Share Posted April 21, 2022 and repeat from the others. dragging this out 6 months is being petty, and, any progress you make in 6 months is going to reset back to zero when you go drop it off thinking you're "okay" because you won't be. it's going to just start all over for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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